Ultimate Gaming Crossover: Part One
The Beginning
(We start off in a room of chattering businessmen, all bantering, waiting for something. Suddenly, a huge, 8-foot man with a shroud over his head walks in, and the room goes quiet)
8f Man: Ah, good, I see you are all here. Now, as you well know, we are hosting the latest sports event in this part of the galaxy (everyone nods). Well, as you all know, the public loves a good fight, and enjoys some shed blood now and then (more nodding). Well, I have been doing extensive research on many heroes from various worlds. As you can see here (a large screen with the faces of loads of heroes appears, the whole room is shocked and amazed), I have been looking for quite some time for the right combinations. I intend to nab them from their native worlds via the newest teleportation techniques, drop them into individual cells, and pit them against eachother! Any questions?
Man1: Er, yes sir, I have one. What if they won't fight?
8f Man: We intend to use my own special mind gas on them. Even if this doesn't work on all of them, it should on some, and they will be willing to fight anyone!
Man1: But what about after the fights? The winners? Are you going to be dropping them home like nothing has happened?
8f Man: I'm killing them. (The whole room goes silent)
Man1: But sir….
8f Man: Look, I have a new associate who will assist me in the job. Here he is now.
(A dark cloaked man walks in silently, and gives the whole room a searing, evil gaze)
8f Man: Ah yes, this is my new general, S… (Evil glare from dark man) Just know him as General. He shall be slaughtering the poor fools, and then be leaving us in peace, right, my friend.
Dark Man: (nods)
8f: Excellent…Excellent! MWAHAHAHHAHA! (Continues to laugh, Dr. Evil style, and the whole room, apart from the dark man, eventually follows him in laughing, then one man stands up)
Man 2: Sir?
8f Man: Mwahah…What?
Man 2: Why do you wear that shroud over your face?
8f Man: Er, um, Er, SEIZE HIM!
(Two guards pull the man away, kicking and screaming…We now get a shot of the lab, where the 8-foot man is standing, overlooking a terminal with a scientist working at it)
Scientist: Sir, we have finished the preparations, do you want to begin the teleportation of the heroes?
8f Man: Yes…Mwahahahaha…. Mwahhahaha…
Scientist: Sir, wear this, as we shall be gassing them when we teleport them in, so they don't break out. (Hand the 8f man a gas mask)
8f Man: Oh, ok. (Puts on mask, and begins to laugh, muffled, as one by one the heroes are teleported in, and gassed.)
Scientist: GAH! Sir we have a slight problem. We have successfully got all of them, but six extras have been brought along, and they have all escaped!
8f Man: That's strange, I didn't hear anything!
Scientist: That's because you're a deaf twat.
8f Man: What?
Scientist: I said don't worry about that.
8f Man: Please make sure they are all dropped into separate segregated cells, A.S.A.P!
Scientist: Righto, Wanker.
8f Man: What?
Scientist: Straight away, Danke, its another way of saying hello.
8f Man: Oh right.
(The scientist orders 5 guards to pick up the knocked out heroes, and they stride off with them in a large container…)
PART 2:
Identities revealed; Combat…Imminent
(We see a prison cell, with six individuals inside it, bickering)
Prisoner 1: Great…now look where we are! And who's plan was it to run up to the guard and ask for directions?
(all the prisoners point to one other…who waves back, and then notices they are all pointing at him, and whimpers)
Prisoner 1 : Nice work, Ad, you fucking idiot!
Ad: Aw, c'mon, James, it isn't THAT bad, we get food, water, and we don't have the constant burdens of a final fantasy site to worry about!
James: Yeah, but we left mrmonkeyman in control of it ANYTHING could happen!
Ad: Yeah, but mrmonkeyman's here with us now!
(They all turn to look at mrmonkeyman, who is casually taking a wizz in the corner)
Mrmonkeyman: Oh, don't mind me…tum-te-tum-te-tum …ah, finished.
Prisoner 4: Hmm…. I have a plan everyone.
Mrmonkeyman: Oh bugger…go on Ash…
Ash Riot: Ok, what we do is…
(He goes through an intricate and complex plan, which nobody cares about or understands at all, but they keep nodding anyway. He finishes)
Mrmonkeyman: That would be a great plan…but I have a better one!
(Everyone turns again, and listens to mrmonkeyman's more simple plan)
Ad: So James and me go to the bars and distract the guard, and get him to open the gates by whacking him with Mr.Elf (looks at the small man sitting on mrmonkeyman's head, and gets an evil look) that'll knock him out, and we can get the keys!
James: Sounds simple enough, ok, c'mon Ad.
Mr.Elf: Really, I think we should reconsider this…
Mrmonkeyman: Shut it ya whiney pimp.
(The plan goes as planned, and James, Ad, mrmonkeyman, a dazed Mr.Elf and Ash Riot run out of the cell)
Mrmonkeyman: FREEDOM! Wahey
Ad: Erm, guys!
(A huge guard walks up to them)
Guard: Oi, what're you doing out?
James: We are now honorary guards, the other one decided to have a sleep, and so we took ove…
Ad: JAMES! Don't lie to the nice man! Look, we are all honorary guards, and James here is our execution person, do you wanna kill 'im?
Guard: Well all right…waitaminute…I know you, Ad_B!
Ad: Oh shit.
Guard: You stupid wanker, you always lie, come 'ere!
(he grabs James and ad)
Mrmonkeyman: RUN AWAY!
(All the other prisoners run away, leaving James and Ad, who both scream…and…we get to see some of the other prison cells, with various heroes in them, and there is a scientist radioing something to his superior)
Scientist: Ah yes, well, we have kept all the ones which would not be controlled in these cells which I'm in. Sector B4J.
(There comes a large smash from one of the cells, a female fighter is kicking the gate at lightning speeds, but she gets tired and stops)
Scientist: Hmmm…this must be. (Looks at clipboard) Chun Li, a beautiful specimen…How about I inspect you a bit closer later?
(She gives him the finger)
Scientist: Grrr…oh well. It looks like everything's in order, we better get the combatants ready. So…it's CFLD versus DGFG then? GUARDS! Get them both into the arena, and make sure CFLD is secured properly!
Guards: SIR!
(We now get an overview of a stadium, with people in a round, amphitheatre style seating arrangement, with a large circle in the middle for fighting in. Everyone is cheering)
Commentator: Hey hey! We've got two of the strongest ever heroes here today, on the first day of the B-L-D Bloodbath! Today's match is (a fanfare plays) Cloud Strife versus Link! This is gonna be HUGE! Oh and here they are, readying for battle! I better shut up now, as they begin to fight.
(Both of them walk on (well, Cloud is pushed) and locked in)
Cloud: What the…
Link: C'mon!
