Hiii! Sorry! It took longer to post this than I thought it would! Really sorry, buuut here it is! Hope you guys enjoy it, and , if you do, leave a comment? =)
Winter Soldier:
Maria slowly made her way towards the operation room, each step heavier than the last. Lips and hands shaking. With a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and closed her hands into fists, the phone on her left creaking in protest. She approached Natasha and Steve, whose eyes were both focused on the man at the table on the other side of the glass – just as her own found the same focus.
Her mind ran through everything Fury had ever done for her. Everything he'd taught her, everything he'd passed on… everything they'd been through. Yet, after so many ways he had protected her, here she was. Hands on the wall, just looking at the man who was like a father to her, fighting for his life.
Nothing she could do.
She knew, of course, what the end game here was. She knew he'd pull through – probably. Maria knew very well that her boss was about to pretend to die so that they could know who was actually on their side. It brought little comfort while being a witness to the scene in front of her. Especially knowing that the person right by her side had absolutely no idea everything was going to (hopefully) be fine.
And she couldn't say a word.
She felt, more than saw, Natasha shuffling on her feet beside her.
"Ballistics?" Her voice was broken when she asked Maria that, and she wished she could give her a better answer. She wished she could offer any kind comfort instead of the words she knew she needed to say. But they were not alone and Maria was not that strong, so she kept her eyes on Nick.
"Three slugs. No rifling. Completely untraceable."
"Soviet-made." Was the immediate response.
That made Maria turn, apprehension on her face as she looked at Natasha.
"Yeah." She breathed.
The loud beeping in the room made her attention turn back towards Nick before she could ask anything. She pulled her hands closer to her again, only now realizing how they'd been itching towards Natasha across the wall.
The doctors started shouting inside the room, voice more urgent with every passing second, and Maria's grip on the wall grew tighter. This was horrible to watch. Once everything was better, she'd make him pay for putting her through this. For putting all of them through this.
"Don't do this to me, Nick." Natasha's voice whispered beside her, and Maria tensed to hold back the urge to reach out for her.
At the first use of the defibrillator and no pulse, Maria blinked and swallowed, trying to stop the prickling sensation behind her eyes. She started to look around, but seeing Natasha's ashen reflection on the glass made the wish to cry even stronger, so she looked back at Nick.
"Don't do this to me Nick. Don't do this to me." Nat whispered again, and Maria started to lose her battle. Hearing the woman she'd come to love so much in such state, holding the knowledge to appease her and not being able to do anything, was pure torture.
Silence reigned in the room as the doctors kept looking and waiting. Maria bit her lip as she felt a tear finally escape her grasp. She felt more than saw Steve turning.
"What's the time?"
"1:03, doctor."
Maria closed her eyes, battling the nausea she felt coming up. She looked down to take a quick breath. Grabbing her phone, she turned around and left, not daring to look back. She couldn't look at her. Not now. If she did, she'd hug her. She'd hug her and tell her everything. She was deeply compromised, and she needed to step away from the situation. Also, she reasoned with herself, Natasha would not appreciate any comfort here, in front of so many people. She kept telling herself that as she walked away to commence the second part of this fucked up plan.
She wasn't really convinced.
xxxx
"I need to take him." She said, trying to control her voice, holding back a flinch as Steve looked accusingly from her to Natasha and back again.
She pinched herself trying to focus, to control her emotions. He didn't understand. She couldn't go to her. If she did, if she so much as touched the other woman she'd break. She'd tell her everything right then and there. And she couldn't. Fuck you, Nick. She cursed mentally glaring stubbornly at the man lying down, disregarding the captain completely.
Fuck. She wanted to be the one comforting Natasha. Hell, she wanted to be able to tell her there was no need to mourn at all. But no. She had a job to do. She needed to move and couldn't even pause one fucking second to offer one single hug of comfort to the woman she loved.
"Natasha." Steve said in a low voice, and Maria crossed her arms. Looking away from the scene when Nat touched Nick's head.
At the sound of boots moving, she couldn't help glancing towards the redhead as she passed by her. For one brief second, their eyes met. It was all it took for Maria to see a world of fire and hurt in those green eyes, as a tear rolled down her own cheek. The weight of this secret weighing down on her heart already. Heavily.
