kylo ren was busy jacking off to his daddy vader posters when hux walked in and was like "kyle you have to stop cumming on these posters! thats gross!" and then kylo was like "FUCK OFF UR NOT MY DAD"

and then kylo realized... in order to prove himself to supreme leader jar- i mean snoke, he must kill his actual father. so he called his mom and asked to pick him up from the hot topic. leia came in and was like "did you have a good time sweetie? :)" AND kylo was like "YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY LIFE MOM STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!" and leia was like "alright hon. :)"

then they got home and han solo was watching mythbusters on tv. "ha, the troll finally comes out of his cave" said han. "hghghgjhvhjghjghgh FUCK YOUUUUUU" said kylo, who stormed up to his room.

"han, be nice!" leia said, and han was like "fiiiiiine i'll go talk to him." han went upstairs and knocked on kylo's door. "ben? you there?"

kylo ren took off his headphones where he was listening to linkin park. he said "I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

han was like "yes son. kylo please be a good boy we can play some basketball after your mother makes us dinner." and kylo was like "Ok Daddy." and opened the door.

but kylo wasnt being a good boy... because instead of doing that... HE STABBED HAN! before han solo could fully die he put his hand on kylo's face, then he died. leia walked in the room and was like "what the heck?!"

and then leia was like "ben why did you kill your dad. that's it ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years"

and then kylo got grounded and leia burned all of his linkin park albums and his darth vader posters that were covered in his cum and he even wasnt allowed to use the internet for a month. when he finally got to go back on, he went on his quotev and said "im back! rawr. that means 'i love you' in rancor. :3"

meanwhile, luke was visiting his sister downstairs and was commenting on kylo. "i gotta feel for you leia. i can't imagine going through nine months of carrying a child, followed by eighteen years of raising him, all the costs, all the pains, all the worries, and all for him to be an emo. i am disgusted."

"don't be so mean! hes just going through a phase!" leia said. kylo heard this upstairs and screamed "ITS NOT A PHASE LITERALLY FUCK OFF MOM!"

"hey, to be fair" leia added "at least he didn't turn out to be a republican."

"thats true. i apologize." luke said. then rey walked into the room and held up luke's old lightsaber dramatically at him, staring at him silently. this went on for like 30 seconds and then luke was like "dude what the fuck are you doing" and rey was like "oh i thought this was supposed to be like a dramatic silent moment to end the movie on" and luke was like "dude thats so weird dont do that again" and then the movie ended.