Solace
Sharon's eyes lost focus on the waiting room wall. She felt like she was spinning out of control in her chair though she was sitting stock-still, her hands clenched tightly together in her lap.
Julio was sitting a couple of chairs over from her as they waited.
One visitor at a time, they'd told them. It was Louie Provenza's turn. He sent an awkward smile to Sharon who nodded and forced herself to return the smile. Hers was darker, barely lifting the corners of her mouth.
Andy and Rusty had gone off to get Amy something palatable to eat.
Sharon had had her turn visiting Amy, but she couldn't bring herself to leave yet. She felt immobilized by seeing the bandaged head, the swollen bruises etched in Amy's face.
Julio was frozen too. He'd been so close to stopping Lamar, so close to saving Amy from this hospital visit.
"Captain," He said without looking at her. He wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to say yet.
"Mmm?" Sharon managed.
They sat for a few more moments in silence.
"Did Provenza just smile at you?"
Sharon laughed at the unexpected question. It felt strange to laugh in this environment. But it felt good too.
"Yeah, I guess he did." She said.
"Weird. I think maybe he's starting to not hate you." Julio said, smiling.
"It is odd, isn't it?" Sharon finally looked at the man, appreciating his candor. "How about you?"
"I never really hated you, Captain. Well, I mean not as much as some of the other guys. Certainly not as much as the Chief," he said with a smirk. "But even she warmed up to you, huh?"
"Took a looong time," she replied. "Guess I'm just going to have to work a little harder on Louie. Keep cracking away at his titanium shell."
Julio nodded.
He looked down at his hands, returning to his feelings of failure.
"If only I'd got there sooner," he said. His voice was barely audible but Sharon caught it.
She moved to chair directly beside him, grabbing one of his hands.
"Julio. You did everything right. Don't torture yourself." Sharon said. She knew exactly how he was feeling.
He just nodded again. But he gave her hand a little squeeze before they let go. He found her presence comforting. She reminded him of his favourite aunt on his mother's side – a great confidante and a uniquely caring presence. Both women were protective without being overbearing.
"Do you still talk to Brenda?" Sharon asked, changing the subject. Both of them would have plenty of time later to sit in the company of their own guilt.
"Yeah, we've talked on the phone a few times. I actually met her at the shooting range a couple weeks ago." Julio replied, smiling at the recollection.
Sharon smiled too.
"That sounds nice. How is she?"
"She's good. A little homesick. She misses the job, the guys, being in the field. She said she even misses you," Julio raised his eyebrows at Sharon.
Sharon let out an exaggerated gasp and put her hand to her chest.
"Say it isn't so!"
They both laughed.
Julio enjoyed this side of the Captain. When she'd been FID, he'd only had glimpses at what the woman was like. And most of those glimpses had been ice-cold. He'd been surprised to find that after spending more time with her, her default was not to be an impenetrable wall of a woman but to be warm and open, genuine and kind. She only put up the wall when she needed to.
"Thank you, Captain. For everything," he said suddenly. He didn't really know where it came from. His cheeks felt hot.
"Thank you, Julio." Sharon beamed. "And may I say, you are truly an impressive officer. And a remarkable man."
Andy and Rusty returned as Provenza let himself out of Amy's room.
Andy motioned to the door and spoke to Rusty.
"Why don't you take that sandwich in to her and say goodnight. She should probably be sleeping soon, but she can have some decent grub first."
Rusty nodded and ambled into the room with the food.
Louie joined the three officers in the waiting room.
"She seems pretty good, all things considered." He said. "A little less bright-eyed and bushy-tailed than usual, but I think she'll be just fine."
"I'm going to head out," Andy said as he looked at his watch. "I was going to come back after work tomorrow if anyone wants to come with me. We may even be able to convince the staff to let a few of us in at a time," Andy smirked. He was looking forward to personally convincing a few of the pretty nurses on the ward.
"I'll definitely come along," Sharon replied. The other two men nodded in unison.
Andy and Louie took their leave. Julio stayed with Sharon as she waited for Rusty.
When the boy came out of the room, he looked a little pale, his eyes downcast.
"Are you okay?" Sharon asked him softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I've seen worse, but it's just weird. Seeing her completely fine this morning and now, like that."
Sharon nodded and put an arm around his shoulders.
"Let's go home." She said, then nodded to Julio. "Detective."
"Captain," he nodded back. He resisted the urge to hug her goodbye, reminding himself that she wasn't a part of his family.
But he was noticing more and more that she was becoming a very good boss.
And a very good friend, too.