Not finding a story that is Beauty meets Beast One Piece style, I made my own. No one is talking furniture in this instead everyone is cursed as an animal of some sort, since why are they talking furniture in the first place?
The 'godfairy' is a villain as should be since what good person turns a child into a monster and says, "Find love or else you will be a monster forever and so will all your friends and staff?"
Anyways, I am biased towards Zosan so that's how it's going to be unless you all vote otherwise. Also Sanji will not be calling Robin or Nami with any honorifics until towards the end, I hope you'll understand why.
Summary: Sanji is a villager trapped in a contract to be the chef to a beastly king after Zeff got lost in the woods. What will he do once he learns of the curse that befalls this manor? Will he force himself to a love a monster to save the king and his people? He is all for a romantic story but this is going a bit too far.
-x-
Once upon a time there was a bedraggled cold wet man lost in the woods. At night. While it was snowing something horrid. Melted snow squelched grossly in his boots. Snow melt trickled down his temples, freezing tracks behind his ears. And he's freezing and just having a grand god awful time alright? Alright, so anyways he shouts to the frigid night wind, "Of all seasons, the old geezer decides to get lost during the winter?!"
His two dogs who were trying to find the shitty geezer in this flurry whined at his yelling. Apologetic Sanji went back to muttering. "Darn geezer only needs to give a food shipment once a year... the cooks should've went, they are expendable... shitty bastards pressured the old man."
Glaring down into the snow Sanji failed to see a large castle loom before him. It was only when one of the hounds let out a howl that he looked up. The large stone manse looked as if a quarter of the town could sit comfortably within its courtyard is was so massive. In Sanji's eyes it looked picturesque. Almost like it was stolen from the romantic novels he loved to read; his wandering mind could just picture golden haired princesses inside its warm halls.
The dogs pulled him forward, wanting to enter the castle. As he walked past the open high wrought iron gates, a great feeling of uneasy fell upon him. A feeling that something was wrong here and he should flee back into the relative safety in the woods. The feeling made no sense so Sanji looked around trying to see what was wrong. To his left were dim lit stables with horses nickering, to his right was an observatory tower attached to the high walls and the gates, ahead past a wide based three tiered fountain was the castle entrance, and all along the castle sides were neatly trimmed mikan trees.
"Wait, it's the dead of winter. There shouldn't be any fruit," his voice was a bare whisper as his feet led him to the nearest tree. "This is impossible," he could only mutter as he brought up a gloved hand to pluck one perfectly bright orange fruit from a still very green and obviously alive tree.
"Oi, the witch will have your head if you eat that." A loud rumbling voice warned him. The voice was not quite a shout but there was a current of anger behind it. Sanji yanked his hand back as if burned and turned towards the voice.
"It's just one fruit," he started to hide his indignation over being startled. Then seeing how the other man didn't budge with arms across his chest Sanji added, "Shitty bastard, there's no need to be so stingy over food. You have a whole orchard of mikans here, what difference is it if I take one?"
This time the man let out a low growl and started stomping through the thick snow towards Sanji. "As I said, the damned witch will kill you for taking one, you should leave."
Sanji was going to retort that he was going to go wherever he pleased, when he noticed that his dogs were no longer sitting at his feet. They were pawing at a very familiar wooden cart in the castle's stables. There was also a very familiar horse in one of the stalls. Dismayed and a little lost for words, Sanji could only gesture at the wooden cart which looked a little more than worse for wear, it looked like a large animal of some kind clawed it to shreds. He looked at the approaching stranger for an explanation. What the hell happened out here? What happened to the shitty geezer?
The hooded stranger just crossed his arms again and repeated, "You should leave. It's not your business."
Shock turning into anger, Sanji huffed a breath, lit himself a cigarette to try and calm himself, before jabbing the stranger in the chest with a finger. "See that busted up cart there bastard? It belongs to my old man. He's here, now where is he or what the hell have you done to him?!"
Belatedly Sanji took in more details about the stranger while scowling up at him. A dark green woolen cowl hid his face from view, three swords were strapped to his waist, and dark long robes with a buttoned waistcoat beneath, this swordsman seemed familiar to Sanji but he was sure he had never met him before.
Letting out an irritated sound the man shoved Sanji's hand away from him, and asked, "What the hell are you staring at?"
