The bench by the water had always been a place of comfort for Jack. A place where he could get away from the world when his mind wanted nothing more than to drag him down into the dark abyss of insanity. It was safety for him. Where the laughter in his head would stop and where he would see him. Maybe he was insane. Joker told him he was. When he'd work as a butcher chopping up the bodies and all that blood is when he'd see him most. Always hovering over his shoulder with the eerie grin plastered on his face. Flashes of memories he hopes weren't his own. A dinner table for a special Bat king. A fight in a cave where the Bat would ask him to forgive him when all he wanted was to just get away. His body broken as he was sure he would die, next to the Bat calling him his friend. All memories that for Jack didn't feel like his own but deep down he knew that they were.
When he was here though, he could escape it all. He wouldn't hear the screams of people that would die from his past. Was it his past anyways? Joker would claim that it was. Then again when the clown was around no one but Jack could see him. That's what worried. A feeling like life was going to go back into something he didn't want it too. Would he fade away if that course of action happened? He probably would and that terrified him to no end. He was happy at least he felt like he was. Joker would disagree with that statement but he couldn't allow himself to dwell on Joker's disproval of his life. Not here anywhere.
He first came to this bench to die. To end the laughter and nightmares that haunted his dream. Here though he had come to realize a gun could never be fired here. The one place in Gotham where that wasn't allowed. It brought him hope. Hope that he could escape his inner turmoil and avoid insanity that wanted to wrap around him. Then when he saw Bruce Wayne coming to this same bench he couldn't approach. His heart would tighten and for a reason he couldn't comprehend he'd want to embrace him. Warn him not to let things go back as they were. But what exactly was that? He didn't know and he also didn't want to know. It was an urge that plagued him every time he'd leave the man alone and the laughter in his head sounded more like broken sobs and Joker would leave him be.
After a while he did eventually approach and speak with him. Told him everything that he was feeling about their lives and yet although he was speaking about other things deep down what he said had more meaning. All he knew was even in the safety of the one place of peace in Gotham if need be he'd die to keep things from going back. Yet an explosion distracted them and as Bruce ran towards it, Joker for the first time spoke in his head and it sent a chill down his spine what he had said.
Soon, things will be right again.
That's the last time he saw Bruce at the bench and each time he went back there he waited for him to return to always be disappointed again. Gotham was calling to him and he could sense it. Casting him into a role he didn't want to return to. A role that he wasn't sure was his anymore. This place that brought his mind such peace was slipping away from him and he soon found himself no longer alone sitting on the bench. That only happened when news came that Batman was back. Gotham's hero and with it Joker would always be sitting next to him now.
"You're over thinking things, just like him." Joker wrapped an arm around his shoulder in a form of comfort that only made Jack's stomach feel sick.
"Is it wrong to just want things to stay as they are?" His voice was just a whisper of desperation but even if anyone was around they wouldn't be able to hear him, Joker though, he always could.
A sad chuckle escaped the clown as he pulled Jack closer to him. The same green eyes looked at each other and Jack could swear he saw pity in them.
"It's so depressing it's funny." He laughed and even Jack gave a small laugh with him. It all sounded like a sob to him.
"Maybe it is but still I don't have to let it." He pleaded more to himself but it was futile and they both knew it.
Looking back towards the city, Jack followed his gaze and like a beacon in the sky the symbol of the Bat shone through. Promising everything that Jack feared and Joker craved. He could hear Gotham calling to him again just as the symbol of the man that doomed him to a fate he didn't want. Of death and pain. Heartache all over again. The Bats recoil that was like a long sharp knife in the heart. Joker's pain and therefore his own all over again.
"He's back." Joker said fondly.
"He shouldn't be. He could have been happy, we both could have been." With that Joker left him and he left the only safety of the Bench that he wasn't sure he'd be allowed to return to.
