AUTHORS NOTE: in a stroke of genius I have decided to call the authors note a doctors note okay bye
Nina wanted a turkey but she went to her grocery store and? There weren't any turkeys? So naturally she did the only thing she could do which was drive across the ocean to England to get one from the grocery store near Anubis because she saw a turkey there one time three years ago
BUT
When she got to England who did her car smash into? Not the grocery store like she had planned (smashing through the building is the fastest way to get a turkey) but SH FORGOT SHE WAS IN ENGLAND SO SHE DROVE ON THE WRONG! SIDE! OF THE ROAD! And she crashed her car into a person AND THEN
SHE SAW
IT WAS FABIAN RUTTER! SHE HAD CRASHED INTO FABIAN RUTTER
But more importantly HE WAS CARRYING A LIVE TURKEY IN HIS ARMS FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT REASON
So Nina somersaulted out of the broken car window and grabbed the turkey out of Fabian's weak and non-athletic hands
"MINE" nina scrEAMED
"No stooooop ittt" fabian cried as he look at his weak on non-athletic hands
BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN-
Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! Walked up to them and kissed the turkey that is now dead bc nina snapped its neck with her non weak and non non-athletic hands
But then they realized that Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! Had magical spit just like the super heros but the spit also shape shifts and what not so he brough the turkey back to life and turneD IT INTO A ZEBRA (*live audience goes WHOOOOOAAAA*)
SKOOP SKOOP DI DO (this is the mandatory catch phrase that all super dupER heros have that they have to say after they do something superduper hero-y) and then nina starts 2 cry
Fabian is alaRMED (but not THAT alarmed because he's seen her cry like 5 times before this instance) so he asks her WHAT IT WRONG WITH YOU
"IHAVENOTURKEY" Nina screamed.
Then!
She remembered her grocery store plan. Leaving her car (even tho she already somersaulted out of it) that was all broken and dented thanks to hitting fabian's weak and non-athletic body, she hopped up on the zebra and told it to fly
"NO THATS MY ZEBRA" Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! screams
"Ha ha Nina ur so dumb zebras can't fly" fabian sniggered and NINA CLONKED HIM ON THE HEAD WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER SHE PRODUCED FROM HER POCKET (it was a very big pocket with two (2) openings for the sledgehammer to be produced from)
BECAUSE THATS TOTES REALISTIC
Fabian screams
Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! screams
Nina doesn't scream because shes ON THE ZEBRA AND FLYING AWAY TO THE GROCERY STORE
"HA HA TAKE THAT FABIAN RUTTER"
Fabian is very confused on what is going on? Why is nina in england? Why is she riding a flyin zebra
?
So as ninerz is flying thru the sky all of a suDDEN MARA JEFFREY FALLS FROM THE HEAVENS AND GRABS NINA BY THE NECK AND DRAGS HER DOWN TO THE GROUND WHILE SINging breaking free from high school musical (Doctors Note: im listening to that sing rn lolololololololololololol)
But DEN MARAS hand sliPS bc she has arthur-write-this in her hands
So now theyre falling in two (2) dif directions and faberis is all like ooohhhh nnnnoooooooo who am i gonna catch : my ex gf or the girl i think i may b dating but not rly sure
And as fabey babey is thinking, Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! Grabs him just b4 they hit the ground so that he doesnt get hurt but they do bc plot convenience
'Omg Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! Has saved me, just a young village boy' fabia says with that romantic glimmer in his eye
'Anything for u bae' Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! says
'Y u call me a body of water Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land!?' fabes whispers into his ear
'Bc u b4 anybody else' Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! Whispers back
'Ok but what does does that even have to do with a body of water' fabes breathes, a single tear come out one of his two (2) eyes ( the one with the glimmer not the other one dont get confuse)
BUT BEFORE Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! CAN ANSWER, MARA FREAKING JEFFERY STARTS TWITCHING FROM WHERE SHE WENT SPLAT ON THE GROUND
"WE R ALL IN THIS TOGETHERRRRRRR ONCE WE KNOW WE'RE ALL STARSSSS" (DN: im listening to were all in this together from high school musical lolololololololololololol) MARA FREAKING JEFFREY sings but kinda screetches bc she just fell from the sky and cant rly move her jaw bc of arthur-write-this
Fabian's eyes widen in understanding when he REALIZES
SINCE HE'S A BODY OF WATER HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DATE GIRLS ANYMORE! HE CAN DATE Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land!