Cloud: Look, man do you know the way out of here?
Link: C'mon!
Cloud: Look, I really don't have time to fight yo…Oh crap (he notices Link's eyes are a dark red) Think about this, this really isn't worth it!
Link: RRRRRRAAAARRRRGH! (He jumps at cloud, brandishing the master sword)
(Cloud blocks using the Ultima weapon, and knocks Link back. Link charges again, and Cloud dodges. Cloud begins to power up a Materia)
Cloud: FLARE!
(The flare travels towards link at a fast rate, and he whips out the ocarina. He begins to play the song of storms. The rain puts out the advancing flare. Link smiles and charges again)
Commentator: OH! And a great counterattack from Link!
(They begin to spar, neither of them getting the advantage, the crowd cheering louder with every blow. Then, link makes a stab, and slashes Cloud in the stomach, which knocks him backwards into a wall)
Commentator: That really winded him! Could this be the end?
(Cloud lies against the wall, dazed, and stares upwards. Link is standing on him, ready to slit his throat…)
Part 3: Wake up!
(We are where we left last time, Link standing on Cloud, ready to slit his throat. It looks like it's…)
Commentator: …Curtains for Cloud? But wait? What's this? A ball of light?
(Both Cloud and link are engulfed in a ball of red energy. Link is thrown out, and Cloud flies up on the back of Bahamut.)
Commentator: WOAH! Cloud is using his Magic Materia to summon huge beasts to do battle! Is that allowed by the rules? Of course it is, there are no rules! Not here on the (speeds up to say legal crap) B.L.D Network, copyright of FOX, all rights reserved. Link looks vexed, and Cloud is coming in for the kill!
(Cloud points at Link, and Bahamut charges towards Link. Link dives out the way as Bahamut smashes off a chunk of the wall. Bahamut makes another charge, but Link is ready, and skewers him on his Great Sword.
Commentator: Wow! Quick thinking by Link has sent Bahamut to the grave!
(Bahamut shakes Cloud off, roars, and dies)
Cloud: You dirty piece of…
(Cloud powers up the omnislash, and starts smashing into link, repeatedly, knocking him everywhere. He powers up for the final smash, and Link is near death…)
Commentator: And the crowd is crying for the blood of the small elf!
Mr.Elf: Who? Me?
Commentator: What the?
(The totalff crew, minus James and Ad, run in.)
Mr. Elf: HA! Time to die!
Commentator: Noooooo! (He shoots Ash Riot in the stomach)
Ash Riot: Oooh…me ankle. Ya spoony bard. (He dies)
Mrmonkeyman: Bugger. JUDO CHOP! (He judo chops the commentator, killing him in an instant)
Mr. Elf: Well that went badly.
Sir Maxium: Yes…I think I'll make the plan next time.
Mr. Elf: No! I call the shots aroun…(he is shoved in a sainsburys by mrmonkeyman)
Mrmonkeyman: There ya go ya little bugger (he puts him in the desk draw which the microphone is resting on) That'll learn ya. Max, you make the plans. Its just you and me now.
Sir Maxium: I vote we…SPANK THE MONKEY!
Mrmonkeyman: Oh shit.
(The crowd has heard all of this, and is confused and disgusted, but turns it's attention back to the fighting)
Cloud: Time to die you little…
Link: The…door…is…. Weak….
Cloud: What the?
Link: (looks up) The door…it…it's badly…made…. Easy…to brake…
(Cloud notices his eyes are back to normal)
Cloud: hehe, looks like I've knocked some sense into you. But just in case… (he knocks him out, with one punch)
Cloud: Excellent. Now, for the door (the crowd have noticed this, and are distressed and leaving)
Mrmonkeyman: WAHEY! Look, look! The blond bloke's escaping!
Maxium: SPANKINGS
Mrmonkeyman: (decks Maxium, and ties him up with the microphone) Bloody crazy fish.
Cloud: (knocks down the one locked door with a swift smash from his sword, and goes over to Link) Hmm…the kid was right. Hey! Hey kid! (He slaps him in the face, Link wakes up.)
Link: What? I was having a lovely dream about cheese…. (Gets another slap from Cloud, and gets up) Ok, I'm awake, I'm awake. What the hell happened, all I remember was being gassed, and them giving me cheese)
Cloud: Sick bastards…C'mon, we need to get out of here. (They run through the gateway, out of the arena…)
(We now see the inside of a set of prisons. There are 4 cells, each of them facing another cell. There are two fighters, and two strange men in them)
Man1: Damn. It. Where. The hell. Are. We.
Man 2: I. Don't know. It. Is. Really. Weird. Here.
Fighter 1: Damnit. Those two have been talking like that for hours. If those guys wouldn't have taken our weapons, we could get out of here.
Fighter 2: We fight with our fists.
Fighter 1: Oh…Yeah…I knew that. How…………..DOOOKEN! (He makes a huge fireball, which smashes the gate to his cell apart.) C'mon Chun-li.
Chun Li: Spinning…. BIRD KICK! (She smashes down her gate, which she is able to do due to the other gate hitting it.) Ok, Ryu, next time, don't forget how to fight, ok?
Ryu: Ok, just one more thing. (he smashes into the cells with the two men in them)
Man 1: I. Wish. I. Was. In. that. Old. Creepy. House. Of. Zombies. Now.
Man2: Yes. So. Do. I. Bugger.
(Ryu kicks the shite out of both of them.)
Ryu: ok, now we leave.
(We now see the totalff crew, battling against the evil…)
Mrmonkeyman: BLOODY COKE MACHINE!
Maxium: Ah forget it. I don't wanna coke. I wanna spank the monkey!
Mrmonkeyman: Look, once you have a coke, you'll calm down! Everyone knows caffine calms people down! (he gets a coke out) ah, there ya are, here (he hands max a coke. Max drinks it)
Maxium: SPOOOOOOOOOONY! GYAHHHHH!!!!! (he runs away, and smashes through a wall)
Mrmonkeyman: Bugger.
(We now see Cloud and Link running along a hallway)
Cloud: Phew that was close. You all right kid?
Link: Yeah, fine, except for the black eye.
Cloud: Great! Now, we'll just get out of this prison place and…oh shit…
(At the end of the hallway stands Kilik from Soul Calibur. He spins his staff, does the Darth Maul pose, and part of the "duel of the fates" music from Star Wars EP1 plays. Cloud and Link shrug, and begin to fight him)
Link: I have a bad feeling about this
Cloud: Don't worry about it, be mindful of the future, young palofmine.
(They fight and fight and fight, with that Star Wars music playing)
Cloud: Would you just shut up!
