YOYOYO! Yep, this is yet another one of my retarded, pointless Inuyasha fics…..But oh well! They are fun to write! So.. once again I am warning you now that there isTONS of character bashing and all that good stuff so if you don't like that then I suggestYou read something else watches random person pull out the biography of BarbaraStreisand Uhh…..ENJOY!
Days of our Retarded Lives
Kaede has just gotten married to Kagomes grandpa and they are going on their
Honeymoon to the sandwich islands ( aren't those real islands?) But they decide
To bring the entire gang along with them for no apparent reason…..
Kaede: ( packing) ….and I can wear my pink eye patch with my pink poccadotted
Grandma swim suit on Saturday! See Kagome I do know fashion!
ObeseKagome: ehheh….(trying to shut her GIGANTIC suitcase by sitting on it…it
Breaks.)
Inuyasha: (Bursts into room) Okay Im ready! Whats taking you guys so long? We are
Only going to be a couple of days!
ObeseKagome: Inuyasha! You just don't understand do you? We have to look good for
This trip! Where are your things?
Inuyasha: (coughcough, trying not to laugh at what Kagome just said) I brought clothes!
See!( holds up a walmart bag with a toothbrush, stuffed teddy bear and some rescue
Ranger underwear)
Sango: Guys! ( sticks head in room ) The taxi is here! Hurry or we will be late!
Outside
Sesshomaru: (wering a shirt that says I luv Clifford) It sure is taking them a long time…
ObeseKagome: (breathing heavily coming out the door) Okay! ( long pause) Im ( long
Pause) ready! (collapses and giant 200 pound suitcase falls on her)
Inuyasha: 911! 911!
Grandpa: ( sees Kaede standing behind Kagome) Sweety pie! Your ready!(tramples
Over Kagomes lifeless body)
Miroku: ( flirting with cab driver who just so happens to be Queen Latifah) …Um
Guys do you think we could hurry it up?
Everyone: ( piles into car and ties Kagome to the roof)
On the road
Kikyo: Im hungry.
Sesshomaru: Are we there yet?
Latifah: …..No…
Kikyo: Can we please stop and eat?
Latifah: (mumbles something not nice) fine…
( they pull over to mcdonalds and go through the drive thru)
( while they are ordering kagome awakens to the smell of mcdonalds food…her favorite
thing…)
obeseKagome: ( jumps off the car and climbs into the window, she runs back out with
500 mcmuffins and a pokemon toy from one of the happy meals) drive!drive!
Latifah: (steps on it) ( they drive at 80mph down the road and into the park where they
Mow down random hobos)
ObeseKagome: ( looking out window) what are you doing? That last one was fat enough
To make a good barbeque!
Latifah: …….
( after much crazy driving they get to the airport and latifah throws them out of the
window(kagome has to be thrown from the windshield))
Sesshomaru: well that went well…
Kikyo: come on we've wasted enough time! Lets go get our bags checked and get on
The plane!
( they run into the terminal and rush past a random tom hanks guy who lives there, once
they get to the metal detectors and the bag checker thing they have to wait about 2hrs.)
Tour guide Barbie: Okay! May I check your luggage please?
( they put their bags through that thing were it xrays them and shows you whats inside,
sesshomaru has a feather boa, Victoria secret perfume, and lipstick that he stole from
the dollar tree. Everybody else has normal things except Kagome who gets caught with
her easy bake oven full if crack and a box of goldfish. So they wait another hour because
of the crack incident and they finally get on the plane but some of the other passengers
have to switch planes because there is to much weight from kagome.)
3.2 seconds into the flight
obesekagome: Are we there yet?
Inuyasha: ( has on headphones and only sees Kagomes lips moving) mmhm…yah..
Obesekagome: Hey! Are you even listening to me?( shuts off Inuyashas cd player which
Is currently playing the Marilyn Manson and Celine Dione duet song from the soundtrack
Of ' A Bugs Life')
Inuyasha: Hey! That's my favorite song!
Obesekagome: well Im hungry! Get me some ice cream!
( suddenly out of nowhere the plane begins to shake and everyone starts to panic)
Randomperson1: Oh no! Im to young to die!
