"So how's college? How is that new apartment? Did you forget anything? I can go drop it off by the weekend if you want. We miss you a lot. Darcy started crying yesterday because she found an old photo album. Have you seen any cute boys? It's never too soon to go out and make some friends."

All these questions and words and prompts made Clare's head spin and her stomach clench uneasily. She wasn't prepared for these things to be brought up nor for her sister to be mentioned. She felt like her stomach dropped down to her knees and she was falling into a dark hole, tight and airless and cold.

"It's been fine and no I haven't found anything missing," she said finally, holding her breath of the next questions Helen was sure to ask. "How is Darce?"

"Oh you know, she's doing fine," Helen giggled. "Abby's getting bigger by the day! She sleeps all day, just like her mommy. Anyway, have you been to any local cafes? That's where all the cute boys hang out at! Go check them out. You can unpack later. It's not everyday you're a freshman at one of the top universities. "

Helen's voice was sweet but not overdone and free and wind chimes. She was summer wrapped up in a tight blanket and dropped off on the Edwards' family's doorstep along with happiness and home cooked meals. "You know, college isn't just studying until two a.m. It's also making life-long friends and dating. You should go out and meet someone new."

Clare swallowed and shook her head, forgetting Helen couldn't see. "I'm gonna just...you know, stick to myself, at least until classes start."

Helen sighed but seemed to have understood. "Well, we hope you can make it back home for Thanksgiving. That is, if you want to. Randall's planning to take the day off so he can go pick you up at the train station. I'll make dinner and Darcy will show you all the baby pictures."

Clare's face broke out into a wide smile. "I'll - I'll try, okay? I really want to see you all. I miss home already."

"Aw, don't be silly now, Clare-bear, I know you couldn't wait to get away from us," Helen laughed, and again Clare was reminded of summer nights and bonfires and joy. "I really cannot wait for Thanksgiving now!"

"Neither can I," Clare mused in a small voice.

"Well, dear, I have to go help Darcy give Abby her midday milk," Helen sighed, "because she still hasn't got the hang of it. Call me whenever. If I don't pick up right away, leave me a message, okay? We love you."

"I...yeah...bye," Clare murmured, hanging up quickly and pulling her knees up to her chest.

It hadn't hit her yet that she was so far away from her family. They were her rock, her reason for being. Without them she was an empty shell with no smiles and no jokes. She was all alone. Randall, Helen, and Darcy were hundreds of miles away in her old house. They would be getting into bed under the same roof tonight and wake up to breakfast in the same kitchen. She was in a dingy apartment with a few suitcases and cardboard boxes piled next to the door. She was alone.

Her stomach was knotting and twisting uncomfortably so she sat up and opened the grimy window that faced the sea. The salty breeze wafted in, reminding her of June skies and seashells and her eighth birthday. The bay was visible over the tree tops and she could make out the white sand from her peripheral view. Across the street from her apartment complex there was a tiny coffee shop. Helen's words rang in her ears, "That's where all the cute boys hang out at!"

She cracked a smile and noticed all these college kids pouring in and out of the shop holding steaming cups and pastries. Girls will flowing golden hair and long legs. Boys with perfect smiles and toned arms. They were so...pretty. So free and liberated from the weight of the world, floating in the bubble that was this town. Clare couldn't help but feel self conscious in her jeans and old Degrassi t-shirt.

Instead of dwelling on this, she picked up her apartment key and wallet, storming out the door and jogging down the stairs. She reached the lobby of the complex to find other new students settling in. The salty air reached her nostrils as she stepped out into the cobblestone street.

It was all so cute in it's own way, with the overflowing trashcans and the long skirts and the rusty bikes. Everything seemed so alive and just happy. There was this air of life and beaches. The trees were just a bit greener and the people just a bit prettier. Beautiful girls in their Chanel dresses and handsome boys with their expensive button-downs. Everyone was just so...cute. Clare couldn't find another way to describe the town. It was picturesque.

"Are you lost?" a snobby voice said from her left.

