The Eternal Cloud Saga
Part 1
THIS IS THE SEQUEL TO THE CLOUD SAGA!!!!!!!!! IT'S LONG!!!!!!! ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!
(Cloud was sitting in his living room when suddenly-)
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Cloud: What the (censored) was that?!?!?
(Tifa comes in)
Tifa: Cloud!!!!
Cloud: What?
Tifa: Shinra has been revived YET AGAIN, this time by Johnis A. Moron! They just dropped a bomb!
Cloud: Hoo! (Cloud jumped off his couch)
(hits head on coffee machine)
Cloud: Ouchie…….
Tifa: Come on!!!
Cloud: (Grabs Cheese Cheese Mega Cheese Torture Rack) LETS GO!
(they leave to find Shinra soldiers wreaking havoc)
Cloud: (draws Ouchamune) OUCHHAZARD!
Shinra Soldier: Ouch! I got a boo-boo! WAAAAAAAAAH!
Lila: DUH!!!!! My bro is a moronic dope!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! RENO RULES!!!!
Sephirouch: Did you know that the vector of B+A is iced tea?
Aeris: We are outside in Midgar now.
(soon, all the Shinra are dead and the gang are going up in the elevator to the top of Moron HQ.)
Floor 1
Floor 2
Floor 3
Floor 4
Floor Cloud! Don't do that!
Floor Cloud! Not now!!
Floor Tifa!!!!!!
Floor 8
Floor 9
Floor 10
Floor 11
Floor Cid and Barret get drunk
Floor 12
Floor You got quarters, babes?
Floor (hic)I'm(hic)hic(hic)sick(hic)sick.
Floor 15
Floor 16
Floor Cheese RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soon, they get to the top floor
Lila: So……anyone for a game of Monopoly????
Johnis: Hello gang!!! I'll KILL you all!!!!!!!!!! MEGA ATTACK!
(miss)
Cloud: YES! I landed on Boardwalk!!!!!! Huh? Oh yeah………OMNIOUCH!!!!!!
Johnis: Ouch! I got a boo-boo! WAAAAAAAAH! Fix my boo-boo! I go bye-bye!
(and he flees to North Crater)
(Cloud and the gang go to the meeting room)
Yuffie: La lee la la
Cloud: HERE YOU GO!!! (throws Cheese Chinese Throwing Socks)
Yuffie: OWIE!!
Tifa: Let's get a few drinks!
(and so, they go to the Wet Spittoon Bar in Costa Del Sol)
Tifa: MMM………Rum……………..
Yuffie: Cheese is good. Sandwiches are good. Butter is tasty.
Red XIII: Tap water is good.
Bugenhagen's Ghost: Go with the flow, Nanaki. Progress with the times. Drink Poland Springs!!!
Red XIII: (gets handed a bottle of Poland Springs) Thank you, grandfather! (slurp slurp)
Bugenhagen's Ghost: You are wise, Nanaki. Do not be fooled with imitations. Poland Springs kicks, shall we say……SERIOUS ASS!
Red XIII: Kick ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: MMM……Vermouth on the rocks with a lemon is good!
Aeris: A lemon?
Cloud: Lemons…
Aeris: Sour…
Vincent: Quit straying off-topic!
Yuffie: DUH!!!!! *goes into Homer Simpson mode* DONUTS! DOH! DOH! DOH! DONUTS! *goes out of Homer Simpson mode* La dee la da…
Cloud: TEEYAH! (throws Chinese Throwing Lila Statue)
Yuffie: OW!
Lila: I am a good weapon!!!!! (munch) Cheese is good! (slurp) as is Coke!
Red XIII: Come to me, grandfather
Bugenhagen's Bad Side: Go back to tap, Red Thirbum!!!!! You need tap water, Red Thirbum!!!!!!!
Red XIII: You're not grandfather!! *kicks Bugenhagen's Bad Side out of this fic*
Bugenhagen's E-mail Address: Beep Bloop
Lila's E-mail Address: Beep Bloop?