She took a shaky breath and looked back to Nick. She had a job to do. Her relationship could, had, to wait.
xxxx
Her fingers were itching to act. She had to wait though. Why? She had no idea. Something about 'keeping appearances". But she was mad. Natasha was bleeding and she had to fucking wait.
"We need a doctor here."
New guy was right. Screw patience.
With quick and very satisfying punch and kick combination, Maria took down the guard right next to her. Even more satisfying? Seeing the utter confused and surprised faces of the three people in front of her.
"That thing was squeezing my brain." She said as she took off the damned helmet. Stupid thing was really tight. Maria let her lips form a small smile as she looked at the others, pausing on the newbie.
"Who's this guy?" She asked and could have sworn she saw Nat's lips twitch up – the small movement taking a huge weight off her chest. Knowing what she'd soon be showing the other woman made it even easier to joke. She pulled out a cloth to wrap around her shoulder.
"Here, this should help for now." She said, not waiting for them to answer who the other guy was, eyes never leaving Nat. She reached to take the cloth before the other two could, brushing their fingers together, and Maria breathed even easier at the contact.
"Thank you, Maria." Hearing her say her name made Maria smile softly. Clearing her throat after a few seconds she turned back to the two men, finally ready to hear what had happened until then. Steve looked at the two of them with a gentle smile tugging at his lips. Then for a second his eyes widened, but before Maria could ask him about anything, he started explaining all that had been going on and Maria was distracted.
Once she knew they were nearing the proper street, she pulled out the toys Nick had given her and cut a hole on the floor of the car.
"Time to go." She said with a smile, directing the Captain to carry Nat with him. As much as she'd love to do it herself, Steve was way better equipped to do this. Soon enough, they were in a new van and arriving at the covert provisory headquarters.
Watching Steve be the one to help her out of the van and onwards was annoying, but knowing soon they'd have some comforting news was what was important. They might even have some time to talk alone, if Maria was lucky.
"GSW. She's lost at least a pint." She says immediately when the doc comes running their way. As much as she'd like Nat to get medical attention asap, she knew that she needed something else first. The Black Widow could take punches and gun shots, but she should not have to live longer without knowing that her father figure was alive.
"Let me take her."
"She'll want to see him first." Her tone broke no argument as she lead them down several corridors and doors. She had a little smile on her face from the confused looks of the other three.
The smile only grew as she saw the confusion turning into incredulity as she pulled the curtain away.
"About damn time."
xxxx
"Any attempt on the Director's life had to look successful." She said, looking over at Steve and then Natasha. Her smile slowly fell from her face as she saw a turmoil of feelings going through green eyes. Maria swallowed and shifted slightly on her feet, not looking away, even when the other woman did.
She was so not looking forward to that conversation. So focused was she on what she could say to apologize that she basically jumped when her surname sounded forcefully coming from the bed.
"Hill!" Nick was looking at her, and if she didn't know better, the bastard was looking very amused. If he hadn't almost died, she'd hit him.
"Sir." She said, trying very hard to control the heat rising to her cheeks.
"Doc will take Rogers and his friend to get cleaned up, why don't you take Romanov to do the same while I get ready? We'll meet in two hours." He said, and damn it all to hell if that wasn't a bloody smirk on his face. She might just hit him after all. Nick is clearly immortal, what's one more punch?
Clearing up her throat and glaring at him, trying to convey just how much she'd like to hurt him for pressuring her on having a talk that was his fault was happening to start with, she mumbled an agreement before slowly turning to Natasha. Taking a shaky breath, she forced herself to meet slightly amused eyes. That's not too bad.
"Shall we?"
Seeing Nat struggle a bit to get up, Maria took the opportunity to wrap her right arm around the smaller woman's shoulder to 'help' her. As soon as she did, she felt Natasha tense. With batted breath, the second between the contact and the other woman relaxing against her made Maria's heart almost stop. As they walked away, the pressure of her girlfriend against her was both grounding and reassuring.
She took her straight to her quarters (or whatever could pass for quarters in this place). Helping Nat to sit on the bed carefully, Maria reluctantly let go of her waist to fetch some cloths and warm water. At least that's what she had intended to do, before she felt a small fist grasping the back of her top. She froze. Apparently they were doing this sooner rather than later.