(The small orchestra stops playing, looks disappointed and walks off)
Cloud: there, ok, here we go.
(They keep fighting till they get to a narrow ramp. They all end up falling off, and hitting another well placed ramp, suffering no hurt at all. They make a dramatic pause, and then continue fighting. Kilik tries one more block, but Cloud's Ultima Weapon brakes it in half, causing Kilik to fall off the ramp into the seemingly endless void underneath it…)
(We now get to a room with one kid, a red animal, and a tall, dark man.)
Red Animal: Now this is annoying.
Tall man: Yeah…. taking our weapons away, those bastards are going to get the living…
Red Animal: Now, now, Vincent, we must set an example for the Child.
Vincent: Yes, ok. I don't see how you can be so calm, Red. Anyway, who is this kid?
Kid: I am Ash Ketchum, of the town of pallet, and this is Pikachu, my Pokemon, we are so cool, we can bust out of this place all by ou…
Vincent: Oh just please shut up.
Ash: And this is squirtle and bulbasaur and charmander…
Vincent: RAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH! (He turns into a huge flying beast, smashes out, and flies away)
Red: I wish I could do that…(he looks bored, and covers his ears with his paws)
Ash: And this is a pokeball and this is a pokedex, look, it talks! And this is my hat, and….
PART 4: Blood, sweat, and one really annoying kid
(Chun-li and Ryu, after braking out from the cell, are running down a hall, when they are confronted by a strange man, in a blue suit, and a kilt)
Ryu: Er…hi!
Man: Don't worry, I'm here!
Ryu: What?
Man: I am KILT MAN! Man of hagis!
Ryu: Right…We'll just walk over here now (he pulls chun-li by the arm and they both run away) RUN!
Kilt Man: Hmm…. Suspicious, they MUST be villains. I shall confront and destroy them!
(After running away, from the strange Canadian in a kilt, they stop to catch their breath)
Ryu: Woah…what the hell WAS that.
Chun-li: I don't know, but it smelt weird.
Ryu: Yeah, c'mon we better get going, we need to get out of this prison complex.
Chun-li: Hmmm…we'll need to split up then.
Ryu: Why?
Chun-li: It's more dramati…I mean, we'll cover ground faster.
Ryu: Ok, I'll go this way, you turn back the way we came and see whether there's an exit or an airduct or something.
Chun-li: Right, see ya soon.
(They both run off in separate directions…We now see Cloud and link outside the prison complex, taking a breather in a small garden)
Cloud: Well, at least we got out of that prison.
Link: And got rid of that guy with the staff.
Cloud: Yeah, well, he deserved it. Man, I hate it when fighters bring along their own incidental music.
Link: Yeah…(he turns his head to face cloud, and notices the sword about to slice through him) WATCH OUT!
(Cloud dodges, and the bench gets cut in half. Cloud faces the warrior, and notices the red eyes.
Cloud: Shit, mind control.
(The warrior and Cloud begin to exchange blows, and after a few minutes Cloud is knocked over, and the warrior jumps back)
Cloud: Watcha gonna do, spit on me?
(The warrior shows the full size of the sword he is using…and the gun attached to it, he loads and fires)
Cloud: Oh shi…
(The warrior fires, but Link rams him, making the shot miss and hit the remains of the bench, the warrior and Link begin to fight. They continue to spar until Link turns and kicks him in the face, knocking him over.)
Cloud: Nice moves.
(Cloud gets up, and is ready to slice the warrior in two, but he gets up, and deflects the Ultima Weapon. All three of them begin to fight, yet the warrior is still in control. Then, Cloud jumps back, and powers up a huge bolt of lightning. It arcs through the warrior. He is sent flying, straight into a wall. Cloud walks over, knowing that all the warrior needed was a good beating to give him his senses back, and both link and cloud walk over to the dazed warrior)
Cloud: Who are you?
Warrior: Wha…what the?
Link: Ok, I'll give you some options, Answer the question, shuffle, boogie, or get your nuts cut off.
Warrior: (He thinks about it) I think I'll answer the question. (he gets up) The name's Squall Leonhart. Who the heck are you?
Cloud: Cloud Strife
Link: Link
Squall: Link what? Missing Link?
Link: I don't have a second name
Squall: How does munchkin sound?
Link: What?
Squall: Nothing…
Cloud: Ok, now that we've got that sorted out, we better get going, are you with us?
Squall: Yeah, alright. I have to warn you though, past this point, there are guards.
Cloud: Right, the problem is?
Squall: With large mechs backing them up.
Cloud: Oh. Crap. I think we can take 'em though.
Link: Let's go already! Time is of the essence!
Squall: Big words for one so small!
Link: HEY!
Squall: Sorry….
(they run out of the garden, down another hallway with "Dining halls" on it, but then are confronted by Vincent)
Cloud: VINCENT!
Vincent: Oh, you're here.
Cloud: Am I glad to see you!
Vincent: Great. I've got a slight problem though.
(While all this is happening, Squall and Link are looking completely bemused)
Cloud: What?
Vincent: Red's here.
Cloud: What's the problem?
Vincent: He's with this really annoying kid. He makes me go insane and turn into Chaos.
Cloud: That's not to good. Where are they?
Vincent: A few corridors down from the stadium.
Cloud: Ok, we'll go back from them, you try and find the other prisoners, they are obviously herding fighters for some competition.
Vincent: Right, and PLEASE can you lock that kid in a cupboard or something…before I rip his head off.
Cloud: ok, you just go find the other prisoners.
Vincent: Ok, see ya.
Cloud: Right. Ok, you guys, back to the prison.
Link+Squall: great….
(They all walk back the way they came…. We now see two prisoners, the same two who got taken away earlier, locked in a cell)
James: You are so lucky I had my wallet with me, Ad.
Ad: Aww….it was so sweet you saving me with money…
James: I DIDN'T DO IT FOR YOU!
Ad: C'mon, James, I know you actually don't hate me.
James: No, you are wrong. I really DO hate you.
Ad: Aw, c'mon, say what you really fee…(Gets punched by James, and falls over, knocked out)
James: Fucking idiot…
(James hears a banging at the door)
James: What the…MONKEY!
(he sees mrmonkeyman at the gate to the cell)
James: Freedom! FREEDOM!
(Mrmonkeyman gets thrown in there with them)
Mrmonkeyman: I got found….
James: Ah well. No way out now.
Mrmonkeyman: Yeah…bugger.
(The door gets smashed off the hinges, and through the door steps Kilt Man)
Kilt Man: Haha! It is I, Kilt Man!
James+Monkey: Kilt man?
