Dib saw the Irken coming down the hall, and it was quite clear that it was an Irken, not a human. Despite false contacts and a small hat, the alien had almost nothing to disguise his green skin, the strange backpack fixed to his back, or the wiry purple tongue in his mouth. Dib still couldn't believe no one else saw that this was an alien, no one but him and, maybe, his sister. Dib stepped out into the Irken's path in the school hall, his black hair bouncing about.
"Hey Skoodge," he said. The pudgy invader stopped. Skoodge, Invader of Earth, smiled, glad to see the only human on the planet aware of who he was and what he was here for. After all, Dib was also his only friend on the entire planet. "Hello, Dib-stink," Skoodge said, using his nickname for the intelligent boy. "Glad to see you're back." He gave the boy a hug. It'd been a while since he last saw him. "Did your trip to catch Big Foot go well?"
Dib shook his head, looking disappointed. "He's tricky. He never even took any of the bait I left him. Speaking of which, I have lots of beef jerky left now if you want some." He offered a handful of the snack food to Skoodge, who gladly accepted. Being on Earth had turned into a blessing without a doubt. Back on his home planet, on Irk, the orange sky would cascade over a rather ugly cascading set of rolled-over plains, flattened out forests, and ugly, UGLY cities who's skyscrapers stabbed into the sky like sticks into the eyes of God.
Here on Earth, there was more to appreciate. He could spend hours just...watching the leaves flicker about on the trees. Seeing the colors slowly change day to day. And, best of all, while guzzling down delicious fatty foods like caramel apples. Yes, the chubby Irken had developed quite an appetite for Earth meals. And not just human foods.
Humans themselves.
As they walked through the halls, Skoodge was pleased to notice that no one bothered them. When he'd first arrived, they would be harassed near constantly by bullies. Especially Dib. The obnoxious Earth children seemed drawn to torment him. But not any more. Skoodge had decided to "take care" of them. At first he'd just told them to get lost, or they'd pay. Well, not all of them listened.
They really should have. Because on a whim, he'd tried something upon noticing how...oddly tasty one of Dib's biggest bullies was. Torque Smacky had learned the hard way not to bully Skoodge or his friends, and now he, like many others, were just \stinking as festering piles of Irken dung somewhere, with other would-be bullies far too nervous to bother Dib or his "freaky fat green-skinned friend".
As they made their way down the steps of the school, Dib wobbled, threatening to fall over. Skoodge's pack opened up, two mechanical, spider-like legs shooting out, bracing him, keeping him from tumbling down the steps before retracting so that nobody else could see.
Rubbing his head with a grimace, Dib said, "Thanks. Mmn. My head's been killing me since I left."
Concern for his friend showed clearly on Skoodge's face. He said, "You need to rest, Dib-stink. You are working too hard. Come on, let's get you home. I promise not to invade anything until you feel better." Dib laughed, but he agreed, his face a bit paler than normal. Skoodge could tell he was feeling worse than he let on.
It took longer than usual to make it back to Dib's house. He walked a bit slower, more uneasily, his legs wobbling from time to time, forcing him to use walls or street lambs or mailboxes for support. He tried not to let it be obvious, talking eagerly about his next Big Foot expedition, but Skoodge could tell something was VERY wrong.
When they made it back to Dib's house, one window was lit from within by flashing arcs of light, the workshop of his eccentric father. Skoodge said, "You should have your dad check you, Dib-stink. You may be sick."
It was obvious that wasn't what Dib wanted to hear. He shook his head, but he said, "I don't know." He grumbled out. "He's always so busy, busy with REAL SCIENCE and-"
"And it's not like he can fix your head anyway." The two turned to see a short, purple-haired human girl standing on the step right behind them, making both boys jump in surprise. Gaz had snuck up on them, as was her way, holding her backpack and a slushie that she was sipping on silently, her eyebrows narrowed as usual over her eyes, so thick and heavy you couldn't even see her irises properly.
Skoodge stiffened; he had an intense dislike of Dib's quiet, terrifying younger sister. Mainly because she treated his Dib so poorly, though her unnerving demeanor didn't help. At this new rude comment, he had to suppress the urge to snatch the girl off the porch and do away with her right then and there!