"Why?" The question was posed so softly that she almost didn't hear it over the sound of her own loud heartbeat.
This was it. Her chance to explain how the fuck had she let Nick convince her lie to the woman she loved.
"Nick…Nick convinced me that me telling you would be a bad idea. That because of the mission you've been helping Cap with, you'd gotten close. That he'd find out. Him finding out, well… he's no spy, Nat…"
The pressure on her back vanished, and Maria felt a cold shiver down her spine.
"I see."
Maria closed her eyes, but didn't dare look back at her.
"I'm…" She took a deep breath. "Saying sorry doesn't feel like enough, but I am. I'm so sorry, Tasha." Maria started in a quiet voice. "It took everything I had not to wrap you in my arms as you watched him and tell you everything. Fuck, it broke me to not even be able to touch your shoulder, your arm, your hand, anything to give you even the slightest bit of comfort." Maria opened her eyes as she spoke, moving around to find what she needed to help clean up her girlfriend.
"I never hated keeping our secret as much as I did on that day." Maria said as she watched the warm water fill the bowl. Giving a mirthless chuckle, she continued. "Maybe it was for the best though… I never really could hide anything from you. I'm sure I'd have told you everything the minute I had you in my arms… I'd have done anything to be able to take your pain away."
Crossing the distance between sink and bed once more, Maria knelt in front of the smaller woman, placing the bowl on the floor and dipping the cloth in it.
"And yet hide you did."
Maria closed her eyes and took a deep breath before meeting the other woman's gaze. Their eyes locked for interminable moments before she broke the silence.
"Did I?" She asked softly, as she squeezed the excess of water from the cloth and carefully brought it over to start cleaning the blood from fair skin with as much delicacy as she could.
Natasha didn't look away from her face, seemingly to consider what she said.
"Zero contact?" She eventually asked, when Maria had moved to clean her neck next.
"If I'd called you… I'd have asked how you were. If you'd said anything about Nick, I'd have..." Maria trailed off, washing the cloth on the bowl before bringing it back up to start on Nat's face.
"Told me everything?" The redhead asked, a small smile pulling up at the corner of her lips.
Maria cupped her cheek with her free hand, looking straight into her eyes.
"I told you before. I'm compromised when it comes to you. Sure, I can make plans with your name on them, but I couldn't be your handler anymore. I can devise lies and sell them for the whole company and the rest of the world, Nat… but I cannot lie to you. I… I really can't keep anything from you, Nat. Nor do I want to." She said, cleaning the last bit of dirt. "There. Beautiful as always." She quipped, biting her lower lip to keep a smile from showing.
Natasha gave small chuckle, rolling her eyes for show.
A slightly tense silence filled the room after Maria put the cloth back into the bowl and left it there. One hand still on Nat's cheek, the other on her lap.
"Are you mad?" Maria finally asked after a few minutes of just staring at each other.
Natasha took a deep breath before leaning down on the bed on her good shoulder.
"No…" She said slowly, right hand reaching for the one that had fallen down from her lap when she moved, and Maria felt like she could breathe again. "Maybe I should be, but… You knew I'd find out soon enough. This mission was important, we needed to know who to trust, Nick's right. Don't tell him that." The last part came out quickly, making both of them smile tiredly. "Besides," She started, pulling Maria up on the bed to lie in front of her "I'd have probably done the same thing."
"Yeah?" Maria asked her, tone hopeful.
"Yeah." Nat said, giving her a small smile that made Maria's shoulders finally start to relax. Like the weight of the world had just come off her back.
A couple of seconds passed and Maria remembered something that made her frown slightly.
"Nat? Why did Steve looked scared at me at the van at one point and couldn't meet my eyes afterwards?" Maria asked, cocking her head. As a small sheepish look overcame Nat's face however, she narrowed her eyes. "Nat?"
"I… may have kissed him once." She said biting her lower lip.
Maria froze.
"You what?"
"Public displays of affection leave people uncomfortable. We were at a mall and it was the easiest way to not be caught." Natasha explained really quickly and Maria was pretty sure she'd never seen Natasha look so… scared? Uncomfortable? Desperate? All at once like this.
