Hey Guys ! Its me again, with another Grillows or as some say Purejoy fanfic!
Yesh, I know I love 'em, but hey I mean come on Sara was so wrong for him, Cath is his soulmate for crying out loud! She is his butterfly ! They are perfect together, so look out for more fics centred around them, cause them stupid writers let him quit! He is still behind the scenes (and kissing Marg in public) but I mean come on bring him back, or send her to go get him ! Shes not herself without him by her side, shes not as happy, but then again after she found out about him and Sara, shes never been the same.
Disclaimer; I still dont own anything.......the leprechauns like to remind me of that quite a lot, but at least I still have the ability to throw the remote at the TV, when I dont like what I see. Which by the way I do actually do, e.g when Gil left, when Gil propsed to Sara, and basically every scene that was GSR ...lol im not that bad really!
I sit alone.
Alone in an empty house.
Lindsay has gone to her friends for the weekend, and Gil, well he left me for her.
I miss him so much, my heart breaks at the thought that he didnt want me, but then again part of me never thought he would want me.
I mean come on who wants to be with an ex-dancer, Im useless, Im nothing, and even worse he didnt choose me, he chose her!
That stupid bitch, god I have never felt so jealous right now, the only man Ive truly loved, the man that saved me from death when I was beaten by Eddy.
I have loved Gil since I first met her, and I wish I had told him before he left me for another woman, I wish I had kissed him when my heart told me too, I have so many regrets when it comes to that man because my heart is so shattered that everytime I see his smile looking back at me when I look at all the photos surrounding my home, my heart repeats the moment he finally admitted he was leaving the lab....leaving me....but taking my heart with him, I cant love anyone else as much as I love him, I cant love anyone else, cause my heart belongs to him, my one true love, my soulmate, my bugman
You were right
And I
don't wanna be here
If your gonna be there
Was that supposed to
happen
It seems like he has gone forever, it seems like he is a million miles away, I know hes not, I know where he is, but he might as well be dead to me.
He left me broken, he stole my heart and left me there, in the cold and dark.
He might as well of shot me in the heart, although the pain I would feel from a bullet would never compare to the drastic pain I feel from this empty space he left where my heart should be.
He said he was leaving
...what does that mean? does he mean leaving me? or just the lab?
I'll hold tight
I'll remember to smile
Though it
has been a while
And without you does it matter
Now, Im all alone and I sit here holding his photo close to my heart, with tears streaming down my face, tears I thought had run out.
I never knew I could cry this much.
Its been a fortnight since he left me, abandoned me. I cant seem to stop crying, but the tears seem endless, the night seem to drag on and the days, well there not much better, when Im working its like im on auto-pilot, I walk into his office on my breaks and sit in the empty room, alone, and in the dark.
I never bother to turn
on the lights, because if I do Im scared the emptiness I feel will
kill me. There's no room
No place to start
When
our souls are apart
I cant seem to find a
way out. Its like hes locked me in a room, so far from humantity that
I can barely survive, Hes left me in complete solitude, in the
darkness. I cannot see through these tears I cry, and cannot find a
way to escape, no place to start because he is not here with me, and
my life seems so worthless, is that what he thought of me when he
ditched me for that? Did he hate me? did he think i was a slapper,
like that bitch, sara did? I wanna travel through
time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down
the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from
here
I'm counting down the days
He is the only one I want, I need him to survive.
I watched a movie the other day to try and take my mind off of him, ive been doing that alot lately, it never works though.
Theres always a line or a name, or simply a gesture that reminds me of him.
One line was that 'The
greatest thing youll ever learn is just to love and be loved in
return', it made me cry, I couldnt watch it, I know it was only a
movie, but it reminded me that I will never get the opportuniy to
truly love and be loved, because he is the only one I want, I need
him to survive. I need him to feel, I need him to love, I love him
more than anything in the world. How've you been
It's
just the usual here
And days are feeling like years
And every
day's without you
He hasnt even bothered to call me though, what does that tell you?
Well it tells me that he cant even be bothered with me, I want to know whether hes Ok, I want him to ask how Ive been. I know all Ive done is cry, and work, but I can make something up, or maybe Id tell him the truth, tell him I havent stopped crying, and miss him so much, it hurts, I love him so much, its killing me inside.
All the days without
him seem to blend together as one, and nothing seems worth it
anymore, living seems like a punishment, because without him, I
simply cannot live. Now I cry
Just a little too
much
When I think of your touch
And everything about you
Every day and every night, I lie awake, a tortured soul.
I think too much about you, I know that now, but then again, my heart, my soul and my being needs you with me, needs your touch, your smile, you.
