Hi my name is Bayonetta Cereza and I have long ebony black hair (it covers my entire body) and icy gray eyes like limpid smoke and a lot of people tell me I look like Helena Taylor (AN: if u don t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I m not related to Cereza Rosa but I wish I was because she s a major fucking hottie. I m a witch but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I m also a demon-summoner, and I go to a magic town called Vigrid in Europe where I m not in the seventh year (I m five hundred years old). I m an umbra (in case you couldn t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Vigrid. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of angels stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Hey Ebony! shouted a voice. I looked up. It was . Dipper Pines!
What s up Dipper? I asked.
Nothing. he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
AN: Fangz 2 umbrantearz555 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW angels stop flaming ma story ok!
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some lollipop syrup from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Jeanne (AN: Jeanne dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length dove white hair with pink streaks and opened her mountain-gray eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)
OMFG, I saw you talking to Dipper Pines yesterday! she said excitedly.
Yeah? So? I said, blushing.
Do you like Dipper? she asked as we went out of the hotel apartment and into a cafe.
No I so fucking don t! I shouted.
Yeah right! she exclaimed. Just then, Dipper walked up to me.
Hi. he said.
Hi. I replied flirtily.
Guess what. he said.
What? I asked.
Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Isla del Sol. he told me.
Oh. My. Fucking. God! I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
Well . do you want to go with me? he asked.
I gasped.
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY ANGLES OK! odderwize fangs 2 da umbran ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN JEANE! oh yeah, BTW I don t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some manotaur blood so I was ready to go to the concert.
I went outside. Dipper was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).
Hi Dipper! I said in a depressed voice.
Hi Bayonetta. he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
You come in cold, you re covered in blood They re all so happy you ve arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life. sang Joel (I don t own da lyrics 2 dat song).
Joel is so fucking hot. I said to Dipper, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Dipper looked sad.
What s wrong? I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
Hey, it s ok I don t like him better than YOU! I said.
Really? asked Dipper sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
Really. I said. Besides I don t even know Joel and he s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch. I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Dipper. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Dipper and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Dipper didn t go back into Vigrid, instead he drove the car into Gravity Falls!
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony s name is BNAYOETTA nut mary su OK! DIPPER IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
DIPPER! I shouted. What the fuck do you think you are doing? Dipper didn t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
What the fucking hell? I asked angrily.
Bayonetta? he asked.
What? I snapped.
Dipper leaned in extra-close to my legs and I looked down into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn t feel mad anymore.
And then suddenly just as I Dipper jumped on me and kissed me passionately. Dipper climbed again on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
Oh! Oh! Oh! I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then .
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was .Mabel Pines!
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a angel or a lumn sag! Da only reson Mabel Pins swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!
Mabel made and Dipper and I follow her. She kept shouting at us angrily.
You ludacris fools! she shouted.
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Dipper comforted me. When we went back to the shack Mabel took us to Grunkle Stan and Soos who were both looking very angry.
They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest! she yelled in a furious voice.
Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces? asked Soos.
How dare you? demanded Grunkle Stan.
And then Dipper shrieked. BECAUSE I LOVE HER! Everyone was quiet. Mabel and Soos still looked mad but Grunkle Stan said. Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms. Dipper and I went upstairs while the other characters glared at us.
Are you okay, Bayonetta? Dipper asked me gently.
Yeah I guess. I lied. I went to the girl s room and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out .
Dipper was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing I just wanna live by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
AN: shjt up angles ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!
The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.
In the cafe, I ate some Franken Berry cereal with lollipop syrup instead of milk, and a glass of red lollipop syrip. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the syrup spilled over my top.
Bastard! I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked down cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He never had glasses and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Dipper s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore, because there had never been one. He didn t have a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy Massachusettian accent. He looked exactly like midget Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I m a girl so I didn t get one you sicko.
I m so sorry. he said in a shy voice.
That s all right. What s your name? I questioned.
My name s Norman Babcock, although most people call me Vampire these days. he grumbled.
