"Harry's Wild Night"
…
WARNING: EXTREME SUBSTANCE ABUSE. Our dear hero engages in sexual activities and indulges in illegal drugs.
…
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
…
It was 11:00 P.M. one Tuesday night and Harry was desperately trying to finish his potions homework. "After I added this, I added that…" he mused. "But before that I added this, (but before I added that), I stirred, but I remember Snape said I stirred too much so I stopped, but then I realized I didn't add enough of this so I went back and added more, but then I realized I didn't add enough of the first thing so I went back and added more of the second, but that was before I added the first, but then I realized I screwed up, so I panicked and added the third ingredient right then and there, but I added way too much because Draco insulted Ron's mother—" He frowned. "Wait. That's not right."
"OI! HARRY!"
It was Fred.
"The Hufflepuffs are having a party."
"So what," Harry muttered, flipping through pages.
"They want us to come."
Harry looked up. "What?"
"Party."
"Who's having a party?"
"The Hufflepuffs."
"Since when to they party?"
"I donno. But me and George are going, and we want you to go too."
Harry sighed. "You know I don't party." He looked down at his unfinished potions homework. "I've got this to do. And I've got a midnight detention with Snape. Sorry, guys. I can't."
Fred snatched up Harry's paper and scanned it briefly. "This is nothing. Look, Harry—do it when we get back! We can't miss this."
"No."
"Oh, stop being such a good boy."
"I am a good boy."
Fred pretended he didn't hear that.
George waltzed in. "I've got it!"
"Excellent!" Fred shoved Harry's schoolbag and papers aside. Most of them ended on the ground.
"Hey--!"
George plunked two handles of vodka down on the table. "Let's start now."
"No!"
They ignored him. Fred scanned the common room, which was deserted except for Hermione, who was dozing over a huge book. "Coast is clear." He began pouring shots.
Harry got up. "I'm leaving. We can't do this."
George forced him back into the chair. "Just take one."
"No."
"It's good stuff."
This of course was a huge lie, but Harry didn't know it. (The vodka bottles with plastic handles are cheap and usually taste like gasoline.)
"One shot. Then we'll let you go."
"It'll relax you."
"You'll work better."
Another huge lie, but our dear Harry didn't know it.
"Well…"
Fred and George seized his moment of uncertainty, and forced a shot glass into his hands. "We'll all take it on the count of three."
"One."
"Two…"
"Three!"
Harry coughed and spluttered. "Gross…"
George poured another round. "One more. You've got to do two for it to work properly."
Fred sniggered. "Work properly?"
"Shh."
Harry frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"Just take the shot, man."
Harry took it.
George pounded two more, wiped his mouth, and pulled a face. "I forgot the chaser…"
"You realize this now?"
"Well I was in somewhat of a rush… Snape almost caught me. Had to dodge him… pull some classy and badass maneuvering tactics. My specialty. You know."
"You stole this vodka from Snape?" Harry couldn't believe it.
"Yeah. That's why it's so cheap and nasty."
"Oh…" Harry shook his head. He felt a bit fuzzy.
Fred poured him another. "Last one."
Harry took it quickly. It wasn't so bad. Actually it was, but he'd gotten used to it.
"How do you feel?"
"Um…" He thought hard. "I feel great."
"Excellent!" Fred pounded him on the back. "Let's go!"
"But—" Harry protested feebly, "I've really got to do this work, see? And I've got detention at twelve…" He trailed off. "Uhh… I've got detention at twelve. I've got detention. With Snape—"
"Shut up," said George. "Come on, Harry! Are you really in any state to do work?"
Harry stood up shakily. "No."
…
"TO THE RAVENCLAW COMMON ROOM!"
"Uh… wasn't Hufflepuff having a party?"
"Oh. Right."
George snatched the bottle from Fred. "How many shots did you take?"
The three of them skipped past Hermione, who was twitching and dozing, out through portrait and into the night.
"Now…" George addressed Harry and Fred. "Does anybody know where the Hufflepuff common room is?"
Nobody knew.
Fred immediately proposed they go back and do more shots.
"We could just ask somebody…"
"Bad idea, man. This is a covert operation. Harry's even wearing his invisibility cloak, see?"
"He isn't!"
"I'm not—"
"Whatever. We don't want people following us!" Fred set off.