Dib rolled his eyes, but another wave of vertigo seemed to strike as he wobbled, shaking his head. "Gaz, there is nothing wrong with my head," he said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than her. Gaz took a long sip from her slushie, draining the drink, making an obnoxious slurping sound in the bottom...
Then, she tossed the cup up so that it fell and landed on Dib's head.
Pink icy water spilled out all over him. Dib shouted in surprise, stumbling backwards off the stoop. With her brother out of the way, Gaz walked past him into the house, remarking, "Now there is."
Skoodge glared into Gaz's back as she walked away, but he swiftly moved to help Dib up. "You okay, Dib-stink?" Dib shook the sticky liquid from his head but more of it ran down his cheeks, soaking into his shirt. "Yeah, I'm fine. I need to go wash this off. Thanks, Skoodge. I'll show you my next Big Foot plans later." As he walked off, Dib shook his head again, not from the slushie but from something else. Skoodge watched him go, hoping the human would be alright. But then, his eyes turned to Gaz, following her as she went upstairs.
Gaz, unconcerned about her dumb brother or his weird alien friend, walked upstairs and into her room, throwing her backpack down on the floor after pulling her video game out of it. She tossed herself onto her bed, immediately falling into a fugue as she began to play. She didn't even notice as the window to her room slowly opened, pushed up by a metal claw.
Skoodge peeked inside, seeing Gaz on the bed, mesmerized by her game. While she was distracted, he crawled in through the window, moving quietly on the spindly legs of his pack. His round, short body filled the window as he slipped through, so that Gaz couldn't help but notice the strange visitor creeping in. Skoodge removing his disguise. No need for it right now. He wanted her to look him in his eyes, to see his true face, and to know how mad he was.
Looking up from her game, a look of mild annoyance crossed Gazlene Membrane's face. "What do you want?" she said, not stopping her game to look at him. Skoodge was rather mild mannered. It had always been his weakness as an Irken and the reason he was so mistreated among his fellow invaders. That, more than anything, was why he had sympathized with the human Dib. In the beginning, Dib had set out to capture Skoodge and the two might have been enemies, if not for the fact that Skoodge saw how Dib was treated by his fellow humans just as poorly as he had been treated by the other Irkens. Sympathy could often be born from pain and suffering.
In fact, they had once spent an entire day trapped on a rowboat out at sea after a particularly troublesome incident involving a local kraken. Skoodge had been wanting to capture it to do tests, Dib had wanted to get pictures. It had ended with Dib narrowly saving Skoodge from being swallowed, and the two stuck in the boat Dib had brought without oars, just having to hope that the current would change enough for them to see the beach again. To pass the time, Dib had asked Skoodge what it was like becoming an invader, and Skoodge's defenses had slipped, revealing his early training days, his exploitation from others, his mistreatment for being so fat and short. He was the odd man out.
Dib could relate. IMMENSELY. And bit by bit, Skoodge had felt more concerned for Dib. After all, it wasn't personal. He was only on Earth to do a job, and he just wanted to do it well, but the more time he spent enjoying what Earth had to offer, and the more he got to know Dib, the more he began to empathize with Dib, and soon...they'd become friends.
And so now, to see anyone mistreat his Dib set the invader's blood racing. While he didn't show it in his manner or his speech, the mild Irken was furious with Gaz, a look in his eyes that should have given Gazlene Membrane pause, were she not so pigheadedly arrogant.
"You should treat your brother better," he said. "He's clearly sick."
Gaz made a dismissive sound. "Yeah. Sick in the head. Leave."
Skoodge's brow furrowed. He moved his metal legs, but not towards the window.
Towards Gaz.
The girl said in a sharper tone, "I said 'lea-'" But before she could finish her command a second time, one of those spindly legs shot out towards her. It shot up the bottom of her shirt and out the top, lifting her from the bed by her clothing. Gaz flailed in surprise as the leg twisted her around, bringing out of her bed and over Skoodge's head.
Glaring down at him, Gaz said in a low, threatening voice, "Skoodge. Put. Me. Down. Now."
Well, the Irken was more than happy to. Opening his lips with a big grin, he stretched wide his maw right under Gaz's feet. The slimy, drooling pit of his mouth yawned beneath her, so wide she could stare right down into the slick, clenching passage of his throat.
