I'm a member of the Gryffindor house, supposedly noble, never wavering, and forever proud...except I'm not that kind of girl. Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and along with the rest of my House, are all so outspoken and brave. I'm already in my fifth year and yet, I feel more cowardly than the First Years who arrived at Hogwarts as insecure, nervous students. I don't understand why exactly the Sorting Hat had put me into Gryffindor; it had barely said a word as it searched my brain and supposedly found something that was worthy of being put into Gryffindor.
I run my hands through my brown hair nervously as I walk back and forth the corridor of the Hogwarts express, trying to the compartment that my friends are in. I'm trying to be inconspicuous as possible; I don't want it to look as if I have nowhere to be. I quickly peek through every compartment window, and just as I'm about to make another round backwards, I spot a flash of red hair.
I peer into the compartment and my brow furrows immediately. I can recognize Lily's orangey/reddish hair from anywhere, but she's sitting with the Marauders, crammed in between James and Peter. She looks highly uncomfortable and scowls at James as he tries to casually drape his arm around her shoulder. Typical James, I think, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
Lily hates the Marauders, with an exception of Remus (and on the good days, maybe Peter), so what is she doing there?
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go into the compartment or not. If I don't, I'll have nowhere to sit because I'm sure the rest of my roommates will just join Lily, but if I do, I'm subject to unwanted attention from the Marauders. I can't imagine the stares the Marauders would give me when I walk in; I'm not so sure if they even know I exist.
The Marauders are like the gods of Hogwarts. They're the renown troublemakers of the school, so they're worshipped and well-respected. There's James Potter, a messy-haired boy with raven black hair, a boyish smile, and hazel eyes. He's attractive, and he would be dating someone if it weren't for his strange but obsessive infatuation with Lily. Besides his good looks, he's cocky, pompous, and thinks he rules the world.
Then there's Sirius Black, most-known for his aristocratic and distinct features. He has high cheekbones, a straight nose, and sensual lips. His hair is always impeccably styled; it just falls gracefully onto his face like its meant to be. He's had so many play things at Hogwarts that I'm sure he doesn't remember their names anymore. Girls just fall at his feet after one glance at his perfect features.
Remus, I think, is the best out of all of the Marauders. He's soft-spoken, kind, and gentle, similar to me. We both don't enjoy being the center of attention, but he's not socially inept and can tell a joke to save his life. He always looks tired, for some reason, but his looks are eye-catching enough. He has light-brownish hair that's short so it just sticks up, and he has pale scars on his face. His hazel eyes curve at the ends so it makes him look like he's always smiling.
The last Marauder is Peter. He's a short, slightly chubby boy with curly blonde hair. His eyes are watery and shifty, and he always looks like he's trying not to be caught for something he's done. Otherwise, I'd say he's smarter than he looks. He's the least attractive Marauder and doesn't quite fit the Marauder quota of charismatically attractive, a hound for trouble, and wild.
And then there's Lily. Prettiest girl at Hogwarts and my closest friend. She's charming and witty, and of course, a favorite to the teachers. With her vivacious smile and bright green eyes, I can't say I disagree with the reason why so many people like her, or want to be her.
And me. I'm not particularly pretty, not particularly smart, not particularly talented...I'm just nothing in particular. With my black glasses that shrink my eyes down to two times their size, my straight brown hair, and my nothing in particular figure, it's no wonder nobody knows who I am. I'm plain, I'm socially inept, and always overlooked.
I hesitate, and my hands press against the compartment door as I debate whether or not to go in. Berating myself for being such a coward, I push open the door, against my better judgement.
Five pairs of eyes snap towards me and I turn bright red, slightly shrinking against the door. Their conversation halts mid-way, leaving us in awkward silence. I instantly regret coming into the compartment. My mind goes blank at the sudden shift of focus and I lose my ability to speak. Lily's face brightens as she shoves herself out from between James and Peter, and races towards me. She embraces my wilting shoulders and squeals in my ear. "Halle! I've missed you so much!"
I awkwardly embrace her back, fully aware that the Marauders are watching us.
"I've missed you too," I mumble, pulling away as I stared down at my white tennis shoes.
"How was your summer?" she asks brightly, tucking a lock of sunny hair behind her ear. I wonder if she sees that my face is turning redder and redder by every ticking second. "You have to tell me all about it, I haven't seen you in ages!"
