Beth watched her father hobble on crutches to take his place at the island in the kitchen, the windows at his back casting an almost-glow around the shape of him; a Hershel-shaped aura. A piece of toast in hand, Beth's eyes traveled down to the emptiness where his leg used to be and after an immediate wave of emotion, they settled on the floor beside his slipper clad foot, her appetite suddenly and completely extinguished. He was almost as mobile as he'd been before, only just a little slower now. When she'd first left school to come home, she wasn't sure how much help he was going to need, but he'd been determined to take care of himself in that respect. He'd lost way more than just his leg in the accident and she knew that that was where her help was truly needed. The heavy stuff. Not so much the physical.
"Made ya some breakfast," she said, hopping off her stool once he'd settled into his and coming around to the other side of the kitchen island to fix his plate with scrambled eggs, bacon, and some toast. "It ain't much, gotta go shoppin' later." She stuck a fork on his plate and grabbed the ketchup from the fridge and set it down in front of him. "Got any special requests?"
Hershel looked up from his faraway gaze and Beth's own fell only slightly before she worked to keep up the brightness in hers for his sake. "I think by now you know what I like. I trust your informed opinion." His lips pulled at the corners, a hint of a smile on his face, though it never fully bloomed. They were both stuck in the memory on repeat, the kitchen growing warm and stuffy until Beth pulled away and returned to her half-eaten breakfast. With her appetite completely gone, she grabbed it from the counter and stuffed it down the garbage disposal. With her plate in the sink, she rinsed the rest of her breakfast off while keeping half an eye on her daddy who had yet to touch anything on his. His face was frozen in the phantom memory, the one that she was sure haunted him every day and it played across his face like an overhead projector.
She could only watch a few more moments before her heart completely shattered, so she looked away, shifting her feet as she tried to come up with something to say. Empty-handed as she was, she sighed. "I better get goin'. Daryl's gotta work today. You need anythin' 'fore I go?" Something like hope slipped through the cracks in her voice but he just shook his head no, his glossy gaze returning to the present time and he turned to his food for the first time since she'd set it there. She looked at him a beat longer, wanting nothing more than to ease away that pain she knew was swallowing him whole. Hell, it was swallowing her too, but she had to be strong. She had to be strong enough for the both of them. When her vision grew blurry, she tried to swallow around the lump in her throat and turned away, tossing her purse over her shoulder as she headed for the door. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, hesitating. She'd pointedly ignored it, tried so hard to pretend it wasn't there but the pull to look was too desperate and too loud to ignore and even though she knew it would be that last little push, she turned to look anyway. There on the credenza sat a large, framed picture of the whole family. They were wearing blue jeans and plain white shirts and she could remember the day with stunning clarity, but her eyes lingered on the smiling faces of her mother and her brother and the tears that she'd tried so hard to keep at bay slipped down her cheeks in warm salty trails. Her beautiful mother with her wide smile and bright, blue eyes. Everyone always said that they looked so much alike and Beth's fingers reached out to stroke the picture as if she could touch them one last time.
She heard her daddy shuffling around in the kitchen and her spell was broken. She straightened herself immediately and brushed the tears from her cheeks. It was nine on a Tuesday morning and instead of racing across Chamberlain's campus to make it to her class on time, she was on her way to Daryl Dixon's house to babysit for pennies an hour. And it wasn't that she was bitter because she wasn't. She was grateful to get out of the house and help someone while she did it. And she liked spending time with someone who didn't have that look of pity in their eyes every time they looked at her or asked her how she was doing or how her daddy was or when Maggie would visit again. It was all just exhausting. And it was just a painful reminder that she didn't have the answer to any of those questions.
She pulled the door closed behind her and leaned against it for just a moment to suck in a fresh breath to face the day with. The Suburban sat parked just out front, waiting for her and she knew that once she was inside, once she had made it past the long driveway, she would be able to breathe again; to really breathe. And it wasn't that Hershel was absent or stifling. They were just dealing with the same kinds of demons in their own ways and sometimes it got a little too cramped.
