Hi! I hope you enjoy this one! I plan to get Chapter 2 up soon!
Please R&R!
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End of the World
Chapter 1
As the sun rose one sweet Sylvarant day, Lloyd was sitting outside the store in Iselia eating a strawberry ice cream and watching the usual boring activities. Jake, the carpenter, was bringing in a load of wood to build an addition to the school, and as the most interesting thing in town, Lloyd was questioning whether the mule he was using had worms. He therefore didn't notice that the ice cream had been staring at him for a good two minutes.
"Why the hell are you staring at that mule's ass?"
"What in Martel's name-"
"Martel can suck it," spat the ice cream, moving sideways in Lloyd's hand, cone and all, in a threatening manner that didn't seem to work at all. Whether it was because the ice cream had spewed pieces of strawberry all over Lloyd's face, or whether it was a foot-tall ice cream cone, is not known.
"Hey, you remember that Regal guy you used to go around with?" asked the filthy cone, as it pumped up and down questioningly.
"Yeah, what's that have to do with me talking to a living ice cream cone?"
"Think your cock might feel good in his mouth?"
"Why, that's- !"
"Something that might feel as good as eating me alive!" screamed the cone as a liquid shot of surprisingly warm ice cream ejaculated onto Lloyd's gaping maw.
"I.. I guess I'm sorry for eating you." Lloyd looked down a little. "I had no idea that ice cream was alive. I mean, it doesn't make any damned sense!" He tensed up. "Maybe you're not even really talking to me. The strawberries do get strange later in the year you know."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Look! I need you to do something for me. No, for all of the new combined world." The surly ice cream cone became slightly more docile in tone. "For the Yggdrasil tree to survive, you must slay Regal."
"You mean take him for a slay ride? But it's not snowing this time of year. Well, maybe I could take him to Flanoir-"
"No! You dolt! You have to kill him! For the good of all human and elf kind! Regal must die!" The ice cream spluttered, it's strawberry innards oozing down Lloyd's hand and getting his glove damp with a warm, sticky, pink liquid.
"Kill Regal? But he helped us reunited the two world! He's my friend. I could never kill him," Lloyd shouted in anger.
"That rat bastard must die! It takes a lot of effort to spontaneously generate sentience inside a ball of coagulated dead fruit ice cream you know! I didn't do all this for nothing!" The ice cream started pumping up and down in Lloyd's hand again, completely drenching Lloyd in the slimy goo that was permeating the entire entity known as the strawberry ice cream.
Lloyd dropped the ice cream in the dirt, and decided to get the hell out of Iselia for the evening. He out the northern gate, past the mule which abruptly farted sending out and answer to Lloyd's quandary from earlier in the day. "Jack, I think your mule has worms," Lloyd shouted, flicking one of the squirming buggers off his shoe. He walked home, and without greeting his step father, flung himself in the bed.
"What should I do now?" Lloyd thought to himself, laying in bed with a pillow over his head. "I can't kill Regal just because an ice cream said so. To begin with, it wasn't even a very tasty ice cream. But what if the world ends because I ignored the whim of a rather ill-natured ice cream?" Lloyd thought he was insane now. Not the cool kind of insane like Jim Carrey's character in "The Cable Guy," more like the crazy, destroy the world kind of insane like Yggdrasil's character in Tales of Symphonia.
"That's it!" Lloyd sat up excitedly, still soaked in hot, sticky, pink strawberry goo that had now cast a thin veneer over all all of his bed.
Lloyd ran out of his house, past his agape father. "Lloyd, you needing a bath, boy! You be all nasty and shit! Your ho-bag is coming over today and you look like the the fan the shit hit!" The dwarf yelled as Lloyd ran from the house.
"I'm busy, dad! Tell Colette I'll talk to her tomorrow if she shows up." Lloyd bounded out of the house. He knew what had to be done.
Now just a slimy splat on the dirt, the ice cream cone was being licked up by the wormy mule that was carrying the lumber for the house that Jack built. "Oh yeah, baby. You're a nasty girl, huh? You know how I like it. That's the spot... Who's your daddy!"
"I'll do it!" Lloyd came jogging up, scaring the mule away from the damp sticky patch of dirt it had been licking.
"Almost there-- Ah! Hey? You little jackanapes!" The rather concupiscent ice cream was now quite miffed! "What the hell are you prattling about?"
"I'll kill Regal! For everyone's sake!" Lloyd shouted in a Captain America like manner."But I need you with me to help." Lloyd scooped up the ice cream splattered dirt and dumped it into a Ziplock baggy. Lloyd knew the only way to make sure he wasn't insane was to show the ice cream to another person and see if they could hear it as well. And Lloyd knew just the right person to help him out.