"It was good," I squeak out, hesitantly sneaking glances at the Marauders. James and I make brief eye contact and the tips of my ears begin to feel hot as well. "D-do you know where Marlene and Mary and Al-Alice are?" I rasp out, my voice going smaller and smaller by every word.
"They're probably looking for us," Lily responds, before making a face. "This was supposed to be our compartment before they-" She jerks her head towards the Marauders, "-decided to join us."
"I know you secretly enjoy our company, Evans," Sirius drawls out from behind, casually draping himself out on the seat. I surreptitiously sneak a glance at him and we make eye contact, which I break instantly. "Don't act as if you hate us."
Lily rolls her eyes and turns around to face Sirius. "You know damn straight how I feel about you lot." Lily faces me again and her lips quirk up sympathetically, knowing how much I hate attention. "Sorry, but we'll just have to sit with them until a new compartment opens up. Which I think won't happen in time..." Gauging for my reaction, which I maintain as emotionally blank, she pulls my arm and we take a seat. The four of us are squashed in a seat; James is on my right and Lily on my left, with Peter on the edge.
We sit in awkward silence.
"So," James says casually, stretching out the word like taffy. He turns to face me, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. I train my eyes to my knees instantly. "What was your name again?"
A beat or two passes, and I'm silent, contemplating whether if I should let Lily answer for me or not. She doesn't, she just stares at me expectantly. "My name's Halle," I say softly, and he cranes his neck closer to me to hear. "Halle Greene."
"What was that?"
"My name is...Halle," I squeak, slightly louder.
"Oh." He leans back. "Cool. I don't think I've ever seen you around."
I squeak out a pitiful "I know" and Lily scowls at James. "Oh please, she's been living with us for five years," she says crossly, obviously feeling some kind of injustice with the fact that James isn't aware of my existence...like the other 5,000 people in Hogwarts.
James shrugs, before glancing at me again. "She's a fourth year or what?"
My stomach drops in shame, and Lily notices it from the look on my face. So does Remus, apparently, who begins to defend my nonexistence as well. "Halle is in our grade, Prongs. We were partners in Potions, right, Halle? Slughorn would always say you were the best Potioneer." I nod and shrink backwards, feeling mortified. Honestly, what did I expect? I was a nobody, I was just Halle Greene, the misplaced Gryffindor. My fingers curl against my palm.
Honestly speaking, dying in this situation would be better than how it was currently.
"Yes, that's right," Lily says harshly. "Pay attention, would you? You make it your goal to have everyone in Hogwarts know your name, and yet..." She shakes her head in disgust.
James sputters, at a loss of words, but really, I can't blame him for not knowing I exist. Plus, anyone under Lily's crossfire would be too intimidated or hurt to say anything. He tries to play it off coolly by leaning backwards and crossing his arms, but I can tell that he's surprised, and slightly hurt, by her sudden jab.
"Wait, Remus," Lily says urgently, shifting in her seat suddenly. I tense. "Don't we have a Prefects meeting today?"
Remus's eyes widen. "Bollocks, we do!" He glances at his watch, an antique little thing, and raises a hand to his mouth. "If we run now, we can make it in time. We have a minute or so..." My stomach is uneasy with expectancy as Lily shoots up from her seat like a rocket.
She practically bolts out, saying, "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Remus follows in suit and she leaves without a goodbye, or a second glance.
"See you later, love!" James calls as she sprints out of the compartment. One hundred solutions to my dilemma pop up in my head. I can follow them out and lie and say I'm a prefect. Or I can play it off coolly, like Marlene, who would stand up and say, "Well, I'll see you guys later too." But the words freeze on my tongue and the seconds pass too quickly that my excuses look awkward.
I press my lips together and let out a soundless sigh, feeling even more terrified and embarassed about the fact that I'm in a compartment with the Marauders. Now that Lily has gone out, I'm in between Peter and James, close enough to hear Peter's quivering breaths and smell James's cologne. I can't look up at them; my eyes are permanently glued to the floor.
Besides the tornado of thoughts in my head, one thing is clear: I need to get out of here. Now.
