A/N So, Obviously i love angsty things and thats just who i am! AHAHAHAHA anyways, review if you want the second chapter!

Feliciano's POV:

"Feliciano! Wake up, you stupid bastard!" yelled Lovino, my older brother.

I mumbled and turned so my back was facing him. I was so nervous. Today was my first day at a new school. I had to switch schools because some of the guys at my other school were... harassing... me. So here I was on my first day, and I was going to be late. I sighed and threw the blanket from me. Lovino scoffed and said, "Finally."

I know he had good intentions, but it still hurt that he didn't understand /why/ I didn't want to go to school. I sighed and quickly got into the shower. In the shower, I thought of all the pros and cons of the school. There isnt anyone there who will treat me like they did at my other school! But, the word might get out at the new school of what people used to call me. But Ludwig goes to this new school!

This small conversation went on with myself until I heard Lovino yell through the door, "Hurry up! If you make me late on my first day, I'll kill you!" I said again and got out of the shower. I got dress and slowly made my way into the small kitchen. Lovino sat in the kitchen, dishing up plates of my favorite pasta. I brightened instantly. "Whats the occasion, Lovino?"

Lovino sighed. "Its your first day at a new school, Feliciano I just want you to be happy here." He sat down in the chair across from me and handed me my plate. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Are you ever going to tell me what happened at the other school, Feliciano?"

I gasped. He hadn't meant to hurt me, but the fact that he had brought it up so nonchalant like that mad me want to puke. I shook my head and silently ate my pasta. Lovino sighed, knowing he had crossed the line. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, Feli. I jus-"

I stood up suddenly disgusted. No one was allowed to call me that. Never again. I shook my head again, crying and ran upstairs to the bedroom. I threw myself on my bed and sobbed into my pillow, any hope of me wanting to go to school gone. I heard Lovino come up the stairs behind me and sit on the edge of my bed. He gently patted my back and sang my favorite Italian song. I started to calm down a bit and looked up at him and smiled slightly. He frowned and said, "I'm sorry, Feliciano. I really didn't meant to hurt you. Can you tell me what I did though?"

I closed my eyes as unwanted memories flooded through my weak barriers. He had called me Feli. He didn't know, it wasnt his fault. I whispered gently, "It's nothing Lovino, I'm just nervous is all. Can we not talk about me or the other school today?"

Lovino sighed again standing up. He was really worried about me. He looked at the clock and panicked exclaiming, "Come on! We have to go!" He grabbed both of our backpacks and raced down the stairs.

I gently got up, straightening out the small creases in my clothes from throwing myself onto my bed. I slowly, once again, made my way down stairs and outside. I got into the car with Lovino and looked out the window as he drove us to school. We lived about twenty minutes from the school, and we drove in silence the entire way, not sure what to talk about. We arrived at school and Lovino pulled our backpacks out of the trunk and threw mine at me. I caught it and slung it over my shoulder. We started walking together and Lovino said to me, "I wont be able to help you today, so you need to pay attention to your teachers and try not to get into trouble." We had reached the main entrance of the school. He turned to me and we stopped walking. He gently placed a hand on my shoulder and I shrank away from it. He sighed and said, "Fratello calm down, im not going to hurt you. I want you to be happy here, so i arranged for you to have all of your classes with Ludwig. He will help you through the school day, okay?"

A small, but real smile settled on my lips for the first time in a long time. I liked Ludwig. He was so nice though he looked intimidating. I nodded and said, "Si. Grazie, fratello!" I walked off with out Lovino and quickly made my way to my designated locker. I was so excited though! It had been such a long time since I had seen Ludwig! I hadn't seen him in... 5 years! I was lost in thought, opening my locker, when i was pulled into a hug. I screamed and began to cry. No. This couldnt be happening. Not here. My captive quickly let go of me and looked down at me with wide, red eyes. Wait, red? I didnt care, I was already trying hard not to break down right there when the albino in front of me said, "Whoa. Are you okay? I didnt mean to hurt you!"

I shook my head and gathered enough sense to make a somewhat coherent sentence, "N-No. Wh-Who are y-you?

The albino in front of me scoffed. "What? You dont remember the awesome me? I'm Gilbert! Ludwig's bruder!"