"Skoodge," Gaz warned again, her voice a bit more worried. "Don't you dare." Skoodge tilted his metal leg. The Earthling slid off the spindly limb, her legs sliding right down into his maw, slipping between his moist lips despite her attempts to kick at his head. Gaz felt the wiry alien tongue slide up her back as her lower half fell right into Skoodge's throat. With a gulp, Skoodge swallowed her legs, leaving her sinking to her stomach inside him.
Bracing herself with her arms against his lips, Gaz strained, trying to pull herself free. Another gulp, and Skoodge swallowed her stomach, sucking her chest down between his lips, making it impossible for her to pull herself back out. With only her head and arms, Gaz could only growl angrily at him. She tossed her game at his head, giving him a nasty bop, but it was too little too late. Skoodge had most of her inside his squeezing, hot, icky body already.
"I am going to make you regr-" Gaz tried to say, teeth bare as she continued to stubbornly hold on, but she was cut off by a loud gulp. The gulp yanked her down between his lips, leaving only her arms to snatch and grab at the air. One more swallow, and Skoodge sucked them down like noodles. Gaz sank into his gut, nothing more than a plump bulge in the Irken's body.
Licking his lips, Skoodge realized what he'd done. He'd considered eating Gaz before, but her relation to Dib always made him hold off. Well, too late to take this back now. Whatever regrets he had were smothered by the full, tantalizing taste of the Earthling. He wondered, though he refused to admit it, if this was close to what Dib tasted like. He shoved such a thought to the back of his mind and climbed back out the window, his gut gurgling loudly around its meal.
By the time Skoodge returned to his base, his belly was smaller, little more than its normal pudginess now. Letting himself in, Skoodge was greeted by his SIR, who saluted him with, "Master! Looking exceptionally healthy today!" Skoodge gave the dutiful robot a pat on the head, glad to see he had been keeping the place tidy. Skoodge was lucky to have a good SIR at his side, considering how the Tallest had treated him. He was lucky not to end up with the crazy GIR that unlucky invader Zim got right before being sent to planet Blorch and the Slaughtering Rat People. He shuddered to imagine the results. There, but for the grace of God went he, as Dib had often remarked upon Skoodge's retelling of that fateful Assigning Day.
Walking through the base, Skoodge let himself out into the back. He'd disguised the base as a normal human dwelling, including a "yard," a large expanse of what seemed to him wasted ground behind it, fenced in for privacy. However, Skoodge had not let the space go to waste. In the time he'd been here, learning about the Earth, he'd started cultivating a "garden," an orderly growth of plant life, with Dib. This hobby was not only enjoyable as it gave Skoodge time to spend with Dib, it was also quite useful. As, once he began to devour Earthling for mocking Dib, he quickly discovered that his waste made the plants in his garden grow quite big and strong. The yard was a thick mat of colorful flowers, some as big as Skoodge's head.
His belly grumbled and gurgled loudly around its meal. Skoodge could feel the pressure in his backside to release Gaz, or at least what remained of her. One corner of the garden had been left clear for Skoodge's "mulch pile." A few lumpy remains of previous meals were still there, catching flies. Torque Smacky in particular, which made Skoodge inwardly grin. Maybe if he'd spent less time giving Dib black eyes and hadn't broken one of his rib's deliberately in Dodgeball...
Skoodge stepped into the clear square of grass. He hiked up his shirt over his thick backside, and he squatted. He had to give only the smallest push. Despite her threats and her aggression, Gaz slipped out with barely any effort on Skoodge's part. The Irken shuddered in sheer delight from the sensation as he let out her sloopy remains, sputtering Gaz over the hearty grass.
When she'd slipped out, he looked back, surprise to find that, rather than being a shapeless, lumpy mass like the others, Gaz's remains almost resembled the big headed Earthling. True, some features were a bit knobby or misshapen, but her scowling face and hooded eyes were clear in the shape of his brown waste.
There was definitely not going to be a way to hide the fate of his sister from Dib now. Skoodge cleaned himself of Gaz and went back inside, preparing himself for what he'd say when Dib confronted him.
It wasn't too long before the perimeter cameras showed a big head walking towards the base. Skoodge put aside his work, going up to meet Dib. The invader was worried; he wasn't sure what would happen. Dib might be so angry that even their friendship couldn't survive this. But Skoodge had only acted out of a desire to protect his human. Whatever the outcome, the pudge Irken was ready to accept it.