Sanji opened his mouth to retort but there came an elegant lilting command came from the entrance, "Zoro, quit arguing with our guest in the snow and come in, the both of you. And Luffy would like to see you Zoro."
Before the blonde could peek over the hulking guard to see what beautiful princess was it that spoke such melodious tones, the guard grabbed him by the shoulder and began dragging him into the castle. Sanji tried to struggle away from the man's grip. "My dogs they-"
"They'll be fine in the stables," the swordsman gruffed, and let go of his shoulder "One of our engineers is in there, he's good with animals."
Frowning, Sanji conceded and followed the man in. It was only when the door closed and his eyes adjusted to the light from the hearth that he realized where he was. He was in a castle, he was currently standing on red velvet carpeting over perfectly smooth granite floors, and across richly plush furniture was a large hearth that probably could fit a standing elephant easily.
It was only when his cigarette began falling from his lips that he noticed his mouth was agape this entire time. From the corner or his eye he noticed the guard had shook his head at Sanji. As if he cared what that bastard thought. And for a second he was going to follow the large man up the stairs but that same lilting voice from earlier stopped him.
"My my another guest so soon," she spoke softly.
Sanji jumped to attention searching for the owner of said voice. And there she was sitting with her back to the fire in the corner with only a small candle on the table lighting her eyes and a book hiding the lower half or her face. In normal circumstances he would have danced, he would have swooned towards her and peppered her with compliments.
However, that cannot be the owner of that voice he heard. That figure in the corner looked like a large owl reading a book. A large owl with human hands and over five feet tall easily, staring at him with large (for lack of better words) 'owlish' eyes.
Struck dumb he tilted his head and asked, "That... that... I must be dreaming. That's it... Of else there really is a giant owl woman talking to me... hahaha. That can't be so... Oh, Sanji this is the last time you are eating ghost peppers before bed-"
"But I am speaking to you," she interrupted him with mirth in her tone. "And indeed I am a giant owl woman. However, worry not I won't devour you whole and spit out your bones."
Sanji cringed a bit but inched towards the large owl and sat down on the closest armchair by the fire, only now realizing how cold his hands were. Warmth was more important than worrying if the large owl would actually eat him or not. She said she wouldn't. He threw the remnant of his cigarette into the fireplace as he asked, "You must know why I am here."
The large owl merely blinked in answer and crossed her legs as she turned to face him. Sanji now saw that the owl was wearing a deep purple nightdress and slippers, which is what a normal lady of the house would wear in the evening. What part of her is a normal lady?
"I uh... so it's obvious my old man is here. What happened?" Sanji peered over to her and tried to suavely and politely wipe his dripping nose. He let out an undignified snort and short sneeze instead.
Her bright cyan eyes danced with laughter as she said, "Three days ago this snowstorm appeared. Our own weather sorceress did not foresee it. In that first evening, an old chef came to us after being besot by night wolves. Don't worry, our doctor took a look at him and he has been fine since the first morning he spent with us."
Sanji nodded trying to keep up with the rather odd old way she spoke. "Unfortunately," and with this she shut her book and leaned towards him whispering, "He took some mikans from the courtyard and our sorceress, she wanted compensation for her rare mikans. You are lucky Zoro stopped you before you ate any."
Sitting back into the plush chair, he tried to understand what she was trying to tell him. That they won't let Zeff go until he pays off this debt to this sorceress? Frowning he instead announced, "I'm not thanking that brute for anything."
With a wide mischievous grin she said, "I did not tell you to thank him." Then skipping over Sanji's mortified face, she continued, "You can call me Robin. And there's another reason why we are keeping your "old man" here. Our chef left our grounds years ago and has never returned, our king has been looking for someone of his caliber. He has grown dissatisfied with our cooks."
"But he's just a shitty old geezer, he's no use to anyone anymore," Sanji muttered. What kind of name is Robin for a giant owl?
Robin hummed before announcing, "Age doesn't not diminish usefulness. In fact experience is more or worth than youth at times. If it will please you, you may go to try and dissuade the king or the sorceress into letting him go. However, it may cost you."
Sanji fought the urge to roll his eyes, he was in the presence of a lady after all, owl or not. "After everything I have seen I think I can stand to go argue with a weather controlling sorceress and a king." From talking owls to miraculous fruit and odd storms, I really may as well.
The guard from earlier sauntered down the stairs and approached Robin, brushing past Sanji without notice, even pushing him away from the owl even.