Randomperson2: Oh no! Im going to miss the 2am – 6am supersale at walmart!
Otherrandompeople: NNNOOO!
Pilotguy: ( who is sitting in a spot where he could just turn around and talk to the people
But instead gets the speaker phone and mumbles something in it)
Randompersoninthebackoftheplane: We cant hear you!
Pilot: (turns around) um..we are crashing people.
Everyone: oh God!
(plane bursts into flames and starts heading down into the ocean)
( 2 minutes later it blows up and random people and body parts go with it)
Sesshomaru: (falling into the ocean) mommy save me!
Kaede: ( falling) oh yes! I forgot that I had a raft in my pocket!
Inuyasha; In your pocket? How did it get in there?
Kaede: Ye don't worry about that now! ( raft blows itself up and falls into the ocean and
Everyone safely lands in it)
Obesekagome: ( not sinking the raft, it's a miracle) Well atleast nobody got hurt…
(random person drowns in background)
( they float away from all of the craziness and then notice something floating out in
the ocean, as it drifts closer they get a better view, It looks like grisly Adams.
They soon find out that it is Tom Hanks)
Tom: Wilson! Wilson!
( a random volleyball with Tinky Winky painted on it in glitter paint floats by)
Obesekagome: Oohhh! Cream puff!( she dives in and grabs it)
Obesekagome: (licks volleyball) mmmm…rubbery…
Tom: hey! What the hell are you doing to Wilson you sick bitch?
Obesekagome: want some? ( holds out Wilson with a huge bite taken out of it)
Tom: Oh my God! You mutilated him! ( grabs Wilson) Its okay Wilson we are gonna
Get you help fast!( pets Wilson) You are sick! ( throws random black of wood at
Kagome, it misses and hits sesshomaru in the nose)
Sesshomaru: oh my God! You broke my nose! ( passes out)
Tom: I don't care! ( starts paddling away)
( free willy randomly leaps out of the water and pulls Tom down under with him while doing a dramatic back flip)
Everyone: oh my god! You killed Tommy!
Wilson: Bastard!
Randomkidstandingonarockwallinthemiddleofthewater: Jump willy! Be free!( reaches
For the sky)
Willy: ( gets an evil psycho look on his face..he then mows down the kid and rips his leg
Off)
Kid: AAAAHHHHH! ( head falls off)
Miroku: ooh..pretty colors..
Kikyo: (eats gogurt) mmhm.
Randomdirectorguypopsout: No!No! You've got it all wrong! Willy you need to rip off
His head with more passion! And kid you are just ugly so we are going to put this mask
Of Joan rivers on you to ad a little more zest!
Willy: drinks beerFine! But this is the 47th take! You'd better get it right this time
Bitch! (pushes kid in the water )
Kaede: hmm…interesting..I had no idea that this movie would be so violent.
Randomdirectordude: (shrugs )well, the original version isn't but nobody wants to see
A happy cheery story about a whale anymore! They want blood and guts and Paris
Hilton!(Paris walks out)
Willy: (bites her head off )mmm..strawberry…
Directordude: But ANYWAYS! This one is not called ' Free Willy' ! That sounds to
Fruity! Instead we are gonna call it ' Let Darell the fat ass whale who doesn't pay child
Support and has a brother named Molly go!'
Inuyasha: oh…catchy..
(Paris Hiltons head floats past)
3 hours later
Naraku: What are we going to do now? Im sick of playing pictionary! ( throws down a
Random picture of Mike Tyson biting off some dudes ear)
Everyone: ( shrugs)
Obesekagome: I miss the home shopping network ( that was RANDOM!) Don't ya'll?
Grandpa: Not after last time I don't!
(Flashback)
Everybody is sitting around at Kagomes house and watching t.v, they get sick of
Watching the Americas next top model marathon on VH1 and Kaede suggests the
Home shopping network. ( old people like that channel)
Obesekagome: You know..I have always wanted to learn a new language ( scratches
Head)
( a random commercial comes on the t.v for ' Hoked on EBONICS!' With a white
trash redneck dude commenting on how it changed his life)
whitetrashdude: uh….I be getting' da hooked on ebonic and it be changin' my life…..
aaawww yeeaah….
