Title: Requited
Author: Reading Redhead
Summary: Sira must constantly deal with the worst sort of heartbreak, and in her case, reciprocated love is worse than any unrequited love could ever be.
Disclaimer: I am not Julie E. Czerneda, and therefore, I do not own the Trade Pact Universe. If I did, there would be no need for me to write this angsty fic, because Sira and Morgan would be happily together already.
Author's Note: I wrote this while on page 50 of Ties of Power. If you haven't read that far in the Trade Pact Universe books, beware possible spoilers.
Requited
They say there's nothing as heartbreaking as unrequited love. I don't pretend to be an expert in what that feels like; I've only been in love with one man in my entire life. But I've become an expert on the pain that I live with every day, and there is no way that something as simple as loving someone who does not love you back could cause this level of heartbreak.
I love Morgan. I love him in a way that I know I will never love anyone else for the rest of my life. And I know he feels the same for me. I see it in his eyes, hear it in the way he says my name, feel it as a subtle undercurrent to our mindtalk. His presence is intoxicating.
And yet, for us even to touch threatens death—not to me, but certainly for him, and having to live without him would be a different and far worse death than anything merely physical. I'm sure that having to live while your love is dead is up there on the list of most heartbreaking situations. Having to live knowing that your power killed him—that's got to be even worse.
It always comes back to my power. Oh, would that I had never discovered it! Though it would have been living an illusion, I wish that I could have spent my life believing that I was Human, that I was normal. That it would be safe for me to love another Human, like myself.
Thinking of this always brings back memories of that first night on Acranam. I was so innocent then, not suspecting my Clan heritage, blind to Morgan's feelings towards me, repressive of my own towards him. And then I had to learn it all: Morgan's love, and its reciprocation on my part, recognized at just the moment when such a love became impossible. He was the wise one that night, telling me not to promise anything I couldn't give. He did not know then that I had already Chosen him. Neither did I.
Part of me says that I should be content with what I have been granted. Morgan survived the Testing. I no longer must live trying to control the Power-of-Choice. But now he must, and I must control something equally as powerful, if not more so.
The worst part is that, looking back, I know in my heart that even if I had the power to, I would not change the way things happened between us. This love is the most painful and constant torture I have ever endured—yet it is love, and that simple knowledge can be enough to bring strength to my soul when I feel like abandoning hope.
But then I turn around and find myself looking into those intensely blue eyes, or hear him calling me Chit, or feel the touch of his mind upon my own, and I am again drowned in despair. When I'm away from him, I long for his presence; when I am close, I know that he is safer with me far away. My heart continues in this cycle of breaking and trying to repair itself, and every new heartbreak hurts worse than those before it ever could have.
They say there's nothing as heartbreaking as unrequited love.
They're lying.