"Luffy wants him," a large gloved hand jabbed him in the shoulder, "Are you done 'enlightening' him to the situation?"
"Oi, I'm not a thing-" Sanji's words died in his throat as he looked up into the face of an angry one eyed white tiger.
Robin looked past the feline guard into Sanji's eye and asked, "I hope you are ready to talk to our king. Do you feel up to beseeching your case?"
No Hell no, I didn't agree to this! I'm going to get eaten by this monster, save me fair lady owl! No matter what his mind fought over, some sounds of agreement created in his throat went past his lips as he stared up into the cold grey green eyes of the large feline. Zeff, you owe me so shitting much! Shakily, he stood and tried to follow as the beast turned its back on him. His wide blue eye looked back at the owl whose eyes shined and crinkled at the corners with silent mirth. The Hell? Or all things he could've been?! A Fucking tiger?! What the hell is this place?! How is there a castle so close to town but also be unknown? He yelled out with his mind asking her, pleading. But she gave no answers, with a movement of her feathered arm she urged him forward where the menacing tiger was looking down on him to hurry up.
Sanji set a burning cigarette in his mouth in record time and tried desperately to be calm. He smoothed down his suit and noticed he couldn't hide in his coat since he discarded it and gloves sometime in his talk with Robin. He strode over to the tiger guardsman in what he hoped to be a confident manner with his head held high.
The tiger man seemed satisfied and continued his way up the wide slowly curving stairs. But on the third step, Sanji's foot decided to betray him and he fell up the stairs almost tripping the other man. With a deep reverberating snarl the guardsman grumbled, "You must be joking."
Before the chef could even pick himself up, the swordsman picked him up and slung him over a shoulder. "Relax cook, I am not going to eat your clumsy ass."
He struggled for a bit until something distracted him. A thickly furred striped tail of black and white waved in front of his face. Against better judgement, Sanji reached out and stroked it.
"Oi, what the fuck you think you're doing?!"
"Such a soft tail," he muttered under his breath. Why does this bastard have to be a cat? Why does he have to be so soft?
"Bastard, what'd you just say?!" Sanji couldn't see it but the tiger's ears were flat against his head.
"You shitty cat, I said you had a shitty tail!"
At that Sanji was set down and found himself staring at impossibly white long canines and an obviously furious beast. This time he could not be afraid, this time he smirked and exhaled a breath of smoke in the feline's face.
Suddenly the tiger reeled back away from him, almost falling onto the carpeted mahogany floors with something brown and fuzzy on his head. Then that something just as quickly jumped in front of Sanji, less than a foot between them.
"Are you the one the old guy talked about?" A large monkey with an impossibly large grin looked down on him. An X shaped scar stretched across its chest and it was wearing a red blouses and jean shorts? Sanji was at a loss for words and it must have showed for the monkey held out a hand and said, "Sorry sorry, shishishi, I'm Luffy. I'm the king!"
When the blonde looked towards the tiger Luffy explained, "Ah, you already met Zoro! He's my first mate!"
"Lord protector," was what the tiger...Zoro coughed out from the side of his mouth. Ah, that makes more sense. The king's guard. No it doesn't, nothing makes sense, how can a monkey be king? Did these animals build this castle?
Ignoring all the questions threatening to drive him mad, he instead spat out the most pertinent one, "So where is the old man?"
"Ah, come come. He's in here," Luffy said brightly leading towards double doors that opened to a large dining chamber. Before he could gaze at all the finery in open mouthed wonder like he had at the antechamber downstairs, he immediately gravitated towards the round one legged old man sipping tea at the table.
Stepping forward Sanji couldn't believe the old man was just as he was when he last saw the older chef. "Old geezer-"
"Eggplant, you shouldn't be here. Go home," Zeff interrupted without even looking at him. Zeff however was looking at... what appeared to be an overgrown reptilian skeleton with an afro and they were both drinking tea? How is a skeleton able to move and drink tea? Why is it so big? Why does it have an afro? Sanji's brain spat out more questions that will likely not be answered anytime soon.
"Ah, this is Brook, the castle's resident musician," the old chef said as if that explained everything. The old man even gave him a genial smile and even slightly tipped his hat as if that was really all he needed to say. Don't act like that means anything to me. You didn't explain shit, stop acting smug as shit! Shitty old man. What is going on? Why are you drinking tea with a giant lizard skeleton that apparently can play music?