My mind raced, quickly trying to remember if Ludwig really did have a brother. My mind settled in on a scene from childhood when Ludwig and I had played a game of football when he had accidently kicked the ball too hard and it had hit me in the face. Gilbert had come outside and carried me in, seeing as how he was two years older than us. I said shakily, "S-sorry Gilbert! I just d-didnt remember you is all!" I put a fake smile on, hoping he wouldn't see through it. He didn't. He simply responded, "What's up with you? You used to love hugs!"

I shrugged and said, "I guess I grew up is all." I started putting my books in my locker and turned back to Gilbert who was staring at me, making me very uncomfortable. "Uhhhh... shouldnt you be getting to your locker too?"

Gilbert perked up and said, "Im already here!" He patted the locker next to mine. "1860, right next to 1861!"

I tried to smile again, but i couldn't get my mouth to form it. Oh God. I was going to have to deal with his hugging all year. I don't think I can do it. I sighed instead and said, "Do you know where Ludwig's locker is?"

Gilbert grinned and pointed down the hall to the taller of the German brothers standing in front of a locker. "1871!" He was still staring at me when i turned back, and i made it quite clear that i didn't want it anymore. "Would you mind not staring at me please?"

Gilbert smirked and said, "How can i not? You are so intriguing and there is definitely something different about you from when we last saw each other... Can you tell me?"

I slammed my locker door shut, drawing the attention of others around me. I stalked off over to Ludwig without responding to Gilberts question. I heard him behind me saying, "Kesesese~ Don't worry Feliciano! I will find out myself!" I made my way between people over to Ludwig's locker, who had heard the ordeal. He smiled down at me and said, "Hallo Feliciano! I have not seen you in a long time. How have you been?"

I hastily threw a fake smile on, but it didn't reach my eyes. I said, "Good! How have you been? I missed you so much!"

A small crease appeared in between Ludwigs eyebrows as he noticed that my smile was fake and that i wasn't hugging him. I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was way too soon.

I noticed Gilbert start to walk down the hallway towards us and I pulled on Ludwig's arm, wanting to leave quickly. He noticed where my gaze was directed and closed his locker lightly. He then turned around and started walking towards the AP Euro room. I graciously followed him and we made it there with no more outbursts from Gilbert. We sat our stuff down at desks that sat next to each other. We both sat down and I looked around the room, smiling again when I saw an Italian flag. Wow. It was only the first day and i was already smiling and laughing again. Lost in thought, I didn't notice someone set his stuff down next to my desk until he was standing in my line of vision. I looked up to see a guy who had shaggy brown hair and green eyes. He looked somewhat familiar, I just couldn't place where i had seen him before... He spoke to me in a sweet voice saying, "Hola! My name is Antonio! And you are Feliciano right?" I nodded, trying to figure out who this guy was, and how he knew me. Which a lot of people seemed to. He laughed and said, "You and mi tomata look so similar!" It suddenly hit me. There was a picture of him and Lovino together on Lovino's bedside table. "Oh! Your dating Lovino, right?" He had mentioned once, while i lived in Italy that he had a boyfriend, but he had never told me the name. Antonio nodded with a proud smile on his face. "Si! I'm glad that Lovino actually has someone to live with now! he was so lonely before!" I laughed as the bell rang, telling the students that class had started. We sat in our first lesson of the first day,listening to what we would learn in this class. An hour later, the second bell rang, telling us that class was over. I stood up and collected my books. I smiled at Antonio and said, "It was nice to meet you! I hope i can see you again soon!" I walked out of the class with Ludwig going to our next subject, English 10.

Tis continued happening, we would go to one class, sit listen to them talk about what we were going to learn in class, then leave when the bell rang. After third hour however, Ludwig said, "I have lunch now. unfortunately you don't have it with me. But you do have it with Antonio..." I paled at the thought of being alone with another guy other than fratello or Ludwig. Even if it was in a crowded lunchroom and he was dating Lovino. I nodded and waved goodbye, slowly picking my way to my next class, German. As I entered the room, I sat in the very back corner, away from everyone, when a specific albino was standing in front of me. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my erratic breathing. Oh God. Why did he have to be in this class? Wasn't he a native German speaker? I heard Gilbert's trademark laugh ring through my ears, "Kesesese~ Whats wrong Feliciano? Did you not expect to see me here?"

I shook my head and spoke with out stuttering for once, "Why are you in German class? Aren't you already a native German speaker?