(We get to see, now, another Stadium, with another commentator, and another crowd)
Commentator: Welcome to this deathmatch, brought to you by the B.L.D Network! Today is a special battle, because no mind control has been used to make these two specimens fight! It's two special secret agents, Solid Snake, a gritty American, who exiled himself to Alaska for a life of solitude till he was called back to work! He is now in top condition! Sadly, we do not have any info on the other agent, all we know is he's an agent! And now they are squaring off! Down to the fight we go, the set up is around a small bar, to make it all the more realistic!
Snake: What the…Campbell said I'd have to fight, not get pissed. Ok, this is the guy I'm looking for (Looks at a picture) There he is.
(Snake walks over and points a gun at the man's head)
Snake: Time to die Mr.….
Man:( Stands up) Bond…James Bond. (Elbows snake in the stomach, and draws his gun. Both of them hold a gun to their opponent's head.
Snake: Nice moves.
Bond: So who are you?
Snake: Your worse nightmare…
(They both stand, guns to eachother's heads)
Commentator: This is gonna be HUGE!
Bond: It's either now or never…
Snake: Yeah…
(Both stand for a minute with the guns to the heads…Until bond punches Snake in the face, runs, shoots a few shots and ducks behind the bar, one shot hits Snake in the arm)
Snake: DAMN!
(Snake pulls out his FAMAS and fires a few hundred shots into the bar. Bond leaps out, and fires his watch laser, scarring Snake's hand. Snake is obviously pissed off, and fires a few more shots at bond, who runs across the room. Bond leaps again, and shoots at Snake again. Snake empties his clip at Bond, but he dodges. Snake stops, curses, and throws away his FAMAS. He draws his handgun and they both begin to dodge and shoot across the whole room. Then, the scene changes completely, to a warehouse. Both of them look confused)
Snake: What the fu…
Bond: Something is amiss here.
Snake: Who gives a crap, you shot me the arm!
Commentator: OH! And the operator has decided that they are going to have a change of scene!
(Snake shoots at Bond again, Bond dodges and shoots some back at Snake. They continue to dodge and shoot until they both jump at eachother, grab eachother's arms and spin, shooting. They land on the floor, guns to eachother's heads.)
Bond: You're empty.
Snake: So are you.
(They stare at eachother for a second. They then both jump back. Bond throws his gun away. Snake thinks about it and throws his at Bond, knocking him down)
Snake: Never trust movies to have a good effect on people
(He walks over to bond, and draws his PSG-1 Sniper rifle.)
Bond: You expect me to give up?
Snake: No Mr.Bond, I expect you to cry!
Bond: No, I insist, you cry.
(Bond kicks him in the nuts, making him drop the rifle and whimper. Snake looks really annoyed, and they begin to fist fight. Snake hits harder, and he begins to strangle Bond. Bond sticks his tongue out, and snake has no idea what he's doing, until he licks his watch's laser switch, burning Snake across the face. Snake punches Bond, and they both keep fighting. )
Commentator: This is a great fight!
(They continue to fight until Bond notices something)
Bond: Wait!
Snake: Oh no, don't take me for a fool.
Bond No, look!
Snake: Ah, shuttup (he punches bond, flooring him)
(Bond fires his laser into the top corner of the room. It fizzles and cracks, and shows them the crowd and the commentary box.)
Snake: You mean?
Bond: We've both…
Snake: Had for fools…
Bond: Look, over there. An exit.
Snake: They didn't expect us to notice it…They expected us to die.
Bond: Sorry about the nut shot.
Snake: It's ok, I'll live.
(They both walk out of the arena)
Commentator: Um…Er…Don't panic everyone! That was meant to happen! Hehe…(Picks up his radio) Security To stadium 3!
(We now get to see Cloud, Link and Squall back in the prison complex. They find the cells with Red XIII and Ash in them.
Cloud: Red!
Red XIII: Make him stop! Please make him stop! (He covers his ears with his paws)
Ash: (Presses a button on his pokedex, and it says Charizard) WOW! A Charizard! I want one of those so badly, I would give anything for one of those, wouldn't you Red?
Red XIII: DO SOMETHING CLOUD!
(Cloud walks into the room, and punches Ash In the face, knocking him out. Pikachu looks pissed off and electrocutes him. Cloud looks unimpressed)
Cloud: And that was meant to hurt?
Pikachu: Pika…(Bugger)
(Cloud puts Pikachu in ash's back and ties it shut.)
Pikachu: PIKAPIIIIIKACHU! (What the fuck, stop it. HEY!)
(Cloud shakes the bag)
Pikachu: Pi…kA…Chu…(Ow! Ow! Ow! )
Cloud: There ya go.
(Red, Cloud, Link and Squall walk off, leaving the bag and Ash in the cell…)
(We now get to see the Dark Man sitting down…He laughs quietly…He draws a 2 foot sword, and slashes clean through a wall, making a chunk fall off)
Dark Man: Soon, soon I shall show these fools my true intentions…
PART 5: The Great Esacpe
(We see Kilt Man, mrmonkeyman, James and Ad running down another hallway)
Kilt Man: I'd use my super hagis powers, but I am low on power after smashing down that door.
Mrmonkeyman: Ah don't worry, I'm mrmonkeyman, primate of steel! (Hits his chest, we hear a clang)
James: You're a superhero? I'd never of guessed…
Mrmonkeyman: You'd be surprised what's under my furry body
James: Please don't show me.
(Suddenly, Sir Maxium smashes through the wall)
Max: SPANK THE FURRY METAL MONKEY!
Mrmonkeyman: I'll handle this.
(He draws a large tranquilizer and throws it in Max)
Max: CCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!NNNNYAAAA!!!!!! (He smashes through another wall)
James: What was that filled with?
Mrmonkeyman: Coffee
James: Fucking idiot…
(We now see Cloud, Squall, Link and Red XIII surrounded by soldiers and one huge mech.)
Soldier: Freeze!
Cloud: No, you! (Cloud casts ICE 3 on all of the soldiers)
Link: That was an obvious joke…
Cloud: Oh crap, heads up!
(They all dodge out the way as the mech smashes the floor, causing a huge dent)
Red: This is really not good.
(The mech smashes Cloud in the stomach, sending him flying. It walks over to him and keeps hitting him)
Squall: RENZOKUKEN!
(Squall slices into the back of the mech, causing it to malfunction and start walking backwards)
Squall: Great, now we have a moonwalking mech. If he starts imitating Michael Jackson's personality, we better hide that annoying kid.
(The mech keeps walking, and then blows up)
Link: Let's go!
Cloud: Yeah (He falls over, clutching his ribs) Just gimme a second…
Vincent: Hey Cloud!
Cloud: Hey (continues to clutch his ribs)
Vincent: I got the rest of the prisoners out, and met two others on the way: Ryu and Chun-Li.
