Quisnam Sum, Quisnam Es
Latin for "Who I am, who you are."
Plotline: Set during episode 209, during the scene by the Nile when Yami/Atem & co. are relaxing. I re-watched it not too long ago and thought to myself, 'You know, here he his, thrown back into Ancient Egypt where everyone knows who he is…but he doesn't know anything at all. And no one will call him by his name because he's Pharaoh. That has to be so lonely.' To me, he looks pretty dejected when he tells them about that, and no one put a hand on his shoulder and said, 'hey, it's going to be okay.' So, this is me re-writing it and adding my own twist.
A bit angsty, a bit philosophical, and a dash of cuteness at the end. I got in touch with my cheesy, girly side :P
Using the Japanese names for this one. No particular reason why. Each set of character names (English and Japanese) has names I like and names I don't. So I don't have a particular preference.
Rating: K+. Nothing scary here, folks ^_~
Pairings: Puzzleshipping if you squint.
Italics indicate thoughts.
Yuugi sat on the sand, watching amusedly as Mana and Bobassa played by the Nile. Beside him sat his darker half: bruised and battered from his fall from the cliff, but alert and strong as ever, tanned and regal in his royal garb. It made him look rather intimidating, the gold crown sitting sternly above his eyebrows, glinting in the sun, proclaiming his authority. That coupled with that stern, commanding stare he wielded made him seem formidable. Although Yuugi had known him for years, known him better than anyone, he still felt a little shy. After all, he was king here, Pharaoh, respected and honored above all others. Now, he was in Yami's world, rather than the other way around.
Instead of a stern stare, however, the Pharaoh wore a troubled frown. Yuugi could easily guess what was bothering him, even without their usual link.
"…I heard about Bakura," he said quietly. "So he's the evil you defeated before?"
Yami sighed and nodded. "He has our Puzzle now," he said sadly. He paused for a moment, then added, "which was passed down to me from my father."
His father? Yuugi thought, surprised. How does he—wait! He must remember! Happiness flooded through him. He smiled, "So you remember everything now?"
Yami shook his head. "Just a small piece…a fragment of my childhood, when I was Prince and my father protected me. He created the Items, you know, to bring peace to Egypt…but I fear they have a dark side." He lapsed once more into troubled silence.
Yuugi felt a tremor of trepidation. There was so much they didn't know about the Items…their own Puzzle seemed benign at first glance, but Yuugi knew that its inner chambers were full of sinister traps and secrets. What lurked behind the powers they possessed?
He was pulled out of his thoughts by Anzu. He started a bit; he hadn't heard her approach. "Pharaoh…have you discovered your name yet?" she inquired.
Yami's expression turned to dejection. He pulled out his cartouche. "See for yourself," he said softly. It was still blank. "No one calls me by my name here. They all address me as 'King' or 'Pharaoh.' They didn't even tell me when I asked."
Yuugi looked sadly at his darker half. So he still doesn't know who he is, he thought. How must it feel to be thrown into a world where everyone knows you, but you know no one? Where you are someone, but you don't know your own name? Having to go on as if nothing is wrong, trying to deal with magic and evil that you don't understand…
He placed his hand on top of the ancient spirit's in silent comfort. Yami looked at him, and it seemed as though he suddenly saw the pharaoh for the first time. Tanned and regal, intimidating in his royal garb…but uncomfortable. Lost. Unused to the ancient clothes, the ornaments encircling his head and arms. Unsure of himself, lost in a world he had no memory of…and fearful.
How many truly saw him here? How many were blinded by his cape and crown, fooled by his charade of strength and certainty? Who was there to reassure him, as he had reassured Yuugi so many times?
For now, he would have to do the best he could. "You'll figure it out soon, Yami," he smiled, gently squeezing his hand, trying to convey confidence. "I know you will."
Yami's expression softened, and his hand shifted to squeeze Yuugi's back. Out of the corner of his eye, Yuugi saw Anzu lead his friends away towards the river, giving them privacy. "You called me Yami," he said quietly. The warmth in his eyes spoke volumes. "You…you still see me for me."
His words confirmed Yuugi's thoughts. Soft understanding and sympathy made their way across his features. "It must be so lonely," he said, his voice a mere half-whisper. He felt a lump rising in his throat.
The pharaoh looked away, closing his eyes as if in pain. He took a breath and said, sadly, "Sometimes, it feels like the loneliest place in the world…though I suppose it comes with being Pharaoh."
They were quiet for a moment, each lost in his own thoughts. Yuugi wanted so badly to comfort his darker half…So why don't you? No matter who he is, he still needs you, he mentally berated himself. Sliding closer to the Egyptian, he removed his hand from Yami's grip and wrapped it around his shoulders.