Naraku: What the hell did he just say?
Obesekagome: oh! That could be my new foreign language! My grandpa could help me
Because he is learning it to!
( grandpa bursts into room)
grandpa: Whats crackin' my home dog skillet biscuits! ( throws gang sign)
obesekagome: Bi-Biscuits! Ooh! I hope it's the pilsbury kind and not the crappy
Albertsons brand! ( runs into kitchen, Pilsbury doughboy is sitting on the counter top
Smoking weed)
Doughboy: Yo.
Obesekagome: Biscuits! ( stuffs doughboy in microwave because a random hobo
Named Georgey Bob lives in the oven…ya…)
Doughboy: oh my god! AAAHH! Lemme out! AAAHHH! ( blows up and rainbow
Sprinkles blow out of his head)
Obesekagome: ( opens microwave) Hey! What happened to my biscuits!..oh well..
(licks microwave)
(end of flashback )
Kikyo : (coughs )
Shippou: ( looks stoned )
Miroku: ( messing with that tag that say do not remove under penalty of law) Hey…
What happens if I pull it off?
Inuyasha: You go to jail with Martha Stewart.
Sango: Hey! I think I see land!
Totosai: No you don't! That is Rosie Odonell! And she is on one of those crappy palm
Tree floats from party city that she got for 75 off because she doesn't have a job
Anymore!
Sango: No not that! I mean the thing next to it!
Inuyasha: Holy Friekin' crap! It really is an island!
(they take 4 hours to float to it because Kagome weighs 5000 lbs…even though they are
only like 20 ft away…)
Sesshomaru: ( picks up Wilson) We did it buddy! ( hugs)
(random fish swims past )
Sesshomaru: Hey! Food! ( Pokemon birds come out of the sky and swoop down to get
The fish )
Sesshomaru: You stupid bastard! ( smacks bird with Wilson )
Bird: ( gags then sinks to the bottom with a decapitated little mermaid)
Shippou: We found land! WOOOHOOO! (pulls out alcohol)
Sango: Shippou! Where did you get that!
Obesekagome: Ya…I know something about alcohol….
(Flashback)
Kagomes highschool ( which is a school for crack heads and drug addicts) is having
A special presentation called ' retarded choices that affect ya'lls stupid pointless dreams
…'which shows what happens when you drink and drive..
Obesekagome: I cant see anything! Britney spears big head is in the way! ( bites
Britneys head off) mmm….lemony!
( mr clean randomely pops up)
mr.clean: That's right! ( pulls out a bottle of pinesol)
Obesekagome: PINESOL! Mr. Clean how could you! You betrayed us all!
(bites off mr. Cleans head)…eeww it tastes like that soap I bought at the dollar tree…
( Vin diesel rides up on a pink Barbie scooter )
VinDiesel: (mumbles)Id better get paid well for this….
( Barney comes speeding down the road at 120 mph and mows down Vin)
Barney: huh? What was I sposed to do? Oh Ya!( randomely passess out to look like he is
Dead)
( random walker texas ranger drives up on a my little pony horse )
walkertexasranger: oh no!(chews on hay ) I have to call 911!( It takes him 4 hours to
dial the number and then the ambulance comes up the drive way at about 5 mph )
obesekagome: ooh pretty colors!
( everyone gets out of the ambulance and stares at Vin Diesel who has blood gushing
from his eyes)
( car alarm goes off as the careflight helicopter comes flying towards them, but
careflight is crossed out and and it says ' SPRINGBREAK!YAAA!' with a
picture of John Kerry passed out with 5 margarita glasses next to him) ( you are going to
see this quite often! I have no idea why but me and my friend just thought that seeing
kerry yelling spring break was hilarious…)
obesekagome: he must have a lot of free time…
( the helicopter starts swaying backand forth and then randomely slams into the school)
school: ( bursts into flames with random rats blowing out the windows )
( mary kate olsen and the osbourne kids come running out(cuz it's a rehab!))
walkertexasranger: yep…don't ever drink and fly a helicopter or ya'll will end up
like bob there…( points to bob whos face has just burst into flames) …but drugs are
cool! ( smokes crack )
( end of flashback)
obesekagome: poor bob..and poor barbequed rats…
Inuyasha: Shut up! Weve finally reached land!