The Suburban roared to life and it didn't take long before the farmhouse grew smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. Already she could feel the tension leaving her shoulders and the weight loosening the confines of her chest. She rolled the windows down for good measure, pressing her sunglasses up her nose as she drove. With the wind in her hair and some old Conway Twitty song playing loud enough in the cab to drown out the sound of her nagging thoughts, she was no longer the girl whose father lost his leg in the same car accident that took her mother and brother. She didn't have to be Beth Greene at a stoplight, didn't get the looks of pity or good wishes from people she barely knew. And she took comfort in the fleeting moment of being a nobody. She'd been stripped bare of most of the things she believed made her the person she was, so maybe she was still trying to find it. She didn't have time to dwell on the thought, though, as she pulled into Daryl's driveway.
The engine cut off, the old Suburban sputtering and wheezing as it worked to stop. She pocketed the keys and didn't even make it to the front door before Sophia came bursting out of it. "Miss Beth! Miss Beth!" Tiny arms circled her thighs and Beth leaned down to return the hug, a real smile pulling across her face. When Sophia pulled back, her smile was wide and childlike and Beth returned it, just as genuine.
"You're in a good mood this morning," she said, tapping the young blond on the nose as they turned to the house. Before they could reach the front, Daryl had the door open, holding it so they could both squeeze by. "Hope I'm not too late," she whispered as she passed.
"Y'ain't. Don't gotta go in 'til ten today." He ran his hand over Sophia's hair, pointedly mussing it up and earning himself a practiced glare from the six year old. A gruff chuckle sounded from somewhere back in his throat and Beth watched on as an adoring audience. She'd been babysitting almost every day now since she'd left school, and though Daryl wasn't a talker – especially about himself – she had managed to get all the pieces to the story and put them together. They really weren't so different after all. He'd lost Carol to cancer and Sophia had only been two at the time. Their routine was so practiced and natural that she often saw herself and her daddy as a living past in front of her. She knew he wasn't Sophia's real father. That he'd confessed to her late one night when he'd had a few beers, but it didn't mean that he loved her any less. She knew he couldn't possibly love her any more. She knew about the speculation, about the kind of reputation that the Dixon boys had in the county, but she had never quite been able to rectify the Daryl she knew with the Daryl she'd heard stories about and when she'd talked to her daddy about it, the only thing he'd ever offer her was that ultimately, she was in control of her own opinion and if she saw something else than that was all she needed to know. She was a smart girl and she could come to her own conclusion.
And she'd never had a reason not to like Daryl Dixon.
"Miss Beth, you want to have breakfast with us?" Sophia's voice pulled the blond from her reverie and she looked down, blinking the glaze from her eyes. She looked from Sophia to the table where two bowls of oatmeal sat and then to Daryl who offered her nothing but a one-shouldered shrug.
She turned back to Sophia, kneeling down to her height and brushed a stray hair from her eyes. "I can sit with you, if ya'd like, but I had breakfast with my daddy this mornin'. Okay?"
Sophia nodded enthusiastically and grabbed Beth by the hand, tugging until she was in the seat beside the young girl, sitting across from Daryl who was also settling into his seat. Sophia was still clutching her hand, reaching for her spoon with her free one. Beth kept her eyes on the table, but let the feeling settle around her. It was like playing house and it transported her to a time unburdened by grief and she allowed herself the moment to pretend.
Sophia filled in the silence with talks of school and the kinds of things that only children had the mind to come up with and aside from a few well-meaning grunts from Daryl, Beth enlisted herself in the conversation. It was nonsensical and at more than one point during breakfast she could feel Daryl's eyes on her. Her cheeks heated under the attention, but Sophia's animated smile pushed the rest to the back of her mind. This was what she was paid to do, after all.
"Wanna go play with my new kitchen?" Sophia asked, pushing out from the table to stand in front of Beth with her hand still clutching hers tightly, a hint of a bounce in her step. Daryl came around the side to grab her bowl and his and made his way to the kitchen. She could hear the sound of the faucet behind her but she kept her eyes on the small Dixon and nodded enthusiastically. "Of course I do!"