Ryu: Hey
Chun-li: Greetings.
Vincent: This is Joanna dark, a spy (he points to a female in futuristic clothing, she waves) Ken Masters (Points to a man in red clothing) Jin Kazama, a martial arts fighter, and some old friends….
Squall: What the…Rinoa! Zell!
Cloud: Barret!
Barret: Hey! It's the spiky headed fool!
Rinoa: I'm so happy you're ok…(hugs Squall)
Zell: Me too, but I think I'll give the hugging a miss
Barret: Come 'ere man! (Bear hugs Cloud)
Cloud: Ah! My damn ribs…
Barret: I pity the poor fool who has broken ribs…
(The last prisoners, Snake and Bond, are running away from some guards)
Snake: Damn!
Bond: This is very bad (fires a few shots behind him)
(Suddenly, the guards stop, turn, and shoot, but are killed instantly by something)
Bond: What? Who's there!
Dark Man: (laughs deeply) Fools…
Snake: Oh crap…I don't know what it is, but it's big, and it has a sword.
Bond: Don't you? Oh, you mean the weapon…
Snake: Ah, shaddap.
Dark Man: Time to die, fools. ( He draws the sword from earlier)
Bond: This is it!
(They both close their eyes, when something smashes through the wall)
Max: SPOONS!
Bond: I think this would be a good time to run.
Snake: Yeah
(They both leg it)
Dark Man: What?
Max: SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS! (He licks the Dark Man in the face) MEOW!
(He runs off)
Dark Man: That was disturbing…
(The new group of escapees, lead by Cloud, are running along, when they stop and notice something)
Cloud: Is it me, or is the corridor behind us getting smaller?
(he turns to see that they are being sectioned off by falling doors)
Cloud: RUN!
Squall: Haste!
(He speeds everyone's movement up, and they get away from the falling doors. A voice comes over the speakers)
8f Man: Greetings…I am…the one who brought you here.
Zell: Get bent!
Barret: I'm gonna kill ya, 'cause I'm one hellavatuff! Fool!
Ken: If you're so powerful, come down here and fight us!
8f Man: I insist, you come to the banqueting hall, it's just down this hall. Lots of food for all of you who haven't eat for a few days!
Zell: Alright! Chow down!
Cloud: No! Stop! It's obviously a…
(everyone has run away except for him, Red, and Link)
Cloud: Trap.
(Back in the prison cell, we see Ash Ketchum has been found by guards)
Ash: No, officers! I promise, it was the others who killed your friends!
Guard: Yeah, right. I'm gonna kick your puny ass!
Ash: Pikachu! Thunder!
Pikachu: PIKACHU!
(The guards get knocked out)
Ash: C'mon Pikachu, lets go.
Pikachu: Pikach…u. (what a surprise)
(Back with Mrmonkeyman, James and Ad, they have found a way out, and are watching a match between two fighters)
Commentator: Today we have the god of fighting, Ogre, versus Akuma, the most evil fighter in known space! Lets watch them slug it out!
(Akuma sends a fire bolt at Ogre, but ogre jumps away, and kicks him in the face. Akuma goes on fighting, and spins his legs in the air, smacking Ogre to the ground. He makes another fireball appear, causing a huge burn across Ogre. He's about to finish it, when suddenly)
Commentator: What the? Who's this? A dark cloaked man?
(The man slices them both clean in two, then disappears.)
Commentator: Something's wrong here, Erm…MEDIC!
Mrmonkeyman: Oh shit…is that who I thought it was?
James: Yep.
Ad: Great…first max, no w this. Bloody brilliant.
Mrmonkeyman: Let's go, we have a job to do…
(We now see the banqueting hall, everyone is stuffing their faces with food)
Zell: I knew this wouldn't be that bad!
Cloud: It's a trap…
Squall: Lighten up Cloud! Its food!
Cloud: I dunno…
(Suddenly, on the large podium, the 8f Man walks up.)
8f Man: hello. I am the most powerful being in the known universe. I brought you here for entertainment. You broke out. Naughty prisoners. Well. I have a present, you shall be the first people to see who I am! (he begins to lift the shroud off) I am…
Barret: Eat this sucka! (he punches the 8 foot man in the face, knocking off his head, which is really just a skull)
Skull: OW! Hey! Oh erm, er, I am MURRAY! THE DEMONIC SKELETAL HEAD!
Barret: No, you're a fool. I pity the poor fool.
Murray: Haha! I am no fool! You are all the fools! For you have made a terrible enemy: MURRAY! SKULL OF DOOM!
Link: right.
Squall: What terrible things are you going to do to us?
Murray: Well…erm…uh…Bite you! Yes! Give you a really nasty bruise!
Link: How are you going to get near us.
Murray: I shall roll!
Squall: How are you going to make yourself roll you can only move your mouth.
Murray: That's a very good point. Maybe if I move my mouth lots like this (he starts jabbering and falls of the podium) Ouch!
Cloud: You'd make a very good doorstop.
Murray: Oh just shut up.
(Cloud picks him up and throws him, but the skull is impaled on a huge sword)
Cloud: Oh shit…it's…
PART 6: Alliance of Evil
Cloud...Sephiroth
Sephiroth: Well done. At least you have the decency to remember my name.
Cloud: You bastard.
Murray: Please, Sephiroth, can you at least remove me from your sword?
Sephiroth: Oh, right. (Throws Murray into a wall)
Murray: Ouch! Watch the hands!
(Everyone looks confused)
Murray: Erm…head!
(Everyone turns their attention back to Sephiroth)
Murray: What's wrong with you? Kill them!
Sephiroth: With pleasure…
(He swings his Murasame, and slices Jin clean in two)
Sephiroth: Now, who next?
(Max smashes through the wall)
Sephiroth: Not you again…
Max: WICKYWICKYWA! GETJIGGYWITHIT! (Grabs Sephiroth by the arms, and dances with him)
Sephiroth: Grrr…. (Makes a swipe at Max)
Max: OOOOH GETTING FFFFFFFFFFFRISKY! SPANK THE GRAY HAIRED MONKEY!
Sephiroth: (Smashes max in the stomach) Haha…
Max: AAAAAAAAHHHHHSPOONS! (Goes through a wall)
Sephiroth: And now…to put the rest of my plan into motion. Shall we?
(Out of nowhere, a dark woman appears, and cackles)
Dark Woman: Yes…Let us begin.
(The whole crowd of heroes is just standing there, dumbfounded by the sudden appearance of…)
Squall: ULTIMECIA!
Ultimecia (Dark woman): Oh, kurses…not a SeeD…
Zell: Hey, don't forget little old me!
