Miles has died... and an elderly Phoenix needs to find a reason to go on.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been sitting on this one for a very long time-about a year or so, give or take-and I thought it was time to finally post it. A sad PxE story that takes place far into the future. (Both Maya and Pearl have married, had children, their children had children). I've been sitting on this one for quite awhile-over a year or so-so I thought that it was time to post what I had and then make corrections later on. (I've been pecking at it today off and on. I'm happy with the way it's turning out!)
I can see Phoenix, Maya and Pearl remaining spry even into their old age and that is how I have portrayed them here.
I'm starting to finally clear out some of the outstanding fics on my list-*chips away at the mountain with a chisel*-and I figure I'll get it caught up in a few years. It's a start, at least. ^_^
Thank you to my readers, first and foremost! I'm happy that you enjoy my stories and I hope that you will continue to do so!
Thank you to my betas, ShadowSuzaku and Midnight-hunter for their critiques and all of their help! Much appreciated!
As always, comments and suggestions are appreciated and welcomed!
T, Death/Character Death/Comfort, Phoenix & Edgeworth
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 29th, 2089
Carmel Cemetery
Carmel, California
3:15 P.M.
"Ashes to ashes... dust to dust..."
The rain was falling lightly as they slowly lowered the coffin into the ground. Standing next to the open grave, my breath coming out in freezing puffs in the cold air, I clutched Maya's hand tightly on my right, feeling the reassuring squeeze she gave me. My lips trembled and I swallowed hard as little mewls of grief escaped my tightly clenched lips, tears spilling down my weathered cheeks.
"...We commit the body of our brother, Miles Edgeworth, to the earth..."
I felt Pearls give me a reassuring squeeze on my left and it wasn't the first time today that I had been grateful for both their presences. I was trying to be strong but I wasn't doing very well, wishing that Miles was here with me instead of being lowered into the cold ground... or I was being lowered into the ground with him. Why was I the one to be left alone?
"...The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters; He restores my soul. ...He anoints my head with oil..."
"Why couldn't it have been me?" I whispered brokenly as the coffin continued its downward descent, tears spilling down my cheeks in a steady stream. "Why did it have to be... him?"
"Do not mourn those who have gone before. They are not lost but changed..."
He's gone... I closed my eyes for a brief moment, swallowing hard over the lump in my throat that threatened to choke me. ...I'm all alone... I squeezed both Pearls and Maya's hands tightly, struggling to maintain control. I felt two arms slide around my waist and I leaned into it gratefully, my knees trembling so badly it was a struggle to remain standing.
I could hear Pearls' soft dulcet voice quietly urging me to take the chair that was placed there behind me to use if I needed to but I stubbornly refused to do so, despite her repeated whispered entreaties. Miles deserved respect and I fully intended to give it to him as he was lowered into the ground. It was the least I could do.
It seemed like a lifetime ago that we had stood together on this very spot many years earlier, visiting Miles' father's grave; it was only a few days ago since Miles himself had died.
Despite it all, I was glad that I had been there with him when he went into the hospital for the last time, holding his hand and stroking his sweaty forehead until the end. He had passed away peacefully and I drew some comfort that his beautiful face, once creased by horrific pain by the cancer that ate away at him, now seemed to bear no trace of the disease, looking as serene and calm as he often did in life in private moments.
When it was all over, I insisted on staying with him until they were ready to take him away to prepare his body for burial. I stroked his face tenderly, kissing his cold lips and whispering in a voice strained with tears that I loved him, that I would miss him and that I hoped it wouldn't be long until I joined him. I had no interest in living without him.
"...May his soul, and those of the faithful departed, rest in peace. Amen."
A sorrowful cry burst from me as Maya and Pearls tried to steer me away from the grave. "What am I going to do without you, Miles?! I don't want to live without you...!"
-XXX-
"We're so sorry for your loss..."
"If there is anything we can do, please let us know..."
"It will be hard for awhile but you'll come through, Grandpa Nick. You always do..."
