Ruff Love
The rain hitting the glass of the windows, the darkness of the sky outside, and the overall gloomy effect the storm seemed to have cast over all of Storybrooke. Belle looked up from the book she was reading-taking a quick sip of tea and shaking her foot that had fallen to sleep tucked beneath her weight. Her gazed caught on the window, how appropriate. She mussed to herself. The storm must know how I feel and just has to make it worse. As if drawn by force, he eyes fell on the cane that rested beside one of bookcases in the parlor. Of course, I've been pretty miserable and glum since…Since I did that. No matter how hard she tried to avoid it, the thought of what she'd done to her husband-banishing him from town permanently- haunted her memory and made her physically sick to her stomach. She tried telling herself that she'd done the right thing-the brave thing- and been a hero by protecting everyone in town from future deeds that her husband may have tried to commit, but no matter how many times she'd told herself that, it never seemed true. A memory floated through her mind- it was of she and Rumple shortly after the first curse had broken- and it brought a sad smile to her face. That was a great night. She nodded at the memory, just cuddling by the fire and reading… And being happy. Shaking her head a bit more violently than necessary, Belle brought herself back to the present. I may as well get back to reading; it isn't as if I have anything else to do. It was true, since Rumple had left Belle hadn't done much but run the library and come home- occasionally stopping by the shop to make sure everything was okay with it. She had taught herself to cook basic meals in that time, but most of her free time-and there was a lot of it- was dedicated to reading. Sure, her friends had tried to get her out and doing stuff in town-moving on with her life- but it didn't feel right and she declined their offers much more than she accepted.
A few moments later, she closed the book harshly and placed it beside her on the couch. I can't concentrate Pulling a blanket off the side of the couch and around her shoulders, Belle allowed herself to admire the fire across the room. It was warming the room a great deal, and in truth she didn't need the blanket, but it wasn't the same as feeling coddled and having warmth around you. If Rumple were here we'd be snuggling-like that one day- and just talking and- a lump caught in her throat, she hadn't even realized she had begun to cry, staring longingly at the cane once more, I miss you… I miss you so much. The tears seemed to multiply the guilt and regret bubbling up inside her yet again. I'm sorry, Rumple. I didn't want to do it, believe me. I love you… I still love you, I just…. I miss you. She pulled the blanket tighter around her, squeezing her eyes shut, as if trying to force that feeling of human closeness and love she had gotten that night with Rumple out of the blanket. She glanced at the clock, it was only eight at night, and it wasn't nearly late enough for her to go to bed. As if an answer to a silent wish, her phone rang, she picked it up- hopeful.
"Hi, Archie…" She answered, glad to have been called by someone, but dismayed because it hadn't been Rumple. She knew it would be impossible for him to call her, after all, she had sent him away without anything.
"I thought you looked a bit more… upset than usual today. I know it was only a couple of minutes when I came into the library, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Yes, I'm fine… Thank you." She tried her best to keep her tone warm and friendly, but apparently something had faltered. "How's Perdita doing?"
"You sure? It certainly doesn't seem like it." He responded, and even through the phone Belle could visualize he knowing smile. "Perdita's doing fine." He played along with Belle's easier conversation starter, "Pongo has been so busy with her and the puppies. I almost feel like a proud father, you know?"
"Grandpa," Belle corrected. Archie made a mumbling sound on the other end of the line,
"101 puppies, Belle, do you know how crazy my house is right now?" He chuckled and, as if on cue, Belle heard a chorus of puppies yipping in the background, "I still can't believe we found Perdita. She was just wandering the streets one day when Pongo and I were out on a walk." A silence hung between them for a moment before Archie cleared his throat and continued on, "Pongo just knew her… He nearly dragged me across the road when he saw her and… Well… Here we are twelve weeks later."
"True love knows." Belle whispered, she really hadn't meant to verbalize what she was thinking, "Love doesn't care where or who or what you are. When true love comes, you just need to let it in- it's no different whether you're a dog or a human."
"You're missing him?" the question was really more of a fact, but his voice was satisfied yet understanding.
"Yes," Belle broke her composure. "I mean I miss every second of each passing day, but it's just been especially rough today." She confessed, "I wish there could've been another way." her body began to jump with her sobs again.
"You did what you felt was best." Archie encouraged, "you made a lot of people happy… And safe."
