It's Hard to be Humble, a harry potter fanfic

Harry groaned. He couldn't help it – he had hoped, in vain, that Gilderoy Lockhart would pick on someone else for once, and that he would not have to play some ridiculous part in Lockhart's ludicrous tales.

"That's right, Harry. Come up. Don't be shy!" Lockhart flashed his teeth. "Of course, we all know you aren't shy!" Lockhart laughed at his own joke.

Harry, stonily staring anywhere but at Lockhart, shuffled up as painfully slowly as he could. Lockhart leaned over and addressed Harry, as if he was some trusted advisor.

"Now then, Harry, talented people like us sometimes have it difficult."

Harry started. Wherever did Lockhart get the idea that Harry wanted his advice?

"Now, now, Harry," Lockhart began, noticing Harry's frown. "I know this is hard for you – what with all that's going for you, but the important thing is is to keep your head down!"

"What are you talking about?" Harry demanded, wanting to be as far away from the buffoon as possible.

"Harry," Lockhart grinned again. "Harry, Harry, Harry. What am I going to do with you?"

"Leave me alone?" Harry asked dryly.

"Look, Harry." Lockhart began, smiling yet again, "I know you've got a lot of power; and you want to use that power; but believe me, it's better to be loved than to be feared." Lockhart grinned at the class, which caused most of the female members to swoon in response. "Harry, you might think that terrorising people will get you noticed, and it will; but you don't want notoriety. You want popularity; and the way to get that is through the hard yards. You don't get instant gratification, but patience, Harry, patience. You're still young, it'll come to you, it'll come."

"I don't want any of that!" Harry protested.

"You set the snake on Mr. Finch-Fletchley. You needed to do something to keep your fans interested in you, I know." Lockhart talked over Harry's furious expression. "You don't want to be alone whilst you're disinteresting, I can understand that; what you've done only goes a some way to fame; but Harry, I've been in your position…let me tell you…tell you all about it….this might very well be the most important lesson you'll ever hear in these walls."

Hermione, Lavender and Pavarti leaned forward breathlessly whilst Ron, Dean and Seamus leaned back disinterestedly.

Lockhart began to spin his yarn. " Back a few months ago, I was headlinin' a great big nightclub...
and they put me up a couple days early, I came in a couple days early
and they put me up in what they call the "Star Suite",
now here I am, headlinin' in one of the biggest nightclubs
in the country and I wake up at eight o'clock in the morning
in this "Star Suite"...

...all by myself."

"Awwww." The girls sighed.

Lockhart smiled down at them "Yeah, that's what I said, "Awwwww."
But I did what I've always done, man, to cheer myself up,
I picked up my guitar, I sat down and I wrote me a little song.
Now this is how it feels to be alone at the top of the hill,
tryin' to figure out why." At this he turned to Harry, clearly as one wise and extraordinary individual giving free and worthwhile advice, and began to sing.

"Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
When you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better lookin' each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
But I'm doin' the best that I can!

I used to have a girlfriend
But I guess she just couldn't compete
With all of these love-starved women
Who keep clamoring at my feet
Well I could probably find me another
But I guess they're all in awe of me
Who cares? I never get lonesome
Cause I treasure my own company.

Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
When you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better lookin' each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble
But I'm doin' the best that I can!

I guess you could say I'm a loner
A cowboy outlaw, tough and proud
Well, I could have lotsa friends if I wanted,
But then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd
Some folks say that I'm "egotistical",
Hell, I don't even know what that means!
I guess it has something to do with the way
That I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans

Ohhhhhh...
come on, where's all the kickers in here?!"

At this moment, half the class started singing along with Lockhart, whilst Harry contemplated stabbing himself to death with Lockhart's peacock feather quill.

"One more time, what are we doin'?" Lockhart asked.
"We're doing the best that we can!
Give yourselves a hand.
Yeeee-haw!"

There you go, Harry; back to your seat, and..." Lockhart winked. "There's no need to thank me."

J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all in it.

Song is 'It's hard to be humble' by Mac Davis.