Why? I exclaimed.
Because I love the taste of human blood. he giggled.
Well, I am an umbra witch. I confessed.
Really? he whimpered.
Yeah. I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Dipper came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Bayovetta isn t a Marie Sue ok she isn t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
Dipper and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs in the shack. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Dipper. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Dipper. We went into his room and locked the door. Then We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)
Oh Dipper, Dipper! I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Dipper s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words Vampire!
I was so angry.
You bastard! I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
No! No! But you don t understand! Dipper pleaded. But I knew too much.
No, you fucking idiot! I shouted. You probably have AIDs anyway! I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Dipper ran out even though he was naked. He had a really small you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire s classroom where he was having a lesson with Grunkle Stan and some other people.
VAMPIRE BABCOCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I yelled.
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r ann angle!
Everyone in the class stared at me and then Dipper came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.
Bayonetta, it s not what you think! Dipper screamed sadly.
My friend B loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic red hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Wendy was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Father Balder killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not whatever the hell it was on the show. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Wii U now not Playstation. )
What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit! Stan demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.
Vampire, I can t believe you cheated on me with Dipper! I shouted at him.
Everyone gasped.
I don t know why Bayonetta was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I m bi and so is Bayonetta) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Pacifica Northwest, a stupid angel fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with an angel.)
But I m not going out with Dipper anymore! said Vampire.
Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard! I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Gravity Falls Forest where I had lost my virility to Dipper and then I started to bust into tears.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn pled all da gayms! dis is frum da tv seris ok so itz nut my folt if mabel swers! besuizds I SED SHE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson stan dosent lik nroman now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!
I was so mad and sad. I couldn t believe Dipper for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Dipper.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with white eyes and a nose and everything started flying towards me with peacock feathers! He had an ugly nose (basically like Father Balder in the game) and he was wearing all white and gold and it was obvious he wasn t umbran. It was Father Balder!
No! I shouted in a scared voice but then Father Balder shouted I emballa! and I couldn t run away or I d be burned.
Waddles! I shouted at him. Waddles jumped at Father Balder and he fell and he started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I m a sadist so I told Waddles to go away.
Bayonetta. he yelled. Thou must kill Vampire Babcock! I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Dipper had said I didn t understand, so I thought, what if Dipper went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
No, Father Balder! I shouted back.
Father gave me a gun. I already have this! I said.
Thou must! he yelled. If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Dipper! How did you know? I asked in a surprised way.
Father Balder got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. I hath telekinesis. he answered cruelly. And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Dipper! he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his peacock wings.
I was so scared and mad I didn t know what to do. Suddenly Dipper came into the woods.
Dipper! I said. Hi! Hi. he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
Are you okay? I asked.
No. he answered.
I m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me. I expelled.
That s okay. he said all depressed and we went back into Vigrid together making out.
AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b loody mary isn t a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd consoles ok!
I was really scared about Ftaher Baldr all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my umbran metal band Bloody Umbran Rose 555. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B loody Mary, Vampire, Dipper, Neil Downe (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Robbie. Only today Dipper and Vampire were depressed so they weren t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Dipper was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn t die because he was an umbra witch too and the only way you can kill an umbra witch is with an A-U-D-I-T-I-O (there s no way I m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I m a slut but I m really not.
We were singing a cover of Helena and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.
Bayonetta! Are you OK? B loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.
What the fuck do you think? I asked angrily. And then I said. Well, Father Balder came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Norman! But I don t want to kill him, because, he s really nice, even if he did go out with Dipper. But if I don t kill Norman, then Father Balder, will fucking kill Dipper! I burst into tears.
Suddenly Dipper jumped out from behind a wall.
Why didn t you fucking tell me! he shouted. How could you- you- you fucking lumen sage bitch! (c is dat out of character?)
I started to cry and cry. Dipper started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Mabel walked in angrily! Her eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn t cause she had a headache.
What have you done! She started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time she wuz relly upset n u wil c y) Bayonetta Dipper has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.