The Cosplay Skit that Never Was
(Exposition: Roxas and Axel start at stage left. Both are clad in their Org. 13 Uniforms. Starts as thought they are in the middle of a conversation.)
Roxas: (slightly sadly)...So you're saying I don't have superpowers?
Axel: (sighs) You can pull a giant key out of thin air, it's been done before, got it memorized? It's just as powerful as how I can make fire do anything I want.
Roxas: By the way... how do you do that?
Axel: (pauses) (nonchalantly) My Other was an arsonist, killed a bunch of people, and destroyed three major cities in New York... nothing much...
Roxas: Uh, Axel?
Axel: Yea?
Roxas: What's a New York?
Axel: (stares blankly at Roxas) Um... (Puts hand on Roxas's shoulder) Well, you see, there comes a time in every boy's live where he must become a man—
Roxas: (slaps hand away) (disgusted) Dude! No! Just no! I didn't mean that! I just wanna know what a New York is!
Axel: (rubbing back of head) Yea...I knew that...
Roxas: (annoyed) Now will you tell me what a New York is?
Axel: (Pacing with arms in the 'thinking pose') Hmm... How do you explain New York...? (Faces Audience) (Snaps) I know: In song!
(New York, New York starts playing)
Roxas: Oh. My. God.
Axel: Start spreading the news
I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it, New York, New York
These vagabond shoes
Are longing to stray
And make a brand new start of it
New York, New York
(Music Ends)
Roxas: And how does that help me understand what a New York is?
Axel: Uh... (Pauses) (Makes 'I-don't-know' gesture)
Roxas: You're hopeless.
Axel: I am not! I'm more hopeful than you will ever be, got it memorized?!
Roxas: Axel, we're Nobodies.
Axel: (pauses) ...oh... Anyway, if I was as hopeless as you say I am could I do this?
(Hare Hare Yukai starts playing)
Roxas: Axel... what are you doing!?
Axel: (Starts Dancing)
(10 seconds into the song, it stops)
Roxas: (Put hands on Axel's shoulders, stopping him) Axel, we all know you're gay for me, but never do that again.
Axel: Then what about—
Roxas: No, you can't dance to 'Hips don't Lie' either.
Axel: (looks away, disappointed) Damn...
Roxas: (Pats Axel on back) That's okay, let's just forget about it and have some Sea-Salt Ice Cream. I got some in the fridge. (Walks to stage right)
Axel: (panicked look on face) Yea... About that...
Roxas: (standing stage right) (mad/serious) Axel, where's my Sea Salt Ice Cream?
Axel: (chuckles nervously) Funny story actually... You see I was kinda hungry earlier and that was the only thing in the freezer—
Roxas: AND YOU ATE ALL OF IT!?
Axel: But I was hungry...
Roxas: THERE WAS OVER 37 POUNDS OF ICE CREAM IN THERE! (Charges at Axel with keyblade)
Axel: (raises charkams in defense while cowering in fear) DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME! I'LL GET YOU MORE! GOT IT MEMORIZED?! PROMISE!
Roxas: (slows to a walk)
Axel: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! (Still cowering in fear)
Roxas: (pokes Axel with Keyblade)
Axel: (yelps in fear and jumps backwards)
Roxas: (using the 'why me' tone) Why do I even bother hanging out with guys like you? That's it, I'm quitting.
(Funky Town: Chipmunk version starts playing)
(walking to stage right, stepping with beat) Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me
(Music ends)
Axel: No Roxas! Don't go! Look! (Pulls out rolled up piece of paper) I got a mission from the Superior!
Roxas: (freezes in mid-step) (turns slowly to face Axel) What kind of mission?
Axel: We get to kill heartless, steal stuff (undertone) mostly Sea Salt Ice Cream (pleading voice) plus you get to miss your Anger Management session with Saix!
Roxas: (punches air) Yes! No AM!
Axel: C'mon let's go!
(They both run off stage, but 2 seconds later Roxas returns)
Roxas: (Faces Audience) He gone? (Waits 2 seconds) Okay then...
(Hare Hare Yukai Starts a bit after where it left off)
Axel: (Walks back on stage) (Stares at Roxas) (Walks over and grabs him by the hood) And you say I'm hopeless! (Drags Roxas offstage)
Roxas: (Still attempting to dance)
END