tw gore ment, blood, daddy ment, unsanitary, distasteful ship, mpreg ment (but only ment it is not what this story is about!hellno!)
burpppp oh sorry i bruped anyway
there onc ewas a town called beach city. people lived there . one guy was named mayer pewey. or dewey? i dont rememebr. anyways hes the mayor
so like. he runs this place and gets all the chicks can i get a hell yea. (hell yea) except for this chick named pearl. shes "the Hot one™" i guess or something. so one day he konocked knocked at her door like "hey babeey wanna go on a HOT date™" dewey speaks in trademarks forgot to say that.
pearl quirked an eyebrow. "a "hot date?""
"hot date™. gotta have the ™ in there. cutie."
so like. deweys been at this poor girl for how long? longs time. stevens like 16 now probably. is that two years? man im bad at this aint his first time at the rejection rodeo because like i said its been 3 or so years since he got sum. oh but wiat! this time he took a detour from the rejetcion rodeo and went stright to gettin laid parkway bc do you know what she said?
"... Listen, Dewey…" Pearl let out a huff. "I know that you… wish to fuse, correct? But," she let out a honking laugh, "Humans can't fuse with gems!"
"so yea to the hot date™. see u tomoror at the pizza place babe"
see she totally said yes that time mayor dwey scored a hot date™.
pearl sighed and walked back into the beach house. steven looked hella confused. me too son, me too.
"what the happened" garnet
"that dewey guy asked me on… a date?"
"o fuk peral get it" garnet sed
"no, no, i don't want to do that! what do i do?"
"i have an idea" garnett
garn then revealed her master plan to pearly. Pearl agreed to it and they put that their plan to action. but only after garnet asked pearl if she was sure she didn't want the mayor as her gem daddy™. garnet is the only gem daddy™ around this town.
so later that day pearl™ goes to the pizza for her hot date™. this ™ is getting really old now im very sorry. i just love to use it
"sub babbey" said doewy "ready for the date-o™"
"Do you wish to engage in combat?!" pearl said, her face teurning really red with excitement. or blue. actually it didint. she just kinda stood there. aalso her heart beated really fast. if her physical body has a heart.
what if gems did have like intestines though. that would make the show so m rated wouldnt it. like. if u stabby a gem she bleed ? that means when pearl fought the holopearl and got the swekwerss shed be bleedin all over steven. steven would be traumatized. he'd have to og through therapy. who would be stevens therapist? certainly not dewey. maybe garenet would. unfuse and like. sapph ire would like. do somethign i dont know. that would susck. thatd be fcunky. also why do people ven like pewey cus perals a lesbian so. i mean no shp hate. dont hat eo nme cus I am not hating™. ykno. u feel what im saynin? so i mean. i don tkn ow man . also im still really hung up on that gems having guts tho. thats kinda gross. did i gross u out? man im sory. i just really wanna kno about gem Guts™. like? garn would have like squished all the life out of peridot the poor kid. she also lost her arms. man. what if that was intended to be gory. lik.e…. thats fucked up man. i dont know can i get some imput on this. input? imput? i dont know. like;... what i really am kinda like ? about is how amethyst eats tho. where does the food go ? is she just basically a pocket full of half digested food. if she dies will the food just go btlfph and on the floor cus she cant digest it. she has no guts. she doesnt poop. where does it go? maybe it goes in her room. her stomach has like….. a portal man. it takes it to her room. thats why her room is so gross. and pearl doesnt eat. i just cracked the code man, i just cracked that code. shit man. also i wanna know that if they did blood if it would be like slime. man i love that slime aesthetic yknow. like a gem gets all cut up and theyre like AUGH IM IN PAIN but hey steven check out this slime. go ge t a plastic container we're ognna ™this stuff its gonna be great. we';ll call it gemgoog. the new latest hit toy for kids. thats fucked up. this paragraph is fucked up. also if gems do have hearts like. would their heart be thier gem? cus if u hurt a human heart they die and if u heurt a gem gem they die. but where is their soul? where is jesus in this equation. if pearl died where would she go ?/ she has no soul. she oudlwnt go to heaven with god and jesus. but garnet would because i love her. garnet has a soul, and that soul is my passion and love efor her.
bcak to the story, pearl was blushing like a got dang pomato. i almost wrote potato. like a tomato not a potato. man i want some mashd potatoes rn tho lbr
he a in her room drinkain the tea. ima gonna talka like marioa. just kidding thats too much effort. anyway she was drinkong thea. also more watter was appearing because my theory is very true (CONCRETE) and accurate. confiedm. "hello steeve boy. how are u"
"wha" he say in confused. he leaves
"Rude" pearl. she drink more tea and more water appears. told u my theory was CONCRETE AF AOOOOOOH ! OHhh! S
so the date goes pretty good, dewey nibbles his piza like squidward cus he actualyl doesnt like pizza. peral stads there and occasionally says "do you wish to engage in battle." every time pooey blushes and flicks his hand at her like what seteve did when ganr told him he loved her. tknow the whole *hand wave* hmm!
