Hello all! So I am super intrigued by imprinting and I love reading imprinting stories so I decided to start my own. I love Paul/Rachel particularly because I just know she would give Paul a run for his money. There need to be more Paul, Rachel stories. Obviously I own nothing but always appreciate feedback and reviews! Thanks!

They say when you experience a trauma or emergency your body has two options: fight or flight. I suppose it's true for most people, but I've never found it to be incredibly valid in my life. Maybe my whole family's nervous systems are wired wrong. It wouldn't surprise me. The Blacks don't have anything in them but fight. Fight to keep your sanity. Fight for what you think is right. Fight with each other. It's just the way we are.

Of course we all fight in different ways, Rebecca, by proving to the world (and most everyone it in it) that she hated it, Jake, by showing the world he could still laugh, and me by telling the world that it had nothing I couldn't handle. The problem I've found with fighting though is that after a while, maybe even years of it, it's time for a retreat. Retreating might look a whole lot like the "flight" option, but it has a key difference: you only retreat after trying to fight and finding out you will not win.

The Blacks do not retreat easily, considering how quickly we are to call ourselves to arms, but when we retreat we do it well. We get the hell out.

It is because of this mutual retreating tendency that I find myself laying in my childhood bedroom, staring up at the ceiling fan that is failing to cool down my room by circling lazily above my head. My foot kicks out to the beat of my father's old Fleetwood Mac record. He hasn't touched his record collection since mom died. In highschool I asked him if I could keep them in my room and he seemed relieved to be rid of them. They had taken up a huge amount of space in the corner of the room, much to Becca's chagrin.

I've only been in my hometown of La Push for forty-eight hours and I already feel suffocated. Not even Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" album is helping much and that's when you know it's bad. The truth is I retreated from here a long time ago. I threw my hands up and said "That's it La Push! You win! My white flag is waving!" and packed for Seattle University the next month. I never had to look back until now.

My brother has had his own white flag moment, unknowingly calling me in as his reinforcements. Jake, the one who was always fighting to stay here more than any of us, finally ran a week ago. And when I say ran, I mean ran. Apparently no one knows where he is or what he's doing. So you can see that when Sue Clearwater called me three days ago to tell me the news, and to say that my father would never ask for help but certainly needed it, I had no choice but to pack my overused luggage and drive back.

Nevermind that I had just graduated college and had an internship with an office view of the Space Needle. Nevermind that I had just signed a lease on a new apartment. Nevermind I was missing my college roommate's wedding. When you're brother abandons your crippled father, whose idea of a nice meal is untoasted Poptarts, you come home. That's written in the Older Sibling Handbook somewhere I think. I mean maybe not in so many words, but it definitely says something like: "When younger sibling is a complete ass, it remains your job to fix his or her damn mess" .

So now I'm here, in a raggedy green "La Push High" teeshirt and cut off shorts I haven't worn since senior year because I didn't bring enough casual " Rez friendly" clothes. My college outfits of skirts, cardigans, and professional looking dresses still lay crumpled in my unopened duffel bag. I tap my fingers against my stomach and notice how ridiculous my manicured nails look now that I'm in my old clothes again. I ball my hands into fists so I don't have to look at them anymore. I wonder what high school Rachel would think of me now.

I'm better when I'm moving. Mom always used to make me jog around the house a few times before she would help me study for a test or else I'd drive her mad with all of my squirming. I'm better when I have something important to think about. I'm better when I'm focused. Right now I have nothing. No plans, no friends, no job, just my dad and the Clearwaters, who have joined us for dinner every night since I got back. Seth has been bugging me to go to the beach with him to "hang out with the guys", but I've respectfully declined each time. I'm not sure why but this seems to please Leah, who smiles very little these days. They both look about a decade older than they did last time I was here, and I don't think it's because they've both grown a foot and a half in height. I want to talk to Leah about Harry. I want to apologize for not coming back for the funeral. I want to see if she got my flowers. When I look her in the eye though it all gets caught in a lump in my throat and I promise myself I'll try again soon. I scold myself for being such a coward.

"Ray! We're back!" My dad's voice rings up the stairs and I jump at the sound.

I dash out of my room, grateful to no longer be alone with my thoughts. "Hey Daddy! Hey Sue! How was counsel business?" I leap down the stairs two at a time.

"It was...productive. Never a boring day here in La Push." Sue says lightly as she pushes my father through the doorway. I raise my eyebrows in a hopes to convey that I doubt that last statement very much.