Ultimecia: Who kares! There is nothing you can do…not any of you! (Begins to cast a spell)
(Suddenly, Bond and Snake run it)
Snake: Damn!
Bond: What the…
Ultimecia: Hahaha…more fodder, for my…pets…
(She summons the Omega Weapon through a portal)
Ultimecia: hahahha…time to die!
Bond: Wait! Surely you are going to detail us our plan before you kill us!
Sephiroth: No…what makes you think we should?
Bond: Damn…I mean…. Nothing!
Ultimecia: Fools…all of you are fools! You shall burn like the weaklings you all are…
(She summons a huge amount of creatures, who sit, ready to attack)
Sephiroth: Leave the spiky blond one…he's mine.
Cloud: Time to die, this time for good.
Sephiroth: Don't be so sure…
(They clash blades, and their heads are merely an inch away from eachother)
Sephiroth: I am going to rip you apart, both mentally and physically.
(Cloud makes an attempt to punch Sephiroth, but Sephiroth merely catches the punch, and crushes Cloud's fist. Sephiroth turns and kicks him into a wall)
Sephiroth: Now is the time you finally face the final curtain.
(Cloud is obviously unprepared, but he gets up and powers up a spell)
Cloud; ULTIMA!
(Sephiroth is hit, and rolls backwards. He gets up and laughs)
Sephiroth: Did I forget to mention? I'm about twice as powerful now, thanks to Ultimecia's powers…
Cloud: Grrr…
Sephiroth: And it looks like your powers are gone…
(He runs over, and slashes Cloud in the stomach. Cloud screams, and tries to get up)
Sephiroth: Bad Cloud…
Squall: Cloud!
(Squall, Link, Red XIII and Ryu are fighting the omega weapon)
Squall: We've gotta help him!
(Squall manages to drive his sword through the Omega's first head, and Link lops off the second)
Link: Sephiroth will kill us!
Squall: We can do it, come on! Red, Ryu, fight the other monsters!
Ultimecia: Why Squall? It has been such a long time!
(She casts Maelstrom on him, sending him flying back. Link powers up the master sword, and clashes with Ultimecia. She deflects him back, and casts Firaga on him. He flips back and sends it back with a swipe from his sword. She is hit, and flies back. She turns to Squall, and begins to slice at him a shard of ice. He screams, then slices her back with the Lionheart. Once again she goes flying, but is able to get steadily back up.)
(Meanwhile, Cloud has regained his footing, and he and Sephiroth are sparring again. Sephiroth tries to make a cleave, but misses and Hits a wall. He is stuck, but knocks Cloud away with a fire 3. Cloud gets up and raises his Sword, Sephiroth is tired, and we see the blade coming down just over his head)
(Now, we see mrmonkeyman, James, and Ad looking around the beat up rooms and gardens)
Mrmonkeyman: Something major went down here.
James: Not max…it doesn't smell of fish.
(They hear a far off voice, shouting "Spoonyfish")
Ad: Max…
(They run into a room with a dazed Max in it. Kilt Man accompanies him)
Kilt Man: He's taken quite a knock.
James: Must've been attacked by Sephiroth.
Kilt Man: Who is this Sephiroth?
Mrmonkeyman: Looks like a girl.
Ad: A bit like James!
(James kicks him in the nuts)
Ad: Owww….
James: Max? Can ya here me Max?
Max: Is that you James?
James: Yeah, its me.
Max: Shit…I dunno what it is which made me go so mad…I just had this urge, and went insane.
Mrmonkeyman: Hi Max.
Max: Oh cr…AP…Kilt…. SPANKTHEHAIRYMONKEYMAN!
Mrmonkeyman: Gah! Run away!
(Max chases mrmonkeyman in a circle)
Mrmonkeyman: This'll definitely work! Throws a copy of "The various diseases a Monkey can give you if you spank it" Magazine.
Max: What the! Ew!
Mrmonkeyman: See! No reason to spank me now…
Max: Yeah. Sorry about that…waits a minute. What's this? (Looks in personals at back) For a good spanking doll, call Ad_B? SPANKTHESEXYADMAN!
Ad: Bollocks!
James; Haha, lol.
Mrmonkeyman: What?
James: I dunno.
Mrmonkeyman: This is bad though…Sephiroth is obviously going against the others now…what can we do? We need someone strong. We need someone righteous! We need someone…
James: Lardy?
Lardpig: HA HA! I am here!
Prodigy: And I am his faithful sidekick!
Lardpig: Eh?
Prodigy: Oh please…
Lardpig: Oh, alright.
Prodigy: Great!
Lardpig: And I brought someone else as well…
LagunaLoire: Hiya!
Lardpig: Great, who else followed me?
Alexthedragonmaster: Hi.
Lardpig: Why you Alex?
Alexthedragonmaster: Well, the monkey gave me the address.
Lardpig: This is about a billion miles from Earth.
Alexthedragonmaster: Really? I just took a bus.
Lardpig: Ok, anyone else?
TheReal_GB: Me.
(Mrmonkeyman notices Kilt Man is gone)
Mrmonkeyman: Erm, guys, where's Kilt Man?
TheReal_GB: I am here! I mean...er…I dunno.
(Everyone looks at him)
TheReal_GB: AHHHHH! (Runs away)
Alexthedragonmaster: That was weird.
Britney Spears: I came with to!
Mrmonkeyman: Can I show you something Britney?
Britney: What?
Mrmonkeyman: It's in the wedding suite in the hotel topside, come with me, I'll show you!
Britney: Ok!
(They walk off)
James: Bastard.
Lardpig: Lucky.
Alexthedragonmaster: Jammy.
Prodigy: Fast
Ad: BASTARD!
Max: mwahhahaha…SPANKINGS!
(Back in the banqueting hall, Cloud misses Sephiroth's head. He darts back and takes a swipe at Cloud, slicing him in the arm. Cloud squirms, but manages to dodge the next rally of swipes He moves forward, deflecting most smashes, but is hit backwards by a huge bolt of Lightning from Ultimecia)
Ultimecia: Now Sephiroth!
(Sephiroth punches Cloud across the face. Cloud turns back, and looks horrified as Sephiroth impales him on the Murasame. He tries to fight off, but is too weak…He slumps down the sword, bleeding. He is flung into a wall.)
Squall, Red, Link and Vincent: CLOUD!
Cloud: S…or…r…y
(He falls down, dead.)
PART 7: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN
(Sephiroth stands over Cloud, with a broad smile on his face. Squall stands, startled. Sephiroth wipes the blood of his Murasame, and turns to Squall)
Sephiroth: Weak, wasn't he?
Squall: Grrr…RENZOKUKEN!
