Title: Hogwarts school for Wizards

Chapter Title: A guided tour!

Disclaimer: OWN NOTHING!! NOT ONE DROP!

Pairings: Oliver/Marcus eventually and many more

Rating: 18+ youngsters you have been warned

Warnings: Violence, language, nudity, sex, sex references, slash, yaoi, m/m, mpreg, underage drinking and any other warnings I forgotten to put in.

Summary: Hogwarts is a school for boys merited on its excellent exam results and plenty resources insuring your son will have the education he deserves and gives him the opportunity to exceed in life and become the best that he can be

Notes: This fic is oh so very slashy, if you want het or femmeslash go to another story because this fic is all about the boys!

Thanks: Lost 2 Love my awesome Beta!

"Hogwarts School for boys, was named the best school for final exam results
in the whole of Europe. This wizardry school is a seven year course with boys
starting at the age of 13 rather than 11, this school aims to give many
opportunities for the boys with various classes they can take, and each course
with educated and qualified teachers. Also Quidditch has been a proud sport
for many generations, as not only every year is there a Quidditch house cup but,
this year Hogwarts will take part in the European and American Quidditch
schools tournament. I'm Percy Weasley and I will give you a guided tour of
Hogwarts." The red headed prefect gave his speech that he worked all day and
night to perfect he looked at the gormless expressions on the new additions to
his house. He sighed and shoved his notes back into his pocket "Gryffindor
follow me."

As the fifth year claimed, he did show the first year Gryffindors all over the
school including, verbal information they will need to know about classes and
how to get to them. He answered all question politely and informative, by the
time they got to the Gryffindor tower he knew they forgot everything he told
them. Before he was going to give them the password to get inside their dorms,
his mischievous twin brothers waltzed over to him.

"Don't worry Percy." smirked Fred.

"We're here to do the rest of the tour." George added.

The older Weasley pulled his brothers to the side out of hearing distance
from the 13 year olds. "What do you mean you're here to do the rest of the
tour?" he whispered not liking the evil glint in the twins eyes.

"Well we thought we'll give you a break," Fred started.

"Aren't we thoughtful." George finished.

"I've nearly finished the tour anyway, I only need to show them where they
sleep." Percy argued.

"We need to show them the stuff that you didn't mention."

"Yeah, the really important stuff."

"What important stuff?" The older brother crossed his arms waiting for
the twins' response.

"Well stuff you'd feel embarrassed telling them about."

"Like where are the best places to hang out, so they don't get caught
skipping classes."

"Where to avoid the other house members."

"And where to keep an eye on them."

"Where everyone goes for a quick snog."

"Which way is best to smuggle cigarettes."

"And alcohol of course."

"Which guys they're best staying away from."

"And which ones to stay near."

"Yeah, all those important stuff."

Percy groaned irritated and confused, this was totally unorthodox. He should
be doing what his head of house told him to do and not letting his insane
brothers corrupt the minds of innocent thirteen year olds. But admittedly at
that age he had craved for inside knowledge about the school instead of
learning the hard way. He looked at the first years and thought about what
harm could Fred and George really do to them, he shuddered at the horrible
imagery, rubbing the bridge of his nose he came to a decision.

"Alright." The fifth year concluded.

The twins' faces broke out in a grin, "You won't regret it." Fred shook
the prefect's hand.

"We'll take good care of them." assured George.

"Yeah that's what I'm scared of. Please try not to disturb them too
much, I'll be in the library if you need me." Percy went over to the group.
"I'm leaving you in the capable hands of Fred and George Weasley,
they'll finish the tour for you." He walked off whispering under his breath
"Forgive me."

The twins moved in front of the group grinning at them Fred looked at one
first year in particular "Hi Ron." He waved over dramatically at the
youngest brother and laughed as he saw how embarrassed he made him. "Anyway
me and my brother, George here, are going to give you another tour round

Hogwarts."

The group protested having already gone round and all they wanted to do was
get in their beds and sleep. "Now, now we know you've had a long morning
and all but this is important and you'll need to know all this if you want
to survive Hogwarts." George told them, "Now follow us and look sharp." He
teased them.

As the tour began the first thing the twins showed the students where the
fags and ale were stored and which passage ways are best used so they won't
be seen by Filch and Mrs Norris. As they walked on, the twins stopped at a
door that had suggestive moans behind it, they smirked in unison.

"Now this is the closest we'd like to call…"

"The closet of love."

"Now if you want to bring a special someone in here."

"For special affection."

"Then you put a sign on the door handle." Fred tapped the bare handle.

"A sign saying 'do not disturb'. Is there a sign on the door Fred?"

"No there isn't George, that must mean it's vacant let's have a

look."

Fred was about to turn the handle when one of the first years made a noise he
turned and saw Harry Potter going red "I think there's someone in there."
He said nervously.

The twins looked at each other and laughed. "But Harry there's no sign." George said and stood back as Fred opened the door and they saw two Ravenclaw students with their trousers down giving each other a hand job. The couple, though soon saw they had an audience the taller man pulled up his pants awkwardly as he half ran grabbing the sign and putting it on the door knob slamming it closed angrily muttering what sounded like, 'Gryffindor perverts'. The twins laughed hysterically while the first years stared horrified and confused at what just happened.

"That dear children, was Roger Davis, Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain" grinned Fred. "Who was that he was with George?"

"I don't know didn't get a good look at his face." The younger twin gasped trying to compose himself. When the two third years were settled they continued on with their tour of the places to go with your special someone. Then they decided to lead them outside where they found Oliver Wood.

"Now this,"

"Is Oliver Wood,"

"Our good friend,"

"And Gryffindor Quidditch Keeper and Captain" the twins presented their friend to the group.

"Hey." Oliver said feeling a bit awkward.

"But enough about Ollie, look what we have here." Fred looked off in the distance as a group of young men walked towards them getting closer.

"It is the Slytherin Quidditch team." George announced leaning dramatically on Oliver's right side as Fred leant on the left.

"They are the most ugly,"

"Beautiful,"

"Amazing,"

"Terrible,"

"Guys in the whole of Hogwarts."

"Bodies like Greek gods,"

"And hearts of stone."

"You will hate them,"

"But you will love them more."

"You'll give them your heart,"

"And they'll make you eat your own liver."

"They don't know your there,"

"But they will ignore you anyway."

"And when they do know your there,"

"They'll beat you up."

"But no matter how cruel they can be,"

"They'll make you ** in your pants with just a look."

"Definitely."

As if on cue the Slytherin team walked by with the appropriate gush of wind lightly blowing at their cloaks and hair. Oliver rolled his eyes and shoved the twins off him. "You two are part of the Gryffindor Quidditch team believe it or not." he huffed.

Fred laughed and turned to the first years, he saw that they were staring at the moving Slytherin team. "Hey time to look at us now." he called to them, they all turned except Ron.

"Hey Ronnikins, don't you think they're a bit old for you?" George teased.

The youngest Weasley turned back to his brothers and grumbled the word 'bastards' under his breath.

"The Slytherin team aren't that special." the Scottish Gryffindor argued with the twins.

"Well you see here children, Oliver Wood seems to not be affected by the awesome Slytherin power." the older twin said.

"He's too Quidditch mad to notice."

"Except for Marcus Flint."

"Ah yes the Slytherin Captain, drives old Ollie here round the twist!"

"That's because he's a bastard." Oliver growled "Look, I'm going to find your brother. have fun doing whatever your doing to the first years." he said before walking off.

"Perfect example of denial."

"They say they hate each other,"

"And they act like they do."

"But trust us."

"Something's gotta give."