…Life threatening situations by aliens aside of course.
"That doesn't really sound like an apology Nat." Maria said, careful to keep her voice devoid of any emotion and her eyes blank. She wasn't mad. Not really. She knew Natasha would never actually cheat on her. She was a spy and sometimes kisses happened. Maria didn't like it. At all. And she knew Natasha didn't either and tried to avoid it as much as she could since they'd gotten together. And Steve Rogers was… well, he was Captain America. She knew she had nothing to worry about there either. That didn't mean she had to let her girlfriend off the hook just yet.
"I'm sorry." Came the immediate reply and Maria couldn't stop her eyes from widening a little at how quick that came, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I really am, Masha. I was a bit unsettled, we were in an escalator in the middle of the mall and…" Nat met her eyes guiltily before looking away again.
"And?" She prompted her to continue.
"I was hurt… that you hadn't contacted me yet. I thought that if you'd been watching that…"
"That seeing that might make me call you?" Maria completed her phrase when Natasha trailed off again.
"Yeah." She mumbled. "Sorry."
The smile at her lips turned soft. Using her index finger, Maria tilted Natasha's head up a little so their eyes met once more.
"And it's Steve. I mean. Steve. I'd never cheat on you with anyone, let alone with Steve. He's too…" Natasha trailed off yet again, trying to search for the correct word. Maria chuckled at that.
"Too Steve?" She asked.
"Yeah." Natasha answered, maintaining eye contact, but looking a bit shy.
"It's fine, Nat. I'm not mad." Maria finally said.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She said, tone brooking no hesitation and she felt more than saw Natasha's shoulders sag in relief. "I mean, " She continued with a smile. "It's Steve."
They shared a small laugh at that, foreheads touching slightly, trading a few soft kisses.
Silence settled around them once more -a more pleasant one this time. After a while though, Maria couldn't help wanting to apologize again. Kissing an almost brother? No worries. Lying about her girlfriend's father figure being alive and not contacting her at all after? Not exactly exemplar behavior. Even if she had had valid reasons.
"I'm really sorry, Nat." She started, just to be interrupted by a finger on her lips.
"I know." Nat said, moving her hand to cup her cheek. "Don't be. It's our job. We know how it goes and what's at stake. "We've been down this road of juggling relationship and work for two years now. I think it says something good about us that we can still make the right call." Red hair tickled Maria's forehead slightly as the other woman shuffled closer to her.
"Even if it hurts like hell?" Maria asks frowning.
Natasha smirked, bringing her face even closer.
"Especially if it hurts like hell." She said, using her hand to bring her in for another kiss. Longer this time. Deeper.
"Two years, huh?" Maria said after a while, a content smile playing on her lips.
"I know… I've never thought…" Nat trailed off, her green eyes looking intently into Maria's.
"Yeah, me neither." She whispered back.
Natasha brought her index finger up to caress Maria's face and she closed her eyes at the soft touch. She had really missed her. This. Their quiet moments. She knew it wouldn't last, but she'd take all she could get for now.
"Masha?" Nat's voice sounded intense and timid, making Maria open her eyes at once.
"Yes?"
"You think we would be ready for the next step?" Natasha asked eyes not quiet meeting hers anymore and Maria felt her own widening.
Wait.
What?
xxxx
"We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down SHIELD."
"SHIELD had nothing to do with this!"
"You gave me this mission. This is how it ends."
"SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes."
"He's right." Maria spoke up after a deep breath, eyes focusing on Nick.
He looked at her and she was sure he felt betrayed. But enough was enough. The SHIELD they had constructed, that they had done so much to achieve and command was gone. They'd lost it. This was the right thing to do.
Natasha reclined as Nick turned to her instead. Maria knew she would follow the Captain on this. Things had gotten too messy now, too many loopholes, too many loose ends. Far too many secrets and betrayals. This was not what they had gotten in SHIELD for. This was not them.
"Well," Nick started, looking back at Maria after hearing Sam. She maintained eye contact, willing him to understand why. "It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain." He said, and if she didn't know better, she could have sworn he was pouting. Or as close to pouting as Nick Fury ever came to.
