ULTIMATE GAMING CROSSOVER 2
PART 1: In the beginning…
(We see two people, a man and a woman, walking through a park, under a shimmering star-lit sky. They are holding hands, and talking)
Man: How many years has it been?
Woman: I don't know…seventeen? eighteen? I don't really think about it much…
Man: It wasn't exactly an event that I hold close to my heart.
Woman: But it brought us together…so it can't be all bad…
(They stop and look at a statue of a man, holding a gunblade. It has an inscription which says "If frown is shown then, the I know that you are no dreamer")
Man: I wonder what he would've thought about…us?
Woman: He would've agreed to it. He always **sniff** wanted me happy! (She begins to cry)
Man: C'mon…c'mon…it's ok…
(They embrace)
Woman: I'm sorry.
(She runs off)
Man: Damnit. (He turns to the statue) I'll protect her, Squall. I promise.
(In the city of Dora, the children of the various heroes are shopping and generally messing about. They are being looked after by Ad B , Max, and Mrmonkeyman.)
Jessica: (Whispers something to Mrmonkeyman)
Monkey: Hhehehe! That's a good one, Jessy. I've taught you well. I doubt Cloud or Rinoa would be happy knowing I taught ya that…
Jessica: Awww…they won't mind…
Monkey: Ok, ok…Well, there were these two tamp…
Ad: MONKEY!
Monkey: Damnit, I'll tell ya later Jessy.
John: Joker, that's you in a nutshell, Monkey.
Monkey: Please, I'll start to blush.
Max: hehehehehehhehehe…he can blush.
Monkey: Dazed and confused, that's you in a nutshell, Max.
(They all laugh)
Squall: hehe. Good one monkey.
Monkey: Yeah. You seen your dad lately Squall?
Squall: Yeah, Link was spending some time with Cloud, last time I saw 'im.
Ad: Those two have been together pretty much all the time since the war. Well, ok, I'll admit, Rinoa's been that little bit closer to Cloud…(He begins to drool)
(Mrmonkeyman slaps him over the head)
Ad: Wha? Wha? Oh, sorry. Hehehe.
(Link and Snake walk up)
Link: Hi.
Monkey: Ah, I've been looking for you.
Link: What for?
Monkey: I was wondering…is Cloud ok? I he's been a bit distant recently.
Link: He's fine. He's annoyed because Rinoa's been feeling down a bit lately.
Monkey: Oh, alright.
Link: Snake and I were just going down to the bar. Ya wanna come?
Monkey: No thanks, I've got the kids to look after, Cloud said I have to.
Snake: Suit yourself.
(Link and Snake walk off)
Jessica: Damnit, those two have become drunkards…
(James runs past)
James: WAIT FOR ME EH!? I NEED ME MOLSTEN!
(He runs off)
Jessica: Riiight. So, uncle monkey, Where're we goin' now?
Squall: I wanna go get something to eat…I'm hungry.
Max: Me to. I need something…fishy.
(TheRealGB runs past)
TheRealGB: Gah! Must…have…Molsten…
(He runs off)
Max: Man alive, they should get a life. All they do is eat, drink, and watch (shudders) Channel 5.
Monkey: Language!
Squall: C'mon! I wanna eat!
Joe: Calm down damnit.
Jessica: Yeah!
Max: Yeah! Be more like me!
(Everyone looks at him, confused)
Max: Calmer, then.
(Everyone nods)
Monkey: Alright, let's go eat. Cloud, Chun-Li, and Selphie want us back soon, so we better make it quick. Ok?
All the kids: Yeaaaaah…
Monkey: Don't yeah me! Your parents put me in charge, and I expect you to treat me like you respect me!
Jessica: Awww…we do, silly monkey! (She pats him on the head)
Monkey: Patronizing little…(His mobile phone rings) Monkey. Cloud? What is it? Now? Why? Past curfew! (He looks at his watch. It says boldly 11:10 pm.) Bugger. Alright, I'll 'ave the kids home as fast as I can. Yeah, see ya. (He turns off the phone) Gah! We're way past curfew, lads and ladesses!
Ad: We should get home, now.
(Suddenly, out of nowhere, three masked men drop down)
Masked Man: Hello. Which one of you is Jessica Strife?
Jessica: I a…
(Mrmonkeyman jumps in front of Jessica)
Monkey: What do you want with her?
Mman: We just want to show a famous gal a good time…Hehehe…
Monkey: Run. All of you. NOW!
(The men charge at Jessica, but Mrmonkeyman jumps in the way and punches one of them)
Monkey: GET YOUR ARSES OUT OF HERE!
(All of them run apart from Jessica, who stands strong)
Monkey: Get the hell out of here!
Jessica: No. It's time I showed them what a girl can do…(She draws her own Ultima Weapon)
(The men stop attacking Mrmonkeyman and begin to attack Jessica. She dodges and repels all their attacks, but they get the better of her. She's pushed to the ground.)
Monkey: JESSY!
(She stands up and holds her Ultima Weapon in the air)
Jessica: Shattering…Shockwave!
(She smashes the ground where the men are standing, sending a huge Shockwave at the men, sending them flying into a wall.)
Jessica: Piece 'a cake.
(Mrmonkeyman stands up, wounded)
Monkey: Nice…one…(He falls to the ground)
(Jessica rummages around in Mrmonkeyman's pockets and takes out his mobile phone. She dials a number)
Jessica: Daddy? The Monkey got beat…
(At the hospital, Mrmonkeyman is sleeping, when Cloud, Rinoa and Jessica come in.)
Cloud: You ok?
Monkey: I'll manage (He picks up a banana from the table and eats it whole) Good food.
Jessica: Thanks for trying to protect me, Monkey.
Monkey: S'alright Jess.