"You must be Eggplant, nice to meet you," the giant skeletal lizard said to him. It's polite.
"Uhh.. nicely met?" Sanji dumbly held out a hand before quickly swiping his hand back and saying, "Oi, my name isn't Eggplant! It's Sanji to you!"
The afro lizard just nodded and seemed to smile as he answered, "Ah, so it is. Yohohoho, what a delightful youngster you have chef."
Sanji pulled out the chair by Zeff and threw himself on it with a huff. He needed to think up a way to get Zeff to go back home but was without any sound arguments to use. Insulting Zeff's age wouldn't do, saying the old man's food was no good isn't enough, he had to come up with a good reason. Sanji buried his fingers in his hair and tried to think.
When he looked up, he saw a red fox looking down on him. With pierced ears, bracelets on her dark red furred wrists, and teal evening dress she wore he thought of her as another lady like the owl downstairs. A slow grin crept into her features as she asked, "So, what are you willing to part with to have your father back?" This must be the sorceress.
Zeff paused in his conversation with Brook to glance over at the younger chef to take in what stupidity is going to flow from his adopted son's mouth this time. Noticing the look, Sanji swallowed and said, "Mi'lady if I may, I'd offer anything to have the old geezer back at home where he belongs. He may not seem like much but our restaurant depends on him and no matter how barbaric he has acted here I assure you his friends miss him dearly. I implore you, let him go home, in his stead I'll stay" Friends being just two other old cranky fossils just like him, Garp and Kureha but they don't know that.
Instead of yelling at Sanji or threatening to brain him with his pegleg, Zeff asked with barefaced amusement, "What are you saying brat? That you could take my place here?"
Before anyone could cut in with anything, he shouted, "Damned straight I can and I'll do a better job of whatever you did here too! I can cook well enough to suit a king just as you, better even." I knew I'd have to take his place, this castle of beasts needs a chef, I will give them one.
"Shishishi, interesting," the monkey king declared, "So are you ok with that old guy? Leaving Sanji here?"
The old man sighed and twirled his mustache in his fingers and almost dismissively said, "It's his decision and yours, you are the king after all you shitty monkey."
"I am the king aren't I?" Luffy scratched his head and grinned, "I already decided he was a friend when I saw him but, Nami what do you think?" He's wearing a straw hat, is that supposed to be his crown?
Nami grinned more like a wolf than a fox ever could and with a cheek against her palm, she asked, "We cannot let their restaurant turn to dust and you heard Sanji, we can't let the old man's friends worry."
"Yosh, it's decided then, Sanji you are joining my crew!" Luffy grinned unabashedly and whooped about jubilantly. Crew? What does that mean?
The fox must have seen his confusion to say, "He often uses nautical terms. Just roll with it."
All he could do was numbly nod. Then Zeff slammed a meaty palm against the thick wooden table declaring, "I'll leave top of the morning but for now it's late, I'm going back to bed."
-x-
Two odd creatures with swords introduced him to a room that was by Zeff's. The wolf in sunglasses introduced itself as Johnny, while the green and red lizard wearing a helmet was called Yosaku. He tried to be surprised he really did. He asked himself why the wolf was wearing sunglasses inside during winter, he asked himself why the tall green lizard was wearing a weird red helmet but he could not force himself to be surprised anymore. With everything that has happened, it was not in him anymore to be shocked.
As he opened the door and walked in he realized that the space was completely cluttered, the only free space available was just enough that the door could open and someone could walk through, Sighing he stepped back out into the hall, took one deep inhale of his cigarette, then kicked the two men into the wall and opened the door so they could see the room and all of its cluttered glory.
Rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, Johnny begin to lead the blonde chef to where there was hopefully a room open and not another makeshift storage closet of a room. Checking rooms and wandering down the halls they bumped into Zoro.
"Oh Aniki, do you know of any open rooms? All of the servants' rooms are taken up or filled with stuff," the wolf stated and saluted towards the larger guard.
The tiger seemed to scowl down at the two of them. Could just be that his face rests like that. Many cats have resting bitch-face. Sanji was lost in thought thinking of the mean looking stray cats he fed back at the restaurant. He might not be mean at all and just looks pissed, hah fat chance. One of Zoro's ears flicked back in a mild annoyance but jerked his thumb back gesturing behind him and said, "There's an extra room towards my end. It's the room Perona uses some times when she visits."