I stand up quickly, awkwardly, and my knee pops at the sudden movement. I cringe. "I have to go find m-my roommates," I stammer out, and I hurry over to get my bag from the overhead compartment. I can feel their eyes burning on the back of my neck. As I tiptoe to reach it, a warm shadow comes over me and a waft of cologne comes over me. I whirl around, suddenly face to face with Sirius Black.
I squeak at the proximity of him; he's so close, close that I can count the flecks in his eyes. He grins when he sees my terrified expression and he shakes his head in amusement. We make eye contact for longer than I would usually hold it for. "Excuse me," he says lowly.
I stare up at him, flushed in the face. "W-W-What?"
He chuckles softly and lightly pushes me to the side, his hand warm on my shoulder. With one hand, he reaches over for my bag in ease and props it down onto the ground. I'm embarrassed that he has to see my hot pink suitcase.
His hand is still on my shoulder, I note. A few more seconds, and his hands will start to burn my skin.
The words on my lips freeze and die. I can't even choke out a pathetic thank you, or offer him a flirtatious smile like the other Gryffindor girls would. Speechless, I gape at him and shake my head. I laugh awkwardly - which is an impulsive defense mechanism for me to avoid silent situations - which makes a terrible dying noise.
I back away from him. I take in a deep breath and blow my bangs out of my face. "T-thank you."
"You're welcome," he says easily, a lopsided grin decorating his face. His hand is still on my shoulder - why? He makes everything look so easy; his smile, his gaze, his stance. How is he not practically combusting in the inside, like me? His silver eyes are brighter than I would've thought. He smells like leather and smoke. "Anything for Evans' friend." He cocks his head and winks at James, who nods frantically in agreement.
"Of course Haley," James says quickly, running a hand through his messy black hair. "If you need anything, just tell us. Be sure to tell Evans I said that. And tell her how much we helped you. And how well we got to know each other."
"Yeah, James needs all the help he can ge-!" Peter pipes up squeakily, before James nails him with a dark look. He shuts his mouth instantly, looking guilty, and he plasters a smile on his face.
I duck my head, and my brown hairs covers the side of my face. "It's, um-" I clear my throat. "It's Halle."
James's eyes widen and he begins to apologize profusely. "I'm so sorry, Halle. I totally meant Halle. Really, Halle, I really knew your name was Halle. Be sure to tell Evans we're friends now, alright Halle? Only good things, okay?" Getting up from his seat, he starts to lead me out out the door quickly. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Halle. See you around!" he exclaims, giving me a thumbs-up. Before I know it, I'm out of the compartment and the door shuts, but I hear a groan of desperation before it shuts.
I find myself in a compartment full of first years who are too nervous to reject me when I ask to join them. It's a handful of both girls and boys; two of which look like siblings, one black-haired girl with wide eyes, and another brunette who doesn't look as nervous as I would have thought.
"So...what's Hogwarts like?" the black-haired girl whispers, staring at me with a moony eyed gaze, as if I held the secrets of the world.
"It's great," I lie hastily, squirming under their sudden stares. "Um...You make lots of friends, and your H-House will really feel like a- like a family." Licking my lips at the false, otherwise comforting reassurance, we sit in silence for the rest of the ride. I wonder if my reassurance has given them comfort, or has left them with unease at the clarity of my tone.
When we're almost at Hogwarts, I'm the only one who leaves the compartment to change into my robes because the 1st years had worn them onto the train. As I head towards the bathroom, I make sure to not peek into the Marauders' compartment in curiosity. Lily and my other roommates are probably wondering where I am, but if there's a chance they're with the Marauders, I'm not going to risk another encounter.
I spot a group of Slytherins prefects, as seventh years, as I make my way to the bathroom. I duck my head as I walk past them; rumor has it that they've already devoted themselves to the Dark Lord, and it's clear that they immerse themselves in the Dark Arts. They're speaking in hushed tones, looking extremely suspicious. Please don't notice me, I chant in my head, Please.
I see it the second I'm about to take another step - a silver-tipped cane that has been conveniently placed in my way - but I trip over it anyways. I stumble on it and fall on all fours, knees and hands stinging from the impact. I bite the inside of my cheek to squash a shriek, and I wince at the sharp jabs of pain.
"Oh my. You really need to watch where you're going."
My insides freeze at the sound of the familiar voice, and goosebumps erupt on my skin.
Lucius Malfoy.