"This is a bad idea!" Harry stopped. "I'm not going."
The twins seized him. "You are."
By sheer chance, the Fat Friar sailed by.
"OIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--!" Fred bellowed, waving his arms as if hailing a taxi.
Harry winced.
The ghost faced them. "Yes?"
"Me and Harry and George, see—" Fred gestured towards them, trying not to act too drunk. "We were wondering… well… we wanted to know—where your common room was?"
"Three halls down, make a left, second door on the right."
"Lovely."
They set off.
…
Forty-Five Minutes Later…
…
"Where the hell are we?"
"Are we in the castle?"
"Shut up…"
"Who's idea was this?"
"Harry's."
"IT WAS NOT!"
"Let's face it," Fred sat down. "We're lost."
Harry peered at his watch. "And I've got detention in 20 minutes!"
"Which you're definitely skipping."
"I can't!"
George sighed. "It's no use. We'll never find it."
Laughter echoed down the hallway.
George leapt up. "Do you hear that?"
"It can't be the Hufflepuff party!"
"Who cares, let's go."
…
They knocked twice and the door creaked open.
Malfoy appeared, accompanied by the strong smell of weed. His face looked even more pinched then usual, and his pupils were huge.
There was a moment of silence.
"You'll have to come back later," Draco said, squinting at Harry and the twins like he couldn't really see them.
"Aw, let us in, Malfoy!"
"We're using this room now, sorry. Uh… special orders from Snape." He turned. "Put down the bong, Goyle. It's my turn! No—no, the greens are mine! If it's cashed, I'll kill you—" he shut the door in their faces.
Fred made a noise of impatience. "God, he's still an arse even when he's high."
"Fuck him," George pushed open the door, (Malfoy had forgotten to lock it) and strolled inside.
Harry followed them somewhat nervously.
"We've got weed too, Malfoy. We want to smoke." Fred held up a small pouch.
Malfoy's eyes narrowed. "Give us half."
"You've got to be kidding me…"
"Three quarters."
"You're already high."
"And you're annoying me."
"We'll give you a quarter, now pass the bong. Green and silver, lovely. Ooh, did Daddy buy it for you?"
"As a matter of fact, Weasely—" but then Draco noticed Harry. His dilated eyes bugged out. "Potter?"
"He's going to smoke with us!" Fred announced cheerfully.
"No—" Harry protested quickly. "I couldn't—"
Draco snickered.
Fred seized the bong. "Allow me to demonstrate…"
…
Author's Note: Don't do marijuana if you don't feel comfortable with the people you're with, or if it's illegal where you live.
…
"Now…" Fred filled the bowl, "I'm kind of drunk so this might not be the best explanation…"
…
Author's Note: Don't mix marijuana with alcohol. It can A: sober you up (sometimes, but this is rare), B: scare you if you're not experienced, C: make you feel "out of control", or D: make you suicidal. Now, A and C are sometimes good, B is sort of fun sometimes (if you're with cool people), but D fucking sucks. And that's why you shouldn't booze and blaze.
…
"But it's easy. Watch George. Now… put your mouth over this opening, and light the greens in the bowl. Incendio. Brilliant. Now inhale… see how the smoke rises? Fill it good, then pull out… see how he lifts out? Inhale deep now… clear it. And that's it. Easy. And fun."
Draco was shooting condescending glances at Harry while simultaneously rolling the best blunt Hogwarts had seen in 50 years.
"I'll light if for you. Put your mouth here."
Harry did his best.
Draco laughed.
"It takes a while to catch on. And you rarely get high your first time…"
"Then why am I doing this?" Harry raged, upset that Malfoy had seen him look stupid.
"For posterity."
Harry glowered.
…
Author's Note: Marijuana kills sperm cells.
…
"Oh, I donno. Come on, try again."
Harry tried it five times. When his throat was burning and when he was about to give up, he started to feel a little shaky. Strange. And weird.
"Uh, Fred? I feel weird…"
But Fred had passed out… actually, he was just staring into space and mouthing wordlessly.
"I'm scared…" Harry hugged himself. "I'm scared. I feel weird. I feel weird. It's not good. No. I feel strange."
Draco licked his blunt to seal it. "Will you shut up?"
…
Poor Harry was bugging out.
Draco decided to do his good deed of the day. "Here, you idiot. Smoke." He extended the blunt.