Clare turned to find a tan girl eyeing her warily, a few inches shorter but shades darker. She had hoop earrings and lots of make up. Her eyes were big and doe-like, her lips magenta.

"I'm Jenna and this is Alli," a pretty blonde said beside the first girl. She had a warm smile and a bit of a Southern accent. "We got here three weeks ago so we know the town a bit better."

Clare was unaware that she had been standing in front of her apartment for a while. Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink and she smiled shyly. "I'm Clare. It's nice to meet you."

"Your name sounds familiar," the Alli girl thought curiously, tilting her head to the left. "I think you're in my History class. We caught a peek at the list of students."

Clare raised her eyebrows. "Really now?"

It was Jenna's turn to blush, "We went to ask about program changes so we could get a few similar periods off. There was a list and well, Alli here got curious."

Alli snorted. "I wasn't the one looking for my ex boyfriend's name on the list." Jenna turned tomato red at this but Alli went on. "Anyway, you wanna come get a drink with us? We're heading down to The Dot for a coffee."

Clare figured this was the coffee shop's name. Everything was just so cute to her. This town was filled with dainty, little things. "Sure. I was just going to check it out myself."

"Seems you got caught up in the scenery," Jenna murmured with a grin. "It's okay, we all do. Huntington is a really nice town for college kids. It was one of the reasons I applied here. You get pulled away from the loud city cars and bars and clubs. You can really focus here."

"Well, my mom forced me to come," Alli groaned. "'Alliah! This is for your own good. You will make us proud,'" she imitated. "It's a pricey school with overly tanned rich kids and people getting high in the woods. Perhaps one of the worst choices my mother could've made."

Jenna looked at Clare expectantly, as if waiting to hear her story.

"My dad - he suggested I get away from home for a little while," Clare hummed, memories flashing behind her eyelids like a silent film. "He said...he wanted me to study far away."

It was as if the other two girls knew not to press on. They nodded understandingly but dropped the subject, closing in on the coffee shop.

"I hope he's still coming every Wednesday," Jenna murmured, hurriedly fixing her hair and checking her watch. "If he ditched me today I won't call him back."

Alli turned to Clare with an amused eye roll. "She meets up with this one boy once a week. He's the charming type; rich with a pearly, white smile and plaid shirts. He's no good for her, but she ignores my warnings."

Clare nodded knowingly. She'd met girls like Jenna, those who fell too easily and crashed onto concrete. The story was told far and wide yet girls didn't learn.

A flash of green caught Clare's eyes. She realized she was looking into someone's eyes, an emerald so bright and beautiful it left her in a daze. Her breath got caught in her throat and the self consciousness flowed back in her veins, overpowering her into a nervous stance.

A beautiful boy was staring at her curiously, enthralled by something she was not aware of. He was ragged at the edges but breathtaking nonetheless. His green eyes - they were something she'd never seen before. So beautiful, so deep, like pools of jade and pain and enchantment. She found herself staring right back, her face flushed and her lips parted.

"Clare, Clare!" Alli called, snapping her fingers in front of the former girl's face. "Snap out of it, dear. We have to order something."

Clare had to pull her gaze away from the boy and toward the counter. She was face to face with a nice smile and warm eyes. Te name tag read Jake in funky letters. She looked at the menu behind Jake and chose the first thing she saw, "I'll have a vanilla shake, extra sugar."

"Coming right up, miss," Jake said with a wink.

By this point, Clare was near tears. She was overwhelmed and tired from being met with glances from strangers. This wasn't supposed to be college life. She had decided before parting from Toronto that she would remove herself from the social scene and keep to her apartment. She didn't want drama, she didn't want useless tears or clingy friends. She wanted to be on her own and make a living for herself. This was going too far. Already she knew two girls. That was good enough. She didn't want to get a wink from a decent guy at a coffee shop. She didn't want to get stared at by some creepy guy blogging away on his laptop.

No, she was getting carried away. No one wanted to be her friend, really. She was freaking out over human contact. It was so silly! No, everything was okay. Jake-Coffee-Guy was just doing his job. The guy sitting in the corner eating a cookie with those green eyes was probably looking at Alli or Jenna, because they were beautiful and she was just Clare. That had to be it.

