Title: Just Enough
Rating: PG-13, at worst
Category: M/S romance
Spoilers: Up to early season 3. If you know anything at all about Sam
and Martin's developing relationship, you should be fine.
Summary: Slightly angst-y fluff. A chance encounter in a sunny park
leads to questions about the choices Samantha has made.

Disclaimer: Martin, Sam, Danny, Viv, Jack and Maria are not mine and
I'm making no profit from borrowing them for a little while.

Author's note: Down here in Australia, we're a bit behind in our WAT episodes. When this was written, we hadn't even finished Season Two, let alone started Season 3. So everything I knew about the events of the new season comes from episode descriptions and mailing list discussions.

Feedback greatly appreciated.

-

JACK

A headache pounded behind Jack Malone's eyes. The day was bright and
clear, but the sunshine only made the pain worse. It felt like a
tribe of little pygmies thumping bongo drums had taken up residence
in his skull. Viv sat quietly beside him, eating a muffin, and he
couldn't bring himself to look at her.

God, what a mess.

'Viv - ' he began.

'Forget it, Jack.' She crumpled up the paper bag her breakfast had
come in, and tucked it neatly into her handbag. 'They gave me a
choice, you know. Stay with Missing Persons with a demotion back to
my old status, or move to Colorado to keep the promotion.'

He took a deep breath and looked at her. 'Why did you stay?'

She took a bite of muffin, chewed slowly, swallowed. 'I like it here.
Reggie's settled. He didn't want to move to Colorado, and neither did
I. The promotion wasn't that important to me.'

He said nothing. He didn't have enough energy for Vivian's problems
as well as his own, anyway. Everything was so confused. Maria and the
girls in Chicago. Divorce papers signed. Lawyers and custody battles
and Samantha Spade's name soon to be dragged through the mud if he
fought for joint custody of his daughters.

Samantha.

Two years ago, she had walked away from him when she realised that
his marriage was not, as he had always told her, irrevocably over.
Watching her go - letting her go - had been the hardest thing he
had ever done. Now he was free, really free, and he didn't know quite
what to do.

Because, of course, Maria had never been the only obstacle to loving
Samantha. There was the job, too. And the age difference. And the
insidious, sneaking suspicion that she wanted something that he
simply couldn't give.

'Jack?'

He flinched at the curiousity in Viv's voice. 'Sorry. Just thinking.'

'Why do I get the impression it's not about the job?'

Jack rubbed his temples. It was never any good trying to hide
anything from Viv. 'Probably because it's not.'

She patted his arm, awkwardly. 'I can't imagine what it would be like
to be fighting for custody of Reggie. If there's anything I can do - '

He shook his head before considering how much that would hurt. 'I
don't think there's anything anyone can do. Even if I get joint
custody, the girls will still have to spend the bulk of their time in
Chicago with Maria.' And he couldn't follow them there. He could have
done it to keep his family intact, but he couldn't - wouldn't -
crawl after Maria begging for scraps of his daughters' time.

'We're worried about you, Jack,' Viv said, gently.

He looked away from her, out across the sunlit park where joggers and
children basked in the fresh peacefulness so uncommon in a big city.
He didn't want her pity. Didn't want anyone's - with one possible
exception. 'Is that why you brought me here? To pat me on the head
and tell me every cloud has a silver lining?'

She sighed. ' No, I brought you here because you don't look like
you've done anything but work for the past three weeks. You could use
a little sunshine.'

He didn't need her to mother him, and maybe he would have told her so
if he hadn't suddenly recognised one of the joggers. Samantha. He
could only catch glimpses of her through the trees, but that was all
it took. A flash of golden hair. The sweet curve of her cheek.
Familiar limbs encased, unfamiliarly, in sweats. She seemed to be
with someone, talking to someone, but he couldn't see who.

Suddenly, he knew exactly what he wanted to do about his new found
freedom, and heaven help the man who stood in his way. He took a deep
breath, and dragged his gaze away, because it certainly wouldn't do
for Vivian to guess what he had been thinking if she too spotted the
younger agent.

'Isn't that Martin?' she said, suddenly.

Jack blinked. No, he wanted to say. It's Samantha. What are you
talking about? They couldn't possibly both be running around the
same park on the same morning at the same time.

Then Samantha emerged from the trees onto an open stretch of track
and he saw her companion, properly, for the first time.

'That is Martin,' Viv was saying, 'and isn't that Sam with him?'