"No—no more… I feel so weird—"
Draco lit it. "You're ridiculous. And to think… I'm offering to share my pot with you?"
Harry took it. "Fine." Damn Malfoy.
…
Author's Note: Rarely anyone gets high their first time, but for purposes of plot, Harry does.
…
"Oh…my…god."
"Hold it in your lungs, Potter."
"Oh god…"
"Are you holding it?"
"Shit—"
"It's a waste if you don't."
"I'm so high. I can't do this. I'm too high. I need help."
"I'm high too, but I'm not acting like a fool… just take another hit."
"I'll die."
Draco sighed. "You're annoying me. And to think… I'm high enough to extend a hand in friendship…"
Harry coughed. "You must be really high."
"I am."
"And you wanna be friends?"
Draco nodded.
Harry thought hard. "So that's it? We're friends now, right?"
"Friends."
"Yeah, we're friends." Harry confirmed.
"You mean that?"
"Yes..."
"You really want to be friends?"
"Hehehe…"
Draco shook his head. "You have no idea what I'm saying."
"What?"
"..."
…
Three Minutes Later…
…
"Oh shit!" Harry sat up. He'd been staring into space, wondering why the hell he was so hungry all of a sudden. "I just remembered… I've got detention!"
Draco groaned. "You've got to be kidding me."
"No, and it's in five minutes!"
"With who?"
"Snape."
"Ah, you're fucked."
"No, I can still get there!" Harry got to his feet clumsily.
"You're blazed. High. Stonie macaroni. You're not going anywhere."
"…what?"
"Come on, Potter. Be realistic."
"I'm high. But I know that I can't miss detention or Snape'll rip off my balls and put them in his preserved collection of—"
"Shut up," Draco intoned lazily. "Go to detention then, if you want. Come by later and we'll smoke more... or do whatever. Bye." He waved Harry off.
…
Author's Note: Draco is out of his mind.
…
Harry nodded, giggled, then stumbled out into the hallway. As skipped down the halls, everything a dark blur, he suddenly realized he had no idea where he was or where he was going. He sat down. This isn't good… But it was funny. Very funny. "I'm lost," he whispered. "Lost. All alone… in school… and I don't know where I am… or where I'm going…"
He heard noises.
"There are noises. And I don't know what they are… but I feel weird… really weird… so I'm just gonna sit here… too high… too high…"
He heard the skittering of claws and saw the glow of a lantern.
Filch!
He knew he had to run. "Shiiit. This is great. I'm too high to function and I've gotta run for my life— Beautiful. Just beautiful."
Filch rounded the corner.
Harry crept along the floor, hoping he wasn't making a lot of noise. He couldn't tell how loud he was being.
He thought he heard Filch say something. Was it even Filch? This wasn't good.
Harry got to his feet, rubbing his dry eyes. His whole body was tingling. Where was his wand? He had no idea.
…
Author's Note: If you actually step back from this situation, it's really quite funny.
…
"Dammit…" Harry mumbled, feeling his way along the hallway. He had no idea where he was, and he definitely didn't see the suit of armor in his path. "Shit!" Hitting the stone floor like a ton of bricks, and saw even more lights and stars…
There was no way Filch couldn't have heard that. Harry needed to get the hell out of there. He got up, threw caution out the window, and sprinted down the hall like a mad thing. He ran and ran, not knowing where he was going, not caring where he would end up.
"POTTER!"
It was Snape.
Harry was so happy he could have shagged him. "Professor!" he gasped. "How late am I?"
Snape frowned. "Five minutes. You are five minutes late, Potter… five minutes of my precious time--"
"Thank god." Harry nodded. "I got lost… sorry. I got lost. I didn't know… uh… to go to your office or the classroom…" Harry tried not to stare at Snape's face, which was multicolored and like nothing he'd ever seen before.
"Silence!" Snape pointed to a seat. "Sit."
Harry nodded happily and sat.
"Stop grinning."
Harry thought that the room looked like a stage. It's a play. I've entered the second dimension… everything looks fake. Snape's like a puppet. He's talking to me. His mouth is moving. Nothing's coming out. See, it's like we're underwater… ooh…
"POTTER!"
Harry jumped. "Sorry, Professor."
"Pay attention when I'm speaking to you."
