Title: Xander Harris and the Magical Ascension
Author: Mr. Klortho
Rating: Teen (Some spotty language here and there, but it's tastefully done if I do say so myself.)
Summary: Xander finds out that he has something inside that puts him firmly out of the "normal" category, and decides to travel to a castle in Scotland to learn more about it.
Timeline: During Season 2 for BtVS, and Book 6 for HP.
Speical Thanks: To my beta's: StrawberryChild, dozygirl, curius, and AmoebaFlower. Your help, suggestions, and overall support has been invaluable through this whole process. I can't thank you enough.
A/N: VERY IMPORTANT!!: I know how this chapter looks. Believe me I do. All I can say is please, please, please read the whole thing before passing judgement. That is all.
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS, Harry Potter, or anything to do with either, blah blah blah.
It was early morning in the Sunnydale Memorial High School Library, well before any of the students were scheduled to arrive. Sunlight filtered in through the windows, bathing the scratched and weathered conference table a warm, golden shade of brown. The far off sounds of birds chirping filled the air with peaceful reverie, while the musty and worn smell of the old books pleasantly reminded one of more innocent days.
Unfortunately, this perfect moment was fleeting. Since the room itself was situated on top of a Hellmouth, it mainly played host to supernatural acts and devilish occurrences that left people screaming in terror.
However, one had to quickly learn to enjoy the peaceful moments, because they didn't come around often. It was exactly this feeling Rupert Giles, Watcher to the current Slayer, felt as the door to his library swung open.
He walked with a spring in his step to his customary spot behind the book return counter. His whistling joined the bird calls as he went through his morning routine: hang up his coat, put the tea kettle on, return any weapons or demonic texts to the cage, and straighten up the books.
When he finished he went back to leaning on the counter, savoring his first taste of scalding hot Earl Grey.
Today is going to be a good day, he thought. A small sigh of contentment escaped his lips.
Only Giles' quick reflexes saved the tea from splashing down the front of his shirt when the front doors burst open, shattering all tranquility. He set the teacup down just as Buffy stormed in with Willow hot on her heels.
"Or apparently soul crushing," Giles muttered to himself.
"Aaaaaggghhh!" Buffy threw her hands up in frustration.
"Buffy," Willow said, "you know he was just looking out for you. That's what he does, he's like," Willow started stammering, "He's like...Oh! Your own full coverage policy at Slayers of Omaha."
"Please, when do I need help with three vampires? I'm pretty sure this whole Vampire Slayer package comes with the ability to, you know, slay."
For Giles, the first whispers of a headache began to form, even with a liberal amount of nose pinching. "By your tone and level of ranting, I assume you're talking about -" Giles began.
"Don't say his name!" Buffy yelled. She marched right up to the other side of the counter, her expression fierce.
"This morning he will simply be referred to as my irritating boyfriend who thinks I'm some damsel in distress that can't manage on her own." She kept poking Giles in the chest to punctuate her point.
She paused for a moment. "Or 'Jackass' if, you know, you're a fan of brevity."
"Aww, but I love it when you call me 'The Hunter.'"
All three heads in the room turned towards the voice at the door. Standing there, glowing with the familial embrace of the warm dawn light, stood Xander Harris.
The shocking changes his body had undergone over the last few months rippled throughout his frame. Standing at just over 6'5, and weighing in at 270 pounds of rock solid muscle, his body would put any Mr. Olympia to shame.
His apparel was no less intimidating, especially to the evil community of Sunnydale. His army fatigue style pants fit snugly on his lower body, while the black Lycra shirt he wore hugged him like a second skin. The leather duster flowed like a river just above his black combat boots. The collar was flipped up, bathing his always present five o'clock shadow in darkness.
The overall effect was magnificent in its deadliness.
Today however, it did nothing to impress his girlfriend.
"Uh-uh, I'm not talking to you," she said with her back to Xander.