Jack forced himself to nod. Samantha was laughing at something,
glancing up at Martin and gesturing. She looked happy and animated
and sweaty and he couldn't ever remember seeing her so relaxed. So
casual.

Martin grinned, damn him, and dropped back to a walk. Samantha
laughed again and walked beside him, talking. Jack could hear the
sound of her voice, but he couldn't make out the words however hard
he strained. And, with Vivian perched right beside him, he could
hardly try to creep closer so he could listen better.

'I wonder if Danny's here somewhere, too,' Viv said.

Jack stared at her. 'Why the hell would Danny be here?'

Vivian shrugged. 'We're here. Sam and Martin are here. Why not?' She
stood up, stretching a little, and Jack snapped at her before he
could stop himself.

'Where are you going?'

She paused mid-stride and looked at him as though he had decided to
dye his hair purple. 'I'm going down to say hello,' she said. 'Are
you coming?'

Relief pumped through him. If Viv hadn't seen it, hadn't seen the
casual intimacy that seemed so obvious to him, then maybe he was
imagining it. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, trying to
convince him that Samantha would inevitably prefer young Martin to
middle-aged Jack. 'We may as well,' he said, and stood.

Then he froze.

Over Vivian's shoulder, he had a clear view down the slope to where
Samantha and Martin walked together - far clearer than he wanted. Gut
twisting in time with the pounding in his head, he watched as Martin
grabbed Samantha's arm and playfully spun her around. Backed her
against a tree while she laughed up at him.

Bent his head and kissed her.

Vivian spotted his distraction and turned around before he could stop
her. She turned back to him, eyebrows raised. 'Maybe we shouldn't go
say hello, after all.'

Perfectly composed, she sat back down on the bench. 'Jack?'

He tore his eyes away and sat down beside her. He didn't need to
watch to see the simple intimacy in that kiss, the easy way Sam's
arms slipped up around Martin's neck. He risked a glance down the
hill, and they were walking again, heading side-by-side towards an
ice-cream stand. He swallowed hard.

'What the hell am I going to do about that?'

Vivian raised her eyebrows at him. 'Absolutely nothing?'

'Affairs between co-workers - ' He stopped midsentence. He could
hardly continue down that path without landing himself in a huge
pile of hypocrisy. Vivian looked at him steadily, and said
nothing. 'Damn it, Viv, you know as well as I do - '

'I know that what single, consenting adults do in their off-duty
hours is none of our business, Jack. And you know that, too.'

He did know it, unfortunately. The Bureau considered affairs between
superior and subordinate unacceptable but, if discretion was
practiced and working hours respected, had little desire or
jurisdiction to censure relationships between equals.

Viv pressed her advantage. 'She's happy, Jack. Let her just be
happy.'

It was, probably, the closest she would dare come to saying 'I know
you want her back, but you can't have her'. It was certainly close
enough to sting.

'One thing you learn about being in charge, Viv, is that
the "happiness" of one agent can compromise an entire investigation.'

She said absolutely nothing, again, just looked down the slope so
pointedly that his gaze drifted there without his permission.
Chocolate ice-creams. He'd never had a chance to jog with her and eat
chocolate ice-creams on a warm spring morning. Never wiped a melting
trickle from the side of her cone and made a joke that made her
chuckle. He'd had his family to think of, after all. And his job.

His head ached, his stomach clenched, and all he could think was
It's not fair, not fair, not fair.

As though she sensed his gaze, Samantha looked up. For a moment, his
eyes locked with hers, and an odd expression crossed her face. Then
it vanished and, before he could look away, the two of them were
walking together up the slope, relaxed and calm.

Vivian touched his arm. 'Be nice, Jack,' she muttered, and he
wondered why she was so accepting of Martin when she had been so
quietly condemning of him for doing the same thing, wanting the same
woman.

Martin stopped a few feet away, hand sticky with ice-cream, and gave
a polite smile. He knows, Jack thought, startled. He knows about me
and Samantha. The younger man's eyes were guarded, but there was no
fear in his stance. No submission. He stood there beside her, tall
and alert.

'Hey,' he said. 'This weather seems to be bringing everyone out.' He
made no excuse, no stammered explanation as to why the two of them
were in the park that morning, eating ice-creams and kissing in the
sunlight.

Jack slid his hands into his pockets before they clenched into
visible fists. 'That's a nutritious breakfast, Agent Fitzgerald.'