"We know you miss him; we miss him, too Grandpa Nick. At least he isn't suffering anymore... It's a blessing, however small..."
"Will you come to stay with us, Grandpa Nick? It's been much too long since your last visit..."
The voices all seemed to blend together in one loud, cacophonous drone and I couldn't help wanting to be anywhere but here at the present. I didn't want to hear those meaningless platitudes but I knew that they were inspired by affection and a genuine concern for me so I accepted them as graciously as I could, secretly longing for this to be over so I could go home and mourn my loss in private.
Home? I thought bitterly, my mouth twisting into a caricature of a smile, my eyes shining with unshed tears. I don't have a home anymore. I have nothing... I'm just a lost soul without hope, without direction, without love. Everything I knew is gone...
I felt a large lump start to grow in my throat and swallowed hard several times, trying to rid myself of it but it remained, threatening to strangle me as my grief over Miles' death washed over me. God, I sound bitter, don't I? That's all I am now: a lonely, bitter old man...
There were more voices chattering around me and I struggled to turn my attention to them instead of my own dismal thoughts, hoping that these voices would distract me or at least serve to push aside my rising grief and anxiety.
"Why don't you come to stay with us for awhile, Grandpa Nick? We don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone and we have plenty of room..."
"The children will be thrilled to see you so why not stay with us until you get back on your feet? It won't be any trouble..."
"Please come and stay with us, Grandpa Nick!"
I swallowed hard, shakily running my fingers through my snow white hair. They mean well, I know, but they just don't... understand... how empty and alone I feel. I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling, my lips trembling, clutching my mahogany cane as if it were a lifeline and I was a drowning man. He was my life for sixty-five years... and now he's gone. How can I just... forget what we had or the love we shared?
"Are you all right, Grandpa Nick?" a small, quiet voice said near my leg and, with an undignified squeak, I was startled out of my reverie. I looked down to see little Claire, Maya's great-granddaughter, looking up at me with wide, troubled green eyes. I wasn't her 'real' grandfather, per se, but Pearls' and Maya's kids and their subsequent children had adopted me as such.
Truth be told, I was proud to be known as 'Grandpa Nick' and chuckled at the memory of Miles' discomfiture when he'd also been adopted by their children, grandchildren and subsequent great-grandchildren as 'Grandpa Miles.' I can still remember the look on his face and it brought a weary chuckle to my lips as I thought of it.
Little scamp, I thought affectionately, looking down at her and tumbling her long brown locks gently as she gave me an impish grin. You know what I need even before I do. Not that I'm not grateful for the distraction; it's been a rough day and it's not going to get any better. I'll gladly take what you can offer...
Claire put her hand on my knee, her expression serious. "You miss Grandpa Miles, don't you Grandpa Nick?"
I started in surprise, tears glistening wetly in my eyes, amazed at how the little one had correctly deduced the reason for my sadness. I nodded, too overcome with emotion to speak and felt her take my gnarled, trembling hand in hers and squeezed it gently to let me know that she understood and shared my sorrow.
Of all the great-grandchildren, she had been the closest to Miles, spending nearly every summer with us in California from the time she was five. Whether it was because she was so much like him-grave and quiet but with a strong sense of justice-or because she understood him better than most people, save myself, did I never really knew but it was quite clear that they were very fond of each other. I used to tease Claire that she was Miles' twin, since she often sported the same facial mannerisms that he did.
Tears spilled down my weathered cheeks, my tightly pressed lips trembling. We spent sixty-five years together; what am I going to do now that he's gone? I feel like half of me died with him... that I'm inhabiting a body without a soul. I feel so empty...
Claire must have sensed the direction my thoughts were taking since she quickly clambered onto my lap and, before I had a chance to really register what was going on, she had wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me close.
"I love you, Grandpa Nick!" she cried, her voice trembling as she buried her face in my neck, bitter tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry you miss Grandpa Miles; I miss him, too! I'll help you as much as I can, I promise!"
My arms closed around her and I held her close as we both wept, mourning our loss together, completely oblivious to the crowd slowly gathering around us.