When Life Gives Lemons…
*Disclaimer: As you all probably already found out, I do NOT own Naruto!*
"H-Hey, Kuzu! Wait up for me, fucktard!" Hidan yelled, running after the old miser with large plastic bags underneath each arm. "Kuzu!"
Kakuzu sighed and turned around. "Hidan, for heaven's sake, hurry it up!" He impatiently tapped his foot on the ground in a very motherly way while crossing his arms. When the albino came panting at his feet ten minutes later, the miser once again started on the road.
"Kakuzu… Let's take a… rest break… please?" The Jashinist moaned. His "fucking feet" was hurting badly already from all the stupid grocery shopping Leader-sama made them do, and marching back up the huge hill up to the base was not a good combination… Mostly when the shopping was done with a whiney albino and a greedy 90 year-old miser.
Kakuzu sighed, and folded the money he was counting into his pocket. "Three minutes. That's all I'm giving you." Hidan flew into full Tobi-mode as he whooped and danced around the man. The good thing was that he wasn't Tobi, so his energy decreased quickly and he ended up plopping himself onto the grassy area in front of the ol' miser. "Kuzu, let's play a game!"
"No," the other shook his head. The last time they played "Truth or Dare," he ended up transforming into a slut and wearing a revealing dress made out of money and sticky honey. And boy, you do not want to know how many times the idiot Jashinist groped him.
Hidan stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. "Aw, c'mon, Kuzu! Don't be a pussy!" he whined. "When life gives you oranges, you're supposed to make orange juice!" Kakuzu sighed again for the third time… Was his partner naturally stupid or was he just acting?
"Hidan, it's when life gives you LEMONS, make LEMONADE."
The Jashinist just scoffed. "I'm not retarded, it's ORANGE!"
"Lemon." Kakuzu insisted.
"Orange!"
"Lemon."
"ORANGE!"
"Lemon!"
"FUCKING OR-ANGE~!"
"Time's up."
"Wha?" Hidan asked, confused. "Three minutes. Time's up." Kakuzu nodded and stood up, continuing up the steep hill. He cursed under his breath as he picked up his scythe and the two bags and followed.
Back at the base…
"TOBI~! GIVE ME BACK MY BANGBANG, UN!"
Boom.
(Note: BangBang is from one of my other Fanfics. It's what Deidara calls his diary! XDDD)
"Deidara, what did I tell you about blowing up the base?!"
"Sorry, Danna!"
Sasori sighed as he laid down his book, The Ancient Art of Puppetry. The stupid blonde just wouldn't let him have the time of day to read. He made a mental note to peek through the BangBang, himself though. Why not? He asked himself. The brat probably just has gay porn in there.
He was just about to get up to confesticate the book from Tobi when a DING-dong! DING-dong! DIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG-dong-a-gong! sound was rung through his ears. "Godammit!" he screamed, covering both his ears with the palm of his hands. "These puppet ears were NOT made for ring-tones!"
He got up and smashed open the boulder which blocked the entrance. Hidan and Kakuzu just blinked as they watched the puppet march off into the halls.
"Well, we got in, right?"
Knock-knock
"Come in, un!"
Deidara looked up from his painting of the Twin Towers as Itachi walked in. "Oh, it's you, Uchiha." he murmured with disgust. Itachi rolled his eyes as he sat down on Sasori's bed, giving him a good view of the paints and papers.
"I thought you were only good at blowing crap up?" The blonde shook his head. "No, I'm well-rounded in all arts actually—that is, only the fleeting ones!" Deidara gave a far-off look as the Uchiha just… Well, blinked.
"Why are you even in here, Itachi-san?" The weasel sighed (Again! XD) and said, "The Zombie Bros are back in town. They're arguing more than Zetsu these days!" At this, the bomber grew more curious. Usually the best arguments were the ones in the winter, where the "Art Freaks" and the "Zombie Bros" fought over the heater since Kakuzu was too lazy to buy another heater to replace the one Deidara blew up.
"Oh really, un? What about?" he smirked, thinking it was gonna be something as stupid as putting the jelly on the toast before the peanut butter or vise versa, or maybe something even more idiotic. Itachi returned the smirk, already knowing what the blonde was thinking. "Whether or not the saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, has 'lemon' or 'orange' in it."
Deidara blinked, surprised. "Oh… It's supposed to be lemonade?" The Uchiha returned the look, more convinced now that blonde was his true hair color. "What did you think it was?" Deidara chuckled a bit.