But FIRST….
"Mara," he begins, and then presses his foot deep inside her face so she can't breathe, "IM A BODY OF WATER I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH U ANYMORE"
"Hey fabian," nina says from inside a bush
"What now"
"If ur really a body of water can u make ur water taste like turkey food so a turkey will come visit you and then i can have it"
Fabian concentrates 4 his ex-lover, trying to turn his water into turkey food….
"Fabes," Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! whispers
"What"
'
"You're…. Not really… a body of water…."
FABIAN GASPS
NINA SCREAMS
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A TURKEY IF MY EX-BFF-BF ISN'T ACTUALLY A BODY OF WATER"
Fabian sinks to the ground in grief. Everything he knew about himself. His body. His location. The birds that swam through him. The fish that pooped in him. It was all a LIE
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
AND THEN
FABIAN FORGETS ABOUT HOW HE NEEDED TO KEEP HIS FOOT DEEP INSIDE MARA'S FACE AND HE LIFTS UP HIS FOOT AND MARA RETURNS TO LIFE AND then nina appears (she's outside the bush now) and clops mara with one of the many sledgehammers from her five (5) pockets
"Oh yay she's dead" fabian says. He doesn't say it happily though because he's not a body of water anymore and is still grieving the loss
"Yay" Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land! says
Nina screams
"WHAT NOW?" Fabian screams inside her face
"F-Fabian," she stutters, "R-remember… that z-zebra… I almost f-flew away on…"
"Yeah"
"ITS RIGHT BEHIND ME ISN'T IT"
"What? No it's not"
"O ok good i just had a vision of it killing someone with a machete"
All of a sudden a machete embeds itself in fabian's lower abdominal muscles and 2 hours later he is dead
*2 hours later*
"What do we do with the body" nina asks very concerned in case she is accused of murder
"Maybe if we leave it here and wait inside that bush a turkey will come to eat his body and we can catch it so you can take it home to america"
Nina realizes Rufus Zeno, the handsomest man in all of anubis land!, is a genius
She wants to marry him
Rufus Zeno, the handsomest man in all of anubis land! screams
THE END
OR IS IT?
Yes it is
No
Yes it IS
UR A LIAR
Ok imma continue go away mean voice on the Google docs document
So they wait in the bush right?
Right.
And then the parallel universes collide and so that one fanfic where niners was preggers with like 12 babies happens so suddenly! In the bush she GIVES BIRTH
BUT WAIT
WHAT IS THIS?
INSTEAD OF GIVING BIRTH TO THE LIKE, 12 BABIES HER GRAN POPS OUTTA NOWHERE!
!
'Supriseeeee' gran says
Gran then magically produces two (2) katanas and kills niners and Rufus Zeno the handsomest man in all of anubis land!
"Skoop skoop di do" he whispers one last time to his bae not bay
Gran then walks over to fabey the turkey food and leans down and whispers 'i am the turkey here'
Even in Death Fabian manages to make the cliffhanger face and the camera zooms in on his nose so his lower abdominal stab wound isn't shown so the show can air on Nickolodeon and not Teen Nick
THE ACTUAL END
(P.S - Somewhere in here fabes changed his last name from rutter to butter so that he will taste tastier as turkey food bc butter tastes goodly)
(good ok bye the actual real end)
DOCTORS NOTE: I kno, I kno this was amazin. ur welcome ;)
I spent a lot of time writing this ok so don't b rude or else the carrot man will come after u and I wont even tell him to stop
turkeys 4 lifeeeeeee