"Here is your drink," Jake said with a warm smile and their hands touched and Clare felt her stomach do cartwheels.

"T-Thanks," she stammered, turning around to find Jenna with an unhappy smirk and Alli with a bright smile on her lips.

"Thank you Clare, for helping me prove to Jenna here that Jake gives googly eyes to anyone that steps in front of him, no matter how unresponsive she may be," Alli explained, motioning to a table by the French windows. "She thinks he won't give anyone but her the time of day."

"That's not true," Jenna defended. "You're just jealous someone actually noticed me."

"And Clare."

Now both girls looked at Clare and she looked down at her cup, the scent of vanilla drifting up to her nose. "I didn't do anything. I just ordered a milkshake."

"Well so far, Jakey isn't the only guy to have noticed you," Alli said with a wink, nodding over to the opposite end of the shop.

The laughter and the clatter of spoons and the scent of peppermint left Clare's senses and she found herself staring at the green-eyed boy again. He looked so fragile and so vulnerable, sipping his coffee and typing furiously on his laptop. He didn't look up again but instead looked out the windows and behind the counter. He was really attractive and Clare was never one of the people to just think that about someone. To her, everyone was a mysterious book that lay unread.

"He's really cute, you should go say hi," Jenna suggested with a sly smile. "You could use some more acquaintances."

Clare shook her head urgently, her cheeks becoming rosy. "No - I can't. It's -"

"You don't get out much, do you?" Alli sympathetically murmured, patting Clare's pale hand. "It's all right. I was like that before high school. My parents never let me have sleep overs, they didn't approve of boys unless they were Muslims, they were strict as anyone could ever be. But then things changed and I realized I'd never get anywhere in life being a shy wallflower with no friends. You have to get out there, experience new things."

"You know nothing about me," Clare spat out, glaring at the tan girl whose eyes became wider if that was possible.

"Hey now, don't get all defensive, she isn't saying anything bad," Jenna said in a soothing voice. "She's telling you what changed her. The need to be different. No one's forcing you. It's a suggestion that might come in handy around here."

Clare's knees shook under the table and her fingers were clasped tightly around that milkshake which had become rather unappealing. She didn't know what to say because people never really looked out for her and tried helping her. It was always her helping others and making sure they were okay - not the other way around. This gesture on Alli and Jenna's part was sweet and it warmed her bones and sent her heart in a frenzy. She was making friends. Or rather losing them before she could confide any secrets or have any girls nights. She pushed them away.

Not this time.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out, a choked gasp escaping her chapped lips. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Alli smiled honestly. "It happens to the best of us. You just seem so...lonely. I don't want to sound mean or anything -"

"It's the truth, though," Clare finished for her. "Don't worry about it."

A walk in the book, a new book and a strawberry ice cream later, Clare found herself in her tiny apartment flipping through channels on her little TV set. Nothing caught her attention except a cooking show. Now that she was on her own she might as well learn how to keep herself alive on something other than crackers, grapes, and water. It made her sick to think that she would no longer taste Helen's lasagna or her dad's signature steak.

The pile of boxed by the door beckoned her and she lazily got up. she opened the nearest one to find clothes neatly packed. Surely this was Helen's job since she couldn't recall folding her shirts so carefully or her dresses being ironed. Sometimes she just wanted to give Helen a big thank you hug for being such an amazing stepmother. Majority of women who found themselves with new children would either a) ignore them or b) treat them like crap. Helen did neither of these, always treating Clare and Darcy as her own.

"Do you want to lose weight in less time? Well call now for the newest weight-loss supplement!" The TV said loudly, streaming into Clare's brain and making her shudder with fear.

She wasn't going down that path, not when life was becoming okay again.

She shut off the TV quickly and opened one more box. It was filled with photo albums and crayon drawings and stick people. Art from the 3rd grade and her award-winning essay on gun control from middle school. All the science medals and English awards and little ribbons Darcy made for her. It was her childhood in a box, one that would forever hold any memories.