Rinoa: We found out that those were terrorists, trying to take Jessy hostage.
Cloud: From the neighboring continent of Morri. Since Rinoa and I began to govern over Dora, we've been attacked by these terrorists many times. They seem to think we're weaker because we all come from different worlds.
Monkey: How wrong could they be?
Jessica: Well, we better go now. Dad promised me he'd take me to a movie.
Cloud: Ah, she's right. See you later, Monkey.
Monkey: Bye.
(The three leave)
Monkey: God, it's gonna take me ages to get to sle…(He falls asleep)
(Back at the Mansion, the Kids are all talking)
Joe: Well, my dad was telling me that he shot Sephiroth right between the eyes.
Squall: What! MY dad was telling me that he personally stabbed Sephiroth In stomach!
Jessica: Well my dad beats all of those. He killed Sephiroth TWICE!
(They all nod)
Joe: Damnit. My dad's only claim is his martini record…
(They all laugh)
(A huge, Red beast walks down the stairs, and sits with them)
Squall: Hiya Red.
Red XIII: Hi Squall. What are you all talking about?
Jessica: What our moms and dads did in that big fight.
Red: Oh, right. Joe Not trying to burst your bubble, but Snake never did shoot Sephiroth right between the eyes…sorry!
John: Damn.
(They all laugh)
(Ad_B walks down the stairs)
Ad: Red? I'm just going out to the Monkey, look after the kids, alright?
(He goes out the door)
Red: Sorry, I know he's patronizing.
Jessica: Tell me about it…he tried to get me listening to (shudders) Daphne and Celeste.
(Everyone shudders)
Red: Oh well. I'll go cook us something. Thank god for voice activated Kitchens…
(Back in the hospital)
Monkey: Snore…bloody arses…snore…
Man: Hello Chimp
Monkey: HUZZAH! Oh, wha…oh my god…it's!
PART 2: Espionage, wouldn't ya know!
(Where we left the witless Monkey last time…)
Monkey: It's! IT'S! The Spam lord!
Spam Lord: Keep it down. While I was busy sticking post-it notes with "got pindu?" on them on the notice board, I noticed you were in here, so I decided to come and see why. (He looks from side to side and begins to slowly cover a wall with more post-it notes).
Monkey: I thought you got shot!
Spam Lord: Ah, yeah…erm, well, I kinda had a spare bundle of post-it notes where the bullet hit me. It wasn't big enough, so I was knocked out.
Monkey: Oh…Bollocks. I can't believe I forgot him…
Spam Lord: Who?
Monkey: MR.ELF!
(Still inside the draw in the ruins of the stadium, Mr.Elf is still small, and looks exactly the same)
Mr. Elf: CURSES! (He notices the plentiful supply of wotsits and coke has run out) Gah, these infidels shall pay…
Voice: Hello?
Mr.Elf: Wait…Could that be the witless provider himself?
Voice: Hmm…a draw.
(He opens it and sees Mr.Elf)
James: Mr.Elf!
Mr.Elf: Don't just stand there insensate triviality!, get me out of here!
James: Right away, Elf. (He puts him on his shoulder)
Mr.Elf: Now, you stupid arse, get me out of here! TO BURGER KING!
James: Rude little bastard! (He drops kicks Mr.Elf)
Mr.Elf: WaaaaaaaAAAAAH! (He flies out the window)
James: Bloody midgets.
(Later at the hospital…)
Nurse: Good news Mrmonkeyman, you're free to go.
Monkey: HUZZAH! About time.
(He walks outside, and sees Ad crouched, asleep. He kicks him)
Monkey: Oi! Slapper. Wake up.
Ad: GAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKER!
Monkey: Right. Why are you asleep outside the hospital?
Ad: Erm…I forgot why I came here, and then just sat down, to try and remember, and fell asleep. A very nice tramp called Jeremy took some stuff of mine to wash.
(Mrmonkeyman notices that Ad is completely naked)
Monkey: Arse.
(His mobile phone begins to ring)
Monkey: Monkey here. Yep. What is it John. Yes, Ad's with me. Yes he's naked. Yes…I know. Ok, we'll be back soon. (He turns off the phone) We better get back.
Ad: But…
Monkey: Oh. Right. (He takes out a large bin bag) Now. Get in that and we'll be on our way.
(Back at the house, John is holding the rest of the kids hostage, along with some soldiers of Morri)
John: Haha! Do you really think that I was the dumb one, the quiet one, the brainless, idiotic one?
Jessica: You piece of…
John: SILENCE! Morri wants you dead. All of you. We're taking revenge for the loss of one of our strongest soldiers, Murray.
Joe: That asshole? Mom was telling me how Cloud knocked his boney head right off…
John: SILENCE INFIDEL! In fact, you shall be first to go…I never really liked you anyway…GAURDS! Execute the one with the quiff…
Soldier: Yes sir! (He grabs Joe and holds a gun to his head) Lights out, Joey (Joe elbows him, but a shot goes off, hitting Joe's shoulder)…
Jessica: No…NO! (A huge flash of light blinds the troops, and Jessica rises up, using newly appeared wings of pure light)
Joe: J…Jessy?
(Her eyes light up and one of the soldiers is thrown through the window. Outside…)
Ad: Wow, I never knew a bin bag could be so…satin-like!
(They see the soldier fly out the window and the helicopter next to the house)
Monkey: Oh crap, let's go!
(He runs up to the door, but can't budge it)
Monkey: Damnit!
(Back in the house, Jessica has landed, yet her eyes are still lit up. One of the soldiers tries to attack Joe, but her hands flame up, and a huge fireball smashes the soldier into a wall. She finally goes back to normal.)
Jessica: Our weapons!
(She grabs her Ultima Weapon, and throws Joe his FAMAS, and Squall his dagger.)