A small smirk graced her lips as the Captain and his friend made their way out. Looking over at Natasha, she saw a mirror of her expression. In unison, they turned to Nick.
"You're still Director to me if it helps." Maria said, allowing her amusement to show more freely now that it was just the three of them.
"Always Director to me too, sir." Natasha followed up, biting her lower lip in a way that Maria knew it was to contain a laughter.
Nick looked from one to the other, his only visible eye narrowing and the 'non-pout' looking even more pronounced.
"Go fuck yourselves." He said before immediately bringing a hand to his across his face in consternation.
Nat let out a full blown laugh at that and Maria couldn't help chuckling as well.
"You hear that, Nat? On the director's orders no less!" She said as she got up.
"Yep! I don't have a bunk, so yours? Or a closet."
"Your shoulder is still bad, better to use the bed this time."
"Fair enough." Nat said, getting up and wrapping her good arm around Maria's waist as her own went over Natasha's shoulders – being careful not to touch her wound.
"We'll see you later for the debrief, Nick! Thanks for the support." Maria chipped humorously, throwing a wink to him as they began to walk away.
"I hate you both." He deadpanned.
"No you don't." Natasha sing-sang as they walked away.
Just before the door closed behind them, she heard the mumbled "No, I don't", and her smirk softened.
Love you too, boss.
xxxx
"Nat, if you do this…" Maria started in a low voice as they waited for the others.
"I know." She answered, voice clipped.
Maria reached a hand to wrap around one of Natasha's.
"You ready for it?"
"No." Came the reply with no hesitation. Maria squeezed her hand harder. "I'm gonna do it anyway."
"I know." Maria said, voice soft. Natasha tore her gaze from the wall and met Maria's. Eyes clear and full of intent.
"I still want it, Maria."
Maria raised an eyebrow at that.
"Still not a proposal… yet."
They smiled at each other.
"You know what you gotta do then."
"Survive?"
"Yes."
"Is that an order?" Natasha asked, a smirk on her face as she squared her shoulders.
"It is, agent." Maria voice came out firm, belying the erratic beating of her heart. The outcome of the last time they'd had this conversation giving her strength.
"Aye aye, commander."
xxxx
"Come on, Cap. Come on." Maria was getting desperate watching the countdown.
5
4
3
2
"Steve!" She shouted on her com.
"Charlie locked."
It was like time froze a second after he said it. No shots. Natasha was alive. She was alive.
Fuck, that was close.
"Okay Cap, get out of there." She requested as she prepared for the guns to fire at each other.
"Do it now."
"But Steve…" Maria started. No. She couldn't.
"Do it now, Maria. Natasha. Fury. They're counting on us. Every person in this world is counting on us. Do it, Maria." His breathy voice come over the com and Maria cursed. Hard.
"Aye Captain." Maria gave the command and licked her lips. "Steve… Nat's gonna need someone to walk her down the aisle." She said on an impulse.
"…what?"
A pained smirk made its way to her lips.
"You need to get out of there. Alive."
Silence met her for a few seconds.
"I will."
xxxx
"Natasha come on! Hill is gonna kill me if I let you die on my watch."
Maria froze at those words, having just tapped into Nick's com.
"Nick?!" She called out desperately.
"Fuck." She heard him mutter under his breath.
A pause.
"Nick, status!"
Another beat.
"Answer me, Nick! Goddamn it!" Maria shouted.
"What size is your ring finger?" Came a tired and pained voice. Tired, pained, but very much alive. The breath that Maria had been holding came out in the form of a gasp as she supported herself against the nearest wall.
"God damn it, Romanov." She huffed as she picked up the pace, running again. "You can measure it yourself once we're far away from here."
"Love you too, babe."
"Go pick up Falcon, he's on one of the upper floors."
xxxx
"Hill, where's Steve? You got a location on Rogers?" Maria flinched at the question.
Sorry babe, I pushed the button that shot the floating thing he was and now he might have died. Nice pre-engagement gift?
"I'm sorry Nat." She said instead, finally arriving at the front doors of the building.
"…where is he, Maria?" Her voice was shaky and Maria fought back tears.
"He was in the hellicarrier that hit the main tower."
Silence was her answer, and she cursed at not being able to offer her comfort. Again.