Being in this compromising position on my hands and knees won't help me defend myself, or look unafraid in any way. But I'm frozen with fear, and I'm unable to get up. I wonder if one of the Slytherins has cast a non-verbal stunning spell on me because I can't move a single one of my joints.
"Lucius," a whiny, high-pitched voice says childishly. I nearly gag at the sound, a sound which could only belong to the catty, malicious Bellatrix Lestrange. "We don't have time to be bothering itty-bitty Gryffindors! I'm not in the mood to play with one, especially this meek little house cat."
I force myself up and find myself facing four Slytherins; there's Lucius Malfoy, a Prefect with sleek blonde hair and cold eyes. He's good-looking, I'll admit, but in a way that's all pointed angles and sharp turns. He always has his signature silver-tipped cane, and rumor has it that he carries from poisons to hair products in it.
Bellatrix and Narcissa Black are both flanked at his side; Narcissa has bone-straight blonde hair, blue eyes, and slim lips, and would have been attractive had it not been the haughty look on her face. Bellatrix, on the other hand, has dark hooded eyes, curly black hair, and looks and acts insane half of the time because of her vapid, blood-red smile, and her tendency to talk like a child.
Rodolphus Lestrange, who I've heard to have been engaged with Bellatrix last summer, stands tall and lean next to Bellatrix. They look oddly unbalanced, with his broad-shouldered stance and Bellatrix's heavy shoulders and curves. He has messy blonde hair and bright green eyes, easily (and most difficult to admit) the most attractive Slytherin in the 7th year.
He regards me coldly, his green eyes calculative as he surveys me from head to toe, most likely making a list of flaws in his head. I want to vomit and scream and hide at the same time.
I try to walk past them, but a ringed hand shoves me back roughly.
Resisting the urge to scream out in terror, I stare blankly at Bellatrix, who grins at me roguishly. "Going so soon?" Bellatrix croons, pouting her red lips. She tilts her head to the side and cocks a hip. "No, no, little Gryffindor, that won't do." She watches me with glee, much like a predator playing with its prey. "You're not going to greet us?"
I grit my teeth in half-terror, half-annoyance. "No, I'm not," I say softly, meeting her gaze as evenly as I could. "Now. If you'll ex-excuse me." My voice sounds pathetic. it's squeaky and shaky, the opposite of what a Gryffindor would sound like.
Narcissa raises a thin eyebrow, Lucius curls a lip, and Bellatrix smiles widely.
I shrink under their matching gazes, which range from dismay, disgust, and surprise.
Rodolphus shakes his head, staring at me in disgusted shock. "This is the Gryffindor bravery and nerve?" he scoffs, contempt dripping from his voice. His pale hands curl into fists by his side. "Pathetic. Let us go. We can't afford to waste anymore time on this pathetic excuse for a Gryffindor." The words stab me like a knife. My chin starts to tremble and I clench my jaw, trying to withhold any ounce of emotion.
"Just admit it, you worthless half-blood," Bellatrix whispers softly, leaning in closer to me. Her dark eyes survey my face in pity, and her lips brush against my ear. I should push her away. I should spit in her face. "You're nothing without your Mudblood friends, and you never will be." She titters in my ear, an awful, high-pitched sound, before backing away.
Turning on her heel, she saunters off the other direction, tossing her curly black hair back. With lasting looks of disgust, the three Slytherins follow after her in unison.
As I watch their receding backsides, I run into the bathroom. Locking myself in a stall, I burst into tears.
I feel so pathetic, so worthless. I know what they said was true. I'm not brave, I'm not daring, I'm...I'm nothing. I'm almost ready to barge into Hogwarts and demand to be put into Hufflepuff, or to be re-sorted. Compared to my friends, compared to my House, I'm just a coward. Nothing more, maybe less.
Sniffling, I run the palm of my hand roughly against my wet face.
The five minute warning bell goes off, alerting the students that we will arrive at Hogwarts soon. Letting out a shuddering breath, I quickly change into my robes and un-barricade myself from the stall.
I peer at myself in the mirror; I see a sad, thin-faced girl with eyes magnified too small for her face and tear-stains down her cheeks.
Smiling a watery smile in the mirror, I toasted myself to another year of being overlooked and unnoticed at Hogwarts...just how I liked it.
Reviews=love
Thank you for reading!
