Disclaimer: Oh, if only Gilmore Girls was mine, I would be the happiest wittiest girl in the world. Unfortunately. That cannot come to pass…
A/N: Another cutesy one-shot in the Little Surprise universe. The name says it all. March-ish.
Whale Bait
"Wow, Ace." Logan was surprised. He had been on a business trip for the past week, much to Rory's chagrin, and had just come home to his WIFE undressing in their bedroom.
"What?" Rory was obviously frustrated. She was staring at the mirror.
"It's just, I've been gone for a week, and you look completely different."
"Fat, different? Of course I look different, miscreant. And do you know who's fault is that? Yours. You got to do the fun part, and I get to look like I swallowed a balloon. Not only that, but I'm going through a Mermaid Chair phase and all I can think about is sex, and then I have flashbacks of when my grandmother decided it would be a good idea to make me talk to a minister about my 'precious gift', and I feel guilty."
"And I thought that religion was overrated. Babe, I know you love Sue Monk Kidd, but should you really be reading those weirdo fantasy books right now. I love our crazy, but at this point, you might start taking it too far."
"Listen to me mister, I will do just as I please, because I am an independent woman. I belong on the cover of Destiny's Child single. Oh, you know what, I'm going to be the replaceable singing dancing girl that there's a new one every other month and everyone pretends not to notice."
"Whatever you say Ace." Logan said as he left the bedroom and headed to the kitchen. "Listen Ace, I talked to our lawyers, and they said that they can have your record expunged now as opposed to two years from now, because the punishment you received really was extreme and unfair. So you'll be jail bait any longer."
"How dare you?" Rory shouted and proceeded to slam the door.
"Ace, ace? What do you mean?"
"You think I look like a whale, and you think its funny to make fun of my weight? It's not. I am so mad. I am not Nicole Richie. I don't care if you don't find me attractive anymore, I'm not going to diet while I'm pregnant."
"I'm not asking you to. I want you to take your time. I want you to be Mollie, babe. Relax. Let everything go, and don't worry. And I said Jail Bait. Not whale bait."
"Oh yeah? Well at this rate, our baby's voice will sound like Bruce Willis."
"I'm better looking than John Travolta. Not a chance."
"Logan, I'm sorry I over-reacted. Its just these hormones. It's like, even when I know I'm acting ridiculous, I still do it."
"It's okay. You have an excuse. I bet if you called my mother a fat cow you could get away with it because you're carrying the precious Huntzberger heir."
"Really. I'm going to try that the next time we have to have dinner together. At that rate, I'll counsel your grandfather on not constantly sloshing around his ice to get your attention, and your dad that you catch more flies with honey than arson."
"That might be taking it a bit far, Ace. Although I must say. Half the fun of having a baby is finding out the crazy things you can get away with."
"On that note, I really want an apple" Rory paused, "and a cucumber. And a pickle too."
"You gotcha, ace. Do you want them cut up?"
"No. I want chili fries, but with strawberry sauce on top."
Logan swallowed the bile that suddenly appeared in his mouth. His Ace really had some strange tastes in food. "It's no problem. I'm prepared for this."
"And how Mr. are you prepared for this. As I recall, you and I both have very little firsthand experience with pregnancy and babies. So how, pray tell, are you getting ready for you impending fatherhood?"
"How did you know?!"
"Know what my darling husband. Glorious bacon fetcher."
"That's funny, because I'm the one who cooks. Are you trying to make me say it?"
"Say what? I don't know anything about your clandestine plans."
"How did you find out about the parenting books? I hid them under the bed because I figured that at this point you really wouldn't feel like bending over anyway. Besides, you've never been much of a cleaner."
"Somehow, one of my shoes got under there. It was actually very funny how I got under there. If Finn had been there, he probably would have wanted to capture the moment on camera. And I think its cute that you bought so many."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Seriously, who would have thought that macho Huntzberger would be reading parenting books like there was no tomorrow?"