for the tornados, chaser 3 reserve, using 'you light up my life' by debby boone
thank you emiliya wolfe and the kawaii neko for betaing
991 words
He kept on stammering.
"Lily, I love you. You are the only thing in my life I love—no, that's not true. I love plenty of other things… But still, you are the love of my life. I love you and—"
"You sound stupid, mate."
James gave a start at the voice. He turned around to see Sirius leaning against the door frame of his small dressing room. It was the day of James' wedding, and the very last thing he wanted was for Sirius to tear him down. He loved his best man, but there was such a thing as being too blunt sometimes.
"What do you want?" he asked, sighing.
"You need a better speech than whatever it was you were saying," Sirius replied, turning his palms up at James. "This is your big day. You need something big, better than that."
"I don't know…" James took a deep breath and sat down on the couch to his right.
"You don't know?" Sirius asked, his face scrunching up. "You don't know about what?" His tone was incredulous as he sat down in the seat next to James.
"This," James said, slumping down into his seat. "The wedding, everything."
"Hey, hey, don't do that, you'll ruin the tuxedo!" Sirius replied hastily, pulling James back up. "Also—" Sirius gave James a hard slap across the face. James' hand immediately flew to his cheek, cradling it.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, his face contorting in pain. Sirius Black was quite the expert in slapping. "What was that for?"
"For all the hours of my life you have wasted gushing over Lily. And now you're not sure about marrying her? Come on."
James sighed. He looked around the dressing room the pair were in and straightened his bowtie. "I'm too nervous. I don't want to do this. I can't. Look, my hands are shaking." James held up a single, trembling hand for Sirius to see. "What am I supposed to say? I'm going to need say something."
For the first time since James had met him, Sirius was at a loss for words.
"I just don't know how to say it. I just…" James sighed again, looking at Sirius like a lost puppy.
"Try telling it to me?" Sirius suggested, his face brightening as he hit upon an idea.
"What, declared my love to you?"
Sirius laughed his bark-like laugh, and James cracked a tiny smile. "No, just tell me how much you love Lily."
"Lily, well, Lily's my everything. I don't know what I do without her." James' voice cracked and he could feel tears forming in his eyes. Why would he cry over this? It was just… It was just Lily.
Sirius nodded, looking pleased. "Okay, good. What else?"
"She lights up my life." James' arm took up a life of its own, almost like it was reaching for something that wasn't there. "She's the sole person that gives me enough strength to carry on, and if she wasn't with me—I just don't know what I'd do." Sirius watched his friend quietly, letting James ramble. "Ever since I was old enough to even sort of know what love was I knew—I knew—that without Lily, I'd just be lonely. Nothing would matter. And now she's mine and I've never felt so good, so right. I love her, and that's all I really know."
They were both quiet for a few seconds, before Sirius broke it by saying, "Well done, you didn't even stammer, for once!"
A blush ran across James' face. "How am I supposed to say that in front of her?"
"Er, imagine she's naked?"
James moved his hand over above his crotch. "No!"
"Sorry, mate," Sirius said, laughing. "That's what they always say, though, no? Imagine the person naked? Besides if you're a good husband, you'll see her naked enough."
"Sirius, please." James closed his eyes. "I honestly don't think I can do this. I can't."
"Hey, you just said it yourself, she's the light of your life. You can do this." When James didn't reply, he added, "Do you need me to get Moony?"
"How'd you do it with him?" James asked, his eyes flying open.
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, confusion running over his face.
"How'd you tell Moony you loved him?"
Sirius squinted at James. "Well, I just told him how I was feeling," he answered with a shrug.
"You have feelings?" James teased, sticking a tongue out.
"Yes, I do," he shot James a glare. "But, yeah, I just, sorta poured my heart out to him."
"You make it sound easy." James gave out yet another sigh and leaned back. He couldn't imagine Sirius pouring his heart out to anyone, even if it was Remus. Sirius scowled, as if reading his thoughts.
"It should be easy. You love her, right?" James nodded slowly. "So why can't you just tell her how you feel?"
"Because," James whispered in a small voice. Sirius waited, but James didn't continue.
"Yes…?"
"Because what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she lights up my life but I don't light up hers?"
Sirius' face dropped. He was silent for three seconds, before dropping down to the floor and laughing. He laughed for about a minute straight while James sat and stared at him. Didn't he realize how big James' concern was?
"Sorry, sorry," Sirius said, wiping a tear—an actual tear—from his eye. "But you think you don't light up Lily's life? Take it from me, I've spent a lot of time next to you two. She loves you. I promise."
James let out a nervous chuckle. "You sure?"
"I'm sure." Sirius got up and extended a hand for James to take. "This is your chance to say to her, 'hey, I love you'. Don't blow it. You'll be fine. Just say what you feel. Now then, we have—" Sirius checked his watch. "—fifteen minutes. Let's talk about this outfit, because, well…"