Chasing Glory
By Lanie
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries or Delena.
A/N: So. I wasn't incredibly satisfied with the Damon/Elena scenes in the first episode of Season 4 - or maybe I should say it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. And I've had this idea for a while now. So I went with it. I wanted to get it out before the second episode aired, so here's the first (and shortest) instalment.
Preface
He sat as still as a corpse in a room as black as night. He didn't know how long he'd been there for - it could have been hours, but it could have just as easily been days if it wasn't for the lack of sunlight pouring through the cracks in the curtains. The room was almost entirely silent; the only sounds the ticking of the clock across the room and a dripping tap somewhere upstairs.
He lifted the bottle in his hand to his lips, waiting for drops of whisky that would never come. The bottle was empty and had been for a while now. But he couldn't get up yet. Every inch of him screamed stay. Mystic Falls was the only place he'd ever really felt an attachment to. He shook his head, just slightly, just enough to skip the thought pulsing at the edge of his mind. He refused to believe it was because of her.
He tossed the bottle carelessly across the room and let it shatter into shards of glass on the floor. His head spun but he could feel the dull effects wearing off already. The numbness he sought for in the bottom of the bottle never came. She was still there. She was always there.
"But she's alive," he slurred under his breath. As if reminding him self of this fact would make it any better. As if it would fix how everything had fallen to pieces in the last few days. As if it would take away the shock that the thought brought with it.
But she wasn't alive, not really. She was a vampire. And even though it wasn't rational, he couldn't ditch the feeling of guilt eating him from the inside out. Somehow, this was his fault. And this time he couldn't fix it. He was helpless. He didn't know where she was right now, but for the first time in a long time he really didn't want to know. One thing was for sure: wherever she was, she was with Stefan. She had chosen him again.
He hadn't been surprised when she had called just before the accident, not really. Every inch of him knew he didn't deserve her, knew he would never be able to measure up to his brother in her eyes. She loved him, and just like the words she had spoken to him numerous times, she always would.
But the words had still burned his ears just like the first time she'd spoken them. Just as they had a couple of hours ago when they'd spoken briefly about her returning memories. The memories he had held alone, inside for months. Years. Because deep down he had known the truth. Remembering wouldn't change anything.
"You asked me to make a choice, Damon. So I did."
And it was Stefan. It would always be Stefan.
A small amount of light began to pour through the crack in the window and stood up quickly. It was dawn. He had to get out now. He didn't know how long his brother would be out for, but he knew if he left it any longer he would change his mind again. Because he was selfish and being close to Elena as anything was better than not knowing her.
But this time, he wasn't going to screw it up. She had made her choice. And he was going to keep his end of the bargain.
The cold autumn air hit him hard as he swung open the door. He felt the last traces of whisky leave his body, his mind as clear as it had been in weeks.
He was as good as gone.
A/N: And thank-you to the anonymous review that corrected the spelling of Stefan. Much appreciated!