Xander chuckled as he tossed his coat on the counter. "Come on Buffy, I didn't do anything wrong." He turned towards Willow, "Will you please tell her that she's overreacting?"
"Uhh, I -" Willow started.
"Don't bring Willow into this!" Buffy yelled, "She's just as upset about this as I am, aren't you Willow?"
"Okay, I ahh -"
"Willow's a big girl; she can speak for herself, right?" Xander said.
Giles raw fingers furiously polished his glasses. The sight of Willow, darting her eyes back and forth in terror, greeted him as he slipped the frames back on.
"Children," Giles began, "am I to assume there was some sort of issue with the slaying last night?"
"Oh no, no problem," Buffy said, jabbing her thumb in Xander's direction, "except that Mr. 'I've never read Feminine Mystique' thinks that I can't do my own job."
Xander's calloused hands shot up in surrender. "Hey, I'll admit, I was being a little stupid last night."
"A little?" Her eyebrows almost melded into her hairline.
Xander rolled his eyes. "Okay fine, I was the King Cretin of the wonderful land of Idiotville. But to be fair, I'm a guy: when it comes to our women, we're supposed to be caveman-like and lose all capacity for rational thought."
"When did you ever have it?"
He pointedly ignored his girlfriend, and instead caught Giles' eye, "Hey G-Man, didn't you ever do something stupid for a girl?"
Giles' face colored. "Well, I, err," he stumbled, "it was a long time ago. You don't want to hear about it."
Xander's eyes lit up. "Oh, now you have to tell us."
Giles ripped his glasses off once again and started to polish. "Alright, fine. For a lark, I once dressed up as Professor Arnold McFudpucker. It was for a Halloween gathering, and the girl, her name was Diana, well, she had the most fascinating -."
He stopped short. They don't need to hear about that particular wonderful attribute. "Well, er, Diana had a, err, certain fondness for Benny Hill."
He was met with three blank stares. "Benny Hill? Really, none of you?" Giles asked incredulously, "Oh, but if it had some sort of teen heartthrob or contrived romantic entanglement, I'm sure you would all know it intimately," Giles said bitterly.
"Oookay," Xander said, while Giles took a few seconds to recover his decidedly British composure.
His expression grew much more serious as he slowly approached Buffy. "Of course I know you can get the job done. I just, I just worry about you so much."
"Xander," Giles said, "I know that the hyena possession has left you with a few, ah, 'special abilities'. But you should never discount what Buffy can do. She is, after all, the Slayer."
"I know that, G-Man. That's what I love about her." While he spoke, Buffy intently studied the carpet.
He willed her to look up and meet his eyes. "I know you're powerful and strong, and that you can take anything thrown at you. But I still worry, I still get scared. I know how evil all vampires are, how dangerous they can be," Xander tipped up her chin with his hand. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. "I don't know what I would do without you," he said.
"Oh Hunter," Buffy whimpered. She threw her hands around the large man's neck, kissing him with unbridled passion.
From her chair, Willow faked a cough when the kiss ventured into uncomfortable territory. Buffy and Xander pulled apart slowly, matching glazed over looks on their faces.
Eventually Xander approached Willow with outstretched arms and a welcoming grin. Willow moved to return his hug, but instead of wrapping his arms around her, he wrapped them around the legs of her chair. She squeaked at being lifted five feet off the ground.
"Oh, come on now Willow. Even though one of the abilities from the hyena possession is an inexplicable increase in my intellect, you're still my bestest study partner and buddy in the whole wide world."
Though she still appeared terrified at being held up, she rewarded his efforts with a tumultuous smile.
"Thanks Xander," Willow said.
Sputtering and coughing sounds made their way from Giles position, as he choked on his tea. "Good lord, is that a gun?" he asked, pointing at Xander's back.
"Oh this little old thing." There was a note admiration and self satisfaction in his voice as he reached behind him. He took the time to examine the gun from every angle possible. He then pulled the clip out, checked it, slid it back in, and cocked the gun. "It's a Desert Eagle Mark VII that I've modified to fire my own ammunition."