As he was back here now though, his white suit stained in crimson as he took his seat at the old familiar bench he felt like he was an outcast to the calm silence around. Jack felt like he had betrayed this place but he was too much in a panic to care. It wasn't supposed to be like this and as he held the gun that should and could never be fired in a place like this a part of him wished to the universe that it could. He could still feel the wet substance on his hands from not even thirty minutes earlier when it got there. As a butcher he was used to blood but that was animals and this was very much human. He didn't mean too. It wasn't his choice for what he had done. Jack just snapped. His boss was just putting too much pressure on him and when the small radio was discussing Batman he just broke and took the meat cleaver again and again to the man's body. The familiar laughter filling the small room that only after he realized had been his own. So he came back to the bench. Wanting nothing more but the calm before the storm that was brewing.
Wiping his brown hair he could feel the stickiness of blood there as well and made him nauseous. He dried heaved but there was nothing in his stomach that he could dispel. I don't want to go. He mumbled to himself. I don't want to be him again. He could feel tears streaming down his checks, mixing with the blood on his face and dripping crimson drops onto the ground. Please, don't let me go back. Let me stay here. Forever. The weight of the gun in his trembling hand brought him a sense of closure that he craved. It wouldn't be hard. Just put it to my temple and pull the trigger. Easy. He slowly lifted the gun to his head and closed his eyes. Flashes of memories coming back to him.
Hello, Darling.
I made it with lots of love.
See? Now we can chat. My king and I.
Your faithful court jester.
You're the one in love with him.
Of course isn't it obvious?
Because the ugly truth of it is, Bats, is that you love me more than them.
Just think of the great times we've had and smile!
Jack opened his eyes and threw the gun down to the ground and cursed. He just couldn't do it. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Even when the madness was pulling him under like he was drowning he just couldn't. It wasn't in him. Gotham wouldn't allow it and that's why it gave him this one place. Even if he thought he could he was positive Joker wouldn't even allow it. Maybe that's why he couldn't now no matter how much he wanted all this to stop. As long as Batman was back then there was no possibility he could escape the dark that was waiting for him. The emergency exit that was telling him that it was alright to step through that door. Close the door on all those dreadful things. It tempted him and all he could do is let it happen. He wouldn't be hurting like he was now if he did. It could all be over. But then again it wouldn't be. If he stepped through that door again that was in reach of his mind then all he wanted to prevent would happen all over again. The heartache would return. Batman would hurt him again. His shoulders slumped in despair and he felt his back get patted. He didn't need to look to know who it was.
"Come on kid, see the funny side of life again." Joker purred into his ear.
"I don't see anything funny about what I just did."
"You sound like Bat, of course it's funny, life's a joke and deaths the punchline." Joker nuzzled his check as if it would make him smile. Sitting up, Jack looked at him.
"I didn't mean to do it. It wasn't a joke it's breaking me all over again, why can't you just leave me be." He pleaded with the figment of his mind. "I was happy. I want to be happy. Don't make me return to that life. Don't make me the monster that I was. It will be the death of me. Please just go away. Please."
Joker leaned back and looked down at the ground as if he was contemplating following Jack's request of him. Where they were now at this bench where he could ever have a chance to hope. He begged that would allow him the freedom to not go back. To not disappear into the filthy streets of Gotham again. Lost and alone. Where life had no meaning and everything was a sick game. One sick joke after another. A place of fighting against the one person that gave him reason for existing in a non-meaningful world. A person who could hurt him emotionally just as much physically. Back to the Bat he loved and would die for. The Bat who he'd do anything for. Who he wanted more than anyone to finally get the joke. His only friend in the world and the only one a psychopath like Joker and therefore Jack could ever care about so deeply that whatever pain Bat put him through he would take it all just for him. Just for the chance to one day see him smile. To truly see the world for what it was. When that dawned on him Joker finally looked up at him and smiled.
"You know I can't do that," He sighed shaking his head and Jack's heart dropped and even if he wanted to look away from that part of himself he couldn't. "As long as Batsy is out there, he need me. A king needs his Jester and I'm the only one who understands him. The only one who can see him for what he hides underneath all that gloom and doom brooding of his. He'd be alone in the world and it will swallow him whole if I'm not around to brighten his day. That's what he needs from me. Batman is nothing without the Joker. As long as that's the way life is then he needs you to walk through that door again. Shut it close for him. Do it for Bat. You know you have to."