(He makes a volley of super fast smashes at Sephiroth. Sephiroth is hit by a few, but manages to rebound one back, send Squall flying. He is knocked out, and Ryu and Vincent jump in. Vincent roars and turns into Chaos, and Ryu powers up a fireball)
Ryu: How…
(Vincent makes many swipes at Sephiroth. Sephiroth tries to dodge them, but he is slashed across the face. He loses his smug grin, and punches Vincent straight in the face. This sends him flying, but not beaten. Ryu hits Sephiroth with the hadoken, but Sephiroth merely shrugs it off. He is knocked down by Vincent, who takes out his gun and shoots him straight in the chest three times. Sephiroth is hurt, and jumps back next to Ultimecia.
Sephiroth: I'm afraid that this little tussle is getting a little boring. We must away. Ultimecia!
(She calls her monsters back into another portal)
Ultimecia: Hahaha! Goodbye, you fools!
(They disappear through the portal)
(Squall gets up, and runs over to Cloud.)
Squall: Get up Cloud. Get the hell up! We need you!
(Cloud isn't breathing)
Rinoa: He's dead Squall. Leave him.
Squall: DAMN! (He lets a tear run down his face.)
(Red XIII, Barret and Vincent walk up next to Cloud)
Vincent: You tried. I know you didn't die in vain. (He lets go a smile)
Barret: I…pity the poor fool. That damn Sephiroth. Planet wreckin' piece a crap! (He punches the ground)
Red XIII: I wish there was something I could've done. Sorry Cloud. (He sits down, and lets out a long, sad howl…)
(We now see mrmonkeyman stumbling out of the wedding suite with Britney Spears)
Mrmonkeyman: Wahey!
(Ad, James, max, Lardpig, prodigy and LagunaLoire walk up to him)
Ad: So you…
Mrmonkeyman: Yep. And got completely ratarsed as well! Wahey1
Prodigy: And you…
Mrmonkeyman: That to.
(Alexthedragonmaster walks up)
Alexthedragonmaster: And?
Mrmonkeyman: Yeah.
Britney: It was fun!
Mrmonkeyman: That's nice, go back to the bedroom, darling.
Britney: Righ…
(She stumbles off)
James: We've got a problem. Sephiroth.
Mrmonkeyman: Great…what did he do?
James: We dunno. He's just here.
Ad: He already knew that.
James: Shut up!
Ad: We better find Cloud and the others quickly.
Lardpig: I shall use my lardovision™ to find them!
(He sticks his fingers into his eyes)
Lardpig: Found 'em. This way!
Kilt Man: Stop, Lardpig!
Lardpig: Oh no, my arch nemesis, Kilt Man!
Kilt Man: You shall never defeat me, Lard swine!
Lardpig: Grr…I hate it when people call me that.
Mrmonkeyman: So, which way is it?
Lardpig: South.
Mrmonkeyman: Oh great, thanks!
(All walk off apart from Lardpig and Kilt Man. Who keep fighting)
Lardpig: Supospamolardray™!
(A large piece of lard hits Kilt Man)
Kilt Man: Gah! Hagis attack!
(A huge sheep's stomach flies at Lardpig)
Lardpig: There's only one thing that can defeat him! My…spamilydingdongwashboardlardylardysupohighgradefreerangeeggsduraniumsamingothelargefurrycactimanlopasthedogunibeamcheesefanglingarseybitchnewsproipitythepoorfooldidlydongdishwasherspoonybardignoramoussuperfluousmonkeypiedrainingcowfightinghamsterwarhedgesurigellarsarahmichellgellargangbangingslardysupersonicray™!
Kilt Man: NO! Not the spamilydingdongwashboardlardylardysupohighgradefreerangeeggsduraniumsamingothelargefurrycactimanlopasthedogunibeamcheesefanglingarseybitchnewsproipitythepoorfooldidlydongdishwasherspoonybardignoramoussuperfluousmonkeypiedrainingcowfightinghamsterwarhedgesurigellarsarahmichellgellargangbangingslardysupersonicray™!
Lardpig: Yes that's right, my
Spamilydingdongwashboardlardylardysupohighgradefreerangeeggsduraniumsamingothelargefurrycactimanlopasthedogunibeamcheesefanglingarseybitchnewsproipitythepoorfooldidlydongdishwasherspoonybardignoramoussuperfluousmonkeypiedrainingcowfightinghamsterwarhedgesurigellarsarahmichellgellargangbangingslardysupersonicray™!
FIRE!
(Kilt Man goes flying)
Lard Pig: I save the day again!
(The teams of fighters are sitting in one of the stadiums)
Squall: Cloud's gone.
Ryu: Yeah.
Snake: But we can't just give up, right?
Red XIII: Cloud wouldn't of given up.
Vincent: He'd of said, "everything's under control" in that cocky way he used to.
Squall: But we need to make another assault on Sephiroth. He needs to go down for this.
Mrmonkeyman: And I have a plan.
Squall: Who are you?
Mrmonkeyman: We're totalff.
Ad: We came here…well…we don't actually have a reason.
James: Just for then fun of it.
Prodigy: Or because we were bored.
Alexthedragonmaster: Yeah.
Mrmonkeyman: Ok, here's the plan.
(He details them the plan of how they will find Sephiroth, and beat him.)
Mrmonkeyman: Got it?
Everyone: YEAH!
(They track Sephiroth using Red XIII's sense Materia. They follow him into an old, decrepit stadium. Squall confronts him)
Sephiroth: Hello, fools. Want to die so fast?
Squall: I'm gonna rip your heart out through your mouth, Shithead.
Sephiroth: Oh shut up! (He sends a ball of energy towards squall, brushing him over.)
Sephiroth: Seeing as I am going to kill you all, I may as well show you my plan at work.
Ultimecia: Our plan.
Sephiroth: Weakling…
Ultimecia: What?
Sephiroth: I make alliances with no one.
Ultimecia: W…What? Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Fool (He grabs her by the neck) It's time MY plan began!
(He strangles her, maniacally laughing. He begins to drain her power)
Sephiroth: I shall take your power…your life force. I shall become a god!
Squall: NO!
(He runs to attack Sephiroth, but Sephiroth merely brushes him away with his hand)
Squall: No…No…NO!
(Sephiroth drains Ultimecia dry, leaving her as just a skeleton)
Sephiroth: mwahhahaha! You FOOLS! I SHALL TURN YOU DESTROY YOU ALL!
Red XIII: GRRRRRAAARGH! (He howls, and draws the power of Cosmo canyon, causing the Cosmo memory)
Sephiroth: HA! WEAK!