Samantha took a bite of her cone, crunching delicately. 'It's ten
a.m., Jack. Breakfast was hours ago.'

Martin smiled politely. Again.

Vivian stood up. 'You know, those look mighty good. I think I might
head home, drag Reggie out of bed, and take him out for ice-cream. We
used to do that a lot when he was little - it's been too long.'

Jack sat silently while Sam and Martin said their goodbyes. He had
nothing to say. All he could see, all he could think of, was the
young couple standing calmly in front of him. No excuses. No
explanations. No effort to pretend they hadn't been together all
morning.

No attempt to shove the fact in his face.

It seemed wrong that Samantha looked so happy, standing there with
Martin, as though he, Jack, no longer mattered to her at all. Unable
to stand it any longer, he jerked to his feet. 'I'll see you Monday
morning,' he said, and strode away without another word.

-

SAMANTHA

It felt good to be jogging, with the sun warming her hair and the
breeze cooling her face. Normally, she preferred to exercise alone,
but Martin was a good companion. She'd gone jogging with Danny once,
to clear her head after an all-nighter, and he'd done nothing but
chat non-stop. Martin talked occasionally, but just enough to make
things interesting. Unlike Danny, Martin knew when to talk and when
to be quiet.

Martin.

It bothered her, a little, how much she seemed to be thinking about
him lately. When she was with him. When she wasn't. Since her
impulsive invitation two months ago - and maybe even before that -
she had started noticing a lot of things about Martin.

He could cook cajun chicken surprisingly well, but always burnt
toast. Most Saturday mornings, he babysat Ava so that Jamie and her
husband could have a couple of hours 'grown up time'. He loved
MASH, and had the complete series on DVD, so that he could watch
his favourite episodes to unwind after a stressful day. He was
interested in philosophy, and had a whole shelf of books about
Aristotle and Kant and epistemology and metaphysics which she was
going to have to try to read some day, to figure out what the appeal
was.

He looked at her with faith and hope and longing showing strong in
his eyes.

That was a little disturbing, because she frankly didn't know if she
had it in her to give him what he seemed to want. But he was wise
enough - or cautious enough - not to push the matter, and she was
mostly content to let this thing between them unfold at its own pace
without worrying that she was losing control.

'Let's get ice-creams,' she said, impulsively.

Martin looked across at her, grinning. 'Doesn't that kinda defeat the
purpose of jogging?'

She chuckled, delighting in the sunshine and the breeze and the
gentle amusement on his face. 'Ice-cream has milk in it. You haven't
had any dairy products this morning, have you?'

He slowed back to a walk. 'I had milk in my coffee.'

She snorted, matching her pace to his. 'One splash of milk hardly
counts.'

'Two splashes.'

'Prove it.'

He caught her arm, swung her smoothly and gently around so that her
back was to a tree. She read his intention in his eyes, and tilted
her head up to him as he kissed her. She tasted coffee and
toothpaste, and found herself smiling again as he pulled back and
looked at her.

'Definitely only one splash,' she told him.

He shook his head, smiling. 'Okay. You win. Chocolate?'

'Is there any other kind?'

They walked together across the springy grass, and she felt an odd
sense of contentment. She'd been feeling that a lot lately, which
surprised her. With Jack not going to Chicago, she'd expected
more...confusion. Soul-searching, even. But she spent more time
wondering why she wasn't worrying than actually worrying, which was
frankly quite bizarre.

They bought chocolate ice-creams, and Martin looked like a little boy
with a clandestine treat.

'My mother would never have let me do this,' he said, smiling. 'She
had this thing about junk food in the mornings. No unhealthy snacks
before lunch, if at all.'

'Really?'

He nodded, and stole a trickle of chocolate from the side of her
cone. 'I loved going to Bonnie and Roger's at Easter time because I
could eat all the chocolate I wanted. Before lunch and after. I
remember this one time, they set up an Easter egg hunt for me in
their front yard. My cousins were too little, so they had eggs
inside. I was determined to find every single egg Bonnie had hidden.'

'And did you?'

'Actually, I found more. I accidentally strayed into a neighbour's
yard, and stole some of the eggs he'd hidden for his daughter. The
neighbour was furious, but Bonnie calmed him down. She gave him a
batch of chocolate fudge brownies, and a big bunch of flowers for the
little girl. And she made me apologise and take all the extra eggs
back.'