A knock came from the door. Instead of letting SIR answer it, Skoodge went and let Dib in himself. Dib's head hung low, his eyes were downcast. Skoodge could tell he was upset right from the start. He didn't reach out to hug the human, though he wanted to.
"Hey Dib-stink," Skoodge said.
"Hey," said Dib, stepping into the base, shuffling forward like a zombie. His face was paler than normal. There was none of the youthful overexcitement in his voice. Skoodge knew this was going to be hard.
Dib didn't even wait for Skoodge to invite him to sit down. He plopped himself onto the couch, starring vacantly at the floor. Skoodge sat down next to him. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I'm sorry, Dib. I just did it to protect you and-"
Before he could get into his apology, Dib cut him off with, "I guess wearing transmission blocking helmets really CAN give you cancer. I always thought that was just a conspiracy theory."
Skoodge stopped, confused. He looked at Dib, trying to figure out what he was talking about. "Wait... what?" He said, his voice slightly squeaking. The ground seemed to be dissolving underneath him, he felt like he was falling...falling. It couldn't be. It...couldn't...be.
Hopping up, Dib said, "Yeah. Cancer. So, I went to my dad like you suggested right? Know what he found?" Clearing his throat, Dib's voice suddenly took on something like the timbre and energy of his insane father. "Great Scott, son! That's the biggest growth I've ever seen. Given the size your immense head, I suppose that's to be expected. It's like you have two brains in there!"
Skoodge couldn't process this. Dib was... sick? That is, actually sick? For a moment, the invader didn't even know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth several times, making little nonsense sounds before finally stammering, "Y-You... Cancer?"
Dib nodded, more animated now, pacing the room. "Yeah. Dad says it's from the cereal brand I eat, but I think it's from the equipment I've been using to record my findings for Mysterious Mysteries. Whatever caused it, Dad says it's too late to do anything about it." Dib stopped, hanging his head. "Not even he can do anything for it at this point. He said I've got a year or so till my big head gets to me."
Skoodge rose. This didn't seem real. Dib was saying he was going to die?! Sure he'd been a bit whoozy but that didn't mean... Skoodge simply couldn't accept it. He wasn't going to be ruling Earth without his Dib-stink at his side!
"Dib, there has to be something you can do!" He pleaded, his tone desperate, horrified, eyes bulging wide.
Dib shook his head. He said, "If my DAD can't fix it, it can't be fixed. Well, actually, Dad DOES have a plan. He's going to saw my head off and cryogenically freeze it so I can be revived when future technology has advanced to a point where all forms of death are easily cured. But I don't really want to spend the rest of time as a Popsicle." He admitted.
Suddenly turning to Skoodge, Dib reached out and put his hands on his friend's arm. Looking into his eyes from behind those thick glasses, Dib said with a voice steady and earnest but with just a hint of fear behind it, "Skoodge... I want you to eat me. Like you ate all of those jerks before. I want you to swallow me."
Once again, Skoodge reeled. He stammered wordlessly, at first thinking Dib could not be serious. But the look in those eyes was anything but. Dib meant it. Meant every word. His eyes were fearful but sure.
He wanted this.
By now, all concern about Gaz or anything else was gone. Skoodge cared only for the big-headed human boy in front of him. Reaching up and taking hold of his arms, Skoodge said, "You sure, Dib-stink?" he quietly intoned. The thought of swallowing his best friend was hard to take... yet, there was something tantalizing in it. Something that made him eager. After all, if anyone was going to be a good meal... it was Dib.
Dib nodded. "Yeah. I'd much rather be part of you, Skoodge, than a freeze dried steak. I want you to eat me." He hugged him, putting his arms around the Irken's plumb body. "And I want you to enjoy it."
Skoodge felt himself getting teary. His eyes watered. He closed them and hugged the scrawny Earthling. He whispered, his voice hoarse, "I will, Dib-stink. I promise." Then, Skoodge opened his mouth. He pulled Dib away and held his enormous head as he stretched his jaw wide. Dib watched the cavernous maw spread open before him. Curtains of drool poured down from the top, smothering over the thin tongue. Then, Skoodge leaned forward and shoved that huge head between his lips.