"I thought it was when life gives you lemons, fuck and make MORE lemons!" His giggle became laughter, and his laughter became… Well, evil laughter. Itachi just gave him a weird look and backed out of the room, hoping that Deidara's ADHD-ness wasn't contagious.
"Guys, will you shut the fuckity-fuck fuck UP?" Konan screamed, exasperated by the two arguing back and forth. "But it's fucking orange!" Hidan yelled into the face of his partner. "I tell you Hidan, it's lemon."
Konan threw down her newspaper and kicked Pein away (He was painting little paper planes on her toenails! XD). Walking up to the Zombie Bros, she practiced her Ultimate Bitch-Slap of DEATH, and returned to her seat, Hidan and Kakuzu blinking as they rubbed their cheeks
"Heh, that's what you get for not shutting up." Pein snickered, returning to the toes of his love. "Besides," he muttered, "it's actually when life gives you a white rose, find a girl more beautiful than it." Konan turned red as she looked away, blushing. "Oh stop it!" she giggled, "You know it's when life gives you porn, practice it every night!"
The Zombie Bros just walked out of the room as Leader started dry-humping her, knowing how things like this could end up.
"Hey, Hidan?"
"Yea?"
"Truth or Dare?"
Hidan turned towards the miser. "Dude, I don't fucking want to play a game right now. You should've fucking asked EARLIER if you wanted a game!" Kakuzu shook his head. "C'mon, Hidan. It's a simple question: TRUTH or DARE?"
Hidan "eep"-ed and yelled, "Okay, okay! Geez… DARE, you fucking asswipe!" Kakuzu did the "shame on you" sign with his fingers and stated proudly, "I dare YOU to…"
"FUCK YOU!"
"Shh… Now, be a good Vocaloid and give us a nice show…"
"I'm gonna fucking SACRAFICE YOU after this…"
"In that dress? No. Now GET ON STAGE!"
There was a screech of a microphone and a loud "ERRRR-URK!" The Akatsuki was sitting in room 4 (Tobi and Zetsu's room) which had currently had a makeover into a mini-theater. There even was a stage and velvet seats—ten in all.
After two or three more screechy noises, a figure got pushed onto stage as the spotlight was zoomed in on—
"Hidan?"
Yep, it was everyone's favorite (Or LEAST favorite! XP) Jashinist up there, his short silver hair tied up with two pink hair bands, dressed up in a grey vest in skirt. He wore a green tie with thigh-high black boots. Yes folks, if you had NOT NOTICED by now, he was cosplaying as—
"Hidan? As Miku Hatsune?" Kisame turned to the old miser. "I thought you said a pop-star was performing tonight!" Kakuzu just chuckled. "Well, when life gives you a Hidan," The Jashinist began a few high pitched notes "…sometimes you'll just have to enjoy it!"
*Okay, sorry that didn't make any sense, AT ALL! ^^' I just felt like typing, but was too lazy to continue my OTHER junk or think of a NEW story! Anyways, if you wanted to know ALL of the Akatsuki's "When life gives you lemons" sayings, here they are!*
Kakuzu: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"
Hidan: "When life gives you oranges, make orange juice!"
Deidara: "When life gives you lemons, fuck and make MORE lemons!"
Sasori: "When life gives you lemons, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, THROW IT AT ANYTHING THAT MAKES NOISE!"
Zetsu (White side): "When life gives you lemons, PLEASE, do NOT throw it at plants! The only talking plant you'll ever see in your life is ME, and if you even DARE…" *Licks lips*
Zetsu (Black side): "When life gives you lemons, why not give it back?"
Tobi: "When life gives you lemons, make sure to add sugar and water or else it will not be a GOOD LEMONADE!"
Pein: "When life gives you a white rose, find a girl more beautiful than it!"
Konan: "When life gives you porn, practice it every night!"
Itachi: "When life gives you a Sharingan, you'd be dead because I'd kill you."
Kisame: "Er… When a lemon gives you life, be thankful?" =O_O=
Orochimaru: "When life gives you lemons, make sure it's one of me and SSSAASSUUUKKKEE!" (He's talking about the FANFICTION type of lemons! XO)
Ayame (Me): *Looks at all above* "No, no, NO! You guys got it all wrong! It's when life gives you lemons, SQUIRT IT INTO THE EYES OF THE BLONDE~!"
Deidara: O_vV