A/N: Oneshot- My impression on how Rory felt about Jess, and some of the problems. Takes place between 'Back in the Saddle Again' and 'Teach Me Tonight.'
Also, read What Could Be, my story. Sorry to everyone who is waiting for the next chapter, I just haven't gotten it typed yet. It should be up by this weekend.
This is fairly short, just some stuff I needed to get out. I think it's pretty accurate to both the character and how normal people's minds work. Let me know!
Italics are Rory's thoughts.
Enjoy!
Rory walked around the streets of Stars Hollow early one Saturday morning. She had woken up early that morning, and had immediately thought to go to Luke's. She didn't want to think about why that was. She was up, dressed and halfway there before she realized what a bad idea it was.
He won't even be up, anyway. Rory thought to herself. And Luke would want to know why I was in so early on a Saturday.
Instead, she walked but only after she had gotten close enough to the diner to make sure that Jess wasn't there. Rory wasn't sure where she was going, and walked blindly, trying to convince herself that she was not up just because she had wanted to see him. Before she realized it, she was standing on the bridge. It had slowly become their bridge, especially after the whole basket-auction incident. Rory sat down, still thinking hard.
What is going on with me? I get up early on a Saturday to see a guy who is just a friend, but I can't make time for Dean? Ugh. Why am I even with Dean anyway? I can't keep lying to myself, or him, forever. I want to be with Jess. Even more than that I want to be able to be friends with him without Dean getting in the way all the time. Dean is overprotective. Or maybe not. Maybe he just sees what's there, and doesn't want to lose me. That's sweet, but I wish he would just let me go. I want to be more than friends with Jess. I want him to want to be more than friends with me. I want to not have to sit on my hands every time I'm around him just so that I don't reach out and touch him whenever I'm around him. I want to have more than I have with Dean- I want to be able to talk about books and music. Dean knows some, but I can't have conversation s about it with him. With Jess… We always can find something to talk about, or something to debate about. He and Lane could really get along with everything they know about music. I wish I could talk to someone about this. Everyone I know would just tell me what a bad idea it is. I should say something. To him. Oh god. What if I do go say something, but he doesn't feel the same way. Maybe he just wants to be friends. Would he have really bid on my basket if he didn't like me though? Maybe it was just him trying to get at Dean. That would make sense. I really wish he did like me though, in that way. He could get any girl he wanted, so why would he go for me? Why can't he just say something to me about it, whether he does or not. I just want to know. I need to know. I need to tell Dean, too, that I don't want to be with him anymore. He's too overprotective of me. He's protective to the point of controlling.
Rory sat for while longer, not noticing her surroundings. She didn't register a presence next to her on the bridge when it came towards her, still wrapped in thought.
I need to tell him.
She said it out loud then, she wasn't sure why.
"I need to tell him." Her voice was firm, clear.
"Tell who what?" Jess asked. Rory gasped.