I'm so hungry. As soon as he leaves, I'm heading down to the kitchens…
"You will clean my classroom. By hand. Scrub it. No magic. Do you understand?"
Kinda like he's not real… nothing is real. This room isn't real… oh shit, my mouth is so dry. Ahh, I want cake. My hand is moving. It looks weird… is it weird? Does he think it's weird? He's looking at me. He's talking… shit…
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Harry jumped once more. "W-What?"
Snape eyed him for a long moment. "Is something the matter, Potter?"
Harry fidgeted. "Eh. No?" Please don't let him know I'm high…
Snape stared.
Harry started to sweat. This is bad… this is really bad…
But apparently Snape suspected nothing. "Clean, Potter. I'll be back in an hour."
Harry nodded.
Snape left.
Harry collapsed. That was close…
…
Twenty minutes later, and one sloppy cleaning job (Harry had dumped the water on the floor and amused himself by skidding around and pretending to be an ice skater), he was making his way to the kitchens. "SO… hungry—"
Dobby was delighted.
Harry didn't even taste what he was eating. "Good, Dobby—got any more?" Just cramming food into his mouth was enough for him. "More cake, please…"
Dobby wanted to talk, but Harry was too busy eating for polite conversation. He left when Dobby stopped feeding him.
…
Wandering around the charms corridor whistling idly, he was seized by two pairs of hands.
"HARRY!"
"There you are!"
"Fred…" Harry nodded. "George… how's it going?"
"We were looking all over for you!"
"The night is young—"
"Let's finish off the vodka!"
Harry thought. "Uh… ok."
"That's my man."
…
"Shit, this stuff is nasty—"
"That's coz it's Snape's."
"Snape's fucking nasty."
"We know…"
"Pass the bottle, asshole."
"Harry. You know we love you."
"Aww, shut up."
"Special moments, special moments."
"I pass."
"No, you're taking this—we're all doing another."
"Fuck!"
"We need chaser."
"You forgot it."
"Shit… I'm done."
"One more, Harry."
"Noooo…"
"Be a man."
"This is crazy—"
"Take it."
"Better yet, chug the rest."
"Don't make him do that!"
"I'll do it!"
"No, Harry!"
…
"Shit… he did it…"
…
Harry got unsteadily to his feet. "Guys… I donno…"
Fred and George exchanged looks. I can't believe he finished the bottle…
"I'm gonna step outside…" Harry found he had difficulty talking. "Get fresh air…"
"We'll come with you."
"No—no… s'ok. I'll be fine…" Harry tottered off.
…
What the fuck is up with the stars? Harry wondered as he clung to the balcony. He'd somehow managed to make it to… the top of the Astronomy Tower.
After five minutes of drunken pacing, pointless pondering, and Harry muttering to himself about nothing in particular, he ran in to…
"Lavender and Pavarti?" Harry was shocked. "What are you two doing here?"
Lavender laughed. "Looking for you."
Harry frowned. "I'm right here."
Pavarti turned on the charm. "Fred and George said you'd be up here waiting for us..."
"They said you wanted something."
Harry had no clue what was going on. "I don't need anything."
"Are you sure…?"
The question dangled in the air.
Lavender shot a sly look at Pavarti. "Harry!" she exclaimed. "Are you drunk?"
"No." Harry was defiant.
"We are too…" They giggled.
"I'M NOT DRUNK!" Harry roared.
…
Two Minutes Later…
…
"No! Don't take off your clothes!"
"You want this, Harry."
"What? Both of you?"
"Why do you think we're both here?"
"It's more fun this way…"
"Uh…" Harry thought hard. "Ok. I guess."
…
Twenty Minutes Later…
…
"Holy shit…" Harry collapsed. "That was brilliant."
Lavender and Pavarti wandered off, avoiding each other's eyes. Let's never speak of this again…
Staring up at the sky, the stars were suddenly the most beautiful thing Harry had ever witnessed. Gazing into the abyss… he felt truly alive. Screw Voldemort. I'm invincible.
…
Five Minutes Later…
…
Harry's stomach was churning violently. "Shit…"
He puked over the railing. Once. Twice. Dry heaves racked his body. He puked till he couldn't puke anymore, wiped his mouth on the back of his hand (he had no clue where his clothes went) and tried to steady his breathing. I've got to get out of here…
…
He met up with Fred and George as he stumbled dizzily down the spiral staircase. "Hate you…" he mumbled, staggering past them.
