Night Terrors

"No…" Derry muttered in his sleep.
Morgan was instantly awake. Another nightmare.damn your bones, Wencit!

"No...please...don't-Morgan! No!" the last was a shrill panicked cry.

Morgan laid a hand on Derry's forehead and quickly found the correct controls. Just relax, Derry. Go back to sleep. It's all right, I'm here. But his touch did not calm the young Marcher.

"No-no-can't sleep! -say there isn't a devil-it's a lie! Wencit..." He was fighting too hard. Morgan had two choices, he could force Derry to sleep, potentially doing great damage by that action, or he could wake him and help him ride out the nightmare. He'd have to wake him.

"Derry-Sean, wake up!" he said, shaking his shoulders.

With a cry, the younger man woke- fist clenched- then he fully came to his senses and tears came to his eyes. He turned away quickly, burying his head in his pillow.

"Sean." Morgan stroked his hair, but Derry stiffened.

"Please don't," he choked.

Morgan immediately stopped. "It doesn't help," he said softly.
"No." Sean turned back to face him, eyes still bright with unshed tears. "Do you know what he said to me?"

Morgan nodded. "But you know he was wrong, and I know he was wrong-" then inspiration struck the duke. "Ah." We both know he was wrong but Wencit's intention was not only to humiliate, but to separate.If only we could rewind time.

"I-I wanted to die." Sean whispered. "I tried to…God help me, I tried to....but." he trembled. "I...couldn't. He'd seen to that. I was his tool...and Morgan- as much as I know that it wasn't my fault…"

If this was the old Sean Derry, I'd put my arms around him and tell him that no, it wasn't his fault, and Wencit could never hurt him again, but the old Sean Derry died the day he went into the Esgar Ddu. I'm his liege lord. I'm supposed to send him on tasks I know he can accomplish, after due thought and consideration as to his abilities. The spying business was risky, but he accepted the risks. And he was caught.all in all, is he lucky to be alive today or unfortunate? I would not kill him- but how can one ever forget.No. I approach this all from the wrong angle.

"Sean, look at me," Morgan said quietly. With obvious hesitation, he did so. "Now listen. He can never hurt you again. All ties to him are severed. He is dead. He cannot withstand death."

Sean did not look convinced.

"You will never forget everything that happened in the Esgar Ddu," Sean flinched at the very name. "I could make you forget it- all of it, but that would be a worse invasion of privacy against you. I would not do that to you."

"I know," but the relief showed clearly in Sean's face.

"You have gone through, something that while I know, and have seen, I cannot ever imagine, because I have never experienced it.-"
Sean interrupted. "It's like being trapped.in a tiny cage. You're screaming, but no one can hear you…you can't show any fear, he'll know- no, he does know- he always knows...and you aren't the first. There have been others, far more valorous than you that have-have." he choked momentarily, then continued. "-have broken. And he has been glad of it...he didn't just want information- he wanted to inflict pain. Even after he knew I would never tell him anything….he kept….Morgan- I can't!"

Heedless of his previous worries about contact, Morgan embraced him tightly. Sean stiffened for a moment, then relaxed and began to weep.

"I...I never told him-anything." Sean whispered.

"I know," Morgan said. "I know." You went above and beyond the call of duty, Sean Derry. I placed you in harm's way, and you took the blows, manfully. Took blows too strong for you...God knows, they might have been too strong for me. Yet, even through all this, you are lucky, lucky to be alive, even if you do not realize right now that it is a blessing.

There was no more sleep had that night. They stayed up until dawn