"Sure. Petty crimes and meddling kids causing drama for you lot?" I follow them in the livingroom and lean in the doorway. The house looks impeccably clean thanks to me scrubbing down every inch of it yesterday. My hands are still raw.

My father laughs, "I don't know about petty crimes, but you're right about the drama. Especially the boys." He and Sue exchange a knowing look, eyes dancing with amusement. I find that these secret conversations happen a lot between the Clearwaters and my father.

I want to say something about that being the reason Jake has taken to theatrical levels of drama but keep my mouth shut. I know from my limited experience that mentioning Jake will just lead to more secret looks, knowing smirks, and not so subtle lip biting. It will make me feel foolish. I don't mind being left out but I hate feeling foolish.

Instead I say, "So what should we do for dinner? Chinese last night so maybe...Italian?"

Sue has taken her usual place on the couch next to where my father parks his chair. I'm grateful for their friendship and one day I hope to thank her properly for everything she's done for us. I wish I could talk to her about Harry too. I hug her very tightly when I get the chance instead.

"Well honey I was actually hoping you could do me a favor." She says her dark eyes gleaming with mischief even though I can't imagine why.

I jump at the chance, literally straightening from my slouched position in the doorway. Rachel Black here, absentee daughter and friend with four years of guilt to atone for, at your service! "Of course Sue! Anything!"

She smiles widely at me. "I was actually hoping you could drive Seth to First Beach tonight? His friends are having a get together and I would hate for him to miss it because we have plans with Charlie."

And now I know why she is smirking at me like a little minx. She is trying to get me to socialize, just like Seth has been since the first moment I saw him. They seem to be under the impression that me hanging out with a bunch of kids several years younger than me will fill some social interaction void.

"Sure! Of course!" No backing out now I guess, which is why my father looks pleased. They act as though being held up in your childhood bedroom with a bunch of dusty records and old clothes is not an enjoyable way to spend a Friday night as a twenty-one year old. (It's not by the way but I fail to see how hanging out with a bunch of sixteen year olds will be much of an improvement.) "What's Leah up to tonight?" I ask hopefully. Maybe I can duck out and spend some time with someone who's actually old enough to drink red wine with me.

"She's...uh….working this evening." Sue explains, nervously drumming her fingers on the arm of the couch.

"Working? Where does Leah work? She didn't mention it!" I question. Not that she mentions much at our dinners. I've made it a personal goal to get her to crack a smile at least once before dessert each time. No luck yet.

"She's...a security guard." My dad chimes in, he drums his fingers less than Sue when he lies but I notice his eyes shift the slightest bit which is an instant clue. Weirdos.

"Oh. Well that's…" I search for the right word.. "cool." I finished lamely. "She'll have to teach me some self defence moves sometime. I'm about as intimidating as a Chiwawa."

"I actually think Leah would really like that." Sue says so honestly it almost shocks me.

I smile and make a note to text Leah next week about hanging out.

"Rachel lets gooooo!" Seth, all limbs, loudness, and livelihood stumbles through our doorway without knocking. I'm not in the least bit shocked. He offers no explanations as to where he has been or why he has apparently walked to our home. I am not shocked about this either.

He rushes in to kiss his mom on the cheek before coming to drape an arm around me. I used to be taller than Seth, now he towers over me so significantly he has to hunch to rest his chin on my head. I don't even bother batting him away this time and rest my hands on his forearm that is stretched across me in a half hug.

"I see you are all in cahoots about this. I get it. I'll go." Everyone laughs at this and I untangle myself from Seth to make a show of gathering my keys off the coffee table.

"I just want a chance to check out that fancy new ride of yours." Seth winks down at me and indicates my Land Rover in the driveway. He reminds me so much of my own little brother sometimes it shocks me. "Besides," he adds, "the guys are dying to see you. Embry's convinced he's going to impri…." he stops himself short and our parents eyes go wide as saucers, "impress you with his new workout regimen."

Everyone relaxes.

"Well Embry Call has been an insufferable little flirt from the womb on and I can't wait to knock sense into him." I tease. It's no secret that Embry has always my favorite of Jake's friends. I was not aware that Seth was close to him. A lot changes in four years and I suppose it's not any of my business.

I kiss my dad and Sue on the cheek in succession. They are both beaming at me. "I love you both. Tell Charlie I won't do without you tomorrow and if he wants to see you he can join us for dinner. I'll cook"

My father laughs at this and shoos me along. "We'll let him know. Now go have fun kiddo."

"Let's go, idiot." I pull Seth by the elbow to the door and I think he might actually jump out of his skin in excitement.