Fred laughed. "Don't feel bad. We've got beer!"
"No."
George clapped a hand on Harry's shoulder in a friendly gesture. "It'll make you feel better…"
"C'mon! Boot and rally!"
…
Author's Note: "Boot and Rally" is when you puke after heavy drinking, then decide you feel better and drink more.
…
"Uh…" Harry's brain wasn't functioning properly. "Ok."
"That's our man!"
…
"So how was it?"
Harry sipped his beer. "Uh… how was what?"
"Come on, man. No secrets, mate."
"Want a cigarette?"
"No thanks, I don't smoke."
"You might as well, you've done everything tonight—"
"Not everything!"
"Well most everything, and you're naked—"
"I'm naked? Oh. Right." Somehow, that made it ok. Harry took a cigarette.
George lit it. "Inhale."
Harry coughed. "It's not going into my lungs!"
"It's not a joint. Inhale gently, then take it into your lungs. Purse your lips when you exhale so you don't look stupid."
"Thanks…"
"So…" George grinned. "What are we going to do tonight?"
There was a moment of dead silence.
"Well…" Harry tried to think. "I'm supposed to meet up with Malfoy and hang out…"
Fred and George exchanged a look. "Woah. Really?"
"Yeah, but I'm kind of sleepy…"
"Ahh." Fred fished around in his robes, then held up a pill. "Solution!"
Harry stared. "What's that?"
"Aderol."
"What does it do? Is it magic?"
"Are you retarded? It's a muggle thing… helps you focus. Keeps you up."
"Why would I need that?"
"Just take it, ok?"
Harry couldn't think. "Uh…"
Fred pressed it into his hand.
This is crazy…
He swallowed it.
…
Ten minutes later, Harry was in hyper drive. The marijuana had worn of long ago, he was still feeling a light buzz from the beer, but mostly…
I've gotta find Draco's room… did he go back to his dorm? I wonder. I wonder if he's still in the room that I saw him in last time. But I don't remember where that room is. Probably because I did pot. And then ran into Snape. No, I ran into Filch. Where is the room? Should I just go to the dungeons? Where are the dungeons? I have no idea… Why am I talking so fast? Inside my head? Why? Why? I think my eye is twitching…
…
Harry charged down the halls like one of those rubber balls that kids buy and lose the next day. "Draco… gotta find Draco… we're friends. Friends…"
…
Twenty Minutes Later…
…
"Draco… Draco… Draco…" Harry tore wildly around the deserted school. Suddenly…
"Crabbe and Goyle!" He ran up to them. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Draco Malfoy, could you possibly tell me where he is, I really don't know and I left him… two hours ago? It might have been more… and then I had detention and I don't remember what else I did, but I'm supposed to meet up with him, where is he now?" Harry said all of this very fast.
Now we all know that Crabbe and Goyle are slow, but under the influence of marijuana, they were absolutely no help whatsoever to our hero.
Harry frowned. "You really have no idea what I just said. Very well." He turned to go.
"Wait—" It was…
"MALFOY!" Harry hugged him. "So I was looking all over for you, and—"
Draco pushed him away. "What are you doing here, Potter?"
"Uh…" Harry was taken aback. "Looking for you."
"Why are you speaking like that?"
Harry's eyes darted around. "Like what?"
"So fast. Eh? Never mind. Now get the hell out of our Dungeon..." Draco trailed off. "Are you naked?"
Harry had forgotten that detail. "Um."
"That's disgusting."
"What?"
"Your body."
"Oh."
"Now get out."
"No."
"You're pissing me off," Draco sniffed. "Leave."
'Why are you being like this, Malfoy?"
"Stop talking, turn around, and leave."
"I thought we were friends!"
"We're not."
Harry glowered.
"You're making me mad, how could you lie to me like that, I
accepted your drug-induced offer of friendship—"
"Shut UP!"
Malfoy snarled. "You're giving me a headache."
"Just give me some clothes."
"No."
"Why?"
Draco sighed. "Fine…" He lead Harry to his room, then went to his drawers and selected his ugliest pair of pants. "This is all you're getting."
Harry slipped them on. "They pinch my crotch."
"That's why I never wear them."
"I want to see how they look…" he looked around. "Where's the mirror?"
Draco paused a minute, then pulled a long mirror out from under his bed.