Jessica: Get Garret and Matron out of the holding upstairs, and give 'em these! (She throws over some gauntlets and nunchaku, and turns to John) Jessica:You son of a bitch…I'm gonna…
John: RETREAT! GAHHHH! (He shoots the door open, and runs out. One soldier runs down the stairs, Chased by Garret, Squall, and Matron. Matron manages to trip him, and he falls, unconscious.)
Jessica: Damnit!
(She runs outside, but John has already flown off. Mrmonkeyman and Ad B are outside)
Monkey: Hiya!
Ad: Hi!
Jessica: I love the new dress sense ad.
Ad: But do you really think it's me?
(She nods)
Ad: Hehehe…
(Joe runs out)
Joe: Is he gone? Are you ok?
Jessica: I'm…fine…
Joe: What?
Jessica: I don't know what I did in there…it was scary…
(Later that night, Rinoa is explaining what happened…)
Rinoa: It was your sorceress power.
Jessica: Wha…I thought…you were? Ever since I was a little girl you said…
Rinoa: I said I had the powers because I knew you'd be interested on how to use it if you had it…I wish you'd of never found it. But I suppose, now that you're eighteen…well…it's best you knew about it. The powers inside you are for protection only. You appear to have more control over it then I had…
Jessica: It felt strange…I could control it, but I felt distant.
Cloud: The important thing is that you and the rest of your friends are ok.
Jessica: We can fight for ourselves dad.
Cloud: Those soldiers had guns, you could've been shot!
Jessica: Why can't you treat me like a normal 18-year-old? Rinoa dodged more then a few bullets when SHE was eighteen! I bet she wasn't treated like a toddler! DAMNIT!
(She runs outside, where she finds James Bond, firing at Clay Discs)
Jessica: Um…Hi James…
Bond: Oh, hi Jessy.
(He speaks without moving his head from shooting the discs. She notices he's been crying)
Jessica: I'm sorry…about John.
(He stops firing and sits down)
Bond: Everything I touch seems to turn to dust and float away…I'm merely a curse. I never ever believed that Sorcery, magic and all this flying and mystery could happen. I come from a world where we pretty much only have guns, and where swords are considered pointless. For the first time I had something permanent to care about, and now that's gone…
Jessica: Look...I'm sorry…but we may have to…
Bond: kill him? I understand…He's always been distant. I never thought he'd want my friends and I dead…
Jessica: I'm sure it'll be ok…
Bond: I'm not so hopefu…
Monkey: DINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! COME AND GET IT!
Bond: Go on Jessica, you may as well go.
Jessica: But…
Bond: GO!
(She runs off, and Bond puts his head in his hands)
Bond: Why me?
PART 3: Pain and Strife
(We see Cloud and Jessica sparring in the garden)
Cloud: Gimme your best shot. We've been training for years, and we've never had a proper match.
Jessica: You sure dad? I call that one we had a few weeks ago pretty match-like…
Cloud: I went easy on you. This time we're gonna use both Materia and you will use your Mother's magic.
Jessica: So, we fight until one of us gives up, ok?
Cloud: Yes. Let's go!
(They both draw their Ultima Weapons and clash. Jessica jumps back and begins to power up her Contain Materia. A huge block of ice smashes into Cloud, who falls over, knocked out. Jessica goes over to inspect)
Jessica: huh?
(Cloud leaps upwards and tries to use the braver on Jessica, but she blocks and kicks him away)
Jessica: The oldest trick in the book!
Cloud: It almost worked…BLADE BEAM!
(He makes begins to spin his sword, and throws several huge bolts of energy at Jessica, who ducks and dodges most of them, but is sent flying by one. She gets up, and begins to power up one of her own special Limits)
Jessica: CHASM!
(She smashes the ground, and it begins to crumble. It sends a huge split, which makes Cloud fall. Cloud climbs out, and begins to run at Jessica)
Jessica: Meltdown!
(Cloud is hit, and begins to slow down)
Cloud: Crap…only one thing left to try…
(His Ultima Weapon begins to glow a bright red)
Cloud: OMNISLASH!
Jessica: Oh…shit!
(Cloud charges in a fury at Jessica, slashing with unbelievable precision and speed, and Jessica is almost unable to stop him)
Jessica: AHHHHHH! ANGEL WING!
(The wings of light appear from her back, and her eyes flash with bright light. Rinoa runs out and sees them sparring)
Rinoa: NO!
(Jessica punches Cloud straight in the stomach, and flies over to continue the beating)
Rinoa: Jessy!
Cloud: I give up! Damnit!
(Jessica continues to pummel Cloud)
Cloud: Rinoa!
Rinoa: She's trapped in Angel wing!
(Jessica still attacks, and draws the Ultima Weapon to stab Cloud. She misses and continues to try and stab him, knocking his weapon away)
Cloud: Crap!
(He tries to break free, but huge bars of light hold him down)
Jessica: N…no…m…ust kill…no…!
(She can't break free, and continues to stab. Rinoa runs at her, and tackles her over)
Rinoa: SNAP OUT OF IT JESSY!
(Jessica rises up and begins to attack Rinoa)
Jessica: Mu..st…stop! N…no…gah...no…kill…STOP! (She stabs herself in the stomach, which makes her fly back and hit a wall)
Cloud: JESSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He gets up and runs over to her…she's bleeding, and unconscious.) No…this isn't fair! (He begins to cast Cure 3, and it hits her, but to no avail) No…damnit! (He turns to Rinoa) Call a damn ambulance! NOW!
(Later, at the hospital, Jessica is in intensive care…with her parents watching over her)
Cloud: I can't believe it…
Rinoa: It's all my fault…because I saved my world, hers has to suffer.