Jack shook his head desperately wanting to un-hear those words. Lock them away from his mind and never dawn on them again. Like firing a gun on this bench was an impossibility, he wanted Jokers words to be even more so. There was truth in them though. The blood stains on his attire that even if they could be washed away he would always see them on his hands. Hear the laughter in his head that no one else could. See the joke of the world that everyone fought so hard to deny. Especially Batman. Everything in his life would always come back to Batman. It was unavoidable. He could fight it as much as he wanted but in the end Joker would always win. There was no choice in the matter and it crushed every fiber of his being. Even Joker winced at the turmoil he was feeling.
"It won't be hard, open the door and I'll take care of everything." Joker encouraged. "I'll take care of you don't worry about it, don't over think it. Just let it go and step inside." Joker rubbed his back gently the kindest gesture the murderous clown could ever do for him. It could be considered taunting as he wanted to corrupt Jack but even he knew better that wasn't the case. The cards were in Jack's hand and all he had to do was flip over the Joker card and life would go back to what it was. Joker would be back and he'd be gone.
He could almost feel the handle of the emergency exit in his hand. Silence just like the bench here that waited for him. He wondered if on the other side of the door if it could be like here. If in his own mind hidden away from the rest of the world that he would just sit on this bench waiting for Bruce to sit next to him like before. That wouldn't be so awful. He could finally just stay here and never leave again. Joker said he'd take care of him and he wouldn't have to ever see what became of his life if he stepped through. His grip tightened on the handle and he felt a calm breeze wash over him. There didn't need to be darkness like last time. Just the bench and that could be enough for him couldn't it? No longer needing to worry about losing himself because as long as he felt like he was just sitting here he'd be fine. The handle slowly turned and there was a tinge bit of panic at the prospect that he was actually allowing Joker to come back. No, I don't need to think about that. But in the end he truly had to. There was no turning back once he walked inside. The door would shut forever on him and lock him inside. No chance of escape. No second chances and no turning back. So he hesitated.
His heart beat rapidly in his chest at his own self-doubt. It shouldn't be this hard. It wasn't last time? Was it? There was pain yes. So much pain as his skin burned in the chemicals he had fallen into. The madness that swept in and pulled him with a force he couldn't even fathom through the door and before it shut tight all he could see was those deep blue eyes of the Bat all over again. Joker's birth was because of Batman. If his rebirth would be Jack's decision and it all led back to what Batman needed. He had given it his all to stop this. Revelation of his last conversation with Bruce now held more meaning to him in this moment than previously. He knew it was of significance then but now it was as clear as day. He had been trying to stop both Batman and Joker from continuing their dance. He failed. More tears came with that constant thought. Jack had failed Batman. Failed the man who for so many years he had lived for even if he didn't fully grasp it until now.
I'm sorry, he whispered. As he wiped away the tears from his eyes. With all his strength he flung the door open and all that was left now was to step inside. Into the dark. Into a state of being on this bench of hope forever. Just a couple steps was all he needed to do. As he lifted his foot to step inside he felt a hand clasp on his shoulder. It was firm but soft and he sighed. Joker was getting what he wanted so why now of all times was he touching him. Preventing him from entering. It was amusing in all the most fucked up ways. A sicker joke than he had pulled ever before. Did Joker hate him that much that he would prevent him just a little while longer just to torment him even more? Yeah, that sounded just like something he would do. Despite himself he gave a laugh that was so broken and held all the pain of years of his life.
"Are you alright?" A voice pulled him away from the door and back to reality and his head snapped up.
That voice. That all too familiar voice. Where he had spent years of his life wanting to hear. Long nights of scheming just to be in its presence again. Bodies that could fill streets of Gotham from all the people he murdered to see those blue eyes gaze into his green. Those same eyes that looked into his own just now. Blue orbs as deep and as enticing as the ocean. He felt that if he ever stared into them to long he would drown in their intensity and he'd welcome a death like that. As long as he looked at him. As long as he was there with him. Never leaving him alone in this world as he promised himself he would never do for him. Those eyes were now gazing at all the blood that covered him. Checking him over and inspecting him like he was a specimen. When they looked back and he looked at Bruce Wayne he felt his mind flay apart. Joker was still beside him and he could see him but that didn't matter as long as this man was in front of him. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't bring himself to and an understanding past through them. A painful heartbreaking understanding.
