How did things end up this way?
Walking listlessly through the fog that surrounded her, the white she-cat splashed with brown markings couldn't count the number of feelings that currently flowed through her. Trying to sort through her thoughts, figuring out where she was became her priority. Nothing about her environment, if she could have even seen anything, was distinctly familiar. She felt no pain, nothing to signify whether she was caught in a bad dream or not. The grass under her paws was thick and impeded swift movement; it was as if the stalks were trying to trip her. Back home there hadn't been this much open space, at least in her territory…
Home. Where was that again? The mostly-white she-cat squeezed her eyes shut as she wrung her memory, and remembrance struck her without much warning. Trees growing thickly together, their roots holding the land beneath them together to form a forest full of aspen and oak trees, was her home. So where was she now? Considering there was nothing but the fog, grass, and wind around her, there was only one way to find out. Finding some haphazard resolve, the she-cat continued moving.
After a seemingly endless amount of time, light began to filter through the dense fog, and the fog also appeared to lessen in its intensity. Following the growing luminosity, the white-and-brown cat did not stop walking until the light became so bright that she had to look away. A bright flash made her reflexively close her eyes, and when she opened them again, she found herself in a forest devoid of fog; glancing around made it apparent that there were aspen and oak trees present, and confusion solidly gripped the she-cat. This looked more like her territory, but how had she gotten here? Catching sound of a running stream, she strode hurriedly towards it, pausing at the edge of its banks.
Blue eyes met her own when she peered into the current, and the mostly-white she-cat froze, stuck staring at her own reflection. Her face was younger, calmer, speckled with glittering starlight. A frown etched her reflected features as she considered this, only more baffled than she was before. Her throat felt constricted too, and she had trouble breathing when she gazed at the water.
"Swantail." A voice mewled from a distance away.
The she-cat, hearing her name, whipped around, ice filling her veins. Pinpointing the source of the voice, Swantail picked out a tiny white-and-brown tabby she-kit among the bracken across the stream. The kit was also bejeweled with stars, and the mostly white she-cat recognized her instantly. "Petalkit…" she whispered, still choked, but for a completely different reason now.
Petalkit merely watched her in place of a reply, sorrow dampening her gaze. In that moment, Swantail remembered everything that had occurred as memories flashed behind her eyes, and the she-cat fell into an overwhelmed daze.
. . .
"This is your last chance to tell me. Where are the kits?" a voice cut through her thoughts and focused her attention on the speaker. Sparks of fear coursed through her as she met the tom's eyes, and she swallowed, trying to keep her voice steady.
"I gave them to a passing rogue," Swantail repeated, thankful that her voice did not betray her. At the edge of her clan's territory, with a stream behind her and the tom before her, she realized she had nowhere to run. Before she could even try an attempt at a futile escape, the tom stepped towards her, too close for her comfort. She took a step back in turn, sparing a quick glance behind her. Only a few more pawsteps and she would fall into the rushing water…
"You should not look away," the tom informed her coldly. Swantail whipped her head back around, finding that he was even closer than before—only a mouse tail's length away. At this point she could only stare into his blue eyes that were enveloped in fury, and he stared back. They remained this way until Swantail broke the silence, trying not to squirm.
"Akai, please…" her voice failed her finally, emotions that she couldn't describe stealing it away. Taking in the ruddy tabby, she could only wonder what happened to the tom that she had fallen for. This oppressive, violent cat was not him. He had been gentle and sweetly charismatic when they had first met. Why had he changed? Or rather, what had changed him?
"You clan cats are all too similar," Akai growled, ignoring her pleads. "You could have been leader of your clan. I could have given you everything. Instead, you run away and hide my kits from me... for some misplaced, 'noble' loyalty?" He stretched taller, trying to look down upon her even more than usual. Swantail noticed his pupils were mere slits, blue eyes almost unnoticeably twitching.
The mostly-white she-cat felt another pang of fear reverberate within her, and she fought not to visibly recoil. He was clearly unpredictable to her now, a mere stranger. A dangerous one. After he began hinting at ulterior motives to her a moon ago when her kits were born, she realized there was something amiss about their relationship. Akai had begun talking to her about clan domination and how she and their kits could stand on top with him, using his group of rogues to get whatever they wanted. However, the way he spoke about her and them made it seem as if they all were mere objects to him. Fearing for her kits, she made up a lie that she had given them away. The lie itself was rather redundant, but the only purpose was to leave it unconfirmed that they were in the AspenClan camp. She had also left the number of kits unknown to him. There had only been two, but now there was only one because the she-kit was stillborn.
"I still love you though, even if you keep me from my kits," Akai murmured, breaking through her thoughts again. He surprised her and made her flinch when he leaned forward and buried his muzzle into her neck fur. Swantail tensed up, wanting to flee but she was forcibly confined to where she was standing.
"Goodbye."
The words iced over her before the water did, and she floundered around after she fell, pushed by Akai. Momentarily paralyzed by falling in at a bad angle, her head luckily poked above the water for a second. Swantail saw no trace of him, but his final word echoed through her head as she began to fade. It had sounded sad to her…
. . .
"I'm here to guide you to StarClan," the little kit mewed, seeming to know when to interrupt her memories. Swantail's gut twisted as she traversed stepping stones crossing the glittering StarClan stream, moving closer to Petalkit. She would never know why her former mate had killed her, but strangely that didn't fill her heart with grief. The mostly-white she-cat draped her tail over the kit's body as she followed her into the bracken.
This grief would follow her forever.
The one she left behind.
Alone.
Her last living kit.
Trenchkit.