The drive to First Beach is filled with Seth's excited chatter. I don't mind at all, it's nice to see that the kid is doing so well after Harry. The Clearwaters feel like home as much as my own family does. "Family friends" does not cover our relationship by a long shot. Seth is my brother and Leah, despite her perpetual indifference, is my sister. She reminds me of how Rebecca was after mom, a hurricane of anger, unafraid to rip through anyone, including herself. I know it all too well.

I get too lost in my own head and as we pull up to the beach I realize I haven't registered anything Seth has been saying. He doesn't seem to notice as I throw the car in park.

"And Sam said I shouldn't even invite you but…."

I don't turn off the engine as Seth unbuckles his seatbelt. There's a large group of people gathered down by the water and I feel suddenly apprehensive. This is what I ran from. It seems like a pitiful return to show up in a messy ponytail and the same kind of outfit I would have been wearing years ago. I feel fifteen again. I wonder if I will look as different to the people of La Push as the people of La Push look to me.

"Rach? Rach you coming?" Seth has taken a breath long enough to notice my hesitation.

"Seth…Bub..." I run an agitated hand through my hair, "I don't know if this is a good idea. You should just go have fun with your friends. Text me when you're done and I'll come get you."

Seth looks truly agast. "Um no. That ruins the whole point."

I scoff at this and still don't make a move to turn off the car engine.

"Look," He says, clearly frustrated but still pleasant, as only Seth can be, "if you have a terrible time we can leave at sundown. If not you have to throw the football around a little with me." He looks at me with his chocolate brown eyes and makes a face that is so completely pathetic I wonder how anyone tells him no.

I look up at the sky. It's late afternoon, almost dinner time, sundown could only be a few hours away at most."Ugh. Fine. I'll stay till sundown, but only sundown deal?" I pull the keys out of the ignition and Seth whoops in triumph. Several people look our way from the beach.

"You seriously won't regret it Ray." Seth is practically singing, "The guys are awesome and I have money on how many of them will ask you out no matter how much Jake would hate it."

I slam my door shut and take a deep breath. I think my heart might split in two. It smells like home and the beach and my mother. The damp air weighs heavily over us despite the rare bout of sunshine. Everything is just like I remembered it. I curse my throat for constricting slightly. People change, people leave, people die, but First Beach is the world timecapsule, forever frozen in sameness. I reach down to run my hands over the rocks quickly. Seth looks at me strangely but says nothing as I right myself and continue.

We continue walking toward the water and the group of people boisterously tossing a frisbee back and forth. I shove Seth playfully with my shoulder. He doesn't even budge and I rub my now sore arm. Since when was Seth such a human rock? "Let's hope none." I finally say. "No asking out of Rachel would be preferable." I answer his previous statement dryly.

"Why? You spoken for gorgeous?" I jump at the sound of a new, but all too familiar voice. Embry Call. Was he so close a moment ago?

"EM!" I scream as he catches me up in his arms. I am flinging myself around his neck without thinking as I get lifted off my feet in a scorching, bone crushing, hug. It feels like how Jake used to hug me.

I'm surprised by how genuinely happy I am to see Embry and feel a pang in my chest when I realize how right it would be for Jake to be here next to Seth. Could I have missed home, and these people so much without even realizing it?

"Seriously though," Embry puts me down and looks me in the eye very intentionally, "you got a college boyfriend Rach?"

The flirting is a farce and we both know it, but I still see a bit of disappointment in his features as his eyes search mine. I don't understand but I hear a few people snicker behind him.

"It doesn't matter to you if I do or don't Embry Call, you're twelve." I straighten my shirt out and smile up at him.

"Correction," He slings his arm around me and falls into step beside us. "I was twelve when you left me here broken hearted and alone but now I have grown into the man of your dreams."

I try to duck out from under him but he holds me fast. He is strong. I can't help but laugh and shriek as I struggle a bit against his single arm. I give up promptly because I don't want to end up looking ridiculous. The whole beach is looking our way, probably thinking I'm the twelve year old.

"You're outrageous Call." I try to sound harsh but he and Seth just bark with laughter.

"And you're beautiful and long awaited presence is anticipated." He doesn't release his hold on me as he steers us toward the crowed. As we approach I resist the urge to shrink into him. I find I am actually quite grateful for his and Seth's presence on either side.

"Everyone," Seth says to the group of people who is just continuing to stare and smile, "this is Rachel, Rachel this is everyone."