Maria looked around, searching for them, making a very conscious effort to avoid looking at the very place she knew Steve to be. That she hoped he either still was, alive or that he'd gotten the hell out of somehow. He had to be alive.
"He's gonna be alright. Nat. He's gonna be alright." She said as she saw the helicopter near her position. "I told him he's got an appointment. That we'd kill him if he missed it." She met Natasha's eyes, as desperate as she knew her own were, trying to provide reassurance as she started walking. "He's Cap. He'd never disappoint us."
xxxx
"'You'll know where to find me.' Really, Nat?" Maria asked as Natasha entered the passenger's side of the car.
Natasha smirked as she rolled her head to the side to meet her gaze.
"If you'd seen their faces as I said it, you'd not be mocking me."
"Mocking you? I'd never." Maria smiled, as she drove away from Capitol Hill.
After a few beats of comfortable silence, Natasha spoke again.
"I'll need a new cover." She said slowly. Maria frowned –she knew that. "Which means… I could probably use a new surname."
Maria's hands tightened their grip at the wheel.
"Do you have any recommendations?" Nat asked, biting her lower lip.
Maria drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, licking her lips.
"I might know one that you could use. Permanently if you want." She let out, trying to control her heartbeat.
"Yeah?" Natasha asked and Maria glanced at her quickly as she turned out street to her apartment. "Is it available for the taking soon?"
Maria licked her lips.
"As soon as you ask." She answered.
They were both silent for a little after that, just enjoying the humming of the engine and the scenery around them as Maria drove them home.
"And how was your interview?" Nat asked after a while, voice lighter and Maria let out another breath, not knowing if she was disappointed or not.
A car was probably not the best place for a proposal to happen.
"Oh you know, some lie detectors. A lot of lawyers. Stark being Stark."
"If you tell me he flirted with you, I'm gonna crack his jaw." Her voice was jokingly annoyed, but Maria knew she'd actually love to go through with it. She smiled.
"Not with Pepper right there, he wouldn't." Maria answered and saw Natasha nodding at that, looking amused.
"I like her. Think it might be quite interesting to work with her." Maria said honestly, there was something about Pepper's way of talking and going about things that was quite refreshing. Perhaps it was the lack of secrets. After so long working for SHIELD it was quite a nice change of pace.
"She's nice." Natasha agreed easily, and Maria knew that coming from her that was quite the complement. "The paychecks are even nicer." She added with a smirk.
Maria laughed.
"Something you hinting at, Romanov?" Maria asked amused.
Natasha shrugged before saying in a solemn voice "…'for richer and for poorer'… isn't that how it goes?" She asked, smile stretching over her face.
Maria shook with laughter at that, taking one hand from the wheel to run through her hair and perhaps move Natasha's attention a bit so she'd not notice the blush that'd crept on her cheeks.
"We have not said any vows yet." Maria pointed out.
"You haven't said yes yet." Nat traded back.
"I haven't been properly asked anything." Maria said, eyes focused as she turned on the street to their apartment. Hinted at? Plenty of times since their talk in the bunk. Second time just in this car. But no actual question like Nat said she'd ask yet.
Natasha hummed and got quiet for a bit, Maria risked a glance at her a few times before breaking the silence right as they parked inside the underground garage of their building.
"Nat?"
When their eyes met again, Maria felt a pleasant thrill go down her spine by the intensity of Natasha's gaze.
"I need to change real quick and then run a few errands. Meet me in the terrace at 1900?" She asked and Maria felt breathless.
"Yes." She answered automatically. Natasha smiled. A soft, pleased smile that reached her eyes easily. With deliberate slow movements, Nat reached across the car and grasped Maria's left hand in hers. Using her thumb and index fingers, the former spy felt each one of Maria's, coming to rest on her ring finger. Maria let out a soft gasp at that, eyes not moving away from their joined hands.
"Give me five minutes and I'll be on my way. I'll meet you at the rooftop at 7." She kissed Maria's knuckles and opened the door. "Wear something nice." With a wink, Natasha walked towards the elevator, leaving Maria slumped against the seat of her car. She'd need more than five minutes to come to grips with what just happened. What was gonna happen in a few hours.
She smiled.
She couldn't wait until 7.