The world without us
by Caz
Disclaimer in force
You came to me again last night. I should be flattered, and I guess I am - a little. It tells me I'm important; That you need me, and that you need to wail on my shoulder as yet another man slips through your fingers.
It's hard work pretending that it doesn't hurt me, but it does. It hurts more than you will ever know. But I will never tell you how much, because if I did, I could lose you.
I love the way you lay your head on my shoulder as we wax lyrical about why you failed again. It has become a talent of mine to put the blame entirely on the other guy's shoulders rather than on yours, even though I know the true reasons why.
It's hard looking into your emerald eyes as I tenderly wipe away tears that don't belong there. No man is worthy of your pain. No man except me, of course, and that is why I stay a friend. It's even harder telling you that on another day yet another man will take a chance and try to capture what we should have. He'll fail of course, they always do.
It breaks my heart when you finally give me a teary sniff, a kiss on the cheek and go back to your own little world. The world without me. The world without us.
There is you, and then there is me, but never us. I wonder if there ever will be an us. I hope so, more than anything in the universe. But until then, you are still out there looking for me.
I've yet to invade your dreams and your desires. I was like you once, but not now. I haven't been there for a long time and it tortures my soul to have to constantly tell myself that you don't want me, yet. I've done my time with other women, but now I''m content to wait, for you.
I look around my home, bare now that your essence has gone, and silent now your whispered fears have been dispelled. I'm lonely now that you've left me to my own dreams and desires again, because nothing can take the place of you in them, nothing.
When I'm not out there pretending to be something I am not, I am here, in my house, waiting, remembering, longing and needing. God, I need you, Abby.
It's not often I shed tears of my own, but tonight I did. Tonight I nearly lost you forever. Not to me, but to another man, the man that has managed to destroy your faith and trust and love in men. A man that got closer than any other so far. And yet again, I'm back to where I started; You've shed tears over a man again, and again, I'm going to leave you looking for me when I've sent you home with a kiss on your soft cheek and a playful swat on your cute behind.
Only you don't know yet that I'm waiting for you. You don't know how hard it is for me to keep on sending you away from me. You must think I'm hard, cold and callous for not letting you stay so that you're not alone to wallow in your misery. It's too dangerous for you to stay here. Too dangerous for me, even if you do think I'm abandoning you, leaving you to your terrors.
But I'm not going to leave you, Abby, I'm not. I will always here, for you, I always am. This is me, Abby, I am not him. That man's got a dream to live, but it's a dream that doesn't include you.
I am your one true love, Abby, and one day you'll walk into my arms and know you've come home, and when you finally do, I'll be right here waiting to start living that dream with you.
I'm still waiting, Abby. I've got all the time in the world while you look, and eventually, you'll find me. I know you will.