Cloud: You never asked for the sorceress powers…
Rinoa: What confused me, though, was the way she seemed to be fighting it…I never fought it, yet I was the same age as her…
Cloud: She seemed to not want to hurt me, yet…she was being made to by something.
Rinoa: What could that be?
Cloud: I have no idea…
(Joe, Squall, and Red XIII walk in)
Red: Still critical?
Cloud: Yeah…no improvement.
Joe: Jessy? Can you hear me?
Rinoa: She probably can…Cloud and I have been talking to her for hours…
Joe: Ok…Jessy? Please come out of this alive…we need you here. Cloud and Rinoa are killin' themselves watching you like this… We need you…I need you…oh…crap, I'm bad at this! (He runs out)
Red: Poor kid…he's always had a soft spot for Jessy.
(Snake and Chun-Li walk in)
Snake: Damn…no improvement?
(Cloud nods)
Snake: Poor kid.
Chun-Li: I'm so sorry Cloud. You to Rinoa…
(They both leave)
Cloud: Can I be alone everyone?
(Red and Rinoa nod, and Squall just leaves)
Cloud: Jessica. I know you can hear me…I know what's going on inside you…and I wish I knew how to help you, but fight it…I have passed down part of the Jenova cells to you…and I'm sorry for that, but you must fight them. They may seem undefeatable, but you can beat them…I know you can. If I could put myself in your place, I would…but the cells have picked you for your strength and willpower…and most importantly your sorceress's abilities. Please, come through this…if not for me, but for your mother…
(A doctor walks in)
Doctor: I think we should leave her now…
Cloud: Ok…bye Jessy.
(He leaves, and the light is turned off…early the next morning…Jessica's mind is at work…)
Jessica…
Jessica: What?
Jessica…
Jessica: What is it?
I'm here Jessica…
Jessica: What…where am I?
No one can hurt you here…
Jessica: What's happening to me?
Don't be afraid…hehhe…
Jessica: Afraid? Of what?
Doom…destruction…hahahah…the power of Sephiroth…
Jessica: Sephiroth is dead!
He shall be reborn within you, Jessica…
Jessica: No! Sephiroth could never be reborn…he's a human, like me…
Yes…now you see your similarities…heheheh…
Jessica: Leave me alone!
You never did like your father…did you?
Jessica: Shut up! SHUT UP!
Did you know he wasn't your father?
Jessica: I know your game…you can't trick me!
Oh…but I already have…I am part of you, Jessica…
Jessica: No…no you aren't…
You heard your father…Cloud admitted I'd been passed down…
Jessica: And I know I can defeat you…
Hahahah…I AM you…
Jessica: Shut up…shut…the hell up…
You are dwindling, Jessica…Just let me control you…you will have whatever you want…
Jessica: Sephiroth…I know who you are…and I know what you want…Cloud to suffer. And you want me dead, so he will suffer…I wont give up!
So much…power in your words…even when not speaking to Sephiroth…
Jessica: What?
I am not Sephiroth…I am you…
Jessica: No you aren't!
Hahahaha….a tough nut to crack, Jessica…I am the you you want to be…I am you…
Jessica: I'd rather die then be like you!
FOOL! You have not control over yourself…or me!
Jessica: No…
Fine! I shall kill you myself, and you shall become the embodiment of Sephiroth! Haha!
Jessica: No! I…must…defeat…you…NOOOOOOOO!
Hahaha…
(Suddenly, Jessica's heart meter stops…)
Doctor: Oh my god! No!
Cloud: What? No…Jessica! Fight it! Fight it off! No!
(Another two doctors run in)
Doctor 2: Clear!
(He shocks her, but to no avail)
Doctor: DAMNIT!
Doctor 2: CLEAR!
(No response)
Doctor 2: CLEAR DAMNIT!
(The shock does nothing)
Cloud: No! JESSICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doctor: Time of death…5:50 am…I'm sorry Mr.Strife…
(Cloud begins to cry and pound the bed)
Cloud: No…NO…JESSY! JESSYYYY!!!!!!!
(The doctors cover Jessica with a her cover, and Cloud is ushered out of the room, screaming)
Cloud: NOOOOOO!
PART 4: Move on…
(Inside the ruins of one of the stadiums, Joe and Cloud and walking. They stop at one slightly higher point, with a huge, thin sword embedded in it)
Joe: Sephiroth Point…I thought it was just a myth…
Cloud: This is exactly where the sword fell…
Joe: Amazing…
Cloud: Only Sephiroth ever handled this sword properly…
Joe: Who else has handled it?
Cloud: Tifa…
Joe: Who's Tifa?
Cloud: Before I left my world…I knew this girl…she was pretty much perfect…but we never revealed how we felt about eachother…we could've, be we didn't…Then, I got taken to this planet…and I met Rinoa. I love my life here…I wouldn't trade it in for anything…
Joe: What about Jessica?
Cloud: Yeah…
Joe: So…has this sword ever been used again since Sephiroth was taken out?
Cloud: Nope…I never want it used again…
John: Hahahaha!
Joe: Shit. John!
(Cloud and Joe turn to see John, backed up by about fifty soldiers)
Cloud: I'll handle this.
John: Oh come on…GET HIM!
(The soldiers rush at Cloud, and he begins to fight them. Joe and John face off)
John: I heard the good news!
Joe: You dirty piece of shit…
(Joe jumps and kicks John in the stomach)
Joe: SPINNING BIRD KICK!
(John is smashed into a wall, and Joe stands strong. John gets up and draws a huge machine gun)
John: DIE!
(He tries to shoot down Joe, who flips and draws his famas)
Joe: I came prepared you asshole.
(They both run at eachother, firing shots, and furiously kicking and punching. Joe gets his famas knocked out of his hands, but then grabs John by the neck, and kicks him so fast, his feet are a blur. He then throws John up and kicks him far away)
John: gah…TROOPS! Leave the man and get the sword!