(Sephiroth's Murasame begins to melt, causing the metal to seep off. Squall runs at him, and Sephiroth swipes the sword at him, causing the searing metal to burn him, sending him tumbling. The sword is now pure red, orange and White energy.)
Sephiroth: YOU ARE NOTHING!
(Ryu tries to hadoken him, but is sliced across the chest, sending him flying)
Squall: I'm gonna rip you in two.
Sephiroth: DIE!
(Squall and Sephiroth clash, sending huge sparks flying everywhere. He quickly makes a portal appear, sending monsters in to fight the others. They continue to fight both equaling eachother in skill and strength. Squall makes a jab at Sephiroth's stomach, but Sephiroth's energy just bounces it away. Sephiroth grabs Squall by the neck)
Sephiroth: NOW! LOOK UPON YOU LEADERS STRENGTH!
(Squall kicks him, but is unable to stop Sephiroth as he slices him in the stomach. He throws him away. Rinoa cries in the distance and runs over.)
Squall: No….
(Sephiroth laughs, maniacally. Then a voice comes from behind him)
Sephiroth: What?
Voice: You…BASTARD!
(A huge sword penetrates through Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: No…this can't be!
Cloud: Believe it…asshole!
(He throws Sephiroth away.)
Cloud: Squall! Life 2!
(Squall doesn't get up)
Cloud: LIFE 2!
(Squall lies…dead.)
Cloud: SEPHIROTH!
Sephiroth: So the rat crawled BACK!
Cloud: You better believe it!
(He smashes Sephiroth in the back. Sephiroth get's caught on another sword)
Sephiroth: No! Who!
Tyrael: I am the archangel Tyrael. I must destroy you, or this universe shall suffer!
(Tyrael and Cloud Duel with Sephiroth, yet he still keeps alive. He slices through the wings of Tyrael and smacks Cloud away. He impales Tyrael)
Tyrael: How….the evil cannot win…
Sephiroth: I am more powerful then you could ever imagine holy fool.
(He throws down Tyrael, who disappears)
Cloud: NO!
Sephiroth: This time I shall finish the job.
Cloud: Grrrr…
(They fight brutally, ripping into eachother with unrivalled strength. Cloud makes a punch into Sephiroth's stomach. We hear a hideous crunch)
Cloud: The archangel gave me the strength to live, and the strength to make others die!
(He snaps Sephiroth's arm. Sephiroth cries out in pain, but then grabs Cloud by the neck)
Sephiroth: I really had you going there, didn't I? Mwahahahah! I shall make you suffer!
(He begins to squeeze.)
Cloud: Hahahaha…
Sephiroth: Masochist.
Cloud: Hahahha.
Sephiroth: What!
Cloud: Time…to die…
(He kicks Sephiroth in the stomach, loosening his grip, and he punches him in the face. He then sticks the Ultima Weapon straight into the stomach of Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: GAH! No!
(The monsters start to weaken, and die…)
Sephiroth: Attack them!
(They all die)
Sephiroth: No…You must pay!
Cloud: Now everyone!
(Everyone begins to power up what ever they use to fight. Bond and snake load and aim. Ryu and chun-li power up fireballs. Red, Vincent, Zell, Barret, and Rinoa all power up their magic. They fire at Sephiroth. He rises up)
Sephiroth: Hahaha…there is no…way…you…CAN…stop…me…. NOW…YoU…fOOlS…ha…HURGH! (A sword protrudes from his stomach)
Squall: Call this…retribution…you…Asshole…(He dies, holding the sword in)
Sephiroth: NO! (He explodes in a flash of energy, sending everyone flying)
(Cloud gets up, along with everyone else)
Cloud: Squall?
(Squall just looks up, smiles, and falls down, dead.)
Cloud: No…
Rinoa: Squall! Squall! Get up, get up!
Cloud: Leave him, Rinoa…
Rinoa: NO! (She kneels down next to him, crying) No…squall! Squall! Please!
(Mrmonkeyman, Ad and James walk in)
Mrmonkeyman: Oh shit…Cloud? How?
Cloud: Tyrael. He said that he was fighting for the glory of all worlds, after some guy called Deckard Cain died…
Ad: This is weak…
James: Yeah, well, apparently some guy's having a party up stairs. I'm going. How about you, Ad? Monkey?
Ad+Monkey: Yeah, ok.
Mrmonkeyman: Cloud?
Cloud: I think all of us need to rest. We'll join you later.
(Up at the party, Mrmonkeyman, Ad, James, TheReal_GB, and the rest of the gang are all drinking. Cloud and the rest of the fighters joined them as well.)
Cloud: This is nice…but I just cant help thinking…what if I wouldn't have been resurrected by Tyrael?
Bond: Don't think about that…
Snake: Yeah that's the spirit. Hey, James, look at that one over there (Snake points to a beautiful blonde woman) She's been looking at you all evening…
Bond: I better go and…
Snake: Yeah, we know.
(He walks off. Back with mrmonkeyman, Ad, James, and all the rest of totalff. )
James: Well, that turned out strange, but a lot better then it could've been.
Mrmonkeyman: Yeah.
Party guy: Hey, monkey, I've got some girls who'd like to meet you, Ad and James)
(He points over to three girls, Jennifer Anniston, Jenny Mcarthy, and Denise Richards, who wave back)
James: Woof Woof.
Ad: Meow Meow.
Mrmonkeyman: My thoughts exactly!
Sir Maxium: Really? I had a more pleasing idea…SPANK THE HAIRY MONKEY!
Mrmonkeyman: Oh shit.
THE END…
Credits:
Writer: Edward Zitron
Producer: Edward Zitron
Everything: Edward Zitron
Cast:
Cloud Strife
Squall Leonhart
Link
Britney Spears
Sephiroth
Mrmonkeyman
Ad B
James
Sir Maxium
Jin Kazama
Ryu
Chun-Li
Solid Snake
James Bond
And various other characters that I've missed.
Various beautiful women for "recreational" purposes.
Various underpaid stunt doubles.
Thanks a lot to Totalff for giving me the support and feedback I needed to keep doing this.
Special thanks to Ad B, James, TheReal_GB, Squall86, and all the posters at totalff.
Oh, and as for the annoying turd known as Ash Ketchum:
(We see a sign, which says "Bob and Joe's meat parlor")
Bob: Yeha! We have got ourselves a juicy one tonight!
Ash: No, please! (A large oversized teardrop appears next to his head)
Joe: YEEEEEHA! (He lowers Ash into a mincer)
Ash: No…. Pikachu! You turncoat!
(Pikachu is sitting next to Bob and Joe)
Pikachu: Pika pika (Ha ha!)
(We leave the place, and hear a splatting sound)
That's it! UGC is finished! Over, kablamo, done!