Gilbert laughed again saying, "They told me i had to take and pass at least one foreign language before i graduated. So, here i am!" Gilbert put his books down in the desk next to mine. I put my head on the desk and paled at the thought of having a class every day with him. Gilbert noticed me pale and said, "Hey, are you alright? Are you feeling sick?" He put a hand on my back, which im sure was supposed to be in a friendly way. I shot up out of my chair and screeched, "Don't touch me!" I blushed when a couple of other students turned and looked at me and quickly sat back down as the bell rang, sitting on the edge of my seat farthest away from Gilbert. As the bell dismissing class rang, I shot out of my seat and out the door. I quickly threw my books in my locker and made my way to my next class of the day, Biology. Once again I was back with Ludwig and we sat lazily in our seats until class was over. We made our way back to our lockers and Ludwig told me he had to go to his Italian class. I smiled a bit than frowned as he waved goodbye. I thought about just not going to the lunchroom at all when i was intercepted by Antonio. "Hey. Ludwig told me you were nervous about eating lunch alone. Would you like to join my friends and I for lunch?" I was so thankful and nodded quickly. We made our way through the lunch line and got our food. We sat down at an empty table by the windows and waited for his friends. We were talking and I was suddenly cut short by the dreaded sound of, "Kesesese~ What have we here? Has the small Italian boy joined us for lunch?" I looked at Antonio who was smiling at Gilbert as he sat down across from me. I turned my attention back to my food and stared down at it until i heard another, unfamiliar laugh. "Ohonhonhon. Is this Lovino's little brother you were telling me about?" A man with wavy blond hair, sat down next to Gilbert and held his hand out to me. "Bonjour. My name is Francis. What is your name?" Feliciano looked up for half a second again before returning his eyes back to his food. "My name is Feliciano Vargas, sir," I mumbled then cringed as I relized I had just said sir. Gilbert laughed. "Feliciano is such a loooooong name to say! Mind if we call you Feli instead?" I felt the anger rise within me. Before i knew it, Gilbert had a carton of milk dumped onto his head. I leaned down and whispered into Gilberts ear, "I would rather see you burn in hell." I turned on my heel and ran out of the lunch room, not even realizing what I had done until I was gone. I ran to the room Ludwig had Italian in and sat down on the floor next to the room, curling myself into a tight ball against the wall and silently sobbed into my knees. I didn't stop crying until I heard the bell ring and i barely had enough time to stand up and wipe my face. I put a cheery but fake smile on when Ludwig came out of the door, hoping he wouldn't ask any questions. Ludwig saw right through my ruse and looked into my eyes. I dropped my gaze and looked at his feet. "Whats wrong with you, Feliciano? Did something happen?" Gilbert suddenly came running down the hallway, soaked in milk. I cringed as he came nearer to me. "What the hell was that for? All I did was ask if I could call you Feli! You used to love that!" My eyes shot up and I punched him in the gut. Not hard but enough to hurt. I turned and sprinted to my journalism class, with Ludwig hot on my heels.

I entered the class room and felt angry tears well up in my eyes. I slammed my books on the farthest desk from the front and sat down, with my head on the desk. I heard Ludwig come in and gently set his stuff in the seat next to mine and kneeled in front of me. He whispered, "Feliciano, are you alright? What happened with Gilbert?" I shook my head and heard Ludwig take a breath as if he was going to talk again, but the bell rang and he was forced to take his seat. After their journalism class, Feliciano and Ludwig parted ways again, with Feliciano going to art and Ludwig going to gym. I walked down the hall to the art room where I was greeted by another laugh I wasn't too fond of. "Ohonhonhon... Hello again Feliciano. That was quite a display you had for us at lunch."

I stiffened. I didn't want to talk about it, so I went into the room and silently put my things on a table. I ignored Francis until the start of class. I hoped that we would start drawing right away, but alas. It was as boring as all of my other classes. I was the first out the door when te bell rang and arrived at my locker quickly. I shoved my books into my back pack and quickly took that out, wanting to get home as soon as I could. I closed my locker and jumped when I saw Gilbert standing behind it, staring at me. He didn't look mad as much as he was in awe. Everyone in the school knew that Gilbert could beat them up in a heartbeat. But not me. He was astonished that not only had I poured milk on him but I had also told him to burn in hell and then punched him. Before he could say anything, I was running towards where i remembered Lovino saying his locker was when i suddenly ran into Antonio. "Ooof!" He exclaimed, catching me before I fell on my butt. He looked down into to my eyes to see genuine fear there. "Are you okay? What happened?"