Sophia tugged her into the living room where her new kitchen toys were scattered about and Beth couldn't help but smile. She could almost remember the magical feeling of being a child; the way the world seemed to be so big and so full of promise and you could be whatever you wanted to be. Sometimes she found her time with Sophia to be the best time she had anymore.
"You sit over there," Sophia instructed and Beth did as she was told. The tiny blond returned half a moment later with a teapot and a purple plastic plate and a matching plastic teacup, setting them down in front of Beth. "Would you like some tea, ma'am?"
"Why, yes I would," Beth said, grabbing her teacup and holding it out eagerly. She could feel eyes on her back again and the sound of running water brought Daryl back into her mind. She turned to look through the kitchen bar overlooking the living room. Daryl was watching them, something of a smile on his face. She didn't even realize she was staring back until his eyes met hers and they were paralyzed there for a moment. Two pairs of blue eyes frozen in a gaze through hooded lids and unspoken words that Beth couldn't quite place but they made her feel warm anyway. He blinked suddenly, palming at the faucet to shut it off and without another word – or a look in her direction – he disappeared into the bedroom. She watched after him for a moment, eyebrows knitting together in a look of confusion. That was different. And confusing.
"Miss Beth! I said can I get you anything to eat?"
Beth blinked, turning away from the direction of Daryl's room and focused on the little ball of sass standing in front of her. Sophia's hip was jutted out to the side, her hand placed on it in a show of annoyance. Her eyebrow ticked up on one side and Beth let a small chuckle slip. "Yes, sorry! I was just thinkin' of all the things I wanna eat. Ya ready for my order? 'Cause it's a big one!"
Sophia had fallen asleep early that night. She hadn't let Beth leave her side and even still, she had to prop herself up with one leg so she wouldn't fall out of the bed. Her hands ran through Sophia's hair though her breathing had long since evened out. It was quiet again and Beth hated the quiet. The room was dark and with a quick look at the alarm clock, she knew Daryl would be getting home soon. She shifted slowly in the bed, keeping a close watch on any signs of a stirring Sophia. When she didn't move, Beth very slowly detangled herself from the mess of limbs and tucked Sophia in properly. Pausing in the doorway, Beth cast one last look to make sure she was still sleeping soundly, and, satisfied by what she found there, she made her way into the living room, slipping into the couch and exhaling a long breath. The place wasn't big and it wasn't fancy, but it felt like a home. And she knew Daryl worked hard to make sure of that. He wasn't the type who cared about that kind of thing, but he broke his back to make sure that Sophia had it. She was his driving force and it was the biggest reason why Beth didn't care how little he paid her; probably would have done it for free. That kind of love... she just needed to remember that it still existed, that there was something after tragedy besides the soul sucking sadness.
It took a moment too long to realize she was crying. Her hand moved to the salty tears on her cheeks, wiping them away quickly as if someone might catch her in her moment of weakness. But no one else was there. She was alone. She grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. They only had what was available with a satellite, so she flipped on some after hours CW show. She had only just settled in with the roar of Daryl's old F-250 came pulling into the driveway. Furiously, she wiped at her cheeks and rubbed the dampness off on her jeans so no trace of fresh tears still lingered. The engine cut off and the sound was quickly followed by the creak of the door as it was forced open and then the slam that followed as it closed. She blew out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and tried to focus on the television instead of the sound of boots against impacted earth, growing closer and closer until the key turned in the lock and the door opened quietly, which was almost comical considering how loud everything else had been just moments before. She looked over from the TV as if she hadn't been anticipating the very moment when he would walk through the door. The scent met her nose before she could comprehend the pizza box in his hands and her stomach growled on cue.