"Thank you Aniki!" Johnny exclaimed brightly as if the tiger had complimented him. Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all. Finding the room however, Sanji's thought soured. The blonde was beyond exhausted but he could imagine sleeping on that bed tonight. The wolf must have seen his dismay because he quickly said, "Don't worry aniki, I'll grab Yosaku and we'll put in normal furnishings. Just wait here."
Staring at everything around the room with an ugly frown, Sanji wondered what kind of lady liked this stuff? I bet she's a young pink bat or something... Weary and maybe more than a little bit famished he plopped down onto a pink plush armchair embroidered with little black spiders. He was still awake when Johnny and Yosaku brought in a normal couch and took away the dangly ghost covered...window seat was it? ...but slowly he fell into a dreamless sleep. In the night he woke to find himself on the bed and a fire glowing in the fireplace, however that was all he noted as he drifted back to sleep.
-x-
Morning came with a yell, "He shitting left without saying one damned goodbye?!" Sanji faced his new coworkers in his rumpled freshly slept in suit, disbelief and anger rolling off of him in waves. After introducing themselves at the table, Luffy tactfully announced that Zeff left hours ago.
Robin shrugged and said, "He let it known to us to let you sleep." The tiger merely nodded in agreement before returning to his lunch.
"Luffy tried to wake you every fifteen minutes that passed. You wouldn't believe how much I, the great Usopp had to endure to keep him back but I did it because it was the heroic thing to do and so with all of my strength, I-" Sanji just met this odd long nosed creature and already knew the man could go on forever if left to it. He called himself a pangolin, but that can't be right because pangolin don't have little sheep horns on their heads.
"Some of us have turned into odd amalgamations of animals instead of just one creature," a horned raccoon dog wearing a hat explained to him. The little creature gestured to his own horns for emphasis. He's right raccoon dogs usually don't have reindeer antlers.
"Chef-san said that with all the wandering in the snow yesterday you needed the extra rest," Brook supplied helpfully.
"Yeah, I was surprised you didn't get frostbite out there, you should've been more careful," the little doctor scolded. The house doctor that looked after Zeff was this tiny reindeer raccoon...
"I'm surprised that you have adapted to this so well cook-bro. If I was in your shoes I'd have think I went crazy hahaha," chortled Franky, the partly mechanical rhino with bright blue horns. Yesterday, if someone told him he would soon see a blue horned mechanical rhino that could talk and was an innovator he would've kicked that person into the asylum personally. Now all he could do was nod slowly in agreement.
"Oi, Sanji! Meat!" The chef in question just closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Every once in awhile the monkey would repeat that phrase. I've wanted to kick the rubber monkey, since he began shouting that. And on top of being animals for some reason, a few of them even had rare devil fruit powers. I probably won't be here long, how much can a few mikans be worth?
He must have said the last sentence aloud for Nami quipped, "Each mikan is worth 1 month, Sanji-kun."
Shit. "How many did the shitty geezer eat?"
"Ah, only three," and with that he let out a sigh of relief then she said, "But he stuffed one of his bags full of them when he went home this morning."
Shit...
-x-
Alright so there are devil fruits in this world. I know I have changed the romance aspect a bit since Sanji isn't a trapped prisoner and no one is an angry monster forcing him to be with anyone (I do not think any of the OP crew would do such a thing even if it meant them staying as beasts forever).
I have altered the animal representations of Nami, Usopp, Robin, and Brook. With Zoro I just changed his tiger fur color from orange to white, hope no one minds that too much,
With Brook, I think a dinosaur is just way more fitting than a giraffe. Can you just picture an afro skeleton spinosaurus or just shredding it on an electric guitar? It's pretty awesome.
With Nami, she's always seen as a cat when I think she's more sly and sneaky but classy and beautiful like a fox.
With Robin, I can't see her as a falcon. I pictured her as an owl because owls are wise, mischievous, mysterious, and intelligent just like her.
With Usopp, when I read the interviews as a kid Oda said he pictured Usopp as some animal with armor like a turtle or armadillo. I always pictured a pangolin type creature since they are cute with long noses and they have such pretty scaled armor.
Any questions or ideas, please feel free to tell me what your ideas are on the strawhats' animal forms.