Why are you on your own tonight?
I've just got back from a lovely fortnight in Italy and although I should probably be getting on with my half finished story; I couldn't really rest until I got this one-shot out.
I'm not the biggest fan of songfics because I think everyone interprets lyrics in their own way but I really think these lyrics tie in with Reela events in season 12 and 13.…….
Disclaimer: I don't own ER, Ray, Neela, The Smiths or the lyrics to "I Know it's Over". Just borrowing.
Ray
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I'm having trouble unlocking the door of my apartment. Walking home from the club has obviously not been enough to sober me up and my vision is still fuzzy.
It hasn't been a good night. It started off well enough. Sam and Morris had managed to persuade everyone on the day shift to go to Ike's after work and honestly; I jumped at the chance. I might still be "Rock Doc" extraordinaire in my colleagues eyes but recently life hasn't been that much fun. Lots of drinking on my own, lots of ordering takeout, lots of world tour poker. Check. Lots of wild partying and a different groupie every night. Not a bit of it. I can make my excuses easily enough. My old band mates are still busy chasing after that elusive recording contract and I'm spending less time with everyone from work. Really, I must look like a joke to most of the guys at County. They know the situation; yeah; but I can tell that they only think of me as good ol' Doc Rock. Cares about his guitar and not much else. Sure he fancies Neela but only for as long as it takes for the next groupie to come along. Nothing serious.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
I saw Neela at Ike's tonight but I didn't get much of a chance to chat. Gates was stuck to her side all night and it made me want kill him. At one point I had to shove my balled up fists deep into the pockets of my jeans just to keep from wiping that smug smile off of his face. He makes me want to borrow a few choice words from Neela. 'Wanker', 'twat' and 'complete arse' spring to mind. Maybe I could 'personalise' his white coat?
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
I like Gates even less than I liked Michael. I actually didn't have much against Michael, I just didn't like the idea of him. Neela is one of the most independent woman I know and I hated that her perfect, gentlemanly soldier husband would one day sweep back into town and she would have to follow him. Would have to spend the rest of her life following him. It would be her duty to follow him and that made my skin crawl.
Gates though! Gates is worse because he doesn't respect her, I don't think he respects any woman really. Doesn't see how special she really is. Gates seems to think that a bit of well timed charm is all it takes to be a real man…..all that it takes to be worthy of a girl like Neela.
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over
I'm not 'right' for Neela but I love her. I don't think I've ever had such a close, easy friendship with anyone and for some reason she just gets me. She can see through me every time. She's still pushing me away now but every now and then I catch her eye and there's a glimmer of hope. I want to call her roomie again.
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I ended up leaving Ike's when I saw Gates put a possessive arm around Neela's waist. I had to get out of there so I left the bar and waved a cab down. I got the driver to drop me off at a dive bar downtown. I played a few gigs there in the past and it's a good bar. The cheap, cold beer and pretty women make up for the sticky floor and bad acoustics. I drank shot's of Jack but I didn't keep count. I was propositioned by many of the pretty woman but I declined then all. I scribbled lyrics for half finished songs on the bar napkins. In short I was a mess. I decided it was time to leave when I started quoting sections of 'High Fidelity' to the dude on bar.
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
I don't know how much more of this mess I'll be able to take without dropping the Barnett grin but I don't think I can run away.
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
A/N - I think Johnny Marr says it better than me!