wait a minute peral drinks tea. isnt her room made of water ? so maybe since amethsyts room is garbage its from eating. pearls room is water form drinkkgn. all of the tea she drinks goes to her room. her room is like 90% woter but like 10% tea. thats wher ei tog es. and isnt garnests room like clean? does she have a room. she has the middle right. the mdidle is clean except osme lava and gems. garnet confimed™ to eat lava
ANYHOW prael was having a gr8 time at this date. or maybe not its jhard to tell. mayor dewed was able to look paste that nasty azz pizza and also have a good fun time. but why was pearl suddenly having th fun™? or just s. ..actually standing/sitting enar dewdsey this is a thought that young steven also thought. he stopped by the piazza parlor for his daily triple meat and cheese and pinato (pinapple potato) calzone™. (a calzoné is like a pizza only like. folded in half) i trademarked. i also trademark pinato because i kcame up iwht the word) little steven boy witnessd this date with his own eye s. he was shcocked. he RUN home to gran (grandma garnet) and maybe amethyst where did she go? we havn't mentioned the poor gem at all anyway stev went to talk to garnet.
"GARNADO! (a/n: translation: garnet tornado! i just got done wathcing sharknado it was relaly god. relatable)" garn was unfused into ryb and saph and kising "thta is unusual."he looks into the camera "usually they are fused. fusion is the result of lots of love between gems. ruby and sapphire love each other very much. ruby and sapphire are lesbians. garnet is in love. garnet is love." they fused. steven: "WHY Is pearl on a date with the dew™? she has rejected him many a times why now?"
Garnett was heLal confused.
" Pearl is in his room stevne"
"wha" he say in confused. steven goes to fiund pearl.
she a in her room drinkain the tea. ima gonna talka like marioa. just kidding thats too much effort. anyway she was drinkong thea. also more watter was appearing because my theory is very true (CONCRETE) and accurate. confiedm. "hello steeve boy. how are u"
"wha" he say in confused. he leaves
"Rude" pearl. she drink more tea and more water appears. told u my theory was CONCRETE AF AOOOOOOH ! OHhh! SLMA DUNK! *wrestelr noises* JOH N CENA anyway
"what was aunusual" he say to garn. garnet tips her glasses. "i know seteven"
"so whatd happened? did u clone pearl"
"no"
"oh"
"..."
"um…. can u clone me garnet"
"yes"
"cool"
garent clones steven and they form steven and the stevens.
"Can't you see it in my eyes
I'm the one, I'm the— ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR
I'm not like the other guys
(he's not like anybody, well..)
That's not completely right
There's a few that I'm just like
Steven and the Stevens
We're gonna make you smile
Me, myself, and I, and him
Are all the same guy
Steven and the Stevens
Come on, now, don't be shy
Me, myself, and I and him (that's me!)
Are all the same guy
"
oh no! then they start fighitng so garn unclones steven. theres only 1 now.
"aw man" steven
back to pearl. we interrupt this program to bring you COURAGE! the COWARDLY DOG! abandoned as a pup, he was found by muriel! who lives in the middle of nowhere! with her husband, eustace bagge! but, creeeepy stuff happens in nowhere. its up to courage! to save his new home! AUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
back to steven
steven questions garnet once moar
"garn garn what if that mayor finds out hes datin holopearl?"
"then we have a the problem" garn says back.
back to pearl
it's been 4 whole months and a half,. nothing happened except holo pearl ke pt asking poo, i mean dewey because poo is an earthbound character. anyway. she kept asking pearl if he wantes to figte her. but he took it as flirting because he ha s never got it. i mean buck just kind of mat ereailized. or mpreg. but th jeat means he got sum so. thats out ot hte qeuestion.
"whats tehat pearly preal per?" dew says to his babe.
"Do you wish to engage in combat?!" she says back to him.
His jaw drops in shock a tear runs down his fcae.
"You….. you love me?!" he says to her
"do you wi-"
"AND YOU NEVER LOVED ROSE QUARTZ SHE CAN GO EAT YOU SHORTS? oh preal youre so naugthey" dewey says.
"do you-"
"LETS GET MARRIED OTMOROR"
so they got married. holopearl looked uncomforatable. she didnt tho because shes a holopearl.
gnaret stood in a very attracative tux. "do u pearl take dew to be ur hustband"
"Do you wish to engage in combat?!"
"dew u dewey take pearl to be ur combat pal." garnet "dont say anything yet. instead of 'i do' u have to ask to throw down."
"fight me, pearl"
"Level One, beginner! Begin!"
holo pearl summons a sword and sstabbs at dewey. dewyoy scream and run . " I THOUG U LOVE ME PREARL" holo pearl chases dewey into the sunset
"well. that was a thing that has happened on this day." gar net says to steven.
"yep"
"sup guys whatd i miss. WHOS GETTIN MARRIED" amethyst walks in.
"oh my god, amethyst u have missed so much! its been four months since ives een u!"
"yea i was with peridactyl back at the barn, we were watchin some good oof themovies. like foodfight which is an excellent choice"
so stenve went on and on and on about what a happen nand amethyst laughs.
seee i included amehtyst so. youre welcome
the end. dewey is perma-chased by holo pearl also.
thend