Sam laughed. 'What a tyrant.'

His smile turned a little sad, as it still always did when he spoke
of his aunt. 'Yeah, she was up there with Napoleon,' he said, and
fell silent.

She stood beside him, eating ice-cream and letting him have a moment
to himself. Bonnie had been more of a Mom to him than his own mother,
and he still felt her death keenly. She looked around the park as she
ate, drinking in the simple pleasures of sunshine and flowers and
laughing children.

Then she saw Jack.

He was sitting on a park bench, next to Vivian, which struck her as
rather odd. He had the strangest expression on his face, and she
wondered just how long he had been watching her. Then she consciously
straightened her spine and nudged Martin.

He looked a little guarded when he spotted Jack - she couldn't really
blame him for that - but he didn't hesitate to follow when she
started up the slope to where Jack and Viv were sitting.

Jack watched her, a mixture of hunger and fury on his face. She
slowed down a little, letting Martin take the lead and stop a short
distance from the park bench. 'Hey,' he said. 'This weather seems to
bringing everyone out.'

He sounded calm, Sam realized, and that relaxed her. She didn't want
the awkwardness of being caught between Jack's anger and Martin's
defensiveness. Jack was certainly angry - which Martin couldn't
possibly have missed - but her lover's relaxed pose kept things
simple.

Jack slid his hands into his jacket pockets. 'That's a nutritious
breakfast, Agent Fitzgerald,' he said, his tone biting.

Sam flinched at the open hostility. Damn it, she wanted to shout, I'm
not a bone to be fought over. And I'm certainly not the property of
Special Agent Jack Malone, supervisor and adulterer. But instead of
shouting, she took a small bite of ice-cream. 'It's ten a.m., Jack.
Breakfast was hours ago.'

Actually, they hadn't eaten breakfast that morning, though Jack
hardly needed to know that.

Beside her, Martin said nothing.

Viv stood up, looked around at the three of them and - sensibly, Sam
thought - made her goodbyes.

'See you on Monday, Viv,' Martin said, and gave her a little wave as
she walked away.

Then they were alone with Jack, standing in front of him like naughty
students. Sam rebelled against the thought. They were consenting
adults. They were not behaving inappropriately. And she was not
accountable to Jack Malone for anything she did in her personal life.

He stood, suddenly. 'I'll see you Monday morning,' he said, curtly,
and strode away.

He knows, she thought, and expected to feel...something. A pang. An
emptiness. Instead, she took a bite of ice-cream cone, and put her
free hand on Martin's rigid shoulder.

He spoke before she could, staring off after Jack. 'Do you regret it?'

She stepped around him so that they were face to face. 'Regret what?'
The affair with Jack? Ending it? Sleeping with Martin?

Martin shrugged and avoided her eyes. 'Making...making a choice.' His
voice faltered, and it took her a moment to understand why.

He didn't know, not for sure, that she had made a choice. A part of
him still wondered if he was a stopgap measure, due to be discarded
now that Jack was soon to be a free man.

Sam answered him the only way she could think of: she slipped her
fingers through his and tugged him gently down the slope, back to the
path where they had jogged so happily. Back to the sunshine and the
peace and the college girls who smirked appreciatively as Martin
walked past them, oblivious.

'Everyone has regrets, Marty,' she said, tossing the last piece of
her cone in a nearby trash can. She took his from his unresisting
fingers and did the same with it. 'And everyone makes choices.'

'I'm not interested in everyone,' he said, and his calm expression
slipped a little, letting her see the desperation lurking behind his
eyes. Her stomach fluttered as she glimpsed raw need. God. 'I'm
interested in you.'

She touched the side of his face, leaving a smear of chocolate on his
jaw. 'Martin, I can't promise you forever. I don't know if I have it
in me. But I can promise you that right now, right here is the only
place I want to be.' Once she said it, it didn't seem enough, but the
tension left Martin's shoulders and he smiled at her.

He met her eyes. 'Then that's enough.' He brushed a light kiss on her
forehead, and smoothed her hair with one hand. 'That's enough.'

She let him take her hand as they walked slowly back to his
apartment, but she couldn't help feeling a little troubled. She
hadn't wanted him to push her - but she couldn't help wishing,
almost, that he had. Couldn't help wondering what she would have said
if he had asked for more.

Couldn't help wondering if maybe she herself wasn't content with
just 'enough'.

THE END