SONG FIC 'Talking To the Moon'
Title: They Don't Understand
Paring: Severus Snape X James Potter
Setting: Depends; everywhere mention, mostly at Hogwarts.
A/N: Okay, so this is a little different from what I usually write; but you guys wouldn't know that… I only have one story up haha. But anyways, this is set in their fourth year. From what I read, which is a lot; I came to realize that nothing really happened that, which was perfect for me. So please, do enjoy and I hold no claims to the characters or the world they're in; Just the plot. :D
Plot: In their first year, they had found comfort in each other; a few years later, Severus realizes that it fuels the hate from James. Even though it was too late, Severus realizes that he was, and is, in love with him.
Closing his eyes, Severus let a soft sigh escape his lips. It was the beginning of his fourth year, and just like the two before it, he was waiting. When his onyx eyes finally opened once more, they were looking at the Quidditch pitch, hoping to spot a certain player. The charcoal haired boy obviously felt unwanted at the friendly practice game between his own house of Slytherin and his first and second loves' house of Gryffindor.
If one were to ask young Severus who he loved more, he would not be able to distinguish between the strength of feelings for both Lily and James. Oh course just because he had loved Lily since she learned she was a witch; but that didn't mean they couldn't rival the feelings that seemed to have developed when he spend that whole month with James in secret.
Thinking back to James' little 'experiment', he never failed to wonder what had gone wrong between them. What was it that made James Hate him so much? Everything was going just perfectly fine until that one night he just started getting mad at everything. Like every other time, though, he was left wondering.
Although it was not so obvious all those times James besides to torment him, Severus couldn't help but want the guy back. He missed how close they had been, Severus could obviously say that he had never connected with anyone like that before, and he missed it; despite all that though, Severus couldn't bring himself to admit that James wouldn't want him as anything more than a friend; it was plain in the way they spoke.
Just like Lily…
Now sitting in the library, his nose buried in a book, he was trying to lose himself in something other than his thoughts. They were not being very nice to him and it was making him feel a little scared. Severus wanted to think of anything other than emotion; anything at all. If only Lucius was still there, then maybe perhaps he wouldn't be going through such…
When he thought about it, he soon realized that he had not a clue what to call his problem.
As the next day's rolled by slowly, Severus happily, well as happily as he'd allow, indulged himself in work and reading and more work; Taking upon him way more than even he could accomplish. Anything, it would seem, to keep him mind of other things. He didn't notice when, but a whole year had passed. When that thought dawned upon Severus, he stopped dead in his tracks. As he looked around, he noticed that he was actually heading towards the great hall, but what for?
"Severus!" he heard a familiar feminine voice call out. Turning his head towards Lily Evans, he let a small smile tilt the ends of his lips. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to make time for friends!" she semi-complained with a smile on her face. Severus dug back into his memory of the past year; had they talked at all?
The way she awkwardly stood, her hands behind her back and her eyes looking everywhere but into Severus' eyes told him that she didn't really want to be there.
"What is it, Lily?" He asked, his voice coming out rough and unused. He cleared his throat and waited for her to continue talking. She bit her lower lip and finally looked at him; really looked at him.
He was unkempt, that all she could think of. Something was bothering Severus and Severus wouldn't tell her…. At least not after…
"I wasn't just wondering if you'd… if you'd come with me to the Quidditch pitch tomorrow. We're having the last game tomorrow… between our houses… you… you don't have too…" It was evidence in her voice that she was babbling. She was being shy; this is probably what Severus liked about her. She could always make his heart to flips, as if it was trying to jump from his chest… just like James….
Turning from her, he found that it was safer if he wasn't looking at her.
"…Perhaps. We'll see tomorrow." And with that he strode off.
Of course, when 'tomorrow' finally came and went, Severus came to believe that when he left Lily yesterday, it had only added strain to their already hanging-by-a-thread relationship; of course he wouldn't admit that. It was a Saturday now, and most people were off doing their own thing; most here populating hogsmeade though.
There was really nothing to do. He was done everything that had piled up in his dorm room, and he was not in the mood to read things he already knew. It was pointless, being The way he was. Severus wanted to live, even if just once.
