A/N: Here's this one shot i whipped up for you guys!

NOTE: I don't own Harry Potter okay I ain't some billionaire I only got five bucks in my bank account (just kidding chill)

DoNatE plS

Don't Mess With Hermione Granger

One Shot

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Hermione Granger had smoke coming out either side of her ears, as she walked out of the Gryffindor Common Room; clad in her pink nightgown, duck slippers (that quacked whenever you took a step), and her face was stained the colour green, whereas her hair was the brightest color of neon yellow she had ever seen.

Don't ask how it happened.

But all she knew was that this was something only an absolute nincompoop (yes that's a word) like Draco bloody Malfoy would be brave enough to do such a thing to her. And so she continued to march down the corridors, not caring if anyone saw her.

It was nighttime; about half past nine o'clock. She had been prepping herself to get ready for bed, she had taken a shower, washed her hair, and yada yada yada. When she had applied her face mask, and washed it off, their was a dark green residue covering her entire face, and no matter how hard she had tried, she could not wash it off. Using magic to clean it off was beyond her, she hadn't even thought of doing that in the first place.

And her hair? Jesus mother of Merlin, her hair.

She just didn't want to speak about how ghastly it appears in the mirror. And right when she had dried her hair- there it was, lo and behold; her hair was the colour of snot. It was disgusting to think about it, but it was quite the truth.

So here she was, her slippers still quacking like mad, the portrait to the Slytherin Common Room slipping into her view. She marched faster and faster, determined to rip that boy's head off, and dismember his entire body. The school girls of Hogwarts surely won't find him attractive anymore when she's done with him.

She walked up to the portrait, of a man who was in magnificent emerald robes, and so tiny in size, only half of his neck fit over the silver frame of the painting. The man was slowly dozing off, blinking a few times, before shutting his eyes for a few moments. "Excuse me," Hermione interjected impatiently, and the man opened both of his eyes, and jumped almost a mile into the air when he saw Hermione.

"Oh my, please, just go in!" The man said in the squeakiest voice Hermione had ever heard, which surprised her, but she entered nevertheless.

'That was easy,' Hermione mused, and mentally high-fived herself. Almost no one was in the Common Room, only some Second Years who were studying for some exams. She walked straight up to them, and they cowered in the corner when they saw her approaching. "You lot tell me where Draco Malfoy is right now before I hex all of you to oblivion," She demanded, and a boy she knew as Eric Penopy, hurriedly ran up to the Boy's Dormitory, and came back with a hysterical Draco Malfoy.

There was tears running down his pointed face, and he had his hands on his knees, trying to get some sort of oxygen after laughing so hard. And she waited there until he was finished, her hands on her hips. "Will you stop with your laughing? You sound like a monkey that's being tortured by Voldemort," Hermione scolded, and she looked over at the group of Second Years who were still watching them; amusement evident in their eyes.

"Oy, all of you, skidaddle," She told them, gesturing towards the stairs that led up to the dormitories. And they did, in fact, they ran in their state of fear.

Malfoy was still laughing, he was rolling on the floor because he found Hermione's appearance to be so ridiculous. She scowled down at him, and finally, she had lost her patience.

"Draco bloody Malfoy, you get up right this instant, and stop rolling around the floor like you're some pig," She barked, and after some last moments of Malfoy's extensive laughter, he got up, biting his lip after his body threatened to start laughing again. He avoided looking at her; because if he did, then he would definitely start to laugh again.

"Do you have mirth in the way you have made me look?" She pointed to her face, and Malfoy shook his head. She slapped his arm, and he winced in pain. "That was just because you deserved it anyway," She said, and she withdrew her wand, and right when he noticed this, he tucked in his arse like a dog, and started to run towards the exit of the Common Room, knowing that he wouldn't get very far if he went up to his Dormitory.

She ran straight after him.

She shot jinxes at him left and right, up and down, and no matter how hard she had tried, he would always deflect it.

"How is that possible?" you may ask. Hermione had no clue. But she continued to run after him, she even recalled Filch had chased them for a while, but she figured he must've given up, since she didn't hear his croaky voice anymore.

They were running around in circles, they were advancing to another level now, Hermione just saw him run outside. She took a moment to catch her breath, but hurriedly rushed back after him. He was nearing the Great Lake now, and she was confused, considering he didn't stop running towards the water. But she still rain, and mentally face palmed. After all this time she was running, when she could be using magic to get closer to him. And so she did, she charmed her legs to run even faster than they already were.