He handed it to Giles, whose thinly veiled disdain melted into interest at the mention of the modifications.
"What kind of ammunition?" Giles asked.
If at all possible Xander's chest seemed to inflate with even more pride. "Well, I was able to convert the casing on the .357 shells to hold hawthorn chips and holy water in the center. It's like a widow maker for the undead."
"That is absolutely remarkable," Giles said sincerely as he handed the gun back to him. "The Council has tried for years to create some sort of artillery that would be effective against vampires. Their best minds have been unable to accomplish it. How did you figure it out?"
Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander's middle, burrowing her head into his chest. "That's my Xan," she said, "accept no substitutes."
Xander kissed the crown of her head. "Well G-Man, I was stumped for a little while. Then I just thought that -"
Suddenly, his muscles tensed and strained.
"What's wrong, Xan?" Buffy asked, a worry line forming just above her nose.
He untangled himself from Buffy, all the while scanning the library in quick, precise movements.
When he didn't answer, the rest of the group became nervous.
"Xander?" Willow asked.
"Something's not right," he said in a harsh whisper.
He stalked across the library like a tiger tracking its prey. Chills still rolled down his back, a sure sign from his new hyena senses that they were being watched. There was someone in the library with them, someone who didn't belong. His body attuned to every creak, every flash of light. He would find them. Nothing was completely stealthy.
"Xander, what's out there?" Giles asked.
"Don't know yet. But it's something..nasty." He sniffed the air.
There it was. The back of the stacks.
Buffy changed into Slayer mode, "Willow, grab the sword from under the counter and hide in Giles' office."
Willow nodded, hurrying toward the counter. Xander gently grabbed her arm as she tried to pass. His focus never wavered from the back of the library.
"No, it's okay. I recognize the smell now. It's a combination of sewage and broodiness." The gun that had been securely tucked into his waistband now pointed towards the unseen threat. "Aren't I right, Deadboy?"
Upon hearing the familiar insult, Angel emerged from the shadows, emanating a glare of hate and rage.
Buffy relaxed her fighting stance. "Sheesh," she said while rolling her eyes, "testosterone much?" She walked over to Xander and pushed his arm down. "Put that thing away."
"Hello Buffy," Angel said, focusing entirely on her.
"Angel. What are you doing here?" It was amazing what a little break up could do to someone's tone. What was once was a voice of love, now sounded more of indifference.
Angels eyes widened in surprise. "I came to see you. We need to talk."
"I think she said everything she needed to last week." Xander subtly shifted his body in front of Buffy's, "It's a tale as old as time, Deadboy: girl meets vampire, girl likes vampire, girl dumps vampire for guy with pulse. Or is that too complicated, Captain Hair Gel?"
Angel growled. "Listen boy, I was fighting the good fight since before you were a spot on your daddy's pants."
"Well, that's, eh, a rather unpleasant metaphor," Giles mumbled.
"Angel," Buffy began as she moved around Xander, squeezing his arm, "I'm sorry but you have to accept that we're over. I mean, yeah, it was great for awhile. But I'm sixteen and you're pushing 240." Her eyes widened, "Oh, not that you don't look good for your age or anything."
Angel stalked toward her. "Buffy, you can't tell me you don't feel it. We're destined to be together."
Xander snorted. "Oh jeez, nice line. What are you going to tell her next, 'Your legs must be tired because you were running through my dreams all night'? Even I would never stoop so low."
Angel's jaw tightened as his eyes turned from brown to golden yellow.
"Umm," Willow said, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. She visibly wilted. "Actually, 'The Hunter' and the Slayer are destined to be together. It's prophecy."
That revelation caused two distinct reactions: Elation for Xander, shock for Angel.
"What?" Angel croaked.