Cloud's E-mail Address: Bloop Beep
Lila's E-mail Address: BEEP BLOOP!!!!!!!
Yuffie: HUH?????? (gets hit by Chinese Throwing Cheese)
Imposter Bugenhagen: DA DEE DA DA!
(everyone looks at Bugenhagen, then kicks him out)
Bugenhagen's Ghost: Poland Springs is good…..
Cloud: Next, I think Aeris and I should go to the Waterbed for Newlyweds Hotel in Junon, and you guys sleep in the Golden Spoon Hotel across the street. Ok? Ok.
(and so they do)
(they go to they're hotels)
(Cloud and Aeris are in the lobby)
Cloud: So, you wanna share a room?
Aeris: well (giggles) sure! It'll be……fun!!!!
Cloud: Lemon fresh!
Aeris: PINE SOL!!!!!!!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*splat*
Cloud: Me need to crack nose! (pulls out Mega Nose Cracker) *crack* *crack* Aahhhhhhhhhh
(later, Cloud and Aeris are in they're room)
Cloud: I'm gonna go take a shower. Oh look, a bed! BANZAI!!!!! (jumps on bed)
Aeris: Cloud, that's a water-SPLASH!-bed. Oh no…..
(Cloud is soaked and the bed is broken)
Aeris: You got floor, I got couch. You got that?
Cloud: Got it. (Cloud takes shower) Time for beddy bye! Hey, where's Ted Ted? I want Ted Ted! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (starts to cry)
Aeris: I'll be Ted Ted tonight!!!!!
Cloud: (stops crying) OKAY! Sleep on the floor with me!
Aeris: Sure!
Cloud: I'll be back-I need wa-wa.
(slurp)
Cloud: Ahhhh…….tap water……..
Aeris: Hello, Cloud! (Aeris is-well, I won't say it in a PG-13)
Cloud: (Looks at Aeris) Aw gee!!!!!!! It's getting lemony in here!!!!! Gasp!!!! Eh, what the hell! (Cloud tackles Aeris)
Announcer: he's at the 20, the 10, none can stop him folks!
Cloud: Shut up!
Aeris: Hee hee!
Cloud: Aeris, actually, I'm kinda tired, so if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to-KABOOM!!!!
Aeris: EEK!
(Moron had bombed more areas)
Cloud: Damn! Not now! Aeris, get dressed and grab your Materia! I'll get dressed too. ON THE DOUBLE!
(In 5 minutes, they are ready for battle)
Aeris: I got a Fire Materia!
Cloud: Let's go!
(they go outside to find Johnis A. Moron in his personal helicopter)
Cloud: The bastard! He has his own helicopter! Dammit!
Aeris: I'll get him! FIRE 3!!!!
(the helicopter was set on fire, and soon, Johnis jumped out and parachuted down)
Johnis: You won't survive! (Johnis was using his megaphone. Oh, by the way, this is at night) *pulls out Machine Gun*
Cloud: Aeris, RUN!!!!!!!
Aeris: EEK! (Machine Gun rounds can be heard, until-)
BOOM!
Barret: Got 'em!
Vincent: Actually, we both did!
Barret: Nothin' a good gunshot can't handle. I used my Missing Score, Vince here used his Death Penalty. SHINRA IS DEAD!!!!!
???: Not yet!
Cloud: Huh?
???: That was only a decoy. One of my highly good impersonators did that, who fortunately also happened to be suicidal today. I am still alive. If you'll notice, I have a red jet here. Look up!
Cloud: Oh damn, NO! I see it!
Johnis: And I have a surprise for you!
(out of the red jet comes a huge robot)
Johnis: I call it Air Buster 2!!!!
Cloud: WHOA!! BLOW ME AWAY! Anyway……….I WANT TED TED! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Johnis: Have fun! (red jet flies away)
Air Buster 2: YOU ARE BASTARDS. MUST KILL BASTARDS.
Cloud: (draws Ouchamune) OMNIOUCH!
Air Buster 2: OW. OW. OW.
Aeris: You know that Mario Tennis is out?