"What about me?" The way her temper had so suddenly let loose almost scared her, "I sent the man I love away forever, so that everyone else could be safe. Fantastic, everyone else is happy, safe, and doing just fine, but what about me? Am I just supposed to live the rest of my life in constant pain about what I did to him? I'll never know where he is or if he's safe… I 'll never touch his face or feel his lips on mine, never run my hand through his hair, or wake up to him giving me breakfast in bed… I'll never have his children. Archie, I ruined my life and everything I wanted for the town. What do I get now? Heartache? Pain? Emotional torture? I don't deserve any of that, but it's all I've gotten."
"You could go into the world and find him." His voice was encouraging, but Belle couldn't take it,
"After what he did to me… No I can't. Why would I? He obviously doesn't love me as much as he claimed he did."
"I married you two, and let me tell you, the love that just expelled itself from both of you is something really special… In fact I'd dare say it's like nothing I've ever seen before in my life."
"I know Rumple loves me." She was quick to state, "just not as much as I'd like… I don't want to be second to his power."
"Belle, I understand you're feeling lost and hurting right now, I promise you, though, things are going to get better." He tried to provide her with optimism, there was nothing he could've said in that moment that she would believe regarding Rumple's love for her that would be able to avoid some sort of confrontation.
"No… No they won't." She shook her head, grasping on to her phone too tightly. "I'll forgive…In time I will. However, I don't think I could ever forgive myself for what I did to him. Not to mention I'll always be his second love." A loud clap of thunder made Belle jump in her seat. "I'm going to let you go. Thanks for calling, Archie; it truly does mean a lot." Once they had hung up, Belle leaned her head against the hard frame of the couch, allowing her eyes to close and a sense of peach to fill her for the first time in a long time. It felt much longer, but had actually only been a few moments when Belle's eyes fluttered back open after another roar of thunder and a bolt of lightning striking the ground. She rested her head in her hand for a few seconds, massaging her temples to soothe the headache her weeping had caused. Suddenly, her head jolted upward, and her eyes darted around the room fiercely was that a bark? She stayed in place- waiting for a confirmation- a half a minute later came another bark followed by a series of whimpers. A dog? She racked her brain, trying to go through all the dogs in town. Nobody here would have-or even let their animal out in weather like this. Belle hurried to the door and opened it. "Hi, Puppy." Belle greeted the little Dalmatian pup, who hadn't even let her finish her greeting before running past her feet and inside the house. She slammed the door and raced after the puppy. When she had caught up to the puppy, it was on top of the blanket she had left on the couch.
Belle was careful when she approached the animal, noticing its young coat and electric blue eyes. She seated herself beside it, and scooped the creature up in her arms. The puppy looked very familiar, but Belle wasn't quite sure where from. "I suppose it wouldn't be right for me to leave you out there in that big storm, now would it?" She snuggled the puppy closer to her stomach, speaking in a baby talk voice, "You can stay with me tonight, and I get awful lonely around this place." She tickled the puppy's ear, and it licked her hand. "You probably are starving, come on, I'll get you some food." She kept the puppy in her arms as she walked to the kitchen. The puppy seemed to be staring at Belle with immense wonder as she reached in the crisper of the refrigerator. "I'm afraid I don't have any puppy food, but I have some ham and cheese." She took a couple slices of each and handfed the little puppy.
The rest of the night, everywhere Belle went the puppy went. The dog had seemed to take an immediate liking to her and enjoyed being near her. While it wasn't the same as having her true love around the house, the puppy was pleasant company. Around ten that night, a yawn made Belle realize that she would need to get to bed soon if she wanted her proper amount of sleep before she opened the library in the morning. "Well, Puppy, I'm going to bed. You can stay here." She fluffed the blanket up a bit, and when she exited the room the animal had seemed content. However, as she settled herself into her bed, she heard the clicking of nails on the wood floors and looked do to see-standing in the streak of moonlight- the puppy staring up at the bed. "You can't sleep in here!" Belle laughed sleepily, "This is where humans sleep." As if the puppy knew what Belle was saying, he let out a sad whimper and relaxed itself on the floor-never taking its eyes off her. "Oh okay, fine, it is just for tonight." She pulled the puppy up in the bed, and smiled when it settled itself right beside her on the pillow. "Tomorrow we're going to find your owner; they must be worried sick about you." She paused a moment, her conversation with Archie coming back into her mind. "Wait, I can't believe I didn't already figure this out, you're one of Pongo and Perdita's babies!" Belle kissed the puppy's head, "Your parents and Archie must be worried sick about you!" She contemplated calling Archie, but decided she wouldn't do so at that hour of the night. "I'll take you back first thing tomorrow." The puppy made a happy sound and Belle scratched it behind the ears before rolling over and falling into the best sleep she'd had in a long time, but still restless.