"Oh, it's really interesting actually." Willow's confidence grew now that she was talking about something academically related. She ran into the cage, glancing at the various books of demonology until she found the one she was looking for.
She furiously turned the pages. "Here it is," she thrust the book right under Angel's nose.
With a cursory glance he handed it right back to her. "I don't speak Hittite, Willow."
Willow's face was as red as her hair. "Oh, ah, ummm, well…"
Giles stepped up and gingerly grabbed the book from her hands.
"Yes, well, the gist of the passage says that the Slayer will meet and fall in love with 'The Hunter,' a powerful ally that she will know first as a friend," said Giles.
"How do you know it's Xander?"
"Ah, well, this line here," he held the book up to Angel and pointed to the line in question, "it says that 'The Hunter' will start off a normal associate of the Slayer, but through a mystical possession will come into certain abilities, like increased intelligence, strength, dexterity, healing -"
"I think I got it," Angel said.
His posture drooped as he clutched the railing to the second floor. The library was deathly quiet, no one daring to make a sound; three people out of compassion, one person because he didn't want to piss off his girlfriend.
It started off small. Just a shake of the arms, maybe from gripping the railing too tight. But the shaking fed on itself, looping and growing more desperate. It reached a point where Angel's shoulders looked like they would pop from their sockets. He whirled back around; a mad, desperate look on his face.
"Doesn't anyone find this whole thing strange?"
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Strange isn't always bad."
He laughed harshly. "I can't believe after everything that's happened you're going to let a prophecy determine your feelings."
The crack of Buffy's hand reverberated throughout the room. "How dare you say that!"
Her face radiated white hot rage. She seethed at the vampire in front of her.
"You were the one who sat there, doing nothing, just waiting for me to die because of a prophecy! If Xander hadn't dragged you to the Master's lair, I'd still be laying face down in that puddle!"
Angel's face twisted into a malicious grin as he looked to Xander. "I bet you wasted no time in telling Buffy how heroic you were, did you boy?"
"Nope, didn't say a word. Didn't have to." He was loving every minute of this. "Apparently word of your expeditions to the 'Yellow Bellied' territory made it to most of the dark creatures in Sunnydale. They got a real kick out of it too; the once mighty Angelus cowering in his basement apartment."
Angel tried to dart toward Xander, but was stopped by Buffy latching on for dear life.
"Not helping," she gritted out.
This time Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Don't care."
"Angel," she started while glaring extra strength at Xander, "I truly am sorry for the way things turned out. If things had been different, I don't know, maybe WE could have been different. But at the end of the day, you're a vampire, and I'm -"
"The Slayer."
Buffy shook her head, "A girl. A living, breathing, real life girl who's sixteen and wants more than anything to have a boyfriend who can be seen in public between the hours of 7am and 7pm. But it's more than that."
It was like everything faded away for Buffy; everything except one man: Xander. Their eyes met, and that invisible bit of electricity touched them both. Her body ran on autopilot, taking her to him without a conscious thought. It didn't matter that her ex-boyfriend was standing next to her; hell, her mom could have been right next to her in a bathrobe and curlers and she wouldn't have flinched.
"What I feel for Xander, it's almost too much. I look at him and I see my future. There is no doubt in my mind that Xander will always have my back, always be there for me. We can keep lying to ourselves Angel, but we both know that this would end with one of us in tears."
Angel stared at the both of them, his mouth gaping open like a fish. He started to slowly back away, his arms up in surrender as groans of pain escaped his lips.
It wasn't everyday you had your heart ripped out of your chest.
Suddenly those groans turned into sobbing, the sound muffled because his hands were now covering his face.
"Jeez, I didn't think he'd take it this badly," Willow said. Xander and Giles nodded their heads.
Buffy slowly reached out to Angel. "Angel, it's going to be -"
No one heard it in time. What had started off as sounds of crying had morphed into something much more sinister, something that was almost maniacal.