Cloud: What the…
(John runs over to the Masamune and rips it out of the ground)
John: Victory is mine!
(A helicopter lands right next to the point, picks up John and the troops, and leaves)
Cloud: DAMN! Fire…3!
(Cloud sends a huge fireball at the helicopter, but misses)
Cloud: Shit!
(His mobile phone begins to ring, he picks it up)
Monkey: CLOUD! Get the hell down to the Church! BYE!
(The mobile is turned off)
Cloud: C'mon Joe…
(At the graveyard, Mrmonkeyman, Squall, Cloud and Joe are staring at a hastily dug up grave)
Cloud: No…
Monkey: Damn necropheliacs…
Cloud: This isn't someone in need of loving…this is someone who wants Jessica for science…
Joe: Why?
Cloud: Jenova Cells…they want her Jenova cells…and the Masamune…No…NO!
Monkey: What is it?
Squall: What?
Cloud: They're going to try and…Squall! Call Rinoa, Snake, everyone! We need to go and get back Jessy's body. If they're going to do what I think they are, we're all in deep shit.
Squall: Gotcha!
(He runs off)
Cloud: We're gonna need all the help we can get, meet at the mansion in about an hour…
(In castle Morri, deep in the content…)
Scientist: Good work, Jonathan.
John: Why do you want…her?
Scientist: She has much power…I have learnt about these…Jenova cells…inside her.
(John swipes the Masamune around)
John: But why do we want this?
Scientist: Hahahah…Sephiroth was a being of great power….he was unable to be controlled…but now…with such a young, powerful body holding In the Jenova cells…she has the power to become the next Sephiroth!
John: You're going to turn her into another raging lunatic?
Scientist: No! We shall stimulate the Jenova cells, which will control her, and we shall control them. She is immensely powerful, strong enough to hold wield the sword in combat…coupled up with her sorceress's abilities…we shall be able to take over the world in a matter of weeks.
John: Very good work. Tell me when she is ready for a…test run.
Scientist: Yes sir.
(Back at the mansion, everyone is bantering about the situation at hand)
Cloud: Calm down everyone! C'mon! Shut up! HEY!
(Everyone stops talking)
Cloud: Thank you. For all of you who are confused, here's what's happened. Jessica's body has been stolen
(gasps from everyone but a few people)
Cloud: CALM DOWN DAMNIT!
(Silence once more)
Cloud: John and the soldiers of Morri stole it, along with Sephiroth's Masamune.
Red: Do we know where they've taken it?
Cloud: Because of the high energy of Jessica's body, even after death, we are able to track her. We've found her body is being held in Castle Morri.
Red: Original name…
Cloud: Shut up Red…
Red: Will do…
Cloud: I intend to lead a strike force up there. I doubt a full on military attack would be wise. We need people to volunteer to come with us, it will be a dangerous and uncertain mission, so choose carefully.
Joe: Count me in.
Rinoa: I must go with.
Matron: I'm on!
Red: I suppose.
Cloud: Anyone else?
(Vincent drops down)
Vincent: Bond asked me to go along…
Cloud: Anyone else?
(Everyone just looks away or whistles)
Cloud: Oh well…let's go!
(The team runs outside, and gets in a pre-prepared helicopter. In a laboratory, the scientist and John are overlooking Jessica)
Scientist: Excellent…it is only a matter of time before the project can be successfully completed.
John: Brilliant…Sorry Jessica…but you'll finally have to recognize me, instead of that upstart, Joe…Grrr…
Scientist: I am creating a war machine, not a sex doll. Stop playing around.
John: SILENCE!
Scientist: Grrr…yes sir.
John: I am retiring for the night. Tell the good lord that I am most pleased with our compromise…and my bedroom.
Scientist: *sigh* Yes sir…
(A few miles over the coast of the continent of Doramas, the helicopter is nearing its target)
Pilot: We're nearing the castle sir. Do you want me to go for a subtle approach?
Cloud: No. Get up the riot guards, and the ram, we need to make a good old fashioned siege…be ready to get us out of there when we give the signal…
Pilot: Yes sir. (He presses a button, and a huge shield of metal appears in a jagged spike at the front of the helicopter)
Cloud: GO!
(The helicopter gains speed, and smashes through the wall of the castle. Cloud and the rest of the team jump out)
PART 5: Evil?
(They run through the castle, smashing guards out the way, and eventually run into a hallway with a huge organ in it. An evil looking man is sitting at the organ, playing Britney spears songs.)
Man: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TI (He plays the wrong note) TI (Again) TIIII (and again) TIMMMME! Ah shite, I cant even get that note right.
(His singing is shite)
Cloud: What the…where's Jessy!
Man: What?
Cloud: JESSICA! The body!
Man: Oh, the girl, she's not here anymore.
(Cloud uses his sense Materia to find out where Jessica is, and she is located seventy miles east)
Cloud: Fu…
(A knight smashes through the window, as the Man goes back to his organ)
Man: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (He gets it wrong) DAMN YOU ORGAN!
Knight: Haha! Simon, your plan has been foiled! Your Britney Spears crooning and bastardiness shall stop from this day onwards!
Simon the evil bastard: GAH! Bob!
Bob the Knight: Hahaha! I shall use my sword of…good! To…erm…(He takes out a small book) d…e…s…t…r…o…y…. You. OH! Destroy you!
Simon the evil bastard: NO! You shall not, Bob! Because I have my…(He rummages around in his pocket) SPOON! Aw crap.
Bob the Knight: Ha! Haha!
(They begin to have a really petty and stupid fight, seeing as Bob's sword is made of polystyrene. They keep fighting like this till bob bends back Simon's spoon. They jump back from eachother)
Bob the Knight: HAHAH! I win!
