Insomnia

Story is under construction, this is the new updated version of chapter one. I will be continuing to update the other chapters and then I will add new chapters and hopefully finish this thing. Thank to all who are reading, it's been years since I worked on this and I'm excited to get it finished.

Summary: Sakura watched her mother commit suicide. Now she lives in the mental institution and she can't sleep. When she tries all she can see is blood. When the new boy, Gaara, is admitted they find they have something in common: They both have insomnia.

I can't sleep anymore.

When I close my eyes and wish for the depth of darkness all I can see is the vivid red splash and I hear the quiet, "Shh..." in my ears. It rings softly in my mind, a dull reminder of what my life used to be.

When I was small my mother would sing to me. She was known for her angelic voice, always filling the house up with her soul when she sang. No one could help but be charmed and enticed, so much that it seemed like even the sunlight would dance with her. Those are my fondest memories of her, the times she looked the happiest.

That was before it happened. My mind won't let me forget. Not her, and not that night.

When I look in the mirror I do not see my mother. All I can see is lack of sleep and dull eyes. When I was young people would tell me how much I looked like her, how I was going be her spitting image when I was older. Thinking about this now makes me want to laugh. How could I ever be beautiful like her?

People tell me sorry for what happened but the apologies are automatic and insincere. I hate the way they whisper about me when they don't think I can hear them, the way their eyes turn away from mine as if they can't even bear to see me.

I hate myself for not moving on. You can't bring back the dead.

When I was young I once asked my teacher how she got over losing her son. She looked at me with aged eyes, so deep they looked like they held the world, and said, "I never got over it, I only learned to deal with it."

I was so sure that something bad could never happen to me.

Looking back now, it should have been obvious to see what was coming. My mother was never a very stable person. The only time I saw happiness in her eyes was when she was singing or when my father was around her. Her eyes would light up and sparkle when he looked at her, even the smallest bit of attention from him could make her swoon. When my dad left everything stopped. She stopped singing. She stopped shining. And our worlds pretty much stopped spinning. She cleaned the house for days, wiping out my father's existence.

She went through my closet and threw away everything, claiming that the things he had bought for us were just a reminder of him. She organized for weeks. She sold my father's car and anything else he might have left behind and bought us new things to fill the house with. When I asked about my father she told me to just forget about him. That's what he did with us.

We lived like this for 2 years, my shell of a mother and me trying to hold us together. I went to school, came home, took care of her and repeated. We had a routine, one I was fairly comfortable with after so long.

Then it happened. I remember the look on her face when she got the letter. Her lips made a perfectly round "O" and her eyes were so wide I thought they would fall out. Short gasps came out of her mouth, and it sounded like her lungs stopped working.

I read the letter later, when she was on the phone.

I'm sorry I had to leave. It was the best thing for me. It's sad to say, but I stopped loving you long ago. The only reason I was ever attracted to you was your heavenly voice. I am truly sorry if I hurt you. Please go on without me. Take care of our child, and teach her to sing. Someday she will have a true love, and perhaps it will last like our did not. I know this is very harsh of me, but I know you can take it. You were always a hard, cold woman. Find love with someone else, someone who adores you. Forget me, and all we ever had. I am gone now, forever. I'm sorry.

The letter shocked and infuriated me. My father was worthless. He never loved my mother, no matter how much she adored him. How could he leave her here like this, alone to take care of me and deal with heartbreak? From that moment I started to hate him.

Six months later she got another letter.

Miss Haruno,

We are sorry to inform you that Mr. Haruno was found dead in a hotel bathroom on the 6th of May. The autopsy report shows excessive liver damage from binge drinking. For an extensive report please visit the Konoha police department. We are very sorry for your loss.

When my mother read the letter her face was expressionless. She sat at the kitchen table for a very long time, staring at the wall. She didn't move, she didn't blink.

I sat there with her until it got dark. I went up to my room and took a shower. When I got out I put on my pajamas and started to go back to the kitchen to make sure she was going to get in bed. When I turned the corner to go down the stairs I saw my mother standing in the living room, staring at the floor. Her arms here limp at her sides and her hair covered her face.

I could feel something was wrong in my guy.

"M-mommy?" I whimpered. She looked at me, and she had this big smile on her face, like I was the funniest thing ever. She brought her finger to her lips. "Shh..."

Her other hand came up to her head. She was holding a gun. She closed her eyes for a second. She looked like an angel then, standing so frail in the middle of the room, holding all this pain inside. I expected wings to sprout from her back.

Then she pulled the trigger.

Authors Note: So, what do you think so far? Just to let you know, this will be a romance. Please don't expect too much out of me. Anyway, please please please review! I need feedback! Tell me if you want me to continue the story! Suggestions and flames are welcome. Thanks for reading.