Lightning fast, Angel's arm shot out, clutching Buffy around the throat. Cries of shock rang out, but before anyone could move, Angel used her body as cover.
Angel tightened his grip on her neck and Giles, Willow and Xander froze. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Loverboy. You get any closer, and I might just accidentally snap her neck."
Xander's body poised for attack. "You're dust Deadboy."
"Angel, what the hell are you doing?" Buffy asked between gasps of breath.
Angel leaned in close and whispered, "What I should have done a long time ago."
"I knew it," Xander said, "I knew the nice guy act was crap."
"Of course it was an act," he said, "Usually I'm the love 'em and leave 'em disemboweled type, but I thought I would try something different with the Slayer. So I pretended that I was rehabilitated and was looking to 'make a difference.'"
His lips pursed, as if he had tasted something particularly unpleasant, "I mean, if I didn't play nice, do you think I would have ever had the chance to sample her goods before I systematically destroyed every bit of her life? I have to admit though; it hasn't been easy pretending to be a goody-goody in front of you people. Hunting vampires, fighting the good fight. I mean, the amount of time and creativity alone I've put into hiding my kills. Let's just say that if any of you plan on eating at the Doublemeat Palace, I would stick with the fish."
"We trusted you," Giles spat, "how could you do this?"
Angel pretended to think hard. "Hmm, gee, I don't know. Is it maybe because I have no soul and I'm evil? I mean that's just my first guess, but I think it could be a winner."
"You won't get away with this," Willow said.
"Oooh, the pastel wonder is gonna threaten me? I'm in big trouble now," Angel taunted, roaring with laughter.
Xander tried to catch Buffy's eye. "Baby, please hang in there, I'll get you out of this."
"Hunter, please, help," Buffy gasped.
The whites of her eyes were starting to show as she feebly clawed at the forearm around her throat. All Buffy accomplished was Angel tightening his grip.
"You know what," Angel began, "this is why I hate role playing: too much improv. I mean, what am I doing, what's the other person doing, are they a Vietnamese waiter, or Charles Nelson Reilly? It's just too complicated. I'm better off sticking with what I'm good at."
He was exerting so much force that Buffy's feet were now off the ground. "You know," he whispered into her ear, "you were half right: This is going to end tonight, but baby, it won't be in tears."
His game face slipped on, and he made the final plunge towards Buffy's carotid artery.
The gun shot rang out like a canon.
Angel's body flew back through the railing, shards and pieces of wood flying everywhere. The left side of his face exploded in blood from where the .357 grazed him. Xander held the smoking gun pointed at Angel, never wavering, while Giles scooped up a semi-conscious Buffy. He laid her on the carpet next to the table.
Xander spoke in a deadly calm voice while Angel struggled to get up, "You know it would be so easy. One of these bullets, bam, pow, right in the kisser, then we'd have no more Deadboy."
Angel teetered onto his feet. The entire left side of his face was covered in blood, so much so that it appeared he was missing his left eye.
"You'd like that," he snarled. "Means not having to get your hands dirty."
"Usually, yeah, you'd be right. If it was any other vamp, I'd squeeze a few out of ole' Betty here and call it a night. But not you, because that's not that the way this is gonna go down."
He tossed the gun into the stacks on the second level. "You're going to die, but it's gonna be by my hand."
Angel slipped into his game face once more before leaping across the table, closing the ten foot difference in the blink of an eye.
Xander didn't move, didn't budge.
Angel snapped off a combination of left and right hay makers, striking nothing but air. Xander, moving faster than any other human alive, avoided every punch.
"Oh come on, Deadboy," Xander said as he bobbed and weaved, "I thought you were supposed to be some lean, mean, fighting machine."
Angel growled, intensifying his attack. His limbs were a blur of deadly precision.
Across the room, Giles crouched next to Willow, both with wide eyed looks of shock and awe.
"I knew Xander was all super tough now, but this is..." Willow drifted off.
"It's somewhat frightening," Giles finished.