Cloud: YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOtheyrestockisupagainithinknowOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Cloud runs, plays Mario Tennis, then comes back in 2 seconds)
Cloud: Awesome game! OUCHHAZARD!
Air Buster 2: OWWWW!!!!!!! I'M GONZO!!!
(Air Buster 2 explodes)
Yuffie: YAY! We won!
Cloud: (throws Torture Rack Special Edition Cheese Yuffiemerang)
Yuffie: OUCHIE WOWCHIE BO BOWCHIE BANANA FANA FO FOUCHIE ME MI MO MOUCHIE………..OUCHIE!!!!!!!
Red XIII: MMM…..Poland Springs makes the best water. I am……..Mr. Biased! Baised towards Poland Springs now and until eternity!
Cloud: DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAA!
Red XIII: Yes, I am Mr. Biased, the leader of this planet, and I say that Poland Springs is second only to Bugenhagen! YAHOO!
Cloud: Anyone seen my butt? I think I dropped it when hell froze over.
Red XIII: I am the great Mr. Biased! I like cheese!
Aeris: Hi Tifa!
Tifa: (hic)High! I(hic)mean(hic)hi. I(hic)drank(hic)a little(hic)too much.
Cloud: Anyone seen my butt? YAZOO!!!!!!!!!
Vincent: Let's go to North Crater and destroy Johnis A. Moron!
(the next morning)
(they are at North Crater)
Yuffie: ya dee ya da……
Cloud: HIYA! (throws Chinese Throwing Japanese Person) HIYA!
Yuffie: OWIE!!!!
Aeris: How about some seriousness shots? (pulls out hypodermic needle)
Vincent: (prick) It IS raining!
Red XIII (prick): EEK!!!!SETO, COME QUICK, THE COW'S ON FIRE!!!!!
Tifa: (prick) ouchie munchie.
(later inside the crater)
Johnis: Ha ha! So you want a rematch, huh?
Cloud: Yeah! I'll kick your Ash!!!!
Ash: Yes?
Cloud: Get outta here! *kicks Ash out of fic*
Ash: aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!
Johnis: I can't fight now, guys, gotta go to Midgar and hide! BYE!! (he leaves)
Tifa: Rats!
Red XIII: Hello Kitty is cool.
Cloud: DA DEE!
Yuffie: Cloud likes Ae-OW!
(Cloud threw a Cheese Cactus)
Yuffie: OW! Meanie!
Cloud: Let's see what I can find in my pocket……….
Vincent: Torture Rack anyone?
Lila: YAY!!! I LIKE TORTURE RACKS!!!!!1
Cloud: Let's see……lint…..gum………..a steak???? Let's see…….a baby tree??? Let's see here……a Fire Materia……AAH! MY BUTT IS HERE! Let's see now…….an Ice Materia….OOH! Look at this! A Mega Mega Kick Me Up to The Outside of the North Crater Materia! I'll use this!
(they get kicked up to the top of the crater, then they go to Midgar)
(they are at the meeting room)
Red XIII: What should we do now? (slurp slurp)
Cloud: I think that we should go eat.
Tifa: Good idea.
(later, at the Stupid Dragon Chinese Food Restaurant, the gang was eating)
Red XIII: MMM….Ramen noodles…..
Yuffie: I like Cheese Rice!!!
Cloud: Lo mein plate number 255!
Vincent: Jackassy bitchy damned bastard in hell!!!!
Cloud: What?
Vincent: The Transylvanian Vampires, which is a baseball team lost! POO!!!!!
Cloud: I WANT TED TED!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
Lila: I like Chinese food.
Red XIII: Let's bite the bullet fired from a Colt Fire 888 With Whipped Cream and a side order of home fr-what?
(everyone is looking at Red XIII)
Red XIII: never mind (slurp slurp) Poland Springs is good!
Barret: Blow that damn asshole Johnis A. Moron to hell!!!!!! Use a cannon! BLOW UP MIDGAR!!! Sorry, I'm sober, that makes me MAD!!!!!!