(The team are still watching, completely dumbfounded as to why these two are so crap)
Simon the evil bastard: HAHAHAH! But I'm an evil bastard, so I can do this!
(He throws the spoon, and it hits bob in the face)
Bob the Knight: AH! My face!
Simon the evil bastard: hahahah! Now you shall feel the wrath of my demon…
(He presses a button, and a wall opens)
Simon the evil bastard: …budgerigar! Oh Bugger.
(It flies out the window, taking a dump on Simon's face as it leaves)
Simon the evil bastard: DAMN YOU!
Bob the Knight: HA! Your budgerigar is gone!
Simon the evil bastard: Shite. Erm, (he rummages in his pockets again) Haha! The deadly…stapler! (He begins to click it at Bob, firing flat staples) Take that and that and that and that and that and…oh buggerit just stab me already and get the girl!
Bob the Knight: Oh well…YAH! (He stabs Simon with his sword, laughs, and a girl is released from behind a wall, she kisses him, and they both jump out the window)
Cloud: Riiiight…
Vincent: We really should get to Jessica's body…
Cloud: Right. What if they move it again though?
Joe: We just have to take the chance. C'mon, let's get to the chopper…
(They run to the chopper, but as they get to it, it explodes)
Cloud: What the fuck…
John: Mwahahha!
(Fifteen huge soldiers jump down, surrounding the team, and they shoot them with tranquilizers)
Cloud: Shi…t…(He falls down, along with everyone else)
John: Get them to Castle Morri. And get that Simon incinerated.
Simon: Bu…gger.
(At Castle Morri, Cloud, Joe and Vincent have been held in a Cell opposite the rest of the Team)
Cloud: This is…shit.
Vincent: What now?
(Joe is stood up, punching a the powerful glass…)
Cloud: Joe…c'mon, stop, it's not gonna budge…
Joe: Just a little longer…
Vincent: Crazy kid…
Joe: Just a little longer…
(He stops punching and Jumps back)
Joe: Alright everyone, stand back…
Cloud: Why?
(He notices Joe's hands beginning to glow a bright blue)
Cloud: Ok…
(Joe's hands become nothing more than blue energy)
Joe: Kiiiiii…. KOSHO!
(A huge ball of energy smashes through the cell, smashing the glass down. The guard turns to them, shocked. Joe easily beats him over)
Cloud: Nice work…
Vincent: **grunt** good work.
(They run through the complex. They find themselves at a Junction, with three different directions)
Vincent: Ok, I've got an idea, let's NOT split up.
Cloud: Yeah, ok.
(They run up and down corridors for ages, yet see nothing)
Vincent: Is it me…or do we seem to be getting nowhere!
Cloud: Yeah…
(They run keep running, and eventually enter into a huge laboratory. A platform slides out, and John walks forward)
John: HAHAH! Good…you're finally here…
(Somewhere…)
Jessica…
Jessica: What…are you doing to me?
Hehehe…
Jessica: Am I dead? Is this hell?
No, Jessica…you shall soon be reborn…
Jessica: No way! Cloud'll come and save me!
Yes…your loving father…
Jessica: He'll come and destroy you…
Hehehe…how can a man destroy what he cannot see…I am you…you are me…hahahah…
Jessica: NO! He told me to be strong, and so I shall be!
Cloud thinks you are dead, Jessica…
Jessica: You…
Yes…you have nothing to live for, because everyone thinks you are dead! I shall soon grow, and take over your…fragile body, and use you to gain what I want…
Jessica: NO! You have no power over me!
Oh…poor sweet…naive Jessica… You feel your strength wilting away…even as I speak to you…you shall soon be mine…you and your strength, your powers, your abilities, all mine…
Jessica: Sephiroth…
Ha…. smart girl…your father…the Jenova cells he had within him were merely I, waiting for my time…
Jessica: NO! You can't be reborn, you wont!
Oh, on the contrary…my time shall be soon…
Jessica: YOUR TIME SHALL BE NEVER! Cloud'll save me!
Trust in yourself, Jessica, you're a powerful young woman…
Jessica: Powerful enough to stop you!
You have no chance…and you never will…the Jenova cells inside you are me…and I am them, as I am you, as they are you…confused?
Jessica: No, you are, 'cause I'm not gonna let you win!
Thanks to that good scientist up there…You have no choice…
Jessica: Why cant I move?
Because you…are dead! Your powers and everything inside you are mine…I control them…
Jessica: NO! NO! You cant control me…
Hahhaha…the time has come…
(In the lab)
Scientist: The time is now!
(He presses a button, and the control panels begin to flash and beep)
Scientist: Just say the word!
(somewhere…)
MWHAHAHAH!
Jessica: NOOOO!
Hah…
Jessica: We…no…WE
ARE
Jessica: ONE…
(In the lab)
John: RELEASE THE FALLEN ANGEL!
(One of the walls slowly swings round to show Jessica, held against it. Her eyes are closed…but then they open, and they burn with a fiery dark red…Her wings appear from her back, and she pulls away from the chains, and smiles darkly…)
FINAL PART: Requiem
(Cloud, Joe and Vincent are all shocked to see Jessica, who is surveying the area. She turns to the Murasame, and makes it fly over to her. It hovers in mid air as she turns and surveys it. She makes another smile, and grabs it. )
Scientist: EXCELLENT! Now kill them all! ALL OF THEM!
(Jessica swings round to him)
Jessica: No…body…pushes…ME…around…
(She stabs him there and then)
Jessica: This…time…I can…get the job finished…
(She turns towards Cloud)
Cloud: Calm down Jessy, it's ok, just calm down!
(She begins to fly towards him)
Jessica: Stop treating me…like a child!