When she walked forward, it was like she never stopped, she was running straight for him, and just when she thought she wouldn't make it, she did, only knocking him forward when she had got to him. And with the force she had used, he went flying into the lake.

She cupped her mouth with her hands; she hadn't meant to do that.

It was several minutes before she saw a great big tentacle rise from out of the water, and clenched in the squid's tentacle was Malfoy. Bending the tentacle back, the squid released Malfoy, and threw him over to where Hermione was. He landed roughly at her feet; he was soaking wet. She stood there, absolutely bewildered.

He coughed out a puddle of water, and opened his mouth to speak. "Go to hell, Granger,"

Hermione scowled at him for the millionth time that night. She made the move to push him back into the water, but at once he had taken her wrist, and instead of him ending up in the water; it was Hermione who was swimming in the ice cold water. She was even more taken aback when she felt something slimy wrap around her waist, and she was gently raised into the air, and then the squid put her back on the land without being aggressively thrown, like Malfoy had been.

She found Malfoy drying his hair with his wand, she could feel the heat emitting from it. She stood up from her position from the ground, and frowned at him. "You son of a-" She was paused when she noticed that Malfoy was gaping at her. "What..?" When she followed his gaze, she looked down at herself, and realized her nightgown had become see through due to the water. She widened her eyes, and immediately moved to cover it, but was only successful with covering her chest area.

"Stop staring Malfoy!" She whined, her cheeks turning pink. Malfoy seemed to snap out of his reverie, and looked once more at her arms that were covering her chest, before smirking widely. "Nice lingerie, Granger," He winked, before giving up with his hair, and moved to walk over to her. "Seems like you actually have some sort of femininity in you."

"Excuse you!" She snarled, and didn't even bother trying to cover her chest anymore. "Apparently you don't have any politeness in your genes!" She exclaimed.

"I'll have you know my family comes from-"

At that moment, the tentacle had risen from the water once again, and slapped Malfoy at the head. Before Malfoy could react, the tentacle had disappeared into the water again. Malfoy turned back around.

"GO SCREW YOURSELF!" He yelled angrily, and turned back around to face Hermione. His eyes seemed to drift back down to her chest, but she instantly slapped his arm in the way she did earlier.

"My eyes are up here," She said, her eyes adjusting into slits.

He rolled his eyes.

"You're such a git," Hermione told him, and Malfoy scoffed. "Tell me something I don't know," He grumbled, and Hermione placed her hands on her hips. "Don't be a smartass with me-"

"-you sound like my mother-"

"-say that to my face again and see what happens-"

"-I'm speaking the truth-"

"-ferret-"

"-beaver-"

"-dipshit-"

"-mudblood-"

The tentacle came back up from the water, and pushed Hermione, who stumbled into Malfoy, and they both fell to the ground, and somehow began to roll across the grass. Malfoy ended up on top of Hermione, who was groaning in pain.

"-There they are, Professor!" Filch's voice rang through their ears, and the two teenagers scrambled furiously to get to their feet. They looked around, searching for the source of the voice- and there they were: McGonagall and Filch were standing in their pajamas, McGonagall was shaking her head, and Filch had a look of triumph on his face.

"Detention. The both of you. Tomorrow evening right after supper. My office." McGonagall said in a tired haste, before adding, "I'm not even going to ask what the both of you were doing," McGonagall said, looking Hermione (who was squirming uncontrollably) up and down.

With that, McGonagall turned to walk away, Filch right at her heels.

"This is all your goddamn fault, Malfoy-"

"My fault?"

"Yes! You decided you'd mess around with my stuff, and so here we are! In detention together!"

"That's rich-"

Hermione started to walk away; she didn't want to deal with Malfoy's putrid behavior. But it wasn't easy to release herself from his annoying pesters- he was still ranting on about how it definitely was her fault that they had landed themselves in detention.

And when they entered Hogwarts again, the two both set off in opposite directions, and Hermione could still hear Malfoy muttering nonsense even when she was about to enter her Common Room.

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A/N: I apologize for any spelling mistakes/grammar mistakes/missing words or any words that don't makes sense in a sentence. I'm writing this on a tablet (my laptop is really slow to be able to write on) and my tablet always autocorrects me, which sucks.

I'll probably come back and edit this if I read/realize any mistakes.

Review please!

Love you lovelies because you're just that lovely to love ❤

~h3lpm3now ❤