"Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to." said the Critic. "Little Nemo was a comic strip written by Winsor McCay. It was a very obscure comic, as not many people had even heard of it. And it was quickly forgotten. It was about a little boy named Nemo who, when he fell asleep came across a fantasy world called 'Slumberland'. A Japanese anime company thought it was a good idea to make a movie based on the comic. People forgot about that, too. However, Little Nemo eventually became a recognizable name to gamers for his two popular video games, 'Little Nemo The Dream Master' for the NES, and 'Nemo' for the arcade.
The Critic continued. "Most people think of the games and not the movie. So why was this movie banished into the depths of obscurity like the comic? BECAUSE IT WAS A NIGHTMARISH FLAMING PILE OF GOAT SHIT! Wanna know why? Let's have a look!"
"So, we come across the opening credits sequence, as it appears to be very long and boring with a light blue background. Wow, I can't believe Mickey Rooney and Nancy Cartwright were in this piece of crap."
"So, after that, we meet Nemo, who appears to be sleeping in his bed. Suddenly, his bed levitates and flies straight out of the window of his room. He starts having a blast until he goes through a time warp into what appears to be an apocalyptic Great Britain. The handle turns and Nemo falls into the water below the tower, where he falls quickly. Then, he finally reaches the end of the bottomless pit when a train comes after him. It eventually sinks into a lake in front of it, but then- Good god! This scene should've been in my Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks!"
"So he finally reaches his house, where the train continues to go after him. He calls his mother but she just ignores him. The train proceeds to bust in when Nemo wakes up, having fallen out of his bed. Then, it fades to black, and the logo shows with circus music playing silently in the background. Geez! It looks like a horror film!"
"So, we see a circus take place where Nemo seems excited about it."
A squirrel with goggles comes out of the tree.
"Icarus!" calls Nemo. "Com'on, Icarus! Let's go!"
"He has a pet squirrel?" asked the Critic. "God, can this film get any weirder?"
"So, Nemo and Icarus go to the parade of bald, fat-asses and meet some clowns, a mustachioed man with a tall top hat, a princess who is riding on an elephant…"
The Critic is interrupted when the Burger King's face zooms into the camera as an angelic chorus plays.
"…who throws him a rose, and Santa Claus, who offers him a seat on his lap. Little Nemo goes back and tries to persuade his parents to take him to the circus. But, they refuse. That night, Nemo sneaks out of his bed and begins sleepwalking, attempting to steal a pie, but caught by his mother. Thank god they don't have Will Ferrell as a kid." said the Critic.
Will Ferrell and his co-star from 'Stepbrothers' are seen wreaking havoc on a kitchen.
"So, Nemo goes to sleep when the window starts flashing." said the Critic. "Oh, god. Please, not Mary Martin."
"No, it's actually some people marching into his room. Following them, march the same mustachioed man with a top hat and some clown chick. So, who is this guy?"
"I am a professor." says the man.
"Brief." said the Critic.
"I am a genius!" says the man.
"Well, which, dammit?" the Critic shouted.
"You may call me Professor Genius." says the man.
"Are you kidding me?" asks the Critic. "They couldn't come up with a better name than Professor Genius? That's like a police officer named Officer Cop! The two words are the same thing! God, these guys have such bad names, they even make DiC Entertainment's parody naming masterpieces! So…what's the clown's name?"
"And this would be Bon Bon." says Professor Genius.
"Umm…that's…cutesy. MORE CREATIVE THAN PROFESSOR GENIUS!!"
"At your service!" says Bon Bon.
"That voice…yep. It's the voice of Bart Simpson." said the Critic. "Anyway, why are you here?"
"We have been sent here on a mission, by King Morpheus, the king of Slumberland!" says Professor.
"We are trying to find the one ring!" said the Critic.
"King Morpheus? Slumberland?" Nemo asks himself.
"Even the kid thinks he's high right now!" said the Critic.
"Yes, indeed." says Professor.
"Yes, indeed." says Bon Bon.
"Just in case you were too stupid to hear it the first time." added in the Critic. "So…why are you here?"
The Professor pulls out a scroll, unrolls it, and clears his throat.
"His serene highness, King Morpheus, the ruler of Slumber land , and divine protector of everyone's good dream, and his daughter, Princess Camille, extend this invitation to Little Nemo, to visit our Slumberland, and be the official playmate to Princess Camille."
"Umm…" asked the Critic. "Playmate? Sounds like a Playboy bunny to me. I'd accept. It'll be good to have a nice wet dream every now and then. What do you think, Nemo?"
"Gee, thanks." says Nemo as the Professors rescrolls the invitation.
"Okay." said the Critic. "Then, let's-"
"Wait a minute." says Nemo. "This princess is a girl? But, I've never played with a girl."
"I have played with myself a few times." overdubbed the Critic.