He stiffened at the touch, and Yuugi wondered for a moment if he had hurt him. Then, abruptly, he relaxed, leaning into the embrace, letting his head rest on Yuugi's shoulder. His arm wrapped around Yuugi's shoulders in turn, and for a few moments, they just stayed there, supporting each other.
Yami broke the silence. "Aibou," he whispered, so softly that Yuugi had to strain to hear him. "What…what if…I can't do it?" He took a great, shuddering breath, and Yuugi realized that he was voicing his deepest fear. "What if I fail? I…They…they all think I know what I'm doing…what if I can't save them? What if I never remember?"
Yuugi felt his heart break for the ancient spirit. So much depended on him…so much always depended on him. And this time, he couldn't stay by his side, merely a thought away if he needed him. "You'll remember," he said softly. "You will. And how many times have we blundered into something and come out on top anyway? Loads, right? Sometimes we barely made it…but we did make it." He paused. "I'm not saying this is going to be easy. This is already hard for you and it'll probably get harder. But you can do it. I promise. And I promise I'll be there to help you as much as I can."
"I'm afraid," the pharaoh admitted, the only time Yuugi could ever remember him admitting such. "Even if I do succeed…what will the cost be? What if my memories are wiped again? What if I still don't know my own name?"
He had never poured his heart out like this. Never in Yuugi's memory. "If it happens…when we return, you'll still be with me," he said, sounding more sure than he felt. "That won't be so bad, right? Just like old times." A slightly amusing thought occurred to him. "Who knows? Maybe you'll gain your own body…I'll share all my memories with you, all of them, and we can say you're my twin." Yami chuckled quietly at the thought. Yuugi smiled, too, but grew serious again. "But even if you don't regain your true name, you'll always be Yami to me. Even if you do regain your true name, you'll always be my Yami. A tan and some Egyptian clothing doesn't change who you are."
Yami didn't speak, but the arm around Yuugi's shoulders tightened. Absently, Yuugi traced one of his arm bracelets, thinking that it must be uncomfortable to wear so much gold in heat like this.
"Aibou…" he finally whispered, emotion making his voice thick. "You have no idea how much that means to me."
"I know sharing a body with me after having one of your own here probably isn't your idea of the best outcome," Yuugi mused aloud. "But you are always welcome to come back. You'll always have a place with me, whether inside my head or just like this." It was the least, the very least, that he could offer.
"On the contrary," the pharaoh murmured. "I would be honored to reconnect with you. I…rather miss our link, actually."
"Hm," Yuugi agreed. "I do, too. It's weird not being able to think to each other."
He felt Yami nod slightly. The Egyptian shifted then, sitting back up next to his lighter half. "Thank you," he said, his eyes warm, "for reminding me that I am not a completely lost identity." His expression became thoughtful. "Reliving my past has made me appreciate the memories I have of the present all the more…I wouldn't give up my memories of you for the world." He smiled at Yuugi, a true smile. "And whether or not I discover my name, I will always be a part of you."
Yuugi smiled back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
A splash caused both of them to look towards the Nile. Twin smiles graced their faces as they watched their friends cool off in the river. Yuugi looked back at his other half, who now looked relaxed and comfortable, relieved that he'd gotten that off his chest.
A very odd thought struck him, and he cocked his head to one side. Yami looked at him, raising an eyebrow at his quizzical expression.
Yuugi decided to just go with it. "…Can I say something really stupid?"
"I doubt anything you have to say is stupid. But go ahead."
"…You look REALLY weird with a tan."
Yami stared at him for a moment. Yuugi felt his cheeks turn pink. Then, he burst out laughing. His rich baritone carried over to their friends, who looked to see what the commotion was. Yuugi started laughing, too. It felt like a long time since they had done so.
The pharaoh ruffled Yuugi's hair, still looking amused. "Thanks, aibou. I appreciate that."
A shadow flew overhead, and the pair looked up to see a humanoid female monster soar gracefully past, looping around to head back to her mistress. "Ah, they've found me," Yami said, rising.
Yuugi rose as well, and watched his darker half draw himself up into his regal bearing, the mantle of responsibility settling on his shoulders once again. This time, however, Yuugi knew it was no longer an unbearable burden. For the pharaoh, though he was slowly regaining his past identity, already had one to call his own. He just hadn't realized it.
Hopefully the title makes sense now. Who Yami truly is, is something that also struck me while watching the Memory World arc. He's gone back into the past to regain his original identity, but he's made another for himself in the modern world. And it seems to me that Yuugi would see Yami not only for who he was, but also for who he is.
Hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, and please review. ^_^