Set while JJ is in the bathroom during S10E11 The Forever People

I walked into the bathroom after we'd given the profile. I had to get away from the team, the case, just everything and everyone. I wanted to be alone, no, I needed to. Why was it all coming up again? It had been a year, and I had been fine, aside from the odd nightmares that would jolt me awake, or the shooting pains I'd get occasionally, but other than that I'd been fine. But he was back. Like a dark cloud that never stopped following me. I saw him in crowds, in the mirror, when I closed my eyes, he was everywhere.

I turned the hot tap on full, and the water filled the sink fast. I used to wash my face with cold water, but not since. Flashes of the cold high pressure took me back. The hose water nailed into me pushing me back, I yelled out in pain as my wrists grinded against the metal cuffs. As the water cleared all I could see was his face. He stood there staring at me with that 'we're not even half way done' smile.

There he was, standing behind me as I looked at our reflections. "Go away," I demanded. My hands shook as they gripped the sides of the basin tightly. I could feel them going white at the strain. But he didn't leave. He smiled. That same smile that had been continually haunting me. Mocking me. Making me feel sick to my stomach. He glared me down as his smile grew, my struggle brought him joy.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his face, but it wasn't any use, he was there too, he was always there. "Leave me alone," I growled, as I splash the sink full of water behind me in a defiant act. But when I turned around he wasn't there. It felt stupid now. But then it felt good being the one to attack him with water for a change. I turned back to the mirror. When I came in here I just wanted a quiet moment, to gain some composure and to tell myself I was fine. He was there again. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, but I didn't wait for an answer.

I walked into the stall locking the door behind me. He couldn't follow me in here. I lowered the lid and took a seat. I laid my head in my hands and slowly breathed, I just needed a second to myself. "You forget, I know exactly how to get what I want," I heard him repeat, the sound of his voice felt paralyzing. I didn't want to look up or pull my hands away, in case he was there. I could feel his towering presence, just like a year ago.

I slowly lowered my hands and looked up, but there he was again. I was definitely trapped, he took up the whole cubicle. "You can't get rid of me that easily," he laughed as he bent over and came within inches of my face. I could smell his stale breath, it made my stomach drop again. Why was he doing this to me?

"Stop," I barked as I instinctively swatted him away with my right him. He jumped back before my hand could touch him, the stall wall took the hit instead. "Ughh," I called out in pain. I took the bandage off to examine any new damage done. It was a little redder, though I knew the bruises wouldn't show up straight away.

I strangely liked the raw pain on my knuckles. It wasn't psychological, it was real, and I could see it. Plus it was pain he didn't do to me. I did it. I ran my thumb over the redden skin, not looking away from the staring competition he and I had going on. My thumb rested on my middle fingers knuckle. It was the reddest, the most protruding, and the most symbolic.

I dug my thumb in, I breathed heavily trying to control the pain. I wanted him to go, anyway I could think of. It hurt, but that pain cancelled out everything else I was feeling, like a reset button. My eyes were blurred by the tears that were forming. But he was gone. He wasn't in the cubicle anymore. I felt alone, and it felt great. I didn't lighten up the grip on my knuckles, I just dug in harder. I didn't want him coming back. It was the first time in a while I had been alone and not been taunted by him.

My phone buzzed from my pocket, but I didn't want to take my hand away. He would come back. I ignored it until it buzzed again shortly to remind me of the notification. I slowly released my grip, thankfully the pain didn't subside.

I pressed the 'home' button to wake the screen up, I didn't even read the message, the time was in big numbers. I had been in here for at least a half an hour. Where had the time gone? I had to get back out. But I couldn't go out looking like this. I put the bandage back over my reset button and walked out the stall.

I looked at my face in the mirror, it was red, puffy and tear stained, but that wasn't the worst thing I saw. He was back. I instinctively touched my knuckles again, but I shook it off quickly, knowing it might not work, and I didn't have the time.

"He's not here. He's not real," I had to tell myself over and over. But he didn't disappear. I needed to get back out to the team. I just had to ignore him. I wiped away the tears that had streaked my cheeks. "You're fine," I whispered as I looked myself dead in the eye. I let out the breath I was holding and smiled. "I'm fine," I reiterated before walking out the bathroom.

"Hey," Spence said standing up as I open the door.

"Oh, okay," I replied a little taken a back to see him waiting for me. How long had he been there? How much did he hear? "Hi. What's up?"