Willow mutely nodded.
Even to Giles' partially untrained eye, a pattern to the fight started to emerge. While Xander appeared to be on the defensive to Angel's unrelenting attacks, it was actually a ruse; he was dictating their position.
"Willow," Giles said. She gave no indication of hearing him.
"Willow, please, Buffy needs our help."
That pulled her out of the haze. She looked at Giles, fright in her eyes.
"They're far enough away, we can move her." Giles slid towards Buffy's head, "You grab her feet."
Giles took a firm grip of Buffy's shoulders, while Willow wrapped her arms around her feet. Buffy moaned as they lifted her up.
"Is she going to be okay?" Willow asked as they carried her towards the cage.
"Buffy will be fine," he said as they set her down.
Almost on cue, Buffy began to stir.
"What's he doing, Giles? Why isn't Xander fighting back?" Willow asked.
He looked at Willow and noticed how tightly her hands were clenched together. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"I imagine Xander is aware of what he's doing. He'll be fine. Plus, he knows that if he did lose to Angel, Buffy would never let him live it down."
Xander grinned as he continued avoiding Angel's assault. "You know, I do have to admit this is a pretty good work out. Hey, maybe I can actually skip running tonight. That would be sweet. Heck, maybe I can skip all my exercising! Nah, on second thought that won't work; I still need to get a sparring session in. You know, one that actually involves getting hit."
"Don't you ever shut up!" Angel yelled.
His kicks and punches moved a fraction of a second slower than before.
"Nope, not even a little bit. You know, being the 'Hunter,' it has some perks; super strong, super fast, the ability to shake exactly two aspirin out of the pill bottle every time."
Xander kept avoiding hit after hit.
"But I still say my greatest superpower, the one that keeps me warm on those dark nights, is knowing that at any time, any place, I can annoy the hell out of you."
Xander snapped out his right hand, intercepting Angel's left hand mid punch. With a roguish grin, he twisted the arm up, earning a cry as the bone snapped.
His two quick, devastating left hand jabs to the stomach folded Angel over in two.
He dug his fingers into the flesh of Angel's throat.
Now it was Angel's turn to claw at his hand in terror.
With little effort, Xander picked his body off the floor, fully raising his arms above his head. He paused for a moment, and Angel brought his fist up, ready to strike with one last gasp.
He didn't get the chance.
The wood splintered and groaned as Xander smashed Angel's body down onto the table top like a battering ram. Angel lay there in a daze, body broken, as Xander slowly walked to where the railing used to be.
"You know, even with the power up, I was worried about this," Xander said distractedly. He crouched down, examining the various shards and chunks of wood. "Would I be enough to stop the mighty Angelus? It was always in the back of my mind."
He came back with four stakes clutched in his hands.
"Then you did that cliché of clichés and revealed all your evil plans. Granted, it pretty much consisted of just killing us, but still, classic villain mistake."
His jovial tone melted into barely suppressed rage.
"But none of that mattered, not when you had to choke Buffy, the love of my life. When I saw that arm around her throat, you know what the only thought in my mind was?"
A soul shattering scream cut through the air as Xander slammed a stake into each of Angel's shoulders like railroad spikes.
Xander brought his face to within an inch of Angel's, the anger and hatred twisting his appearance into something ghastly.
"How long can you torture a vampire before you kill him?"
He brought the third stake down straight through Angel's stomach.
He screamed once more.
"You know what the answer is? Neither do I. And we won't find out tonight. Can you guess why? It's simple; you're not worth wasting another second of my time on. You're pathetic."
He took the last stake, and pierced the heart of the infamous 'Scourge of Europe'. Angel faded into dust, his throat locked into one last, silent scream.
Xander's breaths came in heaving gasps, which had nothing to do with the so called 'fight' that just took place. He had done it. The former lowly man on the totem pole. His head could accept the fact, but his heart was still a step slow. That's why his eyes burned a hole into the wood where Angel's body had lain moments before.