(She moves her hands, and Cloud is locked in the air, unable to move)
Jessica: Now who's the baby…bwehehahaha! Now…for revenge!
Cloud: For…what?
Jessica: That…faithful day at the crater…And for all these years of…mollycoddling…
Cloud: Wha…t? Crat…er? Se…SEPHIROTH!
Jessica: Wrong…I am both…Jessica and Sephiroth…we are one…
(She twitches her hands again, so Cloud flies into a wall)
Cloud: Damn!
Joe: JESSY! Stop this now!
(she turns to him)
Jessica: Hey there loverboy!
Joe: Shut up!
(Her dark smile turns to a frown)
Jessica: Awww…you don't like me anymore? Then I'm afraid you're…DUMPED! (She smashes him in the stomach, and a hideous crack is heard)
Joe: No…NO! (He tries to punch her, but she blocks. He begins to try and attack her with a rally of lightning fast punches, but Jessica blocks them with speed and precision. She then tries to grab his neck, but he dodges and kicks her hard in her back, sending her almost into a wall, but she merely flies forward again)
Jessica: Nice try, but no cigar! (She sends two huge shards of ice at him, which he jumps over, and kicks her in the face) Ah!
(She falls down, and hits the ground. Joe tries to land a diving punch, but she rolls out the way and begins to ascend. She powers up huge bolts of energy, which she throws at Joe. He is smashed by one, but quickly recovers and dodges the rest. He flips and power up more energy)
Joe: Kiiii…KOSHO!
(The huge ball of energy emanating from him burns Jessica. She flinches and dives back, spinning the Murasame. She tries to stab at Joe, but misses, and gets the sword stuck In a wall. Cloud jumps behind her, and grabs her by the neck, with tears in his eyes)
Cloud: I didn't want to have to do this…(He breaks her neck with such speed, it kills her in an instant...)
Joe:…
(Suddenly, John runs into the room and over to Jessica)
John: MWAHAHAHH!
Joe: What the…John! It's over!
John: Oh, on the contraire! It's just beginning!
(He produces a huge syringe and sticks it into Jessica's arm…Cloud and Joe watch as the arm shakes, and finally falls limp)
John: Bwheheheh! Pure Jenova cells!
Cloud: NO! John! Stop!
(He sticks the syringe into one of his veins and pumps in the Jenova cells. He immediately begins to shake and mutate)
John: Be…. AUTIFUL!
(He laughs maniacally as his muscles grow…to the point where he is towering above Cloud and Joe)
Cloud: This isn't good…
(Vincent runs in)
Vincent: What the hell happened!
Cloud: We've…got a slightly bigger problem I'm afraid…
(John swings his hand straight towards Vincent, smashing him away)
Joe: Shit…
(John gets hit, and flies into a wall)
Cloud: BRAVER!
(He tries to make a cut down John, who just dodges and laughs, kicking him into another wall)
John: You…can never win…I shall conquer this world…and the next…and the next as well…mwahahah…hu…rghh…(He begins to shake violently)
John: Wh..at?
All I needed was a male host…you fell into my trap
(Nobody else can hear this voice)
John: W..h…y?
Now is the time…I shall be reborn…
(John's skin peels off to reveal the familiar form of Sephiroth. He looks around)
Sephiroth: It's so good being back…
Cloud: H…how…no…
Sephiroth: Hojo was an amazing scientist…you're lucky the cells got taken out of your girl so quickly…otherwise I would've had to play toaster with her body…
Cloud: You…BASTARD! (He jumps, and slashes at Sephiroth, knocking him over. Sephiroth makes a grab for his Murasame, and swipes Cloud across the stomach, making a huge wound) Megaelixir…(Cloud heals himself fully, and jumps back up)
Sephiroth: Fool…(He sends bolts of energy straight at Cloud, making him fall over) You never could get a hold of yourself…
(Suddenly, Squall, Matron, and Link run in)
Sephiroth: Ha! For gods sake, Cloud, you could've at least got some warriors in, I doubt the cast of Scooby doo can help you now!
Link: That's it…C'mon!
(Link runs at Sephiroth, furiously dodging and stabbing at him. Matron begins to swing her Nunchaku, and smashes into Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Oh please…(He sends them all away with one punch) Eighteen years is enough time for me to get stronger…even in miniature form…
Joe: He's…too…strong…damnit…
Cloud: No! I'm not giving up! GRRRRARGH! (He jumps towards Sephiroth, who instantly blocks. They spar for ages, sending sparks flying as they clash thousands of times. Sephiroth tries to slash Cloud straight down the middle, but Cloud dodges and swing-cuts Sephiroth. He jumps back, and fries Cloud with a Bolt spell. Cloud is stopped temporarily. Sephiroth begins to lift his Murasame, and is about to bring it down on Cloud's head, when his hand is grab and twisted. He is thrown against a wall)
Voice: Leave him alone…
Sephiroth: Wha…
(He turns to see Jessica, bathed in a bright ethereal light…)
Sephiroth: NEVER! (He sends millions of tiny shards of ice towards her and Cloud, but she forces a huge barrier to stop them)
Jessica: Now Sephiroth, I believe I have a score to settle with you. (She draws her own personal blade, almost as long as the Murasame)
Sephiroth: With pleasure…(They clash, sending even more sparks flying then before. Sephiroth swings in huge circles, yet Jessica merely grabs his blade and throws it away) Grrrr! (He points his hand to the blade as it flies back to his hand) Time to die!