Cid: You know, I think that Aeris should be a supermodel. You know why? Because-OW!
(Cloud threw Chinese Throwing Socks)
Red XIII: CHEESE IS GOOD!
(then, they finish eating and go and try to find Johnis)
Yuffie: Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Cloud: Yuffie, don't be stupid! He won't come out at your call!
Red XIII: I'm seeing spots-maybe because I drank some tap water. I'M SORRY, GRANDFATHER!!!!!!!!
Yuffie: LA LEE LA LA!!!
Cloud: THAT'S IT! VINCENT!!!!!!!!
Vincent: Yes, Cloud?
Cloud: Use your Chinese Cheese Torture Rack on Yuffie here.
Vincent: Sure!!!
(Vinnie, I mean Vincent, dragged Yuffie into an alley and then………)
(sounds of dismemberment)
Yuffie: I SURVIVED!!!
Cloud: Then who died????
Vincent: A Shinra, I mean Moron Soldier.
Cloud: KEWL!!!!!
Red XIII: Hail to the water!!!
Johnis: Hi!!!! (Johnis drops from the sky)
Cloud: Hey, it's you! OMNIOUCH!!!!!
Johnis: OWIE!!!!!! It's hurts! Lots of ouchies!!
{I'm BAAAAAAAAAACK! I'll give Cloud a plot twist in the dick! HIYA!!!!}
Cloud: OW! Plot twist in the dick!!!!!!
Aeris: Seriousness shot time! (prick) ouchie……..(giggles)
Cloud: OOH!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*splat*
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*splat*
Cloud: I will get you, Johnis! OUCHER!!!!
Johnis: AAAAKKK!!!!!!
(Johnis falls over)
Johnis: You…..will……..die………..my…….r……r………r…….rob……..robot………………………….AAK…………
(Johnis dies)
(a robot falls from sky)
???: I am Mega Buster!!!!
Cloud: YIKES! You're huge!
Mega Buster: Flame Wall!!!!
(a wall of flames are shot at the group)
Cloud: AAH!!!! In the Heat of the Night! Literally! It's heat, and it's at night! It's nighttime now! AAAH!
(they run from the fire)
Red XIII: I feel like I'm in Titanic!!!
Cloud: That movie sucks! SUCKS I SAY! IT MADE ME CRY!!!! WAAAAAAH!!!!! TED TED!!!!!! WAAAAAH!!!!
Cid: I gotta piss!!!!!!!
Aeris: (giggles) hee hee…this is kind of fun! (giggles)
Tifa: Anyone have any gum?
Barret: Jes' blow up the damn robo-shitter with an A-Bomb!!!
Lila: I call this the Torture Rack Run!!!!
Cait Sith: I haven't talked much, but I'm here too!!!!
Red XIII: EEEHH….UHHHHHH……almost to the Midgar gate!!!
(soon they are out of Midgar)
(then they go to Candy Land)
Cid: (munch munch)
Barret: (munch munch)
Red XIII: (munchie munchie) GOOD! (slurp slurp) Poland Springs water is good! (munchie munchie)
(then they go back and kill Mega Buster with an A-Bomb)
Lila: NO! A TORTURE RACK! TORTURE RACK I SAY! YOU MUST DIE!!! I'LL GIVE YOU A PLOT TWIST IN THE DICK IF YOU DON'T SAY IT IS A TORTURE RACK!!!
Writer: Jeez……okay, okay! Don't have a flying spaz like a bird farting on an oak tree!
(and so, Mega Buster was killed by Vinnie's, I mean, VINCENT'S Awesome Sparkly Sandwich Torture Rack)
Lila: YAY! TORTURE RACKS FOREVER!
And now, we do end this Eternal Cloud Saga. Don't worry, there is more to come! Anyway, Aeris swallowed some kind of lemon, Cloud swallowed the meat shop, and Red XIII swallowed a bottle of Poland Springs water. Yuffie swallowed some Chinese Throwing Cheese and started acting like an insane ninja with an itch on her butt. Anyway, this is…..
THE END!!!!!