Arms of an Angel:
Moments like these where the hardest for Dean; where everyone goes their separate ways. The last job was hard on everyone and it pushed his own brother away. He said he need time to himself, that he needed space from all this. Bobby of course was always busy and Dean had dumped enough of his crap on him. Castiel was of course off somewhere in heaven. Like Bobby, Castiel has helped a great deal during their cases and Dean wanted Castiel to have a little break. That left Dean alone. Right now though, he didn't want to be alone. He knew that if he was, all the things he tried so very hard to hide from Sam, Bobby and Cas would come shattering out of him. He knew there would be no one to stop him from breaking down; all the walls he put up would come crumbling down and Dean found it harder and harder to put them back up. Dean was sitting in the Impala his hands gripping the wheel for life. He was driving fast trying to outrun his emotions but they were coming for him. He could feel it creeping behind his eyes. He couldn't drive like this. Dean found an abandoned motel and parked his car out front. For a moment he just sat in his car and waiting for the emotions to gain on him and take over. Nothing happened and that just made it worse. He swore aloud and crawled out of his car and slammed the door shut. Why was this so damn hard? Why was he so weak? Dean ran a hand over his face with frustration and felt warm tears stain his hand. He bit his lip and looked towards the starless sky. It felt like even the angels left him alone. Dean felt his knees shake and he held onto his car for support.
"G-" his voice cracked. "God," Dean said with a question at the end of his tone. He swallowed. "I know this is stupid but I'm..." tears fell from his green saddened eyes."I'm so alone... and so confused." Dean prayed. He shook his head. He felt silly for praying on the big guy even though he was the reason why Dean was in such a mess but he had no one else to go to.
"I don't know what to do. This heavy feeling in my chest is overwhelming and..." he looked down at the pavement. "I don't think I can hold on anymore." he confessed. "If you could just give me sign or anything that lets me know you're listening to me." He knew nothing was going to happen but the feeling of speaking out loud was relieving. After standing there for a few muinutes in the cold space, he headed into the motel and found a small room that had bed with a crimson quilt over it. He fell backward onto the bed and just stared at the cracked ceiling. He was dead tired and just damn depressed that he felt like rotting away in this motel room. The curtains gave a little flutter though the window was closed. A weird sensation crawled through Dean's skin but when he squinted, he saw a crack at the bottom of the window and thought that it must have been the wind. He sat up and positioned himself properly on the bed. The sheets were stiff and it smelled of dust. He threw a hand over his face and closed his eyes. At this point, he was gone and no one could pull him out of his hell. The pain in his chest tightened but he didn't have any more tears to shed.
"Dean…" It was a soft familiar voice that came near his ear and a shiver went down his spin. When he removed his arm, he expected to see Castiel but no one was there. Why would it Cas? He was busy in heaven; he had his own problems to deal with. Dean shook his head and threw his arm over his face again and tried to get some rest. Dean was pulled into a fearsome dream that drowns him to the bottom of the ocean. As he sinks, he see's flashes of his brother as Lucifer, he see's Bobby stabbing himself to protect Dean and he see's Castiel sacrificing his life for him every time. An anchor of guilt tied to his leg and dragged him down deeper. Suddenly, he fell through the sand at the bottom and was surrounded by burning fire.
"No! God No!" Hell, he was being dragged back to hell. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was on the rack his hands and feet bound. Alistair crept from the shadows and Dean saw the tip of the knife grin in the reflection. In a heartbeat Alistair was beside him and grinning from ear to ear.
"Oh Dean… It's such a pleasure to have you back again." Dean shook his head trying to tell himself that he was dreaming. "Are you sure about that?" And with that, he brought down the knife and it cut into Dean's flesh. He opened his mouth to scream but no scream came out. No one could hear him; no one could help him.
"Do you remember all those poor souls you tortured? Well, I think you should be punished for that." He brought the knife down and slowly pressed it across Dean's chest. Blood seeped out and slid along his side and onto the floor. Dean thrashed in his restrains and remembrance burned his eyes. He would never forget what he did. Alistair was right, he should be punished. The knife tore at his skin and separated the tissue. Dean's body began to tremble as it began to fight to stay alive and stop the blood from flowing out but each time Dean was able to heal a cut, Alistair would open another one.
"Please, stop!" Dean begged the tears finally cracking at the corner of his eyes.
"Did you stop for those souls you killed when they begged?" Why? Why was he being punished now? "You were very creative you know. I watched you." He taunted and cut along Dean's arm. His hand clenched into a fist and he gave another cry of pain. When he loosened his grip, the room began to spin and he began to feel the blood ooze out of each wound he received. He could hear his skin tear apart as Alistair stripped away the skin. And yet, he still couldn't cry for help. No one was there to save him. No one…
"Dean…" The pain was excruciating and horribly pleasant. He was drowning in his own blood and pain wanting to stay there and never walk the earth again feeling all the guilt and watching the people he loved die for him. "Stay with me…." He held so much fear that the voice came strong as Alistair's but it faded into a different voice at the end. The light overhead became intensely bright and Dean looked away but the light began to shine on him with such force that the pain was gone. He was stripped off the rack and pulled up towards the blinding light. He jerked forward expected to still be tied but he found that he could rise all the way up.
"Dean! It's me!" A familiar voice called to him. It was deep, low but reassuring voice. He looked around frankly searching for the voice. "Dean, Dean look at me!" The voice demanded. When he found his breath, he closed his eyes for a second and then opened them. He saw his angel Castiel leaning forward, his hands gripping Dean's arm desperately calling him awake.
"Cas…?" He whispered. He reached out and touched Castiel's arm shyly, afraid that he might disappear but he didn't. Castiel sat beside the broken hunter and Dean leaned forward resting his head against the angel's shoulder seeking comfort. Castiel, caught off guard, tensed but soon relaxed to the feeling. "Cas, I was there again." Dean confessed. "I was on the rack again and…" His words were choked as tears slipped through his eyes. Castiel raised his hand and wrapped it around the hunter, drawing him closer to his body.
"I'm sorry Dean, I should have come sooner." Castiel said his tone sounding like he was scolding himself.
"Cas, did I really go back to hell?" Dean asked not looking at the angel afraid of his answer.
"No, it was a horrid, vivid dream that you will never have to experience again." Castiel said strongly. Dean sobbed harder to the answer. Castiel's words wrapped around him like a blanket; like the wings of an angel keeping him safe. Castiel brought his hand to Dean's hair and began stroking it soothingly until Dean began to calm. His body stopped shaking and it slumped against the angel. Castiel could hear his breath become steady and he laid the hunter back down gently on the bed. He stood up but Dean's hand reached out and took hold the of the angel's hand.
"Wait Cas, stay. Please, stay with me?" he whispered. Castiel tilted his head to the side and his blue heavenly eyes locked on Dean's green begging eyes. With his other hand, Castiel placed his two forefingers on Dean's forehead.
"Sleep Dean" The angel said and Dean fell into a blissful dream.