And I'm thrown into warm greetings. I meet so many boys who look so preposterously similar that my head is practically spinning by the end of it. They are all warm, towering, and incredibly shirtless. I'm grateful when I get to one I actually know. Quil, the third party of Jake's Musketeers, greets me with a warm hug briefly before rushing off to catch a little girl who was toddling her way over to the ocean and clapping in delight as the waves lap at her toes.

I'm actually quite shocked by how few females are present. One of the mere two approaches me warmly and grasps my hand tightly. The first thing I notice is her scars, three long ones from hairline to chin, pulling one side of her mouth down in a perpetual frown. The second thing I notice is that she is beautiful. She has feminine features, a round face, and kind eyes. Despite her scars I see that she is soft and delicate in a way I will never be. I am all angles, sharp elbows, boney legs, and high cheek bones. I feel jagged in her presence.

"I'm Emily, it's so nice of you to join us tonight Rachel." Her voice is tender, "We've been missing your brother." She gives my hand a supportive squeeze before releasing it. I find I squeeze back. She's the first person I've met to show a certain level of sympathy for my concern about my little brother.

"Thank you Emily," I say, and find myself meaning it, "I'm glad I came." I don't know if I mean that yet or not. "It's so kind of you all to include me."

"Embry insisted you come." Sam, Leah's ex-boyfriend, comes to wrap himself adoringly around Emily. He was two years older than me in school but I saw him often enough at functions Leah would drag him to. He doesn't look like the same person anymore, though I'm sure I don't to him either after all these years.

"It's good to see you again Sam!" I say, hopefully politely.

"You too Rachel Black." With Sam so close Emily seems suddenly unaware of me and she leans up to kiss Sam on the cheek. I'm not sure why I find myself blushing and looking down at my feet.

Sam and Emily are kind enough to engage me in some small talk. They ask me about my school, what I've been up to since I've been back, and what I think I might do now. I want to ask them questions too but turning to Sam and saying "Seems as though you've gone and got yourself a new girlfriend, which is cool, I guess, unless you're Leah Clearwater…" seems slightly inappropriate. I notice that Embry and Seth have abandoned me completely for frizbee and general rough housing. I'm grateful that neither Sam, nor Emily seem inclined to join in anytime soon even if I'm running out of things to say. Sam leans down to grab a beer from a cooler and hands it to me without even asking me if I want it. I think I might kiss him I'm so thankful.

I crack it open to take a long swig. It tastes like the cheap beer I associate with La Push and I love it.

"HEADS UP!" I hear mid swallow. I see a shadow above my head only a millisecond too late. A football crashes into me at an alarming velocity. I am flying to the ground and my beer is launched above my head only to land all over me as I fall into a pile on the floor.

The beach is deadly silent.

I am laying spread eagle, full snow angel status, on the rocks of First Beach looking up at the sky...it's cloudy now, I note. The entire contents of my beer has spilled onto my shirt and hair and I note a sharp pain my my temple.

"Um fucking OW!" I say sitting up too fast and clutching my head. Seth and Embry are rushing to my side and Emily, who has already knelt beside me is shooing them away. I notice Quil grab the small girl and cover her ears, giving me a stern look for my profanity.

I'd be sorry if I didn't mean it so much.

"Rach are you alright? I'm so sorry!" Seth rocks back on his toes and looks immensely guilty.

I rub my head and try blinking my eyes a few times. Kid's got an arm on him.

"Yeah Sethy, I'm fine." I look down at my ruined clothes, grateful I hadn't chosen to wear anything nicer. I let out a shaky laugh and let Emily help me to my feet. "No harm done." I hope it sounds good natured.

Everyone is sharing knowing looks, Sam's brow is deeply furrowed, and Seth looks nervous. I get the same feeling I do when my dad looks at Sue knowingly. The sense of being an outsider. La Push is a tight knit group that I no longer belong in.

Frustrated at myself for even coming, I sigh. "I should get going. You know, change and stuff." I want a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Emily looks at me tenderly but nods in understanding. The rest of the group resumes somewhat normal behavior, turning from me to start conversing amongst themselves. The evening suddenly feels chillier now that I've been doused in beer. I shiver.

Embry picks up a discarded sweatshirt tossing it in my direction.

"Here, take this. We don't need it."

I smile at him gratefully and pull it on over my clothes. It's massive on me, the sleeves coming past my hands by a good three inches and covering my shorts entirely . Was everyone a giant in La Push now?

Seth is still sheepish and agrees to come home with me without much coercion. We are just bidding everyone goodbye when an angry voice rings out above all the rest.

"Where the hell did you assholes put my sweatshirt!?"

And I freeze, feeling a bit guilty, but also incensed, and turn only to see the most attractive man I've ever seen.