Resignation
Here I am, polishing my armor. Today the weather is nice, is a good day… to see her. Everyday I woke up early to do my patrol around town, and every morning at dawn I stop near the orphanage. I stood there just in the corner of the
bakery where I would see her coming out to buy fresh bread for the children's breakfast. She is so dedicated, so kind, so sweet. It is my duty to protect the village, but it is my heart's utmost desire to protect her. I can't still forgive myself
for my failure. Back there when we were but children, I was always there to help her. Anything I could do for her was my happiness. Everyday I accompany her to the chapel, where she would pray every morning. I always was there to
help her carrying anything. How I loved to see her smile. I still remember that day clearly.
We were on our village and I was about to tell her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. She came to me with a radiant smile and her pretty eyes were shining as she told me the news of her acceptance into the church. My
world crushed that instant. The girl I loved with all my heart will be taken into the clergy. I was there when she swore her oath of chastity, I was there when she become untouchable. I would never be able to tell her. I would never be
able to hold her in my arms, never will I be allowed to place a kiss on her lips. Still, every time she turned to me with her tender smile, my heart melt like a sugar cube in hot tea. I joined the army because of her, because she told me once
that people's hands are meant to protect. She said she joined the clergy not only for her faith, but because she wanted to be able to heal people with her own hands. My hands are not as gentle as hers, but even so, they can hold a
lance to protect the ones I hold dear. Sometimes I think I'm not meant for this. I'm far to clumsy, but it is true that help my people makes my heart glad. I wonder if it is the same for her. No, I'm sure it is. Many praise me for my kindness,
many said that I'm a good man, many says that the heavens will reward me, but there is no prize, nor richest or jewels that could compare with having her. Something that I would never have.
During the Mad King's war I was taken to fight. I had to part with her, and I was introduce to war. Thankfully I wasn't deployed to any frontline, and when I finally returned, the occupation army of Begnion had destroyed our home. She
was no where to be found, and my heart enter into despair. No longer I cared for living with my honor as a soldier of Daein, the only thing I hold on to, was to see her again. That's why I let myself be swayed into the army of Begnion.
They let me live, if I joined their side. I wanted to see her so much, I wanted to find her. I only wanted to live for that. I turned a blind eye to all the atrocities Begnion committed to my people and every time I heard about a dismantle
church I lose hope to find her. That was until I saw her. It was her, I was sure, I could recognize her between a million people. She was taken into the dungeons. I wasn't going to allow it, I failed once when I left the village, I wouldn't
failed her again. That's why I let those people in into the fortress. It was my turn in the watch and I let them slip in. I knew there were going to save her, and when I was face to face with her, the only thing I could do was to follow her.
Through all that war I remained at her side, protecting her, supporting her. I wished so many times to be able to tell her, to be able to confess my feelings. I even bought a staff for her, even though I didn't knew what it do. I went to give
it to her. But as clumsy as I am. When she turned around and smiled, my mind went blank, all I could said was that it was on the floor near her. She took it, I was listening to her talking about what it does and when I had build up the
courage to tell her my feelings, I found myself suddenly asleep.
I convince myself that it was the will of the Goddess not to tell her. I resign myself to look at her from afar, I resign myself to this unrequited love, I resign myself to be just the childhood friend who is always there to protect her. It is kind
of funny how live had played out. All I want is for her happiness. Even if all I can do is wish, dream to be something more than just friends. Even when I know it is impossible and the only thing left for me is look from the distance. As long
as I can see her smile, no matter if is from afar, I will resign myself to be just sweet Laura's childhood friend.