Dib's taste hit him like a rocket. The Earthling tasted incredibly. Succulent, sweet, tantalizing. Skoodge swallowed, pulling Dib's skull down into his throat, slurping up his body. Tears prickled at his eyes as he sucked down his best friend, but the taste was so good he shuddered.
After his head, Dib hardly presented a challenge at all. Lifting the small human, Skoodge gulped and slurped, wolfing down his body, sending him plunging just like his sister deep into Skoodge's inhuman guts. Dib didn't struggle. He relaxed, letting Skoodge do what he did best. Skoodge leaned his head back and with a few more smacks and guzzles, he swallowed up Dib's legs, his lips closing over the boy's feet. A final gulp sent him down, completely buried inside the Irken's heavy, green body.
Dib slid down through the tight, pulsing tunnel of Skoodge's throat, his body sliding easily over slime, squeezed along by the pulsing, pushing walls. Those muscular contractions squeezed him down like toothpaste into the round sack of Skoodge's belly. Curling up inside his friend, Dib found himself cradled by soft, full, slimy flesh, gently pressing and kneading him from all sides, massaging his body constantly.
Skoodge licked the last of Dib's taste from his lips. There was no denying it: Dib was his absolute best meal yet. The taste of the human boy was fantastic, and he knew that no matter how far he looked, no matter if he ate the whole planet, he'd never find another meal as satisfying and as delicious as this one.
Still, even as he cradled his gut, rubbing it, feeling Dib moving and settling within as his walls began to gently digest him, tears began to swell at the corners of his eyes. After all, he was EATING his best friend. After this, he would be, in a very real sense, alone on the planet Earth.
As if aware of the emotions running through Skoodge, Dib pushed his hand out against the belly wall, touching Skoodge's own from beneath. He spoke, his voice muffled by flesh. "Thanks, Skoodge. Whatever happens next, I'm glad to know the best parts of me are going to be with you. And, listen, I hate to be selfish, but could you promise me something?"
Skoodge's belly was beginning to gurgle softly, setting to work on converting Dib into fuel for the Irken body. Sniffling, Skoodge said as firmly as could, "ANYTHING for my Dib-stink."
"I want you to take care of the Earth," he said. "I'm trusting it to you. It's full of a lot of idiots, but... watch over for me, okay?"
Skoodge squeezed his belly. He could feel his walls pressing and squeezing Dib. Inside, Dib felt it too. The pressing, kneading, pushing against his body. Not painful or scary. Relaxing. Calmly. Peaceful. Skoodge said, "Of course I will. I'll make sure to take care of them, Dib-stink." Settling back on the couch, he began to rub his stomach, soothing Dib inside him. The pressure and gentle sway of the belly, the comforting warmth, let Dib relax, closing his eyes. "Now relax. I've got you. You're safe now. Inside me."
Months later, the Earth looked mighty different. New technology had flourished, leading to flying cars, improved space travel, and longer lives for people. In only a few months time, the face of the earth had changed, with natural disasters lessened, cities and living spaces improved, and forests and woodlands expanded.
All because of Ruler Skoodge, as he was now called. Skoodge had swept over the Earth like a peaceful plague, until at last he was made dictator of the whole planet. From his grand palace where once was his humble base, he oversaw the proceedings of the Earth, met with advisers and diplomats, and attended to all the day to day needs of conquering.
The invader was pleased. The Earth was his and it was happy. Still, everyday, he broke away from the business of ruling to return to the simple, private parts of his palace, still modeled after that first humble home. Even the garden in the back was preserved under a roof of solar lights.
In the center of his lair, was a glassed in tube. Inside, hovering above a pedestal, was a curled up brown shape. The shape was Dib. Not a replica; it was Dib's remains. After passing through Skoodge's body, the Earthling emerged, the Irken's waste still retaining the human's shape exactly, curled up peacefully as he slept in Skoodge's stomach.
Skoodge kept his best friend preserved, always there to remind him of his promise. Every day, he would come down, walk up to the tube, look at his happily dreaming friend and the best meal he ever had. Tearfully, not bothering to hold back the emotions rulers could not display, he would touch the glass and say, "Don't worry, Dib-stink. I'll take care of them."
The End