Sesshomaru: LAND! ( licks the sand, it burns his tongue) AAAAHH! Oh God!
(sticks head in water and piranhas attack him)
everyone: ( stares as Sesshomaru gets his ear bitten off )
Kikyo: so…what now?
Naraku: well I guess we should go and …OH GOD! OH MY GOD LOOK!
Inuyasha: What!
Naraku: It's the polar bear from ' Lost'!
Obesekagome: Nu-uh! That's the cocacola bear! Look he has a little bandana on!
Shippou: ….that says Heineken? ( blinks)
Miroku: Who cares! We gotta get the hell away before it attacks us like that psychotic
Gorilla at the dallas zoo! ( runs and everyone follows)
( Scooby doo gang randomely runs past)
Sesshomaru: ( has half of his ear bitten off) Damn! Its to fast for us! What will we do?
Mommy!( Martha stewart sticks her head out of a bush) Not you damnit!(throws
Wilson)
( the polar bear is like 30 ft. from them and they all think that it is the last moment of
their lives until….SUPER POPE DRIVES OUT IN HIS SUPER POPE MOBILE! And
mows down the polar bear)
obesekagome: it's the frieken pope! Booyah!
Kikyo: hes still alive? ( sorry ya'll this was written a long time ago, don't take it the
Wrong way please!)
Inuyasha: Ya! Hes the pope! He will NEVER die! ….NEVER!( clenches fist)
(the pope steps out of his pope mobile ( which is black and has a picture of
Marilyn Manson wearing a playboy shirt and eating a kit kat bar , in the back ground
There is John Kerry running around in a speedo from Abercrombie yelling " SPRING
BREAK! WHAT THEN BITCH!"))
Naraku: huh…if you turn your head slightly to the left it looks like Chuck E. cheese.
Obesekagome: ooh…cheese…
Superpope: ( is RIPPED! He looks like Arnold Schwarzzenager ( spelled wrong!) before
He got fat!) Man! I screwed up my rims dude! (points at tire )
Shippou: thankyou mr. Pope!..what are you doing here anyways?
Superpope: ..Got lost…I was trying to get to weinerschnitzel but somehow I ended up
Here…boy I would sure like one of them schnitzels right now..( minds out of the gutter!)
Obesekagome: Can we ride in your car?
Pope: No
Obesekagome: Why?
Pope: Because you will break it with your fatass! ( puts on pope hat) Well..Im outty
(throws gang sign and drives into the water because it is a car/ submarine!..then he gets
eaten alive by Jaws)
Sesshomaru: he was cool
Obesekagome: ya…Im hongrey! Where is the damn walmart so we can get something to
Eat!
Naraku: there is none..only a minyards.
Obesekagome: What! (punches Sesshomaru)No Walmart! What kind of freaks live
Here!
(Chewbaca Randomely runs past them )
Sango: that explains so much..
(the pope SOMEHOW is till alive and jumps out of the water, flying around them)
Inuyasha: What! Your not dead!
Pope: the pope NEVER dies! It was a figment of you imagination!…Can anybody fix
My car?
Sango: figment of our imagination?
Pope: Yes! Just like Kagome who thinks that she is eating a twinkie when it is really
A bee invested tree!
Obesekagome: what?…(bees attack her)EEEKK! They are eating out my eyes!
AAAH!
(Winnie the pooh walks up)
pooh: oh honey!(licks tree)
( John Kerry runs past in the background waving his speedo in the air with a censored
sign on him)
Kerry: Oh! SPRINGBREAK!YA!( ' Im to sexy' song starts playing in the
Background)
Sesshomaru: ( gags)
Inuyasha: come on now pope! Help us out!
Pope: I cant! Don't you get it! My car is broken! Ive been trying to get on 'pimp my
Ride' forever now but seriously! Who wants to pimp out the popes car?
Sango: oh forget this! Lets just make a shelter and find some food.
Obesekagome: ya cuz I sure aint going to minyards!