"Xander."
That single word was enough to break him out of his trance.
Buffy stood on wobbly legs. He closed the distance between them, wrapping her in a hug that she returned with equal fervor.
He pulled back, caressing her cheek with his hand. "I thought I almost lost you," he choked out.
"I knew you'd be there to save me," she rasped out.
"Always."
His kiss was soft and sweet, and lingered on her lips like a dream.
Suddenly a red blur latched herself onto the hugging couple.
"'dgethimintheend," Willow babbled in one long, incoherent stream.
Giles stepped in. "I think what Willow is trying to say is, bravo my boy, bravo."
"Well, I wish I could say I haven't thought about doing that since I met the guy, but I'd be lying," Xander said.
"I can't believe I didn't see this sooner," Buffy said.
"Yes, well, none of us did. We wanted to believe so badly that Angel had switched to the side of good that we ignored all the contradictory signs," Giles said.
"You didn't though," Buffy said to Xander, "He never had you fooled for a second. You're amazing."
Giles put his hand on Willow's shoulder, guiding her towards the door. "Willow, let's, ah, give Xander and Buffy a few moments alone."
"Okay."
Giles smiled quickly as he exited the library with Willow.
Xander turned back to Buffy, a silly grin plastered on his face. "So I guess this means you forgive me?" He made sure to add his best 'little boy lost' expression.
"For last night's vamps? Oh no, you're still in the doghouse for that little stunt. But I guess I can go easy on the passive aggressive insults I had planned for the next week."
Xander smiled. "You're too kind."
Buffy didn't say a word as she walked up to the dust covered table.
"I know this is going to sound painfully lame, but are you okay?" Xander asked.
"Yeah, it's just," she paused, struggling with her next words, "I thought he loved me. I thought I knew him."
"I know it sucks being betrayed like that, but it could have been worse; you two could have still been together."
"That's true."
"You know, with the way our lives are, I half expect him to come back somehow," Buffy said.
Xander wrapped his arms around her midsection from behind. "No way, he's dust. There's no coming back from that."
"Sometimes when you think you've killed something, it comes back stronger."
Xander turned her around to face him. "Then if he comes back, we'll just have to make sure to kill him again. That could actually be a lot of fun. We could make a date out of it, like putt-putt, but less sinister."
Buffy could only laugh in response as she melted into his arms.
"You know," she said, her expression becoming shy, "My mom is going to be out of town for the rest of the week."
"Oh really," Xander said, wiggling his eyebrows. Buffy giggled and smacked his shoulder.
"Yes you goof. I was thinking that we could make tonight one full of happy memories."
"Just being with you Buffy, that's all I need."
Buffy smiled, cupping Xander's face with both her hands. His eyes closed as Buffy placed feather light kisses on his chin, his cheeks, the corner of his lips, his forehead...
Then his forehead again.
And again.
And again.
"Ummm, Buff, not that I don't like the kisses, but my Aunt Nancy kisses me on the forehead, and believe me when I say I never want to be thinking about her again when I'm with you."
But she didn't stop.
Xander opened his eyes, "Buffy?" The intensity and frequency of her kisses increased.
"Buffy."
"Buffy."
"Buffy!"
His eyes snapped open to find his father, Tony, hovering above him.
Smacking the cordless phone on his forehead.
Xander looked around his messy room in confusion. Why was he here? Wasn't he just in the library kicking the crap out of Angel?
Oh yeah, of course; it was a dream.
Figures.
"Hey," Tony said. His clothes were rumpled, his eyes bloodshot. The stale smell of cheap beer clung to him like a bad date. If Xander needed anymore proof this wasn't a dream, this certainly did the trick.
"Some limey is on the phone saying he needs to speak with you."
"What?" Xander croaked.
Tony smacked the phone on his forehead one more time.
Apparently 'what?' was not the answer he was looking for.
