"Where the hell do you think you're going?" The voice cut through the air.
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, his escape almost successful.
The woman trapped him with her eyes. The anger blazing from them struck fear into his heart that all the evil of Sauron was powerless to do.
He looked at her, his heart sinking. "Verily, my raven-haired elven one, did the Gondorian sun set on our wedding night but you turned from ethereal princess to shrieking fish wife. It bodes me ill to wonder at the transformation."
He reached out to stroke her face but she slapped his hand away. "Verily, my arse. Verily did the ruddy Gondorian sun set on our wedding night and the King of Gondor had become Queen. You are off to that damn Hobbit bar, aren't you?"
He shook his head. "Calm thy suspicious mind, my sweet..."
"Hobbits, hobbits, hobbits. That's all you care about. Mayhaps I should chop my legs off at the knees and take up smoking pipeweed. Hey, hey, maybe you'd stay at home a bit then."
"They are my friends, my fellowship. You must understand."
"Friends, my arse. I know what goes on at that Hobbit bar. Those Halflings in their half g-strings prancing around on the bar, rubbing their oversized feet in your face. I just hope my lord that you have a decent pocket of gold coins to fill their miniature pouches."
"What black evil makes fills you with such thoughts?"
Arwen sighs and stamps her foot. "Black evil. Phht. When daddy warned me about marrying a mortal he told me all about death and decay and all that kind of shit. He mentioned nothing about you pissing off to a kinky hobbit bar every night leaving me at home with our man-children night after bloody night. Of course daddy would never have guessed at such things."
"Oh my sweet, so innocent and naïve, how little you understand."
"Whatdya mean?"
"Your father is not unacquainted with the pleasure a warm hobbit can bring."
"Bullshit, Azza. Only freaks like you, with your gay Gondorian hair, would touch those creepy hobbits with a ten foot pole. How dare you speak about daddy like that."
"It is a fact well known through the lands of Middle Earth that The Hootchie Hobbit has a corner that all that dwell their refer to as 'Elrond corner' so constantly does your father frequent that establishment."
As Aragon turned to leave, she picked up the saucepan from the bench beside her and flung it at him.
The woman trapped him with her eyes. The anger blazing from them struck fear into his heart that all the evil of Sauron was powerless to do.
He looked at her, his heart sinking. "Verily, my raven-haired elven one, did the Gondorian sun set on our wedding night but you turned from ethereal princess to shrieking fish wife. It bodes me ill to wonder at the transformation."
He reached out to stroke her face but she slapped his hand away. "Verily, my arse. Verily did the ruddy Gondorian sun set on our wedding night and the King of Gondor had become Queen. You are off to that damn Hobbit bar, aren't you?"
He shook his head. "Calm thy suspicious mind, my sweet..."
"Hobbits, hobbits, hobbits. That's all you care about. Mayhaps I should chop my legs off at the knees and take up smoking pipeweed. Hey, hey, maybe you'd stay at home a bit then."
"They are my friends, my fellowship. You must understand."
"Friends, my arse. I know what goes on at that Hobbit bar. Those Halflings in their half g-strings prancing around on the bar, rubbing their oversized feet in your face. I just hope my lord that you have a decent pocket of gold coins to fill their miniature pouches."
"What black evil makes fills you with such thoughts?"
Arwen sighs and stamps her foot. "Black evil. Phht. When daddy warned me about marrying a mortal he told me all about death and decay and all that kind of shit. He mentioned nothing about you pissing off to a kinky hobbit bar every night leaving me at home with our man-children night after bloody night. Of course daddy would never have guessed at such things."
"Oh my sweet, so innocent and naïve, how little you understand."
"Whatdya mean?"
"Your father is not unacquainted with the pleasure a warm hobbit can bring."
"Bullshit, Azza. Only freaks like you, with your gay Gondorian hair, would touch those creepy hobbits with a ten foot pole. How dare you speak about daddy like that."
"It is a fact well known through the lands of Middle Earth that The Hootchie Hobbit has a corner that all that dwell their refer to as 'Elrond corner' so constantly does your father frequent that establishment."
As Aragon turned to leave, she picked up the saucepan from the bench beside her and flung it at him.