"You ripped it off the door?"
"Yes."
"There's white stuff on it."
"Um…"
"Why is there white stuff on your mirror? Is that baby powder?"
"No."
"What is it?"
"Stop asking so many questions!"
Harry had forgotten all about the pinchy pants. "What is it?"
"Cocaine."
"WHAT?"
"Want some?"
"Absolutely not."
Malfoy held up a little bag filled with white powder. "Really expensive stuff. Expensive hobby more like it…" he trailed off and shot Harry a meaningful look. "I want you to do a line."
Harry frowned. "Why."
"To celebrate our "friendship." And I'm loaded."
…
Author's Note: Drinking and doing coke is a BAD combination. Doctors say it can kill you. (I forget why, though.) Also, the alcohol takes away from the effect of the coke. And coke is mad expensive, so that's bad.
…
Draco emptied the bag's contents on the mirror, then set to dividing it into thin lines. Harry stared, mouth agape. "This is so bad—"
Malfoy waved him off. "In two minutes, you'll feel great. Now I'll give you the smaller one because it's your first time…" he frowned as he pushed the powder around.
Harry began to get nervous. "I don't think I can do this…"
"It's easy. And it doesn't hurt. Just watch me."
"Hurry up, then!"
"They have to be perfect."
"Malfoy, I really can't—"
"If you're scared, Potter, then leave."
"It's not that I'm scared Malfoy…" he glowered. "Just finish up, I'll do one."
"If you don't want to, then it's a waste."
"I said I would do it!"
"Calm down, calm down." The lines were perfect. "Go get my straw, it's on the dresser."
"I can't find it."
"The dresser." Malfoy pointed.
"I don't see it."
"Idiot." Draco found it. "Now watch me." He crouched over the mirror. "Cover one nostril, put the straw in the other, then inhale— Easy. There's nothing to it. Oh," he wiped his nose and sniffed. "You may want do yours with both nostrils. Just switch in the middle. It's easier."
Harry was scared. He knelt over the mirror, held a nostril, and placed the straw.
"Work your way up," Draco advised. "You know, start at the bottom and go." He was collecting the remaining coke up with a finger.
Harry inhaled gingerly, and saw the line begin to disappear. He inhaled harder and did the entire line. He had to stop once, but it wasn't too bad. There was a slight burning sensation in his nasal cavity, but other then that…
"Good job."
"It was easy."
"What did I tell you?" Draco shot him a look. "The drip is great. You can taste it in the back of your throat."
"I don't feel anything."
"Coke is different then alcohol and pot. It's more subtle. You'll feel something in a minute." Draco held up a cocaine-covered finger. "Now watch." He rubbed the dust all over his teeth and gums. "It's called freezing. It numbs your mouth. Feels good."
Harry did it. "This tastes gross…"
"Of course." Draco sat back.
"My mouth…"
"Just enjoy it."
A long moment passed.
Harry found himself wondering why the hell he was there. Malfoy sucks.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Harry said nothing. I've gotta leave.
"How are you feeling?"
"Don't talk to me Malfoy."
Draco laughed. "You're feeling it. You feel fabulous when you're coked up. I know. Superior… no one can touch you. It's great. Not dizzy, not impaired in any way… it's slight. But you're the best. And you know it."
Harry had just come up with a solution for Malfoy's bitchiness. That fool is always on coke! That's why he's such a scum!
"That's why I'm addicted."
We know. Harry's mouth was numb. And he wanted to fight someone. But first he had to ditch Malfoy. He stalked out.
"Harry—"
He ignored him.
…
A/N: Coke makes some people (usually the bitchy people) bitchier. If you're unstable mentally, steer clear! Or if you have violent tendencies, this drug is definitely not for you.
…
Harry was wide awake. He traipsed back to the Gryffindor common room. No one could touch him. If Filch or Snape walked by, he could deal with it. Where was Voldemort? More importantly, what time was it? On second thought, he didn't care. He muttered the password, "crotch rocket" and slipped through the portrait hole, where he found Hermione still dozing. He stole her potions homework, copied it, and replaced it.
That takes care of that… Then he realized he needed a cigarette. Where were Fred and George? He decided he didn't care. Suddenly exhausted, he pissed all over the Fat Lady's portrait and passed out in Crookshanks cat litter.
…
TBC…
…