(He makes a powerful, energized slice at Jessica's torso, hitting with immense power. He looks at Jessica's face, and see that she is neither hurt nor fazed, as she punches him straight in the stomach, and kicks him. She slices him straight in the stomach, making a gaping wound)
Jessica: This time we wont let you get away in a flash of light…(She casts flare on Sephiroth, burning his insides, and making him scream)
(She turns away from Sephiroth, and smiles at Cloud. Her smile quickly turns to a shock, as she is stabbed straight through the stomach by Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Sorry, but I'm afraid I don't go that easily.
Jessica: Ne…ither…do…I!
(She throws him over her shoulder, ripping the sword out. She stumbles forward, and stares straight at Sephiroth)
Jessica: CLOUD! Hit me with every spell you've got!
Cloud: What…
Jessica: DO IT!
(Cloud begins to cast as many spells as he possibly can, all at Jessica. She motions for him to stop, and closes her eyes. A huge circle of energy swarms around her feet)
Cloud: The…ultimate limit break…
Jessica: Angelic…DESTRUCTION!
(The air around Sephiroth becomes a typhoon, ripping apart the castle, and showing the outside. Everyone but Sephiroth hangs onto something. Jessica continues to power up more energy, ripping up the scenery around her. She finally fires a line of pure energy into Sephiroth, burning through him, and leaving nothing more then a skeleton. Everyone stays silent for a second…
Cloud: Jessy?
Jessica: sorry…
(The castle begins to crack and crumble, and the only exit is blocked. Jessica tries to brake through, but is too weak after destroying Sephiroth)
Joe: Oh…crap…This would have to be the most ironic situation I've ever been in…
(Suddenly, through a wall, a man in a kilt smashes through)
Kilt Man: OCH EI! Time to break ye out of 'ere!
Cloud: I thought you were dead!
Kilt Man: EH!? No erm, I mean, ACK! I was hit by that stinky pig's ray, yet managed to not get killed by it! ACK!
Jessica: Erm…can ya help us?
Kilt Man: Oh yes. HAGGIS TELEPORT!
(Kilt Man farts, and they all get teleported back to the mansion, unconscious, all except Kilt Man)
Kilt Man: ACK! Shouldn't 've had those Onion and Hagis cakes! ACK!
(Five years later…Joe and Jessica have got married, and at the after wedding celebrations…)
Mrmonkeyman: MR.ELF! (He sees Mr.Elf passed out in the punch. He shakes his head, but suddenly Mr.Elf wakes up)
Mr.Elf: HAHAHH! (He jumps and grabs Mrmonkeyman's wallet) VICTORY IS MINE! (He runs off)
Mrmonkeyman: GAH!
(Ad B is chatting up one of the waitresses)
Ad B: Y'know, Mrmonkeyman is actually my servant…
(Mrmonkeyman walks past, and says "8 o'clock, my room, ok?" and the waitress nods)
Ad B: Bugger.
(Lardpig walks up with kilt man)
Lardpig: I know his identity!
Kilt Man: NO HE DOESN'T! he's wrong anyway, he could never prove it…
Lardpig: Hey Kilty, wanna Molsten?
Kilt Man: EEEEEEH!? Oh I mean Eack? No…er…shite…
(Suddenly, James walks up)
James: Remember, this is not the way we see all Canadians here, remember that! We are all perfectly normal, apart from Real over there. (He looks over to one of the tables) EEEEK! Onion Bajees! MY FAVOURITE!
(Suddenly a huge man smashes through the window)
Man: HOOHAA! Where's the lard?
Mr.Elf: Ack! My nemesis!
Mrmonkeyman: GAH! MR.BITCH!
Mr.Bitch: I'm gonna skin me some monkey!
Mr.Elf: QUIET! I refuse to let you hurt him!
Mrmonkeyman: Eh?
Mr.Bitch: Watch out monkey boy! The elf wants your babies!
Mrmonkeyman: BAD ELF! (He kicks him upwards, and James smashes him with a baseball bat, out the window)
Mr.Elf: You baaaaaasttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrd…
Mr.Bitch: Now, monkey! It's time we fought! C'mon! In the bloodiest combat possible!
Mrmonkeyman: You don't mean…
Mr.Bitch: Yeah! DUAL THUMB WARS!
(They lock hands and begin to play. Mrmonkeyman wins after an hour's play)
Mr.Bitch: DAMNIT! Hell, I'll just torch the place anyway! (He draws his trusty flame-thrower) HOOHA! (he points it at mrmonkeyman, and pulls the trigger. It puffs out a small flame, and goes out) DAMNIT! DAMN DAMN DAMN! Aw crap, I may as well eat all your munchies! (He descends on the pile of Pringles).
Mrmonkeyman: That was…disturbing.
(Suddenly, another man jumps through the top of the window)
Man: Watch out for Ashley, she's having her period!
(Suddenly, Ash Riot jumps in)
Ash Riot: DAMNIT I'M A MAN OMEGA!
Omega: Oooh! PMT!
Ash: SIC 'IM BITCH!
Mr.Bitch: HEHEHE!
Omega: AHHHHH! (He runs out)
Ash: Heheh…sorry. (He gets out a gun labeled SPAM O MATIC and begins to cover the wall with postit notes)
Mrmonkeyman: Great…Now…how can we wrap this up…
Max: With me! The incredible dancing trout! (He dances around in a giant trout suit)
Mrmonkeyman: Ah…damnit. May as well just say that I'm gonna be writing something new soon, blah blah blah…yadda yadda yadda…god…erm. What now?
FFO Representative: Hello Mrmonkeyman. I'm suing you for using the names of one the characters we have put on our message boards. Mrmonkeyman.
Mrmonkeyman: THAT'S MY DAMN NAME!
FFO R: Well, didn't your read the licensing agreement? Fig 47 clearly presents that once you join, you are our BITCH.
Mr.Bitch: HEY! I'm the only bitch here! DIE! (He eats him)
Mrmonkeyman: oh, well, that's a good place to end it…g'night everybody!