I cry when I see you in
my mind, because it reminds me that you dont love me, you love her,
and knowing you chose her over me, is killing me. I
feel cold
I'm in the dark
When our souls are apart
Before you left, I never realised what its like to mourn a living person, because thats what Im doing.
I miss you, I want you, I need you.
When we are apart my heart breaks, even when I was with Eddy, when you wasnt there, nor was I.
You protected me, you saved me and now I mean nothing to you.
Where did that all go Gil?
When did you stop caring?
Was it when I married Eddy, and not you?
I know that cannot be because you still cared after that, but after the minature doll killer, you stopped caring, I felt so alone, yet you would be sitting beside me, you never left, but you didnt care either.
Im sorry that Im the one that cannot seem to make you happy, Im sorry I am not the one you love, because I love you, and I will never stop.
I wish I could but my heart belongs with you, it always has, you have my heart forever and always, but you dont want it do you?
Why do men take your heart and smash it into a billion pieces?
Why are they so content
to abandon you? I wanna travel through time
See your
surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I
just wanna be a million miles away from here
I would give everything I have to back and redo my life, If I could I would tell you how I feel, I would tell you I love you, I would kiss you, I would feel you, touch you, I would make love to you, and the best part, you would love me to.
Well we can all dream cant we?
I want to hold you, I want you to hold me, I never want to let go of you, you are forever in my heart, but being there simply is not enough for me, I need you, I want you here, I want your heart, you have mine, why cant I have yours too?
I count the days since you left me, Its been 14 days to be exact, but turth be told you left me before that, you stopped talking to me, you stopped noticing me, you stopped caring about me, and there was nothing I could do.
We used to be unseperable, so why didnt you chose me?
You abandoned me, leaving me in solitude with nothing but memories of what could have been, what might have been, what should have been.
I cant stay here without you, everything reminds me of what I lost, you.
The lab isnt the same
anymore it feels alien to me, my own home doesnt even feel right, it
seems so empty, like a prison, reminding me who you chose, Im sorry
it wasnt me, I wish you loved me like you love her, I wish I could be
the one to wake up in the morning and see your face, I wish I were
the last person you saw when you went to sleep, and the one youd
dreamt about at night. I wish I were the one you chose. I
wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so
tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a
million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days
I want to come and find you, to see the surprise upon your handsome face, to see your smile and to kiss your lips, and for you to hold me tight never letting go.
Your a million miles away, and I count down the days until you are by my side, but the days turn into weeks and the weeks will soon turn into months, which I have a feeling are soon going to turn into years, my life would have gone by, without you there.
If I died today, would you notice Im gone?
Would you care?
Would you cry for me?
Tell me you loved me?
Would you come back for me to find me gone?
Or would you even attend my funeral?
Would you care fo Lindsay?
or would you not care?
I love you so much that
words cannot describe my pain, I love you, and you may never know, I
love you but I doubt you even care. I'm counting down
the days
I'm counting down the days
I sit and I mark off each day I have to endure the suffering of not having you by my side, you are my one true love, my soulmate, so why do you not care?
Why didnt you chose me?
Ive been trying to get
your attention for years now Gil, I always loved you, the problem is
Ill never stop loving you, because you are the one that made me
whole, and now you left me, empty and broken, because without you Im
not whole, without you I simply cannot survive. I'm
gonna be your surprise
I'm gonna hold you so tight
I need you, I want you, I love you.
I want you to hold me, so I feel whole again, i need you to be myself, you left me broken, and I wonder...do you care?
If I should die, would
you cry? Yeah
I lay here alone and in the dark, however much alcohol I drink, it never numbs the pain, theres not enough alcohol in the world to calm the pain in my heart, that I feel because of you.
Would you care if I drunk myself into oblivion?
Would you?
I heard a song on the radio today and it reminds me of you, it was called a million miles away, by Natalie Imbruglia.
It spoke however far away your true love is, you will always want them to hold you tight.
The song is so true, that it made me think of you.
You are my true
love. I wanna travel through time
See your
surprise
I'd hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days
tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here
Tomorrow I board a flight.
Im coming to find you.
I need to see for myself whether or not you are happy, for that is what I want.
I want the best for you, and it breaks my heart to think you wont be happy with me.
I will always love you Gil.
My heart is yours forever and always, and I will never love anyone else.
Im coming to tell you the truth about how I feel.
Im putting my heart on
the line for you, and I hope you love me back. I wanna
travel through time
See your surprise
I'd hold you so tight
I'm
counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles
away from here
A million miles away from here
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reviews?????