( they search the island for 4 hours and the only thing they can find is some Ashley
Simpson C.Ds that someone threw in the water and Vanilla ice ( the rapper))
Miroku: Man, this island is just full of a bunch of crap no one cares about anymore!
Shippou: Hey! Whats that? ( points at something in the distance)
Kikyo: its people!
Sesshomaru: and Jeff Gorwin! ( is that how you spell that?)
( some random old guy is running along the beach naked and screaming..another one
is sitting their crying)
Sango: Hey man, you okay? ( pats his shoulder)
Dude: No!( sniffs )my grandma just died!
Everyone: aww!
JeffGorwin: Im sorry to hear that man..your tribe is to and they have decided to let you
Win the day off so you can talk with your brother..
Dude: thanks!(runs off) I cant believe you bitches fell for that! Ahaha!( steps on
Chewbaka, who is laying by the ocean reading the biography of Bill Nye the science
Guy) ( how interesting…)
Obesekagome: Im hongrey…
JeffGorwin: well…if ya'll are willing to participate in this contest then you might get
A couple of barbequed rats out of it… if you take off your clothes ladies then you'll
Get chocolate and peanut butter( looks at sango and kikyo)
Obesekagome: peanut butter?
Kaede: Chocolate?( they look at each other and smile, Kagome lifts up her shirt slowly)
JeffGorwin: NNNOO!STOP IT! PLEASE!( whispers) don't you know that people
Watch this show?
Randomsurvivorcontestant: uh..what about the contest?
Jeff: Oh yes! You guys willnow officially be team boomshakalaka and you will face
These guys..team bling bling.
Inuyasha: uh…
Jeff: Now its time for your first battle…FOR IMMUNITY!( confetti flys out of a
Coconut)
Miroku: What do we have to do?
Jeff: well…its going to be dangerous …one or more of you may die( dark clouds
Start swirling above him and fire is reflecting dangerously on his face)
Everyone: (intense stare)
( out of nowhere they hear a CRACK! And the set falls down on Jeff, killing him.
Rosie Odonnell stands there eating a krispy kreme doughnut by some lamps and
Chuck E. Cheese)
Rosie: uh..sorry..
Sesshomaru: what the hell! It's a set? We have been in a studio the entire time!
Randomcontestant: ( pulols off mask, revealing George Clooney) Ya, did you
Seriously think that we were actually on an island?
Totosai( he hasn't said anything the whole time!woops!): kinda…
GeorgeClooney: ( starts laughing)
( Winnie the pooh, he polar bear and a NUDE John Kerry walk out and start laughing
with him)
Chewbaka: ( smokes crack)
(Pretty soon Inuyashas crew starts laughing with them and they have a freeze frame
moment )
( 3 hours later at hooters)
Kaede: ( wearing her uniform) well..that was a nice little honeymoon…what can I
Get ye to drink?
Shippou: ( whos drunk) ..ahhh…our usuals..
( Duffman strolls over)
Duffman: OOOHHyea! Duffmans party hardy attitude is a trade mark of duff corporation
…Duff..mm,mmm good.( punches Hilary duff and snaps her crappy cd in half)
( Kool aid guy bursts through wall)
koolaidguy: OHYEA!( hooters girls walk up and start swimming in all the kool aid)
Inuyasha: Man..Kaede sure needs to get a new job..
Kikyo: ya..
Miroku: mmhm
( duffman snipers koolaid guy which sends him crashing down on top of kaede and
juice goes everywhere, immediately killing her)
Everything stops
Everyone: ( gasp)
Kikyo: so much for that! ( starts laughing)
( John Kerry ( who is still nude and has a censored bar that has pink smiley faces on it)
,pooh and polar bear come back out and start laughing again)
THE END!
Okay, I know it wasn't all that funny…please be nice with reviews..I promise that the
Nextstory is ALOT better! My homieGdogieskilletbizkit Natalie and myself wrote it and
I think it is perdy funny but it is Extremely long and we still have a lot more to write! So
It could be a VERY long time!sorry! Im pretty sure most will like it though!Oh and sorry that this
story looks all messed up! My computer is mentally challenged!ByeBye!