"Anyway, Little Nemo refuses to go, at first, due to his hatred for girls, what every little boy has. However, his mind is changed when they bring him cookies, a gift from the princess."
"I love the princess! I love girls!" says Nemo.
"Just try not to get married." said the Critic. "You might change your mind."
"Anyway, so they ride on the dream blimp and reach their destination. Welcome to Slumberland, Disneyland's abortion." said the Critic. "So, the citizens of Slunberland greet Nemo with signs, like, Welcome Nemo."
"They know who I am!" says Nemo.
"Indeed, they do." says the Professor.
"They saw your MySpace!" overdubbed the Critic.
"So, then, many hot air balloons are popped by a clown in an orange suit named Flip."
"Hey, hiya kid." greets Flip. "Wanna get on ol' Sour Puss here and have some fun?"
"Damn you, Mickey Rooney!" said the Critic.
"So the Professor introduces King Morpheus to Nemo when they find out he's missing. Little Nemo is determined to find the king before the Professor does. But then, Flip comes in and shows him a secret room, which is upside down, for some strange reason. Nemo and Flip try their best not to fall, but Nemo does fall and falls down an infinite staircase, creating, you guessed it, another mindfuck sequence." said the Critic. "When it finally ends, Nemo finds himself in a toy room and meets the Santa Claus-wannabe, King Morpheus himself. After fixing a loose gear in his small train, Nemo rides the train with him until it breaks. There, they and the Professor reunite. The King tells Nemo that he has invited him to become the heir of the castle. He then gives him a golden key."
"With this key, you can open any door in Slumberland." says the King. "But I must warn you. There is one door you must never open. The door with this symbol. This, you must promise." says the King.
"It's where I go to masturbate, I mean…" overdubbed the Critic.
"So Nemo promises and the Professor escorts him to meet the princess. " said the Critic.
"So, the two meet and don't really get along that well." said the Critic. "But soon they do, and go for a ride along Slumberland, as happy music plays in the background. The 'Slumberland' song, that is. Hear it once, and it's stuck in your head until death. And…what?"
Nemo, Icarus, Camille, and Bon Bon go into three colored balls upon a spouty propeller.
"Umm…dicks with balls?" the Critic asked himself. "Good god! How can this get anymore disgusting?"
Nemo, Camille, and Bon Bon are laughing, naked and inside fluffy balls.
"They're…naked?" the Critic asked himself. "This isn't Slumberland! This is a fucking pedophile's dream! My god, what were these morons thinking? This is disgusting!"
"Anyway, Nemo eventually needs schooling because, all princes need to be schooled to learn their manners."
"Oh, you've got to get some etiquette if you want to be a prince!" sing the teachers.
"Oh, god no." said the Critic. "A song?! A freaking song?! This gets weirder, too. During his dance lesson, he dances with a white Respusha from Norbit and…gets his head stuck between her breasts? What…the…FUCK???!!! What kind of kid's film is this?"
"You think that was weird, wait 'til his fencing lessons start!"
The teacher says some French words that sound like "Mooother, motherfuck!".
"What was that?"
The footage repeats.
"For…KIDS?!"
"So, after it finally ends, Nemo sneaks out, realizing the difficulties of becoming a prince. Flip has him join him as they attack a police station and escape into an underground passage. They then find a large wooden door. Flip persuades him to open it. They do open it, and discover…the Venom symboite from Spider-Man 3. Nemo runs back to the castle during his inauguration as Prince. It turns out he's late and he is quickly dressed and prepared. It then takes place, as King Morpheus grants him his wand, the Morning Scepter, which is supposed to be used for defending Slumberland from the Nightmare King. He then shows off its great power by chanting something."
"Pisama, pajama, pydema…" says the King.
"God, it sounds like a poorly-written Spanish song!" said the Critic.
"So then, when he finally finishes the chant, the scepter fires into the night sky. Then, everybody dances. But the celebration is soon interrupted when the Nightmare fog comes in and devours the King. Camille sobs as Flip tells everyone that Nemo freed the Nightmares. Everyone turns on Nemo and Nemo wakes up."
The Critic sighed with relief."Good." said the Critic. "That must mean the movie's over."
The Critic sighed with anger.
"Unfortunately, no." said the Critic. "It turns out that Nemo is still in his dream. He finds the morning scepter in his bed and hears Morpheus calling for him. Just then, the whole house starts flooding and it bursts into his room. Heh. Talk about a wet dream. Anyway, Nemo sails through the ocean on his bed and discovers the Professor, who joins him. Nemo then goes to fetch Flip, for he has a map of Nightmare Land. However, Flip is to be banished into space in a matter of time. They barely manage to stop the execution and have Flip join them, with a little persuasion."
The princess punches Flip in the jaw.
"That was for Night at the Museum, bitch!" yells the Critic.
