PLEASE NOTE: This is written in script format. I'd like to give credit to sjcmagic, who I first saw used this format and inspired me. I'd also like to give credit where credit is due. I own nothing aside from Dunder Mifflin Online. And, in actuality, I don't own that either. This story will be split into a two-shot. This here is the first part.
Dunder Mifflin Online
COLD OPEN
SHOWN (Dwight exiting a Circuit City with a bag slung over his shoulder. He has a determined look on his face and he charges down an old lady who follows him with a raised purse.)
Dwight: Michael has sent me to the local Circuit City with fifty dollars in funds to pursue for him a web cam. He says it is an urgent mission, and I will stop at no costs to get him his desired computer accessory.
(Old lady clubs Dwight with purse and starts screaming Irish profanities which are subtitled at the bottom of the screen such as 'Stupid Bastard'. She also mentions how much of a slut-bag his mother is.)
(Camera zooms in on Dwight who is on the pavement of the parking lot, grumbling in pain. The old lady snatches his bag with the web cam in it and starts running off and crying out in glee. Dwight comes to moments later to see the bag is gone. He gets an angered look on his face before getting up, brushing himself off, and marching toward the Circuit City again.)
MICHAEL SCOTT TALKING HEAD
Michael: Yesterday night I was sitting on my couch, eating my lovely dinner of Kraft Fun Shapes Spongebob Mac N Cheese and flicking through the channels when I came across a show on Nickelodeon I'd never seen before. It caught my attention almost immediately. It was called iCarly, and it was about this girl named Carly and she had her own web show. And I thought to myself, if a cool little girl like Carly could have her own web show...couldn't an even cooler guy like Michael Scott have his own web show too?
SHOWN (Ryan and Pam bent over Michael's computer, fiddling with the new web cam Dwight retrieved from the Circuit City. Michael is pacing impatiently in front of his desk.)
Michael: (to Pam) Is it done yet?
Pam: (rolls eyes) No Michael. We just started five minutes ago. And Dwight got the cheapest web cam there was at the store, so it's kind of hard to get it to work.
Ryan: And your computer keeps showing us this error message that there's not enough disk space to save the web cam software.
Michael: (mumbles to himself so that Pam and Ryan can't hear him) I shouldn't have downloaded all of those free trial games off of Yahoo.
(Ryan cries out in happiness and starts clicking the mouse in a mad succession. Pam smiles and turns to Michael.)
Pam: We got the camera working. We're online right now.
Michael: (pushing past Ryan to get into the field of view of the camera. In doing so, he knocks it down from the computer monitor and unplugs all the wires) Oops...
OPENING CREDITS
SHOWN (Michael standing in front of everyone in the office making one of his usual speeches)
Michael: So I've been inspired to have my own web show. Right here in the office. Now if anyone wants to be on my weekly segments, they have to ask me. But I'd be glad to have anyone on it. I also need someone who's good with computers to make me a catchy title sequence that I can play before each episode. I was thinking something similar to what they had on Friends. But I also like the George Lopez theme too. (Michael starts to jump and try to make it in slow motion while Andy belts out Low Rider and making the trumpet noises.)
Jim: (desperate to stop Andy from singing) How do you plan on getting hits for your web show?
Michael: (stops jumping and runs a hand through his hair) That's a very good point Jim. How should I go about doing that? (Taps his chin in consternation)
Pam: (raising her hand to give a suggestion) How about we all give out flyers? Post notes on Facebook? I could start a really long chain letter to everyone in my e-mail's address book.
Michael: (runs over to hug Pam but she backs away nervously and Michael resorts to clapping her on the top of her head) You're so smart Pammy! Alright everyone start printing up those flyers. And do whatever else Pam said to do. (Michael runs eagerly into his office and closes the door)
PAM BEESLY TALKING HEAD
Pam: One of the reasons I'm supporting Michael's...err...idea to have a web show is because, well, it's way better than playing solitaire. And since I'm the only person that is going to help him it means I get to be on it! (her smile fades as silence takes the place of her exclamation) And plus I'm getting really good with computers and stuff. Last week I fixed the Nintendo. (another silence) I really do need a life. (leaves the conference room)
SHOWN: (Jim is on his computer with Pam standing next to him, on the screen the layout in the Inspiration program for Michael's web show flyer is shown. Pam is giving Jim eager instructions over his shoulder and they both start adding weird pictures of ducks and fat men in cheese suits.)
(Dwight leers at them over the border between Jim's and his desks. He catches glances with Jim, who pauses at Dwight's look of sheer annoyance.)
Jim: (feigning concern) What seems to be the matter Dwight? I don't think anyone's in the bathroom. It looks like you need to go.
Dwight: (continues his glare) You two are being quite loud over there. And I'm making some important business calls. So would you mind halt die Klappe ?