I shook my head. I just wanted to go home. "I just- where is Lovino? I want to go home." Antonio sighed, torn. He took Feliciano by the hand and started to drag him towards the front doors. "I will take you home Feliciano, mi tomata is staying after for a cooking class." I started to protest, than saw Gilbert running around searching for him. I shut my mouth, deciding that being with Antonio would be much better than being with Gilbert. We got in Antonios car and the drove in silence for awhile before Antonio broke the silence. "What was up with you and Gil today at lunch?"

I winced. Did everyone need to bring it up? "He called me that name. No one is allowed to call me that. Especially not him." I had to remind myself again, It's not his fault. He doesn't know. Antonio mulled it over for a bit before speaking again. "It was pretty cool. Why don't you sit with us tomorrow too and I will make sure he never calls you that again, Okay?" I hesitated a bit for nodding. I think I just made a friend. It had been so long since i had a friend. I was usually just refered to as wh- I slammed my mental barrier down on that thought and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. When we reached my house, I thanked Antonio over and over, happy that i had actually enjoyed spending time with another guy for once. I grabbed my backpack out of the back and walked inside my house. I tided up a bit before Lovino got home and made my way to our bedroom. I layed on my bed and curled up in a ball. It wasnt that bad of a day really. I had classes with Ludwig and enjoyed most of them. But i also had classes with Gilbert, and his locker was right next to mine. We had lunch together and i saw him so often... I shook my head, clearing it of any thoughts of Gilbert. I was not allowed to think of him. Ever. I started to drift off to sleep and an hour later, I heard fratello come through the bedroom door. I sat up lazily and smiled at him. He was the only one who ever really got to see my smile anymore. " How was your day?"

Lovino threw his back pack on his bed and turned to look at me. Uh oh. He didn't seem very happy. "It was only the first day of school, Feliciano! How could you have gotten into a fight? and with Gilbert no less! How could you be so stupid?"

I frowned. I didn't like it when Lovino was mad at me, but i had to deal with consequences. "He called me-" I stopped short when I realized that I hadnt told fratello about the importance of that nickname this morning. I probably never would. What if Lovino thought of me differently because of those other guys? I sighed and said, "I'm sorry fratello. I promise I will be better tomorrow." Lovino turned and walked to the door he said to me, "Do you want any dinner?" Even though he knew my answer, he was still hopeful I would change my mind. "No thank you fratello, im not hungry tonight." He walked downstairs to the kitchen and I could hear him making a small supper for himself. I started to drift off to sleep again, resting peacefully until morning. School went normally for a couple of weeks, seeing as how neither Gilbert or i really talked to one another. I did become friends with Antonio and Francis. On Tuesday of the third week, I was sitting at the kitchen table, doing homework when I heard a knock at the door. Lovino had gone out to get groceries and so I answered the door. Standing just outside was a face I recognized well. Before i could slam the door in his face, Gilbert stuck his foot between the door and the frame. He said, "I just have something to give you Feliciano. Then i will leave." I sighed and opened the door. Gilbert handed me a small envelope and walked away. I shut the door behind me and pulled out the letter. It was multiple pages long and it had obviouslly taken a lot of time and effort. I thought about just throwing the letter away when i saw the first two words. I'm Sorry. I took the letter upstairs to my room and sat on my bed reading it.

The letter said : "Im sorry Feliciano. I never meant to hurt you. It has been such g time since i last saw you and i have missed you so much. There is something i think you need to know that i dont really know how to tell you. so, ill just say it. I loveyou Feliciano. I have for a very long time. Ever since i first met you, I have wanted you to be mine. It hurts me to see you sad, scared or angry, and to know that i caused it kills me. There are no words for how much you mean to me... and if there is anything i can do to help you, please tell me. Mein Gott Feliciano, that terrified look in your eyes after i hugged you nearly rime apart. I want to make it up to you somehow. Please Feliciano, give me a fighting chance to make it up. I love you -Gilbert Beilschmidt" I began crying when i looked at the rest of the pages and they were pictures of him Ludwig and I from when we were younger. I put the letter down, underneath my bed and cried into the pillow. But for once, they werent tears of sadness, they were tears of joy.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ Chapter One