"Boy, why do you have some teacher calling you on a Saturday morning at 8am? What kind of trouble are you in?"
"Umm," Xander said while sitting up. He tried rubbing the sleep out of his eyes while thinking of a valid excuse. Not an easy task when you barely knew your own name at the moment. "He's the librarian, so he's probably calling me about some overdue library books. You know me, can't get enough of that book learnin'."
Tony seemed to consider the thought of his son actually reading for fun. Eventually he tossed the phone at Xander.
"I ain't paying for no fines," he said, the door slamming behind him.
Xander let out a breath of fresh air. Dealing with Tony was always an adventure, let alone at this ungodly hour.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed, his body protesting the entire way. He was paying for last night this morning. Slaying was like being in a car crash every night of the week. Well, at least it was if you weren't the Slayer or didn't have Wolverine's healing factor.
It didn't matter that he was seventeen and in the prime of his life, his joints still snapped, crackled, and popped like Rice Krispies.
The groan of relief as he stretched the limbs of his decidedly normal 6'0'' body was one of the small pleasures of his day. He twisted, pulled, and rotated all his limbs until he felt like something vaguely human.
Coming down from his stretching high he finally noticed a buzzing in the room. He looked around, trying to find the source.
With a start he realized it was the sounds of an angry British man through his cordless.
"Hey G-iles," he stuttered, "What can I do for you?"
"Yes, Xander, good morning. I hope, err, everything is well."
He must have heard Tony call him a 'limey'. He hoped Giles didn't take it personally; Tony hated all people equally.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine; just hoping Freud was wrong about his whole dream thing holding deeper meanings, because if not, then apparently my issues have issues," he said distractedly.
"Oh, eh, alright. I must apologize; I didn't mean to cause any problems with your father. I couldn't help overhearing."
Xander cringed as he sat back on the bed, "No worries, dad was just being his usual charming self. What can I do for you? Wait, everything is alright, isn't it?" he asked in alarm.
"Oh yes, yes, no problems. I was actually wondering if you wouldn't stop over at my apartment this morning when you get a moment. There was something I wanted to discuss."
Xander rifled through the clothes next to his bed, trying to find at least one shirt within his acceptable smell limits.
"Yeah sure, no problem, even though you're cutting into my lovely summer break. What time is Willow gonna be there?"
"Actually Xander, she, err, won't be coming. I wanted to talk to you privately."
Xander paused mid lift. "Wait, just me? Giles, you're starting to freak me out here."
"It's nothing bad, I promise. But it is rather important. There are certain, ah, events I wanted to go over with you."
Xander cringed. "Giles, if this is about those books I took out; I swear, I didn't even know they had pictures."
"Books, what books?"
Xander spoke quickly. "Apparently the books that don't mean a thing because you need to see me for something important that has nothing to do with any quasi-pornographic material I may or may not have checked out."
"Err, yes. There are certain, ah, events I wanted to go over with you to see if they fit a theory of mine."
Luckily he pointedly ignored the last statement.
"Yeah, okay, sure. Let me just get dressed and I'll head right over."
"Excellent, see you in a little while. Oh, and Xander," Giles said, sounding slightly uncomfortable. "It is perfectly normal for an, eh, adolescent boy to have, eh, unique dreams; Freud not withstanding."
"Oookkkaaay," Xander said.
He desperately, more than anything in the world, wanted to hang up the phone.
"Well, I just don't want you to think you are by any means unusual. Though I may be Buffy's Watcher, I would hope that you trust me enough to be able to accept my support and guidance, both you and Willow, of course."
Giles voice turned whimsical. "In fact, there was a time where I myself suffered from bizarre dreams. I was courting a beautiful young woman during my time in school, and every night I -,"
"Giles," Xander interrupted, "if you tell me you used to dream about dressing up as Professor Arnold McFudpucker, I'm hanging up this phone right now."
There was a pause on the other line.
"Wait, what?"