"This is my fault isn't it?" Bruce spoke and he could hear the guilt in Bruce's voice like a freight train had hit him.
He's always blaming himself for everything isn't he, Joker commented next to him. This is why he need me you know.
Jack could help but agree. No matter as what he was about to do would cause pain for both him and Joker. All he wanted was that guilt to leave the man he cared more for anything about.
"If I never," Bruce paused as if he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Never came back. Jack knew what he meant to say and the never ending tears came back full force. Jack patted the seat next to him and Joker hopped up and moved to his side of the bench as Bruce sat down and leaned his shoulder against the rim of the head rest of the bench.
Taking in a deep breath, Jack clasped his hand on Bruce's hand and laid his head on his shoulder. Bruce didn't push him away and it was the most happiest and last best moment he was sure he'd ever have again in his life.
"Don't blame yourself, we both knew how this would end." Jack did his best effort to comfort his best and only friend in a world that was no longer meant for him. Bruce wore his mask during the day but he was truly Batman as Jack was always ever truly Joker.
"I don't want things to be as they were." Bruce was having trouble speaking and it was obvious.
It has too. Both Joker and Jack thought to themselves. Because that's what Bat had decided, because that's what Gotham demanded of them both.
"I don't either," he sighed and scooted closer to the warmth of his Bat. "Maybe, just maybe it won't be as awful as before. We could have learned from last time and not hurt each other as badly. Who knows, its possible right?" It sounded silly even to his own ears but this place was one of hope and he wouldn't allow Joker's usual nihilism affect be a disease here.
"Do you honestly believe that? You remember what it was like now don't you?" Bruce asked full of skepticism but perhaps he was just as hopeful as Jack.
"It could be, only we can find out. Only we can change how the outcome is, if we don't want the same heartache as before then maybe there is a chance no matter how small." He spoke honestly and he could hear Joker whisper in his other ear.
We both know how this goes, he'll end up killing me one day.
I have more faith in him than that. Jack thought knowing Joker could hear. Laughter was his only response.
"Does it?" Bruce stopped and clenched his hands on his jeans as he fought for the words to say. Jack closed his hand on top of Bruce's and held it. Letting him take his time with his question. "Does it have to go back to as it was tonight?" He finally spoke, his voice as broken as they both were. Two damaged souls who only had each other.
"Not as long as you're here with me in this perfect place it won't." The door was waiting for him open but he would not step in it as long as he was with Bruce right now.
Bruce gave a depressed chuckle at the sorry state of both of their lives. Of the future that only promised never ending fights. Till the day one of them killed the other and if Joker had his way, Batman would be the last one standing. That would only happen however when Bruce no longer needed him around and that was the time for Joker to walk off stage. However all Jack could think about was even with agony in his laugh at least he could hear it before he was gone forever.
"Maybe we should never leave this bench." Bruce joked but there was the same desperation in his voice that Jack had often thought himself.
"I'd like that more than you could ever know, Bruce."
That wouldn't be the case and they both knew it. For now though, in this moment they could hope. Let the world disappear and let it just be the two of them here forever. Content where no gun could ever be fired. Where Batman and Joker didn't truly belong but Bruce and Jack did. For Batman and Joker could never have the peace this place held for the two lost souls that had the weight of their roles Gotham has placed upon them on their shoulders. Here it was quiet. Looking over the water was calm. No chaos and no order played a part on their bench meant for two. A perfect place in such a deranged and justice needed world. No one else could ever understand what this place would mean to them not even their true selves. As, Bruce wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulder and Jack leaned in more no matter what their future held at least they had this one moment together. The Bench that could be a resting place for them one last time. For they knew they would never return to this sacred place for them. Just one more night together sitting here where only they could. At this bench even Joker and Batman let them be alone.