(Pam and Jim are slightly confused and highly amused by Dwight's use of German. They turn away from Dwight and pointedly ignore him as he grumbles nonsense about them and their 'lack of respect')
(Michael comes out of his office and comes over to where he sees Jim and Pam working on his flyer. He looks it over eagerly and then his face falls as he looks over it)
Michael: (taps his chin) I think it needs more of a 'this web show is the funniest thing since iCarly' thing about it. And I'm just thinking that picture of Sarah Palin's face on the body of a prostitute isn't really doing if for me. (he looks away, completely serious about what he's just said.)
CUT TO: LATER ON IN THE DAY. (Pam is standing next to the printer, an impatient look on her face as she waits for dozens of bright orange flyers to fall off of it. She has a few reams of Dunder Mifflin paper in her hands)
(Creed approaches, looking at her curiously. Pam notices Creed's presence and turns to explain herself and the papers printing)
Pam: These are all for Michael's web show. He asked me to print out, in his words, gazillions of them, but I didn't know what that meant so I just set it to print three hundred.
CREED BRATTON TALKING HEAD
Creed: Gazillions is codeword for five ounces. Sometimes I wonder why people don't know these things. I mean I asked my most common client the other day if he wanted a gazillion of weed. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me that was too much. Guess he doesn't smoke that much.
(Creed walks away from Pam, snickering and hunched over so no one can really see his face. Pam watches him, kind of perturbed, before turning back to the large accumulating stack of papers. The stack falls to the ground with a thud and lands on Pam's foot. She starts hopping around and holding her foot. Dwight approaches her with an interested look on his face.)
Dwight: (joins Pam) The Iroquois Indian Rain Dance! I shall join you Pam! (They both continue hopping around holding their feet. Dwight begins humming some indecipherable words in a low monotone.)
CUT TO: PAM, JIM, MICHAEL, AND ANDY TACKING SIGNS UP ON LAMP POSTS, MAILBOXES, ETC.
Michael: (squinting into camera due to the sun) I've given our crack team of poster putter-uppers the name Poster Operatives Of Pennsylvania. (starts to laugh)
Pam: (shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand) Michael gave us the name Poster Operatives of Pennsylvania. It's kind of weird. (thinks for a minute) Wait, as an acronym...isn't that poop?
Jim: (sighs) So I guess we're POOP now aren't we Michael? (Michael is shown doubled over laughing at how Jim finally got his joke.) (quietly to camera) He probably thinks he's funny.
SHOWN(A lamp post that seems to be forgotten during the poster effort. Andy is shown jumping into the shot, ballerina style while singing Alanis Morissette, and slapping a poster on the lamp post. He leaps into the middle of the street and cars are heard beeping at him from outside of the shot. The poster slips from it's spot. Andy wanders back into the shot and picks up the poster and puts it back up, still humming, but less confidently, the tune to "You Oughta Know")
CUT TO: OSCAR AND KEVIN SKIDDING OVER TO PAM'S COMPUTER
KEVIN MALONE TALKING HEAD
Kevin: (giggles) So whenever both Jim and Pam are out of the office at the same time me and Oscar always go and look on Pam's computer for e-mails from Jim. Sometimes, there's some really dirty and private stuff on there.
(Oscar and Kevin are still laughing at something on Pam's computer when the Poster Operatives Of Pennsylvania make their entrance. Oscar notices and starts tapping Kevin on the shoulder and shoving him but Kevin either ignores him or isn't aware. Pam raises an eyebrow at Kevin and Oscar's presence at her desk.)
Pam: (incredulously) What are you guys doing?
(Kevin looks up and starts walking nonchalantly away with Oscar. The both of them go back to Accounting and Pam looks on the screen to see what they were looking at.)
Pam: (mouthing to the camera) It was just my subscription renewal to Seventeen magazine. (rolls eyes)
CUT TO: MICHAEL IN HIS OFFICE, DWIGHT IS CLICKING ON THE MOUSE AT MICHAELS COMPUTER AND ADJUSTING THE WEB CAM
Michael: (excitedly to camera) Today is the first episode of Dunder Mifflin Online! Dwight is setting up the show right now. (starts hopping up and down. Dwight glares at Michael from Michael's desk.)
Dwight: (between gritted teeth) Michael could you settle down?
Michael: NO FRICKIN' WAYYYY. (begins running around the office screaming and waving his hands in the air.
DWIGHT SHRUTE TALKING HEAD
Dwight: Michael asked me one morning, "How do you get a web show online?" I answered him by saying, "You need a web site to host it on." Michael was completely confused by this statement so he asked me whatever needed to be done to get his web show on the air I should do. (confident smirk) I signed up for a fifteen dollar a day web sharing site.
JIM HALPERT TALKING HEAD
Jim: So I heard Dwight is paying fifteen bucks a day to have Michael's web show online? (thinks for a minute) I probably should have told him about Freewebs.