Walking out of the castle and towards the Forbidden forest, he stopped on a slope and sat down. Somewhere to his right he could hear the loud barking of a dog, and guessed that it was Hagrid's mutt. Lying back, he spread his arms out and closed his eyes. The partially clouded sky moved with the light breeze that the onyx haired boy felt. It would be November soon, and amazingly there was no snow.
No snow…
As day turned to night, a cold chill set under Severus' skin, waking him from his slumber. Groggily opening his eyes, he wondered how long he had been sleeping and yawned. Sitting up, he took in his surroundings and remembered that he had been sorting through his thoughts before he fell asleep.
"You know, you talk an awful lot when you sleep…" can a calm voice from behind him; startling him into a standing position and feeling around for his wand. James held up the familiar cut wood that was Severus Snapes' wand.
"What do you want Potter?" he asked with a sneer that wouldn't be perfected till much later in life.
"Just to talk, no need to get all defensive… Severus." At the sound of his own name, he had to fight himself not to melt right there. Severus wasn't sure, but he thought that James knew the effect he had on Severus. It was uncanny at times.
Now was his one chance to make things right between them; to be together again. Here he was, standing still like he was under some prettifying hex, trying to think of something to say when it was obvious that nothing needed to be said. The distant look in James' eyes told Severus everything.
The painful, painful truth.
Averting his gaze, Severus held out his hand, "can I have my wand back?" No manners, no names. He couldn't stand being in James line of sight at that moment and he just wanted to get his wand and leave.
"No." James said with a firm voice; it reminded Severus that he was a Gryffindor. A scowl passed Severus' face as he shook his head. He needed to end this now, or he'll just end up falling deeper into a pit he dug himself years ago. As he passed James, he felt the messy haired guy grab at his leg, holding him in place with a firm grip.
"Stay. I said I wanted to talk, I'm just…" as the Gryffindor paused, Severus noticed that he was at a loss for words. Perhaps things weren't as bad as Severus thought? "I just can't think of what to say first off…" Severus looked from the back of James' head, to the ground in shame.
"I love you." Severus whispered, his low voice carried away by the wind as if he had never said anything. He felt James tense before he turned to the Slytherin, standing behind him. 'I'm sorry' was written all over his face and Severus turned away once again; but this time, instead of leaving he sat down and waited for James to say something.
"I… I can't return your feelings, Severus, I admit to liking you, but this…" he shook his head and turned to Severus fully before continuing. He was on all fours in front of Severus, hoping to get the attention of the Slytherin that was currently sitting with his knees to his chest and his forehead on them.
"I love Lily, Severus; I love her so much more then I do you." Just like a knife, Severus thought closing his eyes tightly, willing his tears to just disappear. "Severus look at me." Shaking his head like a stubborn child, he heard James sigh.
Severus felt the gentle hand against his hair before it even touched. "you haven't been taking care of yourself, have you?" James murmured, not expecting an answer, but Severus shook his head anyways.
He felt like a child again. He hated feeling that way.
James hand raked through Severus hair before it was rested on Severus' shoulder; this, of course, made Severus look up; his eyes glittering with pre-tears.
"Why did you even bother coming into my life if you just… if you just planned on leaving it?" It was an accusation, through and through. James shook his head.
"Just because we're not together, doesn't mean I le-"
"Yes you did! And now you're tormenting me! As if… as if you get some sort of sick sadistic pleasure from it!" he shouted, not really caring who heard.
When James blushed, Severus knew he had hit a mark, but it wasn't the head of the nail.
"No… Severus, I don't… I don't do either of those things." And it was true, now that Severus thought about it; Sirius, Peter sometimes Remus, but never James.
Looking down once more, and escaping James star he bitterly said,
"Well, what is it that you wanted to talk about?" which was followed by silence.
"I just… wanted to talk." He said simply, as if there was no problem with it at all.
End A/N: Okay, this was the very first time i've ever been motivated enough to actually do a whole story just listening to one song xD This story is a little OOC i know, but oh well, it made the story come to an end either way... umm... i'm pretty sure i elaborated on what needed to be done and i ended it just the way i love stories ending [on the rare occation...] If i'm begged for a sequel i may write one up... i highly doubt that would happen though, haha, I'll end this rant here so have fun~