The sinister Prologue

Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap went the wings of the Harpies off the coast of France. The wind was cold and the air had a charge of pure electricity. A strom was brewing. Not just any storm, a storm of old.

Even to the most knowlegeable Parisian the Cave of the Winds was little known. To the few that it did they knew the legend that it harbored pirates and villians of the olden days. Perhaps even their souls remained. Who knew.

Well Maybe Tasha LaBouf would find out, she feared, however she hoped she wouldn't. For the past month she had made this vicious isle her home after her ingenious abortion plot went awry leaving her shipwrecked in this desolate hell. With the unsuccessful abortion plot not only did she fail with terminating her unwanted pregnancy but she also lost her mind. For the past month she had done nothing but rode the backs of wild boars and wove tapestries out of coconut leaves and pubic hair.

It was storming the night her water broke.

"Oh, Garn!" she cried out to the boars who took no mind to her as she was prone to such outbursts. They were also testy because she had won the last game of Monopoly with questionable strategies. Another Tasha LaBouf was something they were not looking forward to.

So Father Pig knew there was only one thing to do. He banished Tasha from the mud pits and forced her to go onto the other side of the island, on the back of an ass in the middle of the raging lightning storm as her water leaked over the terrain. Though she would never find out, to this day, a rare plant grows following that path of broken water, a flower that can and WILL- when discovered- cure AIDS.

It was in the middle of her labor that the Harpies visited her and spoke of the revelation.

"You, Tasha LaBouf have engorged the gods with anger! Have you not listened to your dreams?"

"Oh-My-God" Tasha screamed in between more screams and typical labor breathing.

"It is too late to ask help from the gods they have turned a cold back on you Tasha LaBouf that is why we are here though..."

"You're birds with boobs!"

"Quiet woman! Foolish woman! The prophecy must be repeated so the plot will thicken like 7 day old porridge. You are to give birth to son who will RISE RISE RISE as high as the gods and you are to nurture you son and feed him ambrosia and keep him in a veal pen until her is femented enough to take over France. However-"

"However?"

"It is too late. The sub clause states that a botched abortion attempt will warp this prophecy and you will be left with a..."

The harpy faltered as the idea was even beyond its almighty comprehension.

"A what? A WHAT! SPEAK TO ME OH MIGHTY HARPY SPEAK TO ME SO THAT I MAY WORSHIP YOU AND BURN A NEWBORN LAMB IN LOKI'S NAME"

"a vegetarian"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Tasha and the force of her unyielding angst caused the baby to be born at the exact second that a bolt of lightning shot across the sky, striking a tree and causing it to fall on the harpy, crushing its bones. The force of the birth caused the baby to fly several feet into the steaming dead heap of harpy. It immedietly began to cry.

"THE PROPHECY IS TRUE!! WHAT SHALL I DO. OH MY GOD. WHAT SHALL I DO??"