Covert Military Elite Unit Challenge Show!
"Welcome to Covert Military Elite Unit Challenge Show! The show that takes hardened military units and gives them pointless challenges! Please give it up for your host for the evening, Master Miller!
Miller: Thankyou. Thankyou very much. I'm delighted to be here tonight on this stupid, pointless, degrading show! Wait a minute, did I say delighted? Damn. I meant embarassed. Stupid show. I'm leaving.
"You can't leave, Miller! You need this to support your family!
Miller: Nu-uh. I'm going to have a whole load of money coming in. Royalties from being impersonated. Now see ya!
"Seize him!"
(A group of gaurds in SWAT uniforms come up and beat Miller with lead piping.)
"Now, enter our contestants. The first Covert Military Elite Unit is Foxhound, lead by Liquid Snake (Liquid steps up, one arm missing). (Cheering) Any words, Snake?"
Liquid: WEll, I'm going to kick the other team's buttocks with my gnetic army of soldiers. (Lovingly) I call them the Genome army..."
"That's just great. Now, team two, from the USA, is Dead Cell, headed by ex-US president Solidus Snake! (Silence) Known to the public as George Sears! (Booing)
Solidus: Yeah, yeah, you're just being paid by the Patriots!
"You can't actually say that on TV. You have to say 'La-li-lu-le-lo'.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you all! I'll kill the Patriots! Where's my sword?
"Now, Solidus, don't make us call in the SWAT!
(Threatening looks from SWAT soldiers, tapping their lead piping. Two soldiers drag off Miller.)
Miller: you can't take me off! I'm the host!
"And, heeeeere comes our new host, Raiden!"
(Booing as Raiden walks on.)
"Shit, can we get a new host? One who doesn't look like a bisexual hermaphrodite? And heeeere comes our even newer host, Cyborg Ninja!
(Crowd look round. No-one appears to be walking on. Suddenly, a woman in the audience is lifted up. Cyborg Ninja appears. He is holding her up. Soldiers shoot him in the leg.)
Ninja: Hurt me more!
(The SWAT team appears and does just that.)
"Don't kill him. We need a host"
(SWAT teams shuffle off.)
Ninja: And now for round one. Now, to see who starts, who can better shoot these targets?
(Two targets are wheeled onstage. Dead Cell elect Fortune, FOXHOUND elect Revolver Ocelot. A bout of furious shooting begins)
(Five minutes later)
Ninja: And who shot better? Ocelot, six bullseyes in six shots. Are you proud?
(Ocelot nods.)
Ninja: And, Fortune. Fortune, where's your target?
(Fortune points down. The target is a pile of ash on the ground. Ninja looks at the judge, who merely shrugs.)
Ninja: Fortune is the winner!
Ocelot: I'll kill you!
(Pulls out revolver and shoots Ninja.)
Ninja: (pulling out katana.) Hurt me more!
(Cuts off Ocelot's arm.)
Ocelot: I would hurt you if you hadn't cut my arm off.
Liquid: Guess we're even now, eh?
Ocelot: (pulling out revolver) Give me your arm.
Liquid: OK.
Ninja: And now, the actual round. Dead Cell start. In this round, you must dance. Whoever can do this better, wins.
(Fatman jumps up and roller skates backwards around the dance floor.)
Ninja: Roller disco is SO out of fashion. Minus one point.
"And the winner is...FOXHOUND!"
Fatman: That's unfair!
THE END. Sorry if it sucks, it only took a few seconds to write.
NOTE: The Covert Military Elite Unit Challenge Show studio was blown up a day after. Police are investigating. There are no leads, although witnesses say and obscenely fat man was seen roller skating away, laughing.
"Welcome to Covert Military Elite Unit Challenge Show! The show that takes hardened military units and gives them pointless challenges! Please give it up for your host for the evening, Master Miller!
Miller: Thankyou. Thankyou very much. I'm delighted to be here tonight on this stupid, pointless, degrading show! Wait a minute, did I say delighted? Damn. I meant embarassed. Stupid show. I'm leaving.
"You can't leave, Miller! You need this to support your family!
Miller: Nu-uh. I'm going to have a whole load of money coming in. Royalties from being impersonated. Now see ya!
"Seize him!"
(A group of gaurds in SWAT uniforms come up and beat Miller with lead piping.)
"Now, enter our contestants. The first Covert Military Elite Unit is Foxhound, lead by Liquid Snake (Liquid steps up, one arm missing). (Cheering) Any words, Snake?"
Liquid: WEll, I'm going to kick the other team's buttocks with my gnetic army of soldiers. (Lovingly) I call them the Genome army..."
"That's just great. Now, team two, from the USA, is Dead Cell, headed by ex-US president Solidus Snake! (Silence) Known to the public as George Sears! (Booing)
Solidus: Yeah, yeah, you're just being paid by the Patriots!
"You can't actually say that on TV. You have to say 'La-li-lu-le-lo'.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you all! I'll kill the Patriots! Where's my sword?
"Now, Solidus, don't make us call in the SWAT!
(Threatening looks from SWAT soldiers, tapping their lead piping. Two soldiers drag off Miller.)
Miller: you can't take me off! I'm the host!
"And, heeeeere comes our new host, Raiden!"
(Booing as Raiden walks on.)
"Shit, can we get a new host? One who doesn't look like a bisexual hermaphrodite? And heeeere comes our even newer host, Cyborg Ninja!
(Crowd look round. No-one appears to be walking on. Suddenly, a woman in the audience is lifted up. Cyborg Ninja appears. He is holding her up. Soldiers shoot him in the leg.)
Ninja: Hurt me more!
(The SWAT team appears and does just that.)
"Don't kill him. We need a host"
(SWAT teams shuffle off.)
Ninja: And now for round one. Now, to see who starts, who can better shoot these targets?
(Two targets are wheeled onstage. Dead Cell elect Fortune, FOXHOUND elect Revolver Ocelot. A bout of furious shooting begins)
(Five minutes later)
Ninja: And who shot better? Ocelot, six bullseyes in six shots. Are you proud?
(Ocelot nods.)
Ninja: And, Fortune. Fortune, where's your target?
(Fortune points down. The target is a pile of ash on the ground. Ninja looks at the judge, who merely shrugs.)
Ninja: Fortune is the winner!
Ocelot: I'll kill you!
(Pulls out revolver and shoots Ninja.)
Ninja: (pulling out katana.) Hurt me more!
(Cuts off Ocelot's arm.)
Ocelot: I would hurt you if you hadn't cut my arm off.
Liquid: Guess we're even now, eh?
Ocelot: (pulling out revolver) Give me your arm.
Liquid: OK.
Ninja: And now, the actual round. Dead Cell start. In this round, you must dance. Whoever can do this better, wins.
(Fatman jumps up and roller skates backwards around the dance floor.)
Ninja: Roller disco is SO out of fashion. Minus one point.
"And the winner is...FOXHOUND!"
Fatman: That's unfair!
THE END. Sorry if it sucks, it only took a few seconds to write.
NOTE: The Covert Military Elite Unit Challenge Show studio was blown up a day after. Police are investigating. There are no leads, although witnesses say and obscenely fat man was seen roller skating away, laughing.