"So they sail off toward Nightmare Land, where they get lost. They then come across a haunted tree with four faces."
Suddenly, it splits into four.
"TA-DAAAH!" they say.
"Umm…what?" asks the Critic.
"We're jesters!" they shout. "Funny goblins!"
"I'm Oomp!" says one.
"I'm Oompa!" says the other.
"I'm Oompe!" says the other.
"I'm Oompi!" says the other.
"Ohh…shit." sighs the Critic.
"Ohh, we are the Oomps. Good goblin boomps!" they sing.
"We are escapees from Nightmare Land."
"Our nightmarish king doesn't understand!"
"Good god!" yells the Critic. "Don't tell me they're gonna be joining the main characters!"
"Sadly, they do join, marching and chanting 'Hoo hoo', 'ha ha', 'hey hey' the whole way." said the Critic. "But, during their campfire, they get ambushed by giant bats. They carry Camille away and Nemo awakens in his own bed again."
The Critic sighed with relief again.
"Yes!" shouted the Critic. "Finally! The movie's over!"Then, the Morning Scepter drops from the ceiling and the good goblins come out of his bed.
"Aw, come the fuck-" yells the Critic. "Goddammit!"
"Well, it turns out the dream continues, and, what's worse, the forest goblins still accompany Nemo. God I hope they die. Anyway, the ceiling breaks and a giant dog comes down. Little Nemo goes to strike, but the dog turns out to be Oompel, the leader of the Forest Goblins. So, after the introduction, they set back off to Nightmare Land to find their friends, where the…bed grows giant legs. Creepy. Anyway, so they set off for Nightmare Land, where the Nightmare King, who looks like the elderly, cocaine-addicted brother of the Devil from Fantasia, receives word of their arrival from some old gargoyle. He gets angry and sucks in the wind. There, they meet the Nightmare King, who threatens Nemo to give him the scepter or he kills his friends, who are trapped in…evil test tubes? Anyway, the Nightmare King's evil manta ray attacks them, the Forest Goblins hop on Nemo's flying bed and the final battle begins."
"Nemo chants some of the words and it extends into a light saber rip-off, which he uses to tear apart the manta ray. The power of the scepter causes them to be knocked off the bed. They land on a rocky cliff and the Nightmare King threatens them once again to give him the scepter. He tries a sneak attack with his hand, but Nemo turns and tears it open. The Nightmare King shrieks in pain. Little Nemo proceeds to finish him off, but must do the entire chant in order to make the scepter reach its full power. Eventually, he does. The wand shoots out a powerful beam, sending Nemo and the goblins back. Nemo lands his head on a rock and the Nightmare King yells in pain like he's constipated and disintegrates. Nightmare Land has a shockwave as it becomes…the Fortress of Solitude."
"Icarus comes to and searches for Nemo, only to find him dead. At least what he thinks after trying to wake him up. The three other characters, Professor Genius, Princess Camille, and Flip, are released from their tubes. Camille finds the Forest Goblins and Icarus gathered around Nemo, as they sob. What's up with the spotlight? Is it the second coming of Jesus or something? Anyway, Camille goes over and holds him lovingly in her arms and cries."
"Oh dear." says the Professor. "Poor boy."
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!!!" yelled the Critic. "Why did it have to be an innocent, wand-wielding boy and not a group of annoying, singing forest goblins! GOD, WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC?!"
"So everyone's crying when King Morpheus returns with the morning scepter. He takes Nemo, points the scepter to him and…no. It can't be…"
The king points his wand at him and it glows. Nemo awakens and turns to King Morpheus.
"Santa…is that you?" overdubbed the Critic.
"Nemo admits that he opened the forbidden door and broke his promise, but the King forgives him because he destroyed the Nightmare King."
"Quite the prince you've become, my little Nemo." says King Morpheus.
"Ohh, so that's why they call it that!" says Peter Griffin from Family Guy.
"So then, Prince Nemo and Princess Camille set off on their dream blimp and actually have a kiss. Unfortunately for Nemo, this is where the dream ends." said the Critic.
"Nemo! Nemo? Time to get up!" says the voice of Nemo's mother.
"Are you having wet dreams again?" overdubbed the Critic.
"So, Nemo's parents wake him up, ignore what happened last night and take Nemo to the circus. The end."
"So, what did I think of this movie?" asked the Critic. "It's a horrifying disgrace to everything sleep-related!"
"The characters are annoying, the songs are creepy as hell, it seems to have fan service for pedophiles, the villains are unoriginal, and, most of all, IT'S ONE GIGANTIC FUCKING OF THE MIND!!!" yelled the Critic. "This whole movie was one bad dream! I've had more entertainment watching Hotel for Dogs! And that, my friend, is saying a lot! I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to."
The Critic leaved his chair and walked out of the camera's view.
A sign says The End as the 'Slumberland' song plays.