The look on his face proved he'd heard it too and she smiled apologetically. "Welcome home." She shifted in her position on the couch and crossed her legs, pointedly ignoring the loud thought buzzing around in her head, that frozen moment in time when they'd been powerless to look away – or at least, she had – and smiled pleasant, albeit tiredly, at him.
"Thanks," he said, his gruff voice quiet as he came around to sit beside her on the couch, reaching out to place the pizza box on the coffee table in front of them. With just a nod of his head towards Sophia's room he asked, "Little ass kicker sleepin' already?"
Beth nodded, stifling a yawn. "I should prob'ly get goin'. My luck, Daddy'll be up waitin' for me, and it's long past his bedtime." She laughed, keeping her voice light, though her eyes remained downcast, unable to meet his in a fluttery moment of childlike insecurity.
He didn't seem to notice and if he did, he didn't mention it. "You want a slice 'fore you head out? Pepperoni. S'yer favorite, ain't it?"
She looked up then, her eyebrows knitting together, though the smile on her face served to counter the gesture. "How'd you know somethin' like that?"
He laughed – a single chuckle, but it counted as far as she was concerned – and reached over to flip open the lid. The smell of pizza danced through her nostrils and her stomach growled again and they both laughed. "Sophia decided it was hers when she found out it was yers."
An odd sense of pride passed over her and she smiled. "Really?"
"Mhm. Wants to grow her hair out like yers too."
She looked up, the warmth on her cheeks as she realized he was looking at her. She uncrossed her legs, standing suddenly. "I'm gettin' a drink. Want anythin'?"
"Beer'd be nice," he mumbled around the pizza in his mouth and Beth nodded once firmly and took her time making her way back. She'd never felt not entirely at ease in the house before now and it had her on edge. There was something awkward brewing in the air that she could feel but she couldn't quite place and she felt like a colt on fresh legs. She handed over the beer and took her seat beside him again, the two of them in the dimly lit living room with a pizza box sitting open on the coffee table and a few loose toys of Sophia's decorating the floor. So abnormally normal.
She leaned forward enough to fish a piece of pizza from the box and sat back as she took the first bite. Daryl was finishing up his third slice, loosening his boots enough to toe them off and settled back in with a fresh slice, his beer already popped open and ready. She watched him from the corner of her eye and realized she hadn't ever really looked at him before. His eyes had those smile lines, but she could probably count on her fingers how many times she'd ever seen him really smile. His beard was sprinkled with silver, though his hair – a little overgrown – was still a dark brown without a trace of gray. He was handsome, she finally settled on, turning her attention back to her half-eaten slice of pizza. She took another bite as her eyes drifted to the clock above the TV. She sat up suddenly, coughing. It was already eleven. Her daddy was going to be so worried. He was looking at her, eyebrows pulled together in confusion and she was quick to swallow so she could explain. "Sorry, I just realized what time it was."
Daryl looked at her for a beat longer before his gaze flicked to the clock on the wall. "Didn't mean to keep ya out so late, girl. Tell yer pops m'sorry 'bout that." Beth nodded as she took one last bite and stood, grabbing her water and turning towards the kitchen until his voice reached out to stop her. "Don' worry 'bout that, I'll take care of it." Beth hesitated only a moment before relenting and putting everything back down.
She took her seat on the couch, perched at the edge to slip her boots on and stood. "Thank you for the pizza," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"S'nothin'. Thanks for watching the brat."
"S'nothin'," she echoed with a smile that she was sure he almost returned. "Same time tomorrow?"
Daryl nodded. "Might be the same time tomorrow night too, that okay?"
Beth nodded, her hand on the doorknob as she fished her keys from her pocket. "Yeah. I'll let Daddy know not to wait up tomorrow night. See ya tomorrow."
He grunted out a response as she pulled the door behind her. She leaned against the closed door for just a moment, not unlike she had earlier that day when she'd been leaving home. But this was different. Because for the first time since she'd lost her mama and her brother, Beth Greene felt alive.
If you think you know how this story goes, you have no idea. Hang in there, I've got tons of things planned. Please remember to review and let me know what you thought! Thank you!