The apartment, as small as it was, felt lonely with only one breathing body standing inside. There was no life to it. Clare picked up a few pictures and a roll of tape. She hung them up messily beside the bed, arranging them in patterns and making Picasso shapes. They were days captured on film. A trip to New York City when she was fifteen. Going fishing down to the harbor with Darcy and getting bitten by mosquitoes, age 10. Reading a book with Dad in the living room. Spaghetti and meatballs on Christmas Eve. Little days with a lot of meaning and the scent of burnt noodles with the icy cold of snow. It was all Clare. It was her.

That night, she slept alone in bed, holding onto her old teddy bear and her favorite pillow. The mattress was lumpy and the blanket that came with the apartment was moth eaten. A little light shone from the window, the full moon in complete view. Somewhere far in her mind, Clare was back at home and baking cookies with her dad and Helen and she wasn't so broken.

The days that came before classes actually starting were by far the most boring Clare had ever experienced. She knew no one in Huntington. She had no friends to call up because they were all swallowed up by a black hole. Her family was in another city, another lifetime. And the town was only so big to explore.

By her second day there, Clare had already discovered the little trail that led to the beach. Along the way, she'd seen couple making out and basically groping each other in public. She'd seen a few younger children playing at the park, probably children of professors who lived full time on campus. She'd walked past all the stores in the town square at least six times and she'd eaten three ice cream cones because Marge's Ice was possibly the best ice cream parlor ever. There was only one fancy restaurant in town and the most spoiled kids ate breakfast, lunch and dinner there. Out of two grocery shops, one was over-priced but clean and the other cheap and musty. Clare couldn't say she was very happy with her findings but things could be worse.

Twice she had seen the green-eyed boy around. He usually hung out with a boy in a beanie, she noted, or a leather bound journal. He was October and full moons and cold winters.

Alli and Jenna was slowly becoming faithful companions. Whenever the three accidentally met up, they ended up at The Dot drinking tea, or at the park watching young moms spank their children for hitting their baby brothers. The three weren't very talkative, occasionally cracking a joke or suggesting a new pastime but they were good company, the kind you tell your mom about.

Helen called the night before classes were to begin.

"I am so glad you made some friends," she squealed, "this is the best news you could have given me!"

"So even if I fail all my classes, having friends makes up for it," Clare stated with an eye roll. "Thanks, Helen, you inspire me to continue with my education."

"Clare-bear, it's just...you are so unexpected sometimes."

And it was true. Ask anybody and they could say Clare was a hurricane with no stopping, a bird who didn't need any fuel to continue on her flight.

"Abby stopped crying," Helen said, closing the page on Clare. "We took her to the doctor and turns out she had an ear infection. Randall was worried sick for that baby. He really loves his granddaughter."

"Well who doesn't? She is the most precious thing alive," Clare murmured, dropping a sociology book onto her desk. "Helen, I have to go get some stuff ready, I'll call you tomorrow or whenever."

After getting Helen's blessings and boy advice - which she decided not to ever take - Clare dropped onto her bed. Praying, to a God she had long stopped believing in, that tomorrow would be a good day.

And indeed it was. It was a lovely August morning, the sun barely rising from the horizon and streaking the sky pink and orange and red. Summer was drawing to a close but Clare held onto it like a life line.

Her first class was English and she thanked her lucky stars for getting her favorite class first. She wasn't ready to deal with psychology or calculus so early every single day. She had no idea why she even chose math, considering she was an English major. Some stuff never made sense to her.

Dressing in a cotton-blue dress and slipping into a cardigan, she picked up her books and left the apartment. On her way out, she picked up a granola bar. Being so nervous for her first day meant that she might not be able to hold down anything solid. After locking up the door, she pranced down the wooden stairs, unintentionally bumping into a hard body.

"I'm so sorry," she gasped, looking straight into the greenest eyes she had ever seen in her entire eighteen years.

hi. I hope you enjoyed that. It came out of